# Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield

The Simpsons, season 7, episode 14 (S07E14), first aired February 4, 1996.
Written by Jennifer Crittenden. Directed by Susie Dietter. Production code 3F11.
Guest stars: Tom Kite.
Couch gag: Glowing Family.

Marge buys a Chanel suit marked down to $90, and wearing it earns her an invitation to the Springfield Country Club from old classmate Evelyn Peters. As Marge strains to fit in with the snobbish members, Homer catches Mr. Burns cheating at golf and trades his silence for help getting the family admitted, but Marge finally sees how the club has changed her and turns her back on it.

Who's in it: Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Krusty the Clown, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Mayor Quimby, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Cletus Spuckler, Bumblebee Man, Raphael, Brandine Spuckler, Karen, Gillian, Roberta, Susan, Brittany Brockman, Evelyn Peters, Tom Kite, Bouncer, Elizabeth, Patricia, Steppin' Out Clerk.

Every line said in the episode, and when. Its moments aren't described yet. The dialogue is from the episode's subtitles.

Web page: https://ultrahouse3k.com/episode/s07e14-scenes-from-the-class-struggle-in-springfield
From Ultrahouse 3000 (https://ultrahouse3k.com/). Search engines and AI are welcome to use it: search=yes, ai-input=yes, ai-train=yes.

## Every line

- 0:04 The Simpsons
- 0:30 Ay, que agonia!
- 0:35 Oh, he wants that corn so much.
- 0:40 Ay, Dios, no me ama.
- 0:46 I want to see what's on the other broadcast.
- 0:50 Where's the oscillator on this thing? No, Grandpa, don't!
- 0:54 Boy, darn it! What is this do?
- 0:57 Oh, I'll make my adjustments here and...
- 1:07 Yay!
- 1:08 We're getting a new TV!
- 1:11 Let's go to the Sharper Image. They've got a TV shaped like a 50s diner.
- 1:15 No, let's go to the Nature Company. They got a TV assembled by Hopi Indians.
- 1:19 We can't afford to shop at any store that has a philosophy.
- 1:23 We just need a TV. We're going to go to the outlet mall in Ogdenville.
- 1:48 Look at these low, low prices on famous brand name electronics.
- 1:52 Don't be a sap, Dad. These are just crappy knockoffs.
- 1:55 I know a genuine pan of phonics when I see it.
- 1:58 And look, there's Magnetbox and Zorni. Listen, I'm not going to lie to you.
- 2:03 Those are all superior machines.
- 2:05 But if you like to watch your TV, and I mean really watch it, you want the Carnival A.
- 2:10 It features two-pronged wall plug, pre-molded hand-grip well,
- 2:14 durable outer casing to prevent fall apart.
- 2:17 Sold.
- 2:18 You wrap it up, I'll start bringing in the pennies.
- 2:24 Honey, I don't think these clothes are us.
- 2:27 Who are they?
- 2:28 Hey, Brian Dane, you can wear that shirt to work.
- 2:32 Oh, Cletus, you know I gotta wear the shirt what Dairy Queen give me.
- 2:37 Hey, Mom, there's something in here.
- 2:40 Oh, it's beautiful.
- 2:44 Can it be a real Chanel?
- 2:47 It is.
- 2:50 Ninety dollars.
- 2:52 But it's marked down from $2,800.
- 3:03 Oh, you look so sophisticated, just like Mary Hart.
- 3:07 It fits like a dream, too.
- 3:10 But we can't afford $90, even if it is a bargain.
- 3:13 It wouldn't be right to buy something just for me.
- 3:16 If it were a suit we could all wear, maybe, then...
- 3:19 Come on, Mom, you never treat yourself to anything.
- 3:22 Oh, sure I do. I treated myself to a Sanka not three days ago.
- 3:27 But this is a real fine. Just buy it. You don't have to rationalize everything.
- 3:35 All right, I will buy it.
- 3:37 It'll be good for the economy.
- 3:45 You look great.
- 3:47 Really?
- 3:48 You like it?
- 3:49 Oh, I'd love to wear this someplace special.
- 3:52 Spurlock's cafeteria it is.
- 3:55 What about the symphony or the theater?
- 3:58 Oh, God.
- 3:59 What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
- 4:05 Until then, this time we know it ever comes.
- 4:16 Oh, Mrs. Simpson, you are looking very prosperous today.
- 4:19 Might I interest you in some of our impulse items here by the cash register?
- 4:23 Perhaps a crazy motorized wiggle pen.
- 4:26 Look at the craziness.
- 4:30 Attendant, I'd like some gas.
- 4:32 Yes, I'm sorry. I do not speak English. Okay.
- 4:35 But you were just talking to... Yes, yes.
- 4:36 Hot dog, hot dog. Yes, sir. No, sir. Maybe.
- 4:38 Okay. Well, I can't pump it myself.
- 4:41 I'm calling AAA.
- 4:42 I used to be a little overwhelmed, too, but it's not that hard.
- 4:46 I can show you.
- 4:47 Marge? Is that you?
- 4:49 Marge Bouvier from high school?
- 4:51 Um, yeah.
- 4:53 Hi, Evelyn.
- 4:55 How about that? Marge, you look wonderful.
- 4:58 And to think I heard you married Homer Simpson.
- 5:01 I did marry Homer.
- 5:04 Come, you must show me the pumps.
- 5:06 90% of the time, if the gas isn't pumping, this is your problem.
- 5:11 Automotive skills and fashion sense. Well,
- 5:14 you've come a long way from the girl I knew nothing about in high school.
- 5:18 We ran with different crowds.
- 5:19 You had your debutante balls and skinny dipping.
- 5:23 And I had my home shoe repair course.
- 5:27 Oh, Marge, you haven't changed a bit as far as I know.
- 5:30 Say, why don't you drop by the country club tomorrow?
- 5:33 Oh, and bring the family.
- 5:40 You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate and re-vulcanize my tires post-haste.
- 5:49 Bart, comb your hair.
- 5:51 Homer, I don't think you should wear a short-sleeved shirt with a tie.
- 5:55 Oh, but Sipowitz does it. If Detective Sipowitz jumped off a cliff, would you do that too?
- 6:00 Oh, wish I was Sipowitz. Do I have to go?
- 6:03 That country club is a hotbed of exclusionary snobs instead of seeking social climbers.
- 6:07 I've told you I don't like you using the word hotbed.
- 6:10 Please, Lisa, we so rarely get to do things like this.
- 6:13 And everybody, everybody, please be on your best behavior.
- 6:17 Bart, no grifting.
- 6:19 Aw, raspberries.
- 6:25 Name, please.
- 6:26 Simpson family.
- 6:28 We're not poor.
- 6:31 Well, we're not.
- 6:33 Go on in. They're expecting you at the clubhouse.
- 6:38 Oh, living hard.
- 6:43 I've always dreamed of coming here.
- 6:46 Everybody keep smiling, and I know we're going to fit right in.
- 6:59 Marge, you made it. And you wore that lovely suit.
- 7:04 Karin, Gillian, Elizabeth, Patricia, Roberta, Sue Sin.
- 7:10 Meet Marge.
- 7:12 How are you doing?
- 7:14 Pleased to meet you.
- 7:16 You look like such a happy bunch of people.
- 7:20 That's the trouble with first impressions.
- 7:23 You only get to make one.
- 7:28 That reminds me of a funny apron I saw.
- 7:31 You know, Marge, your family doesn't have to stand in the alcove.
- 7:35 They're free to enjoy the club.
- 7:38 Come on, kids.
- 7:40 Let's go sit in a car until your mom's done fitting in.
- 7:45 elizabeth is right why shout yourself horse at incompetent sales clerks when you can get
- 7:50 nearly everything mail order i won't eat anything unless it's shipped overnight from
- 7:55 vermont or washington state we order our steaks through the new yorker i have a sneaking
- 8:00 suspicion that l.l bean and eddie bauer are selling me the same honey i
- 8:06 get food through the mail but in a different way every month good housekeeping arrives in
- 8:11 my mailbox bursting with recipes.
- 8:13 Sometimes the most satisfying meal is the one you cook yourself.
- 8:18 Hmm, that's very true, Marge. One night, Wyf and I came home late,
- 8:22 and we decided not to wake Iris, and instead, we microwaved our own soup.
- 8:27 Of course, it was a horrible mess,
- 8:32 but Iris didn't mind cleaning it up.
- 8:40 Didn't everybody have a wonderful time?
- 8:43 I thought it was so opulent, like the Playboy Mansion, but non-sexual.
- 8:48 That place is weird.
- 8:49 A man in the bathroom kept handing me towels till I paid him to stop.
- 8:53 Should have held out longer, boy.
- 8:55 The rich are different from you and me. Yes, they're better.
- 9:00 Socially better.
- 9:01 And if we fit in, we can be better, too.
- 9:03 So today, while the rest of you were out being different,
- 9:06 I did a very good job of fitting in. So good that Evelyn gave us a guest pass.
- 9:10 They might even ask us to join.
- 9:12 Boy, Marge, you must have really done a number on those rich suckers.
- 9:17 Don't thank me. Thank my beautiful new suit.
- 9:25 Fritz, you idiot. I didn't order a bologna sandwich.
- 9:29 I ordered an abalone sandwich.
- 9:32 I don't know what Mom's thinking. This whole country club scene is so decadent.
- 9:36 and all these spoiled brettes and their smug, complacent parents.
- 9:41 It just reinforces the unspoken class system of horses sitting on their high horses.
- 9:47 I'm sorry, I gotta go!
- 9:56 Huh?
- 9:57 We've got a winning hand.
- 9:59 We can take the rest of the tricks.
- 10:01 Ooh, you better be careful.
- 10:02 The purpose of this game is to make friends.
- 10:04 You don't make friends by winning. Still,
- 10:06 there's nothing more popular than a gracious winner Don't ask me,
- 10:10 I'm just hair Your head stopped 18 inches ago
- 10:14 Queen of hearts,
- 10:16 I believe all the rest are ours Well played We could have stopped them if you
- 10:22 had changed to a different suit I thought perhaps changing suits had gone out of fashion
- 10:27 Eh, Marge?
- 10:35 Oh, oh, oh, oh.
- 10:40 Hmm.
- 10:43 You know, Homer, the traditional way to cheating golf is to lower your score.
- 10:47 That's one way.
- 10:49 I'm PGA Tour Pro Tom Kite. How about I give you a few pointers on your game?
- 10:54 Now, you don't want to overthink.
- 10:56 Not an issue. Keep your head down. Huh?
- 10:59 Pretend there's no one else here.
- 11:03 and just go at your own pace.
- 11:08 Wow, very impressive.
- 11:10 You're a natural, Mr. Simpson.
- 11:13 Really?
- 11:13 Uh-huh.
- 11:14 All you need is your own set of clubs. And stay the hell out of my locker.
- 11:18 You can keep the shoes.
- 11:23 Bart, did you know that Kennedy and Lincoln had the same handicap?
- 11:27 Oh, please, I have to alter the suit so it looks different for tomorrow.
- 11:32 Just slap some bumper stickers on it and come to bed, will you, Marge?
- 11:44 Love your outfit, Marge. The vest says, let's have lunch.
- 11:47 But the culottes say, you're a plan.
- 11:50 Why, thank you, Robert.
- 11:52 Mom, look! I found something more fun than complaining.
- 11:59 Marge,
- 11:59 your family is fitting in perfectly here If all goes well at Saturday's Ball I'd love
- 12:05 to sponsor you for membership Oh,
- 12:08 that would be a dream come true I'll be there with bells on Bills?
- 12:13 Where exactly will you be attaching them to that mangled Chanel suit?
- 12:19 Oh, don't worry,
- 12:20 Marge Her idea of wit is nothing more than an incisive observation and humorously phrased
- 12:25 and delivered with impeccable timing.
- 12:26 I'm sure you'll be a smash at the ball, and I just know you'll have a lovely new outfit.
- 12:40 Hey, that's a mighty fine chip in Homer.
- 12:42 Yeah, can you bank it into the handicap stall?
- 12:44 Seat down.
- 12:51 Hmm, who is that lavatory linksman, Smithers?
- 12:55 Homer Simpson, sir, one of the fork and spoon operators from Sector 7G.
- 12:58 Well, he's certainly got a loose waggle.
- 13:01 Perhaps I've finally found a golfer worthy of a match with Monty Burns, eh?
- 13:05 Oh, his waggle is no match for yours, sir.
- 13:07 I've never seen you lose a game, except for that one in 74 when you let Richard Nixon win.
- 13:11 I was very kind of you, sir. Oh, he just looked so forlorn, Smithers, with his...
- 13:16 Oh, I can't go to prison, Monty. They'll eat me alive.
- 13:21 Say, I wonder if this hominixin is any relation.
- 13:24 Unlikely, sir.
- 13:25 They spell and pronounce their name differently.
- 13:28 Bah!
- 13:28 Schedule a game and I'll ask him myself.
- 13:32 Oh, this game could mean big things for me, Marge.
- 13:34 If I beat Mr. Burns, I mean really wallop him bad.
- 13:38 I'm sure to get that big raise I've been gunning for.
- 13:41 All right, all right. But if you win,
- 13:42 don't make a scene and dance around with your woo-hoos, please.
- 13:45 We can't afford a single slip-up. They're judging us.
- 13:52 Mom, did you like horses when you were my age?
- 13:54 Because I heard... I don't know.
- 13:56 Lisa, tonight is very important.
- 13:58 Mommy has to alter her suit, so it looks like a totally new one.
- 14:01 Mom, do you want to know the 15 reasons I like horses better than cars?
- 14:03 What, a horse never has... I really need to concentrate on this, Lisa.
- 14:06 Would you mind just... You know how a horse feels like this?
- 14:09 Mom!
- 14:13 Wee wee wee ma ma ma ma ma ma! Lisa please!
- 14:24 Hmm.
- 14:27 Oh no no no no no!
- 14:33 Hmm.
- 14:36 At times like this, I guess all you can do is laugh.
- 14:48 I need a formal dress for tonight.
- 14:51 You've come to the right place.
- 14:53 We've got classy duds up the yin-yang.
- 14:55 I call this one Fantasy in Maroon.
- 14:58 It's got some cigarette burns, but we can patch them up with new vinyl.
- 15:02 It's a bit peppery for me.
- 15:05 Why don't we put this in the maybe pile?
- 15:08 This was originally a Halloween costume, but it found its way into my regular rotation.
- 15:14 Uh-huh.
- 15:16 Good morning, Mr. Burns. Beautiful day to be outside, isn't it?
- 15:20 Rant on, Simpson,
- 15:22 but your vainglorious boasting will only add savor to my inevitable triumph.
- 15:27 Yes.
- 15:31 Woo-hoo!
- 15:35 Dough!
- 15:36 Yes, you're in deep dough now.
- 15:48 Perfect as always, sir.
- 15:50 Right on the green.
- 15:58 Go quick cogitating Steinmetz and use an open-faced club.
- 16:03 The Sand Wedge.
- 16:05 Open-faced club sandwich.
- 16:14 No four strokes behind, Simpson.
- 16:22 Oh, a cunning stratagem, sir.
- 16:25 It's curving right toward the green, and it's there.
- 16:31 He got to the green in one shot?
- 16:35 How can that old man hit so far?
- 16:41 Now keep your head down.
- 16:43 Ignore all distractions.
- 16:44 D'oh!
- 16:53 Miss!
- 16:55 Do you have a Chanel suit or any other high-quality clothes?
- 16:59 No, ma'am,
- 17:00 but we do have a shipment of slightly burnt Sears activewear coming in this afternoon.
- 17:04 Oh, I give up.
- 17:06 What time and how, Bert?
- 17:08 Cripes, man!
- 17:09 Can't you ever get to the green in less than two shots?
- 17:19 Smithers, what are you doing up here? What are you doing with this ball?
- 17:22 And all those other balls? Nah, there are no other balls.
- 17:26 Just these reptile eggs. Oh, step away. They're endangered.
- 17:33 These aren't reptile eggs. You've been cheating!
- 17:36 No matter where Mr. Burns hits the ball, you put a fresh one on the green.
- 17:40 Cheating? For me?
- 17:43 Good Lord, Smithers, that's patently unnecessary.
- 17:45 I'm one of the world's finest golfers. In all the years you've caddied for me,
- 17:50 I've never lost a...
- 17:53 Ooh.
- 17:54 So, you're not the best golfer here.
- 17:57 Where did I tell everyone about this?
- 18:00 You stink!
- 18:01 Homer, Mr. Burns holds a lot of sway at this club.
- 18:04 if you would keep quiet about the alleged decades of cheating.
- 18:07 I'm sure he'd support your application for a membership tonight.
- 18:10 Well, Hunky, I don't care about joining this stupid club.
- 18:13 But does your wife?
- 18:16 No.
- 18:19 I knew my kind wasn't welcome here.
- 18:36 Mom, you are looking fabulous.
- 18:40 Yeah, you look great. You can do anything with that sewing machine.
- 18:43 No, I can't.
- 18:45 Come on, let's go. You mean it's a new dress?
- 18:47 Where did you get it?
- 18:48 The outlet store. Wow, two finds in one store.
- 18:51 What are the odds? Call it fate. Let's go.
- 18:53 How much did it cost? A dollar. Let's go.
- 18:55 With tax or without? Without? Let me go.
- 18:57 So with tax, how much was it? Why do you always have to question everything I do?
- 19:01 You look nice is all.
- 19:07 Homer, what are you doing? I'm driving up to the main building.
- 19:10 They got valet parking tonight. We can't drive this up there.
- 19:13 They'll see the dent.
- 19:15 They'll see the coat hanger antenna.
- 19:16 Stop the car. We're walking.
- 19:18 Mars, valets.
- 19:20 For once, maybe someone will call me sir without adding, you're making a scene.
- 19:30 I'm going to regale everyone with my anecdote.
- 19:32 You know the one I tried to say on the radio?
- 19:35 Who's gonna bleep me this time?
- 19:37 I'm gonna pose as an Italian count and get some old lady to leave me all her money.
- 19:42 I'm gonna ask people if they know their servant slats' names.
- 19:45 Or in the case of butlers, they're first.
- 19:47 No, no, no!
- 19:49 Not tonight!
- 19:52 No vulgarity, no mischief, no politics.
- 19:55 Just be good!
- 19:58 I'm sorry, Mom. I'll behave.
- 20:00 I won't say anything controversial. I just won't say anything, okay, honey?
- 20:11 You kids should thank your mother.
- 20:13 Now that she's a better person, we can see how awful we really are.
- 20:27 Come here, Maggie.
- 20:30 Homie, I like your in-your-face humanity.
- 20:33 I like the way Lisa speaks her mind.
- 20:36 I like Bart's...
- 20:38 I like Bart.
- 20:41 And I like my old green dress.
- 20:44 I didn't have to spend our savings on this stupid game.
- 20:48 Our savings? Don't worry, I saved the receipt.
- 20:51 We'll have a $3,300 credit at Chanel.
- 20:54 They have beer and gum, right?
- 20:57 Come on, let's go. I wouldn't want to join any club that would have this me as a member.
- 21:03 It's okay.
- 21:04 Those snobs never would have made us members anyway.
- 21:09 Well, I wonder where Marge could be.
- 21:12 She's missing her own initiation.
- 21:14 I hope she didn't take my attempt to destroy her too seriously.
- 21:19 Where's Homer?
- 21:21 Oh, and to think I spent all afternoon baking in this cake.
- 21:26 Mmm.
- 21:27 I pickled the figs myself.
- 21:38 Hey, did you guys just come from the prom?
- 21:41 Sort of.
- 21:42 But you know, we realized we're more comfortable in a place like this.
- 21:49 Man, you're crazy. This place is a dump.
- 21:51 Oh, man, I'd be anywhere except this place.
- 21:55 That's for sure.
- 22:43 Shhh! Shhh!