# Simpson Safari

The Simpsons, season 12, episode 17 (S12E17), first aired April 1, 2001.
Written by John Swartzwelder. Directed by Mark Kirkland. Production code CABF13.
Chalkboard gag: "I will not flush evidence". Couch gag: Circus Line.

With Springfield's bag boys on strike and the cupboards bare, Homer eats from a decades-old box of animal crackers and finds a gold giraffe. The company balks at awarding the long-expired prize, a trip to Africa, until the box injures Homer's eye. After a hippo separates the family from guide Kitenge, they stumble onto the refuge of Dr. Joan Bushwell, who secretly forces chimpanzees to mine diamonds.

Who's in it: Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Dr. Hibbert, Kent Brockman, Santa's Little Helper, Agnes Skinner, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Scarecrow, Joan Bushwell, Kitenge, Muntu.

Every line said in the episode, and when. Its moments aren't described yet. The dialogue is from the episode's subtitles.

Web page: https://ultrahouse3k.com/episode/s12e17-simpson-safari
From Ultrahouse 3000 (https://ultrahouse3k.com/). Search engines and AI are welcome to use it: search=yes, ai-input=yes, ai-train=yes.

## Every line

- 0:04 The Simpsons
- 0:47 Here we go.
- 1:00 Eep, eep.
- 1:04 Don't!
- 1:06 Whoo!
- 1:41 Olive oil?
- 1:42 Asparagus?
- 1:43 If your mother wasn't so fancy, we could shop at the gas station like normal people.
- 1:49 I need this candy for school.
- 1:51 Candy class.
- 1:52 Well, okay, but get five bags in case we eat four on the way home.
- 1:56 My teacher said I need cupcakes.
- 1:58 Cupcakes to learn. In the cart.
- 2:01 I'm out of wine.
- 2:03 Cart.
- 2:06 We need these because we have to...
- 2:11 My doctor says and my garage mechanic agrees that...
- 2:14 In the cart. Woo-hoo!
- 2:15 You know, I always felt sorry for Marge having to do the shopping,
- 2:19 but this is kind of fun.
- 2:22 Yeah.
- 2:23 I wish Maggie had to go to the emergency room more often.
- 2:26 Hmm, I never heard of a baby swallowing a magazine before.
- 2:30 And I'm a doctor.
- 2:32 I don't know if it matters, but it was a Time magazine.
- 2:36 Does that matter?
- 2:38 Uh-oh.
- 2:38 This could be dangerous.
- 2:40 What? What?
- 2:41 Syrian hardliners are gaining influence.
- 2:48 Wait, I changed my mind.
- 2:50 Stack it in the order, I'll eat it driving home.
- 2:53 Sir, please.
- 2:55 I've already bagged it by color and an order of each item's discovery by man.
- 2:59 The customer's always right.
- 3:00 That's what everybody likes about us. Now mush.
- 3:03 You tell him, Jumbo.
- 3:05 And you, start over. I want everything in one bag.
- 3:08 Yes, ma'am.
- 3:10 But I don't want the bag to be heavy. Well, I don't think that's possible.
- 3:13 What are you, the possible police?
- 3:16 Just do it.
- 3:18 Hey, hey, watch what you're doing there, sack monkey.
- 3:20 You're bruising my duralog.
- 3:22 Hurry up. I can't stand here jabbing you all day.
- 3:26 Geez, ow, stop.
- 3:28 Bag boys have feelings too, you know. No, you don't.
- 3:31 Excuse me, is there a problem here? No, I can handle it.
- 3:35 I'll get you a squealer.
- 3:37 Ow, that's it. On behalf of Sackstuffers Local 199, I'm calling a strike.
- 3:44 Strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike,
- 3:50 strike, strike. Oh, the Bag Boys are on strike!
- 3:54 I'm shaking!
- 3:56 Mr. Simpson, please, will you go home?
- 3:58 If I can have this rubber stick.
- 4:02 Pledging to honor the Bag Boys strike are the Brotherhood of Fruit Packers and Unpackers,
- 4:06 the Shelf Dusters Union, and the Unattractive Waitresses of America.
- 4:11 Kiss my grits! Indeed.
- 4:14 Good luck, sir.
- 4:15 No Bag Boys are gonna stop Lenny from hosting a casual get-together.
- 4:19 Casual?
- 4:20 I can taste that get-together now.
- 4:23 Hey! I was holding that! Next time I'll knock your hat off, scab!
- 4:33 So hungry.
- 4:34 There's gotta be some food left.
- 4:37 It's all for jerky?
- 4:39 Cream of toast? Where do we get all this crap?
- 4:42 Most of it was sent by relatives who couldn't see very well.
- 4:46 Hey, I found some eggs.
- 4:47 The mother abandoned her nest.
- 4:54 There's gotta be something to eat in this house.
- 5:03 Hey, the dog smells something.
- 5:06 Goodbye, goodbye.
- 5:08 Show us where the food is.
- 5:10 Where?
- 5:11 Over there?
- 5:15 Hey!
- 5:27 My old lunchbox!
- 5:29 Oh, that Amos Burke made his own rules.
- 5:35 Very old animal crackers!
- 5:40 Homer, no!
- 5:42 Those were made in the 60s!
- 5:46 Mmm, turbulent.
- 5:49 Ow!
- 5:50 What the hell?
- 5:52 Whoa, a solid gold animal cracker.
- 5:55 Find the golden giraffe and we'll send you and your family to Africa.
- 6:00 Africa?
- 6:01 They're bound to have food there.
- 6:06 And on my free African safari, I want to do everything on this box.
- 6:10 I want to shoot a lion in the face, fight Muhammad Ali,
- 6:13 and ride in a convertible with two happy zebras.
- 6:16 Sir, that contest ended 30 years ago. We don't even make animal crackers anymore.
- 6:21 We make household poisons and Christmas lights.
- 6:24 Your box made promises of a vacational nature, and I expect you to live up to them.
- 6:29 We won't, though.
- 6:31 Sir, with all due respect, an old box of cookies is not a legal contract.
- 6:36 Ow! My eye!
- 6:38 We are in a good deal of trouble. He could sue us.
- 6:40 This defective string? Yeah, and it's got very sharp corners.
- 6:42 Mr. Simpson, we've decided to make good on your vacation.
- 6:46 Woo-hoo!
- 6:47 Hey, mister.
- 6:49 Yes? On the plane, I'm gonna need two seats for the twins.
- 6:57 The Simpsons are going to Africa.
- 7:00 Yay!
- 7:05 What is it, Nagongo?
- 7:07 Evil is coming.
- 7:10 What shall we do, Nagongo?
- 7:12 You are Nagongo now!
- 7:23 Africa looks like a beautiful jewel.
- 7:26 And these musical garment bags aren't bad either.
- 7:29 Attention passengers, please prepare for our landing in Tanzania.
- 7:34 I'm sorry, it is now called New Zanzibar.
- 7:38 Excuse me, it is now called Pepsi Presents New Zanzibar.
- 7:45 Hello, hello, Simpsons.
- 7:48 Welcome to Africa.
- 7:50 I am your guide, Kitenge.
- 7:52 Hey, how you doing?
- 7:55 Isn't that cute?
- 7:57 A bush baby.
- 7:59 Where?
- 7:59 Ah!
- 8:00 Shoo! Shoo!
- 8:01 Oh, man, I just bought this shirt.
- 8:13 Who's Muntu?
- 8:14 He is our leader.
- 8:16 He seized power in a bloodless coup.
- 8:19 All smothering.
- 8:20 Just like Jimmy Carter.
- 8:25 Okay, you'll be sleeping here tonight.
- 8:28 On the ground?
- 8:29 No, Mom.
- 8:34 I will come down for your bags.
- 8:37 That's okay, I got them.
- 8:46 Eh, bound to happen.
- 8:51 Help!
- 8:52 This mesquite and that's not working.
- 8:55 No, no.
- 8:56 You have it inside out.
- 8:59 There.
- 9:01 When do we get to see the animals?
- 9:04 In the morning, little one.
- 9:06 Now good night, and don't let the bed bugs paralyze.
- 9:10 Homie, did you remember to tip Katenge?
- 9:13 No, he did not.
- 9:17 All right, I got another one.
- 9:20 Hey, you didn't see a warthog. I'm looking at one right now.
- 9:24 Mom, Bart implied I was a warthog.
- 9:27 Nobody's a warthog.
- 9:29 What about him?
- 9:31 Ah!
- 9:39 Oh, look everybody!
- 9:48 Wow!
- 9:50 It just rolled over to 10,000.
- 9:59 Now we sit quietly and wait for nature to unveil herself.
- 10:11 Wait, rhinos don't come from eggs.
- 10:14 What did you just see, Lisa? I know, but...
- 10:17 What did you just see?
- 10:23 Oh, now come on.
- 10:25 Look, mother, by that tree.
- 10:27 Cheetah.
- 10:30 He doesn't look so fast to me.
- 10:44 Take it home!
- 10:49 La-le-lo-lo-lo.
- 10:53 What? What is it?
- 10:55 Hmm.
- 10:56 Poachers.
- 11:02 That's terrible!
- 11:03 Now, honey, poachers are nature's way of keeping the balance.
- 11:08 Whenever there are so many species that people get confused and angry, a poacher is born.
- 11:14 I don't care. I hate them.
- 11:18 Let's get out of here.
- 11:22 They'll be back.
- 11:24 They left their cargo pants.
- 11:29 This is the earliest known fossil of a human being.
- 11:33 It's over two million years old.
- 11:38 I've got more bones than that guy.
- 11:41 If you're trying to impress me, you've failed.
- 11:43 It's not the number of bones, sir.
- 11:46 It's the... You have failed.
- 11:52 The Maasai chief welcomes you to his village.
- 11:56 Oh, thank you.
- 11:57 Your ground is so comfortable.
- 12:01 By the way, what kind of blood is this?
- 12:03 Cow.
- 12:07 Hey, Mom.
- 12:09 Look what Mabali gave me.
- 12:12 Oh, check it out.
- 12:13 Bart, I told you not to get your lip disked.
- 12:17 All right.
- 12:18 Uh-oh.
- 12:26 That's it. Get into a frenzy.
- 12:29 Ha-ha!
- 12:38 This song has been going on for hours. Yeah, it's like the Omen brothers.
- 12:48 Omen, no!
- 12:51 A hungry, hungry hippo!
- 12:54 Help, Kitangy!
- 12:59 Now, Simpsons, run for it!
- 13:08 Good old Kitangy.
- 13:20 Quick, into the river!
- 13:22 Hippos hate water! No, they don't. They...
- 13:32 Shaka, Zulu!
- 13:34 Which way should we go?
- 13:41 Hmm... Hmm... Hmm... Hmm...
- 13:47 The left! Go to the left!
- 13:52 It's working!
- 13:54 Leaches!
- 13:57 Ugh... Uh-oh.
- 14:14 Okay, here's the situation.
- 14:16 We're hopelessly lost and about to die.
- 14:21 No worry.
- 14:23 Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep in a giant blender.
- 14:28 Wonder where this river goes.
- 14:30 I've got a map.
- 14:32 Monkey.
- 14:34 Now, according to Animal Crackers, there's no river here.
- 14:38 Stay in the boat, Homer.
- 14:44 Look!
- 14:57 Let's just float by quietly.
- 15:10 Oh, you think they settled that Bag Boy strike yet?
- 15:14 Oh no, we're headed for Victoria Falls!
- 15:19 Here's why they shouldn't get anything.
- 15:22 What?
- 15:31 It's fun! The flower saved our lives!
- 15:34 Oh no!
- 15:36 It's eating us! Not a chance.
- 15:40 Wow, Dad, how did you do that? It's a flower.
- 15:46 Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet?
- 15:50 I told you yes!
- 15:51 Now, Bart, go to the top of that hill and see if you can spot our hotel.
- 15:56 Mount Kilimanjaro?
- 15:57 Go!
- 15:59 Okay.
- 16:02 A chimp!
- 16:04 Hello, little fella.
- 16:06 Hey, maybe you'll lead us to bananas.
- 16:08 Or more mouth-watering monkeys.
- 16:11 Over time for Bag Boy.
- 16:13 Ridiculous!
- 16:20 This is the place I've read about, where Dr.
- 16:23 Bushwell lives among the chimps.
- 16:25 Oh, wasn't that sweet? He named it after his wife.
- 16:29 No, Dr. Bushwell. Dr. Bushwell is a woman.
- 16:31 Well, now I've heard everything.
- 16:35 It's kind of you to take us in, Dr. Bushwell.
- 16:38 Yeah.
- 16:39 Thanks for the grub.
- 16:40 Props.
- 16:41 Whatever.
- 16:42 Ah, there's a burst of flavor.
- 16:45 Your work has really inspired me, Doctor.
- 16:48 And I love your sensible ponytail.
- 16:50 Well, thank you.
- 16:51 See, Jojo, she likes it.
- 16:55 So I noticed your home smells of feces. Yes.
- 16:59 And not just monkey feces, either.
- 17:01 Could we talk about something else?
- 17:04 I love what you've done with these poles.
- 17:14 Every day I get up at 5.30, watch the chimps, eat a quick lunch of roots and water,
- 17:19 then more chimp-watching.
- 17:21 After dark, I come home and think about chimps until it's time for bed.
- 17:24 You must be the most boring woman on Earth.
- 17:27 Possibly, but... I mean, I knew scientists wasted their lives, but jeez!
- 17:34 What? What is it, Pointy?
- 17:40 Oh,
- 17:48 no!
- 17:48 It's the poachers! Give us the chimps and no one gets hurt!
- 17:53 Absolutely not! Will you help me defend the refuge?
- 17:57 Anything for these noble animals.
- 18:04 So like us.
- 18:16 Yes!
- 18:29 Somebody light this monkey!
- 18:32 Help!
- 18:33 Bad monkey!
- 18:43 Stop it, you creep!
- 18:48 Greenpeace?
- 18:49 That's right. And we're not leaving till we rescue every animal here.
- 18:53 Well, if you really cared about chimps, you'd know that Dr.
- 18:57 Bushwell is their best friend.
- 18:59 Oh, is that right?
- 19:00 Why don't you tell her about the diamond mine, Doctor?
- 19:04 Diamond mine? What are you talking about?
- 19:07 I'm talking about this.
- 19:18 The chimps are running a diamond mine. Why,
- 19:23 what fascinating behavior.
- 19:25 I must document this new activity.
- 19:29 Dr.
- 19:30 Bushwell.
- 19:31 What, these?
- 19:32 They were a graduation present.
- 19:36 Unbelievable.
- 19:37 The shaft must be five miles deep.
- 19:49 Oh, look at it. There's more over here. Look at this.
- 19:53 She's hidden diamonds everywhere. Even on the soles of her shoes.
- 19:57 Yep.
- 19:58 She's one of the ten richest chimp researchers in the world.
- 20:03 Look at me!
- 20:04 I'm a scientist!
- 20:08 Africa. How could you exploit your beloved chimps like this?
- 20:13 I think we should look at her research before we condemn her entirely.
- 20:19 I haven't said anything for a while.
- 20:22 Hmm.
- 20:24 These are just pictures of monkeys from famous movies.
- 20:28 This is disgraceful, Doctor.
- 20:32 All right.
- 20:33 So I snapped.
- 20:34 You don't understand the crushing loneliness and greed.
- 20:37 Don't worry, Doctor.
- 20:40 We'll get you all the help you need.
- 20:42 No!
- 20:43 Don't put me away!
- 20:45 I'll give you diamonds!
- 20:47 Everybody wants diamonds!
- 20:48 Diamonds will make everything all better!
- 20:51 Diamonds!
- 20:57 What a nice lady.
- 20:59 Very nice.
- 21:01 Hey, Lise, check it out. Diamond vision!
- 21:04 Fuzzah! Hey, look!
- 21:06 Our tour guy got a new job!
- 21:08 Hmm, quite a promotion!
- 21:09 I was wondering what became of him. What happened to President Mantu?
- 21:14 I don't want to talk about it.
- 21:19 He got overthrown!
- 21:24 Now he's just a stinking flight attendant!
- 21:27 Hey, where's my pillow?
- 21:36 Thank you.
- 22:05 Is it right? Is it right?
- 22:24 Shh.