# Treehouse of Horror III

The Simpsons, season 4, episode 5 (S04E05), first aired October 29, 1992.
Written by Al Jean and Mike Reiss; Jay Kogen and Wallace Wolodarsky; Sam Simon and Jon Vitti. Directed by Carlos Baeza. Production code 9F04.
Guest stars: Marcia Wallace as Mrs. Krabappel.
Couch gag: Skeleton Family.

At the Simpsons' Halloween party, Lisa, Grampa and Bart tell three scary stories. A talking Krusty doll that Homer buys for Bart's birthday keeps trying to kill Homer, and Mr. Burns captures a giant ape, King Homer, who falls for Marge in a King Kong spoof. Finally, Bart uses a spellbook to revive the late Snowball I but raises Springfield's dead as zombies instead.

Who's in it: Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Milhouse Van Houten, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Mrs. Krabappel, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Nelson Muntz, Kent Brockman, Otto Mann, Martin Prince, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Groundskeeper Willie, Lou, Lewis Clark, Wendell Borton, Richard, Jimbo Jones, Todd Flanders, Rod Flanders, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Sherri Mackleberry, Mayor Quimby, Sideshow Mel, Janey Powell, Becky Shorter, Dolph Starbeam, Sophie Jensen, Scratchy, Charlie, Jacqueline Bouvier, Dave Shutton, Mayor Quimby's Bodyguards, Kang, Kodos, George Washington, Mr. Hippie, Radioactive Man, Tanya, Albert Einstein, The Godfather, William Shakespeare, Alfred Hitchcock, Clarence Bouvier, Dick Cavett, Michael Jackson, Statue of Liberty, Tyrannosaurus Rex, Zombies, Frankenstein's Monster, House of Evil Shopkeeper, Killer Krusty Doll, King Homer, Shirley Temple.

Every line said in the episode, and when. Its moments aren't described yet. The dialogue is from the episode's subtitles.

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## Every line

- 0:10 Good evening.
- 0:12 I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary,
- 0:16 with stuff that might give your kids nightmares.
- 0:19 You see, there are some crybabies out there, religious types mostly,
- 0:24 who might be offended.
- 0:25 If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now.
- 0:30 Come on, I dare ya!
- 0:34 Chicken!
- 0:36 Hey!
- 0:39 Homer, did you just call everyone chicken?
- 0:43 No.
- 0:44 I swear on this Bible! That's not a Bible, that's a book of carpet samples.
- 0:50 Ooh, fuzzy.
- 1:05 Oh,
- 1:24 my God.
- 1:30 Behold mighty Caesar in all his glory.
- 1:40 I am Calliope, the muse of heroic poetry.
- 1:44 No kidding.
- 1:49 Stupid party. Wish we was trick-or-treating.
- 1:52 Now, Bart, you can find just as much horror around the house.
- 1:55 Now you children may not know it, but there was once an evil witch,
- 2:00 and she died a horrible death.
- 2:05 These are her eyes.
- 2:09 And this is her hair.
- 2:13 Ew!
- 2:14 And these are her brains.
- 2:18 Ew!
- 2:19 Yo, Mom, we haven't got the eyeballs yet.
- 2:22 Homer, you're ruining it. Yeah, well, it was an evil game.
- 2:27 Well, now we need another Halloween activity.
- 2:30 Hmm.
- 2:31 Does anyone know a ghost story? I do. It's the story of a boy and his doll.
- 2:36 That's not so scary. A doll from hell.
- 2:40 I'm gonna go to the store.
- 2:42 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
- 2:48 Happy birthday, bud.
- 2:52 Thanks, Grandpa. Papa, where'd you get all the money?
- 2:54 The government.
- 2:55 I didn't earn it. I don't need it. But if they miss one payment, I'll raise hell.
- 3:01 Hey, Homer, where's your present?
- 3:04 Oh, I mean, don't worry, son.
- 3:07 I forgot to get you a present. But I swear on my father's grave,
- 3:11 I will get you one now.
- 3:22 Do you sell toys?
- 3:23 We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread.
- 3:27 We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call Froget.
- 3:31 Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
- 3:33 Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman.
- 3:41 Take this object, but beware, it carries a terrible curse.
- 3:46 Ooh, that's bad. But it comes with a free froget.
- 3:50 That's good.
- 3:51 The froget is also cursed. That's bad. But you get your choice of topping.
- 3:56 That's good.
- 3:57 The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
- 4:01 That's bad.
- 4:02 Can I go now?
- 4:07 Happy birthday, son.
- 4:10 Great Caesar's ghost of talking Krusty doll.
- 4:15 I'm Krusty the Clown, and I love you very much.
- 4:19 Oh, Dad, this is the best birthday I've ever had.
- 4:24 That doll is evil, I tell ya.
- 4:26 Evil!
- 4:30 Grandpa, you said that about all the presents.
- 4:32 I just want attention.
- 4:35 And in environmental news,
- 4:37 scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the
- 4:42 elderly
- 4:46 I'm Krusty the Clown and I don't like you
- 4:50 I'm Krusty the Clown and I'm going to kill you
- 4:55 Didn't even pull the string that time I said I'm going to kill you You,
- 4:59 Homer Simpson Oh yeah?
- 5:01 With what?
- 5:04 Ah!
- 5:06 Mom, what's wrong?
- 5:09 That doll tried to kill me.
- 5:12 I'd say that the pressure's finally gotten to Dad, but what pressure?
- 5:16 Don't leave me alone with him!
- 5:18 Ha ha ha ha ha!
- 5:31 My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R.
- 5:36 My baloney has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R.
- 5:46 There goes the last lingering threat of my heterosexuality.
- 5:51 Hey, baby, get comfortable.
- 5:54 Relax.
- 5:55 It's a little hot for that cheerleader outfit, don't you think?
- 6:04 You think your dirty socks can stop me? Well,
- 6:08 they are making me dizzy.
- 6:22 Goodbye, Dali.
- 6:26 Arrivederci, Vito. I was a fool to think anyone would want nude photos of Whoopi Goldberg.
- 6:33 What the?
- 6:36 And that is that.
- 6:44 Guess who, fat boy?
- 6:46 March, march, look!
- 6:48 The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me.
- 6:53 Ew, dog water.
- 6:58 Your doll is trying to kill my husband.
- 7:02 Yes, I'll hold.
- 7:04 Everybody loves a clown, so why don't you?
- 7:15 Yep, here's your problem.
- 7:18 Someone set this thing to evil.
- 7:21 I love you, Homer.
- 7:23 Come here, you.
- 7:28 Here you go, buddy.
- 7:30 Did you walk the dog?
- 7:31 Yeah, he buried me a couple of times.
- 7:34 Yeah, dogs like to bury old junk.
- 7:36 Yeah, you stupid idiot.
- 7:40 Oh, what a day.
- 7:42 Homer made me give him a sponge bath.
- 7:46 But coming home to you makes it all worthwhile.
- 7:50 Oh, here, let me get that for you.
- 7:57 So then his wife comes through the door
- 8:03 Did I mention she was dead?
- 8:04 No Well,
- 8:05 she was And she hit him in the head with a golf club And?
- 8:11 Don't you remember?
- 8:12 He went golfing all the time and it really bugged her You said he went bowling No!
- 8:17 Homer!
- 8:18 I've coughed up scarier stuff than that Grandpa Grandpa, why don't you tell us his story?
- 8:23 You've led an interesting life. That's a lie and you know it.
- 8:26 But I have seen a lot of movies.
- 8:38 My name is Marge Bouvier.
- 8:40 I'm here about your aunt.
- 8:42 Single white female wanted for mysterious expedition.
- 8:46 Must like monkeys.
- 8:47 Non-smoker preferred. Well,
- 8:50 you'd be a welcome change of pace from the rest of these crude and uncouth sailors.
- 8:57 What do you think, Smithers?
- 8:59 I think women and seamen don't mix.
- 9:01 We know what you think. Young lady, you're hired.
- 9:11 Hey, I heard we're going to Ape Island.
- 9:14 Yeah, to capture a giant ape.
- 9:16 I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.
- 9:18 Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
- 9:20 Apes. But they're not so big.
- 9:23 Homer, Homer, Homer.
- 9:25 Hey, who's this Homer dude?
- 9:28 He's either a 50-foot prehistoric ape or a tourist trap concocted by the ape island
- 9:33 Jaycees.
- 9:34 Either way, we're going ashore.
- 9:37 Am I going too?
- 9:38 Of course.
- 9:39 We wouldn't think of going without the bait.
- 9:41 That is, the bait thing beauty, the bathing beauty.
- 9:46 I covered that up pretty well.
- 9:48 Homer, Homer, Homer, Homer, Homer, Homer,
- 9:53 Homer, Homer, Homer... Just try to remain inconspicuous.
- 9:58 Mositatupu! Mositatupu!
- 9:59 What's he saying? Uh, he's saying, uh,
- 10:02 we wouldn't dream of sacrificing the blue-haired woman.
- 10:06 Oh, well isn't that... Whoa!
- 10:08 Mm-hmm.
- 10:10 Ah!
- 10:21 Don't!
- 10:33 Smithies, this is a golden opportunity.
- 10:36 If we get him alive, we can put him on Broadway.
- 10:39 Dead, we'll sell monkey stew to the army.
- 10:44 Keep your hands to yourself, mister.
- 10:51 Now we don't want to kill him.
- 10:53 Shoot him around the groin and belly.
- 11:01 Hey homie, cut it out.
- 11:03 Come on, quit eating me.
- 11:07 Ow! Nice shot, Carl.
- 11:14 All right, you big ape.
- 11:16 Get a snootful of this gas bomb.
- 11:23 I was strolling through the gas one day.
- 11:39 Nice work, Smithies. When we get back, I am giving you a raise
- 12:01 What kind of show you got for us, Mr. Burns?
- 12:04 Well,
- 12:04 the ape's going to stand around for three hours or so Then we'll close with the ethnic
- 12:09 comedy of Dugan and Dershowitz
- 12:12 Sensational
- 12:14 Ladies and gentlemen In his native land,
- 12:17 he was a king But he comes before you in chains for your own amusement Presenting
- 12:22 Homer, the eighth wonder of the world
- 12:27 Wow, look at the size of that platform
- 12:40 I think you're making him angry.
- 12:42 Come on, what you gonna do, run amok in downtown Springfield?
- 12:59 Hey, monkey, you want a peanut?
- 13:02 I said one!
- 13:04 Bleh!
- 13:05 Duh!
- 13:11 I'm the good ship.
- 13:14 Lollipop, it's sweet trip. To the candy shop where fun runs.
- 13:26 I'm dreading the reviews, I can tell you that.
- 13:30 Oh, hi, homie.
- 13:47 He's sure taking his sweet time. That'll refuel.
- 13:54 You know, you look a little flushed. Maybe you should eat more vegetables and less people.
- 13:59 Uh-huh.
- 14:09 He's not dead.
- 14:11 No, but his career is.
- 14:13 I remember when Al Jolson ran amok at the Winter Garden and climbed the Chrysler Building.
- 14:17 After that, he couldn't get arrested in this town.
- 14:22 Don't worry, homie. I'll take care of you.
- 14:32 Are you with the bride or groom?
- 14:36 Right this way.
- 14:41 Folks, if you could just stop cleaning each other for a second.
- 14:44 Wait, wait, Marge. I can't find your father.
- 14:51 Oh, Homer.
- 14:56 Now, kids, instead of candy, I thought I'd serve an array of healthy, fresh fruits.
- 15:03 Fruit is nature's candy.
- 15:09 Whoa!
- 15:15 Hey, hey, hi, fellow Halloweenies. Did I scaredly dare you?
- 15:19 I did.
- 15:21 God darn it. nice try Mr.
- 15:24 Flanders but I've got a story so scary you'll wet your pants too late
- 15:35 from A. Apple to Z.
- 15:36 Zebra baby's first pop-up book is 26 pages of alphabetic adventure Bart you mean
- 15:42 to tell me you read a book intended for preschoolers well most of it you have to read
- 15:48 another book
- 15:52 Find Waldo yet again.
- 15:55 Man, he's just not trying anymore.
- 15:58 Gee, never noticed that before.
- 16:12 Ow!
- 16:14 What's this?
- 16:17 Evil man!
- 16:20 Cool.
- 16:23 Ow!
- 16:29 Chapter 8, Let's Talk Zombies. If a zombie bites you, you become a zombie.
- 16:33 You must walk the earth feeding on the brains of the living until the spell is broken.
- 16:38 Bart, please.
- 16:39 Don't you remember that Snowball One died four years ago tonight?
- 16:42 Run over by the mayor's beer-swilling brother, Clovis.
- 16:46 Hey, maybe there's a spell in here that'll bring her back from the dead.
- 16:50 Let's see what we've got.
- 16:52 How to get your skeletons their widest, selling your soul in a buyer's market.
- 16:56 Ah, here we are. How to raise the dead.
- 17:18 Colin, Rayburn, Nars, Trebek
- 17:25 Zabar, Kresge, Kaldor, Walmart
- 17:34 It's not working.
- 17:39 Bart, you cast the wrong spell.
- 17:41 Zombies!
- 17:43 Please, Lise. They prefer to be called the living impaired.
- 17:49 There. Pretty as a picture.
- 17:52 Ah!
- 17:54 Zombies!
- 17:57 There.
- 17:58 Pretty as a picture.
- 18:09 Well, howdy, strangers.
- 18:10 What can I do you for?
- 18:12 Brains.
- 18:15 Why, Sue Dokes, you rascal.
- 18:17 I thought you were dead and...
- 18:20 Dad, we did something very bad. Did you wreck the car?
- 18:25 No.
- 18:26 Did you wreck the car? No.
- 18:28 But the car's okay?
- 18:29 Uh-huh. All right, then.
- 18:33 Martin Prince, report to my office at once.
- 18:36 And bring a big, juicy chess club brain of yours along.
- 18:41 With you.
- 18:45 Hey, kids. Look what you can win in the Krusty sweepstakes.
- 18:55 To enter, send me your parents' brains. All right,
- 18:59 parents' brains on a 3x5 card and send it to...
- 19:02 Homer, did you barricade the door?
- 19:04 Why?
- 19:05 Oh, the zombies.
- 19:06 No.
- 19:10 Spare my family.
- 19:11 Take me. Take me.
- 19:18 Rains! Rains! Rains! Rains!
- 19:22 I thought dabbling in the black arts would be good for a chuckle.
- 19:25 How wrong I was. I should have never read that book.
- 19:28 Wait, Bart. Maybe the library has another book that'll reverse the spell.
- 19:32 It's our only hope.
- 19:34 To the book depository!
- 19:41 Hey, Simpson. I'm feeling a mite peckish.
- 19:44 Mind if I chew your ear?
- 19:49 Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders.
- 19:52 He was a zombie?
- 19:55 KZMB.
- 19:56 All zombie radio.
- 20:05 The zombies have the earthlings on the run.
- 20:07 Soon the human race will wither and fall,
- 20:10 like the earth plums we have seen on the observerscope.
- 20:24 Oh, careful, not the face.
- 20:36 Oh, I'm not a zombie. Barney, not you too.
- 20:40 I'm not a zombie. But hey, when in Rome, wow, George Washington.
- 20:47 Take that, Washington.
- 20:49 Eat lead, Einstein.
- 20:53 Show's over, Shakespeare.
- 20:56 Is this the end of zombie Shakespeare?
- 21:03 Hurry, Bud!
- 21:05 Kolchak, Mannix, Banachek, Dano!
- 21:08 What's wrong?
- 21:10 Uh, I never realized what a beautiful young woman you've become.
- 21:14 Ah, Trojan, Ramses, Magnum, Sheik!
- 21:26 Seeing how. Still pushing that boulder?
- 21:28 Uh-huh.
- 21:31 Excuse me, I'm John Smith.
- 21:34 John Smith, 1882.
- 21:36 My mistake.
- 21:39 The zombies that plagued our town are now just corpses rotting in our
- 21:45 streets.
- 21:46 Yay!
- 21:50 Well, I'm sure glad we didn't turn into mindless zombies.
- 21:54 Shh!
- 21:55 TV!
- 21:58 Man fall down.
- 22:01 Funny.
- 22:35 Thank you.
- 22:59 We'll be right back.