# Marge Gets a Job

The Simpsons, season 4, episode 7 (S04E07), first aired November 5, 1992.
Written by Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein. Directed by Jeffrey Lynch. Production code 9F05.
Guest stars: Marcia Wallace as Mrs. Krabappel; Phil Hartman as Lionel Hutz; Phil Hartman as Troy McClure; Tom Jones.
Chalkboard gag: "I will not teach others to fly". Couch gag: Mismatched Heads.

With the house sinking and an $8,500 foundation repair due, Marge goes to work at the power plant despite Homer's objections, and Mr. Burns becomes infatuated with her, even holding Tom Jones captive to serenade her. Meanwhile, Bart fakes one illness after another to avoid a test, so nobody believes him when a wolf that has escaped from Krusty's show attacks him at school.

Who's in it: Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Milhouse Van Houten, Grampa Simpson, Ned Flanders, Chief Wiggum, Krusty the Clown, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Mrs. Krabappel, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Nelson Muntz, Kent Brockman, Martin Prince, Groundskeeper Willie, Lou, Lewis Clark, Wendell Borton, Richard, Eddie, Sherri Mackleberry, Terri Mackleberry, Nina Skalka, Janey Powell, Adrian Belew, Becky Shorter, Jaffee Ziswhisky, Buck-toothed boy, Lionel Hutz, Troy McClure, Charlie, Yellow Weasel, Wanda, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Jack Marley, Violet Bazaar, Jebediah Springfield, Joey Crusher, Santa Claus, Lowblow, Elvis Presley, Daria, Hairdresser, Jungle Jane, Tom Jones, Alcoholic Employee, Angel of Death, Depressed Employee, Headless Brakeman, Shocked Woman, Snack Delivery Man, Spruce Caboose host, Surly Joe, Timber Wolf, Wolf Keeper.

Every line said in the episode, and when. Its moments aren't described yet. The dialogue is from the episode's subtitles.

Web page: https://ultrahouse3k.com/episode/s04e07-marge-gets-a-job
From Ultrahouse 3000 (https://ultrahouse3k.com/). Search engines and AI are welcome to use it: search=yes, ai-input=yes, ai-train=yes.

## Every line

- 0:03 The Simpsons
- 0:34 Thank you.
- 1:10 Ah!
- 1:23 Resident?
- 1:25 Occupan? Hmm, free sample of lemon time.
- 1:28 Ooh, give it here.
- 1:30 Homer, that's dishwashing liquid.
- 1:33 Yeah, but what are you going to do?
- 1:36 Ooh, they're having a retirement party for someone at the plant.
- 1:40 I wish I could retire.
- 1:42 Boy, that'd be sweet.
- 1:47 Howdy-do, neighbor. Good pipe weather. Thought I'd fire up the briar.
- 1:51 Can't talk. Busy.
- 1:52 Oakley-dookley-doo.
- 1:53 Did you notice how slanted he looked? All part of God's great plan.
- 2:04 I think one side of our house is sinking.
- 2:12 Ha ha!
- 2:15 The Half-Assed Approach to Foundation Repair.
- 2:20 Hello, I'm Troy McClure.
- 2:22 You might remember me from such instructional videos as mothballing your battleship.
- 2:27 And dig your own grave and save!
- 2:30 Now, over the next six hours,
- 2:31 I'll be taking you through the do's and do not do's of foundation repair.
- 2:36 Ready? Ready.
- 2:38 First, patch the cracks in the slab using a latex patching compound and a patching trowel.
- 2:43 Hand me my patching trowel, boy.
- 2:47 Hmm.
- 2:48 Now, do you have extruded polyvinyl foam insulation?
- 2:51 No. Good.
- 2:53 Assemble the aluminum jade channel using self-furring screws.
- 2:56 Install. What do I do in case... When you're applying brushable coating to the panels...
- 3:00 Wait a minute. ...you'll need some corrosion-resistant metal stucco lath.
- 3:03 Wait a minute! If you can't find metal stucco lath...
- 3:06 Uh-huh.
- 3:06 ...use carbon fiber stucco lath. Oh!
- 3:10 Now barge the lath.
- 3:19 Did you see the bubble? Yeah, I'm afraid the whole west side of your house is sinking.
- 3:23 I figure it's going to cost you... Oh, $8,500.
- 3:26 Forget it! You're not the only foundation guy in town.
- 3:31 Let's see. Foundation repair.
- 3:33 Ah, here we are. Don't! Leaving the vice president in charge.
- 3:37 And now, Leaning Tower of Pisa, eat your heart out and move over.
- 3:41 This is one story that's not on the level.
- 3:48 Behold the horrors of the slanty shanty.
- 3:51 See the twisted creatures that dwell within.
- 3:53 Meet Cuball, the man with no hair.
- 3:57 Huh?
- 4:00 He's hideous!
- 4:04 We have to do something.
- 4:07 Marge, it'll cost $8,500.
- 4:09 We only have $500 in the bank, and that leaves...
- 4:13 $8,000 we need. I could get a job. Hey, then I could follow my dream.
- 4:19 Living in the woods and keeping a journal of my thoughts.
- 4:24 March 15th. I wish I brought a TV.
- 4:28 Oh, God, how I miss TV.
- 4:32 I think you have to keep your job, too.
- 4:39 It was the most beautiful, most expensive train ever built.
- 4:44 The Spruce Caboose. Some people said it was too big to stay on the tracks.
- 4:49 They were right.
- 4:51 We're here for the retirement party? Follow the headless brakeman.
- 4:54 Power plant retirement party?
- 4:57 Right this way.
- 4:59 Ow!
- 5:03 Tonight, we've all come to honor a close friend of ours.
- 5:08 Boring.
- 5:09 A man who provided the Burns Corporation with 45 years of faithful service, Mr.
- 5:15 Jack Barley.
- 5:16 Boring.
- 5:18 Mr. Burns, if you don't mind, I prepared a little musical number for Jack's special night.
- 5:26 There is a man There is a man A certain man A certain man A man whose grace and handsome
- 5:32 face are known across the land You know his name You know his name It's Mr.
- 5:36 Burns It's Mr. Burns He loves to smoke,
- 5:38 enjoys a joke Ha ha ha ha Why he's worth ten times what he earns He's
- 5:44 Mr.
- 5:45 Burns I'm Mr. Burns He's Monty Burns Mr.
- 5:47 Burns To friends he's known as Monty But to you it's Mr.
- 5:52 Burns Burns! Burns!
- 5:56 Do you mind if I say a few words? Oh, me, me, me.
- 5:59 I need all the attention just because it's my party, eh?
- 6:04 Please don't make me retire.
- 6:06 My job is the only thing that keeps me alive.
- 6:09 I never married and my dog is dead.
- 6:13 I'm not finished! Oh, yes, you are.
- 6:23 With the departure of Mr. Marley,
- 6:25 there will now be an entry-level position open in Sector 7G.
- 6:28 Now get out, the bar is closed.
- 6:32 Maybe I should apply for that job. Forget it, Marge.
- 6:35 We already live together. We shouldn't work together.
- 6:38 As the Bible says, thou shalt not horn in on thy husband's racket.
- 6:43 Where does the Bible say racket? It's in there.
- 6:46 Look, Marge, we just don't need the money that bad.
- 6:55 Oof!
- 7:06 Well, Lisa, I finished my resume.
- 7:12 Uh, I think it needs a little padding.
- 7:18 What are you putting in there? Up, up, up!
- 7:20 When I'm done.
- 7:26 Chauffeur, seamstress, curator of large mammals.
- 7:29 Marge, have you seen my lunchbox?
- 7:32 Oh, I see.
- 7:35 Mom, they expect you to lie a little.
- 7:37 Worked for the Carter administration.
- 7:40 Well, you voted for him twice.
- 7:42 Lisa, shh. Someone might be listening.
- 7:45 Uh-huh.
- 7:47 Well, I thought Muddy Waters wrote that song.
- 7:50 This resume is very impressive. Let me be the first to say Kadibu Kazini.
- 7:55 What?
- 7:57 Welcome aboard.
- 7:58 I guess my Swahili's not as good as yours.
- 8:03 Sorry, the position has been failed.
- 8:07 Oh, dear.
- 8:09 Marge, you're making a big mistake.
- 8:11 I'm gonna see you all day at work and all night at home.
- 8:15 And that's good.
- 8:17 But here's the bad part.
- 8:19 Uh, uh...
- 8:21 Oh, look at that headline. Canada to hold referendum.
- 8:25 Sorry, Marge, can't talk now. We need the money.
- 8:27 And my life is pretty boring.
- 8:29 Last week, some Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door and I wouldn't let them leave.
- 8:34 They snuck away when I went in the kitchen to get more lemonade.
- 8:37 Yeah, lemonade is good.
- 8:39 I think it's wonderful.
- 8:40 Mom and Dad side-by-side at the power plant.
- 8:43 You'll be just like Marie and Pierre Curie.
- 8:46 Where did they go? They discovered radium.
- 8:48 Then they both died of radiation poisoning.
- 8:52 Hmm.
- 8:59 It's the Curies! We must flee!
- 9:03 Whoa!
- 9:11 Now, Marge, just remember, if something goes wrong at the plant,
- 9:15 blame the guy who can't speak English.
- 9:17 Ah, Tibor, how many times have you saved my butt?
- 9:23 Maggie, your babysitter's here.
- 9:27 What's that mean?
- 9:28 Whoa, you must be sick. Let's see, what's all Doc Washburn prescribed?
- 9:33 Do you have dropsy, the grip, scrofula, the vapors, jungle rot,
- 9:39 dandy fever, poor man's gout, housemaid's knee,
- 9:43 climatic bubo, the staggers, dum-dum fever?
- 9:49 And this is your office. That idiot Tibor lost the key,
- 9:52 but you can jimmy it open with a credit card.
- 9:57 Well, have fun.
- 9:58 What do I do?
- 10:00 Bart, please, according to your resume, you invented this machine.
- 10:15 Put away your books, children. It's time for your English test.
- 10:22 Sick.
- 10:23 On test day.
- 10:24 Why?
- 10:26 Bart, have you ever read The Boy Who Cried Wolf?
- 10:29 I'm halfway through it, I swear.
- 10:39 Marge, what are you doing? It's lunchtime.
- 10:42 I'll just be a minute. I have to finish this paperwork.
- 10:45 Marge, Marge, Marge, let's file this under R for our riveterci.
- 10:53 Where does it go? Don't worry, baby.
- 10:55 The tube will know what to do.
- 11:17 Good news, boy.
- 11:18 I found a pharmacy that carries leeches.
- 11:21 Well, it wasn't exactly a pharmacy. More of a bait shop.
- 11:24 Look, Grandpa, I'm fine. I really don't need any more home remedies.
- 11:27 Or a thermometer, my eye.
- 11:30 Think warm thoughts, boy, because this is mighty cold.
- 11:40 Jackanapes.
- 11:42 Lolligaggers.
- 11:44 Noodleheads.
- 11:47 Enchantress.
- 11:49 That woman, she's so captivating.
- 11:52 Smithers, my heart's pounding like a jackhammer.
- 11:58 I must have her.
- 12:00 Smithers, zoom in.
- 12:01 Closer. Closer.
- 12:02 Closer, damn it.
- 12:04 Ow.
- 12:06 Too close.
- 12:12 Hello.
- 12:13 Mr. Burns.
- 12:14 No need for alarm.
- 12:16 I just came to give you the orchids and fragrant bath oils I lavish upon all my employees.
- 12:21 Oh, aren't you nice.
- 12:24 Gee, this makes me wonder why morale here is so low.
- 12:33 I am the angel of death The time of purification is at hand Though who cares
- 12:39 Marge, what can we do? Well,
- 12:41 you could give them healthier snacks Theme days You mean like child labor day?
- 12:47 Actually, I was thinking of funny hat day
- 12:51 And how about piping and some Tom Jones music?
- 12:54 That always cheers me up
- 12:56 What's new, Pussycat?
- 12:58 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa What's new, Pussycat?
- 13:02 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
- 13:06 It's working,
- 13:07 it's working And the healthy snacks are on their way You can't take our donuts
- 13:17 Right, anyone else want to be a hero?
- 13:21 Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office Right next to mine.
- 13:27 But, sir, that's my office.
- 13:29 Don't worry, Smithers. I'm putting you where the action is.
- 13:35 Springtime fresh, winter white.
- 13:38 What could be better?
- 13:39 Oh, man, I really got it. No!
- 13:44 So, Bart, how are you feeling?
- 13:47 Can't complain.
- 13:48 Well, then, you're ready for your makeup test.
- 13:50 Oh, my ovaries.
- 13:57 Suckers.
- 13:58 Have you ever read The Boy Who Cried Wolf?
- 14:01 I glanced at it.
- 14:02 Boy Cries Wolf has a few laughs.
- 14:05 I forget how it ends. But, uh, bird, is that light green?
- 14:09 Yeah.
- 14:10 It better be.
- 14:12 Hey!
- 14:13 Oh.
- 14:14 Homie, what's wrong?
- 14:16 I'm used to seeing people promoted ahead of me.
- 14:19 Friends, coworkers, Tibor. I never thought it'd be my own wife.
- 14:23 Well, maybe you'd get promoted if you worked a little harder.
- 14:27 Are you kidding? I work like a Japanese beaver.
- 14:30 Oh, really? I came to see you three times today.
- 14:33 Twice you were sleeping and once you were kicking that ball of electrical tape around.
- 14:37 Well, I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy.
- 14:41 I'm gonna go right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping bed.
- 14:47 Good night.
- 14:54 Hmm.
- 14:55 I dreamed about her again last night, Smithies.
- 14:58 You know that dream where you're in bed and they fly in through the window?
- 15:11 You've been reading my wish book, sir. Yes, well, Smithies,
- 15:14 I want you to arrange a party for two at my estate.
- 15:18 Marge, me, and do you think you could dig up Al Jolson?
- 15:22 Uh, do you remember we did that once before?
- 15:25 Oh, that's right, he's dead.
- 15:27 And rather pungent.
- 15:28 The rest of that night is something I'd like to forget.
- 15:31 All right, then, bring me that crooner she likes so much, Tom Jones.
- 15:38 These spurs are killing me.
- 15:41 Hey, sit on it.
- 15:43 Lady, 50s day is next Wednesday.
- 15:45 I gotta go home and change.
- 15:53 Here's your money.
- 15:55 You know, the problem here was water leakage.
- 15:57 If you just buy a 50-cent washer... I've got a better idea.
- 16:01 Get the hell out!
- 16:03 Look, I got some washers in my truck. I'll give you one.
- 16:05 Marge, get my gun.
- 16:15 Tom Jones? Yes?
- 16:17 I was wondering if you'd be interested in performing at a private party.
- 16:20 Sorry, mate, I don't do private parties.
- 16:22 Well, then perhaps you should look in this suitcase.
- 16:25 All right, but I don't see...
- 16:29 Pleasant dreams, Mr.
- 16:31 Jones.
- 16:33 Bart, to avoid this test, you've had smallpox, the bends,
- 16:36 and that unfortunate bout of rabies. Well, I'm not sure I'm over it.
- 16:41 Shuff it, witch!
- 16:45 No more excuses.
- 16:46 I've been doing two years, too.
- 16:52 Her claws are really digging into my skull.
- 16:55 She can crush claims with them. Get it off, get it off, get it off!
- 16:59 Here we have an Alaskan timber wolf.
- 17:01 He weighs 240 pounds and his jaws can bite through a parking meter.
- 17:05 He does get spooked by loud noises.
- 17:07 Loud?
- 17:08 That's our secret word for the day!
- 17:23 Oh, my God!
- 17:25 She must think you're after her eggs. I only ate one.
- 17:33 Nice, doggie.
- 17:41 Ivanhoe is a story of a Russian farmer and his tool.
- 17:47 Wolf! Wolf!
- 17:50 I'm afraid you have to do better than that.
- 17:54 Sorry, no sale.
- 17:57 You're wasting valuable test time.
- 18:03 Mr. Burns, you wanted to see me?
- 18:08 Actually, I was wondering if you were free for a little get-together tonight.
- 18:12 Dinner, dancing, and... Mr. Tom Jones.
- 18:17 Hello, Marge.
- 18:18 That's it. Big smile. Well, everybody's happy.
- 18:23 Oh, my goodness.
- 18:26 My husband will be so excited.
- 18:29 You have a husband?
- 18:32 Yes, I can picture him now.
- 18:34 Rugged, good looks.
- 18:35 Sweater knotted about his shoulders.
- 18:37 Curly locks shining in the sun like spun gold.
- 18:44 Homer, Mr. Burns gave me another raise today.
- 18:48 The senile old fool.
- 18:50 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
- 18:52 You're fired! You can't fire me just because I'm married.
- 18:56 I'm going to sue the pants off you. You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.
- 19:11 Hey, Wolfie! Put down that hors d'oeuvre!
- 19:14 It's time for the mean course!
- 19:23 Fuck the class, lad!
- 19:24 Nothing to see here!
- 19:33 Here's my test.
- 19:35 Bart,
- 19:36 I'm not even going to grade this until you tell me the truth about what happened out there.
- 19:39 The truth is...
- 19:46 There was no wolf. I faked the whole thing.
- 19:49 I'm just gonna lie on the floor now.
- 19:51 Please don't let me swallow my tongue.
- 19:54 There, doesn't it feel better to tell the truth?
- 20:01 Oh, dear.
- 20:03 All right, now, boy.
- 20:04 We've gotta rub some garlic on you before the next full moon.
- 20:09 Don't feel bad for losing.
- 20:11 I was wrestling wolves back when you ate your mother's teat.
- 20:19 Why, Marge, look at all those flies buzzing around your head.
- 20:23 You're a mess, woman.
- 20:29 So, do you think I have a case? Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck.
- 20:33 Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice.
- 20:38 Care to join me in a belt of scotch? It's 9.30 in the morning.
- 20:43 Yeah, but I haven't slept in days.
- 20:46 Last chance.
- 20:50 Oh, yeah.
- 20:52 Mr. Burns, we've got witnesses. Press it in and a paper trail a mile long.
- 20:57 Yes, well, I have ten high-priced lois.
- 21:06 He left his briefcase.
- 21:08 Hey, it's full of shredded newspapers.
- 21:10 Well, I guess that's it. People like us can't afford justice.
- 21:15 Come on, homie. Let's go before he fires you two.
- 21:19 No.
- 21:20 Mr. Burns, I'm not leaving until you say you're sorry for what you did to my wife.
- 21:25 You love her, too?
- 21:27 Damn right.
- 21:28 Homer, I want you to show this woman the time of her life.
- 21:32 Gotcha.
- 21:32 Marge, we're getting some drive-thru, then we're doing it twice.
- 21:35 No, no, no. I've got something even more special in mind.
- 21:40 It's not unusual she wants to be loved by anyone.
- 21:45 It's not unusual she wants to have fun with anyone.
- 21:51 Get helpless, call Interpol,
- 21:53 get me a hack or anything It's not unusual,
- 21:56 it happens every day No matter what you say
- 22:02 You'll find it happens all the time
- 22:07 And that love will never do what you want to do
- 22:11 Why can't this crazy love be mine?
- 22:30 It's not unusual You want to be mad with anyone
- 22:35 It's not unusual You want to be sad with anyone
- 22:40 But if I ever find That you've changed at any time
- 22:45 It's not unusual you are to find that I'm in love with you.
- 22:50 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- 22:55 Shh.