# Trilogy of Error

The Simpsons, season 12, episode 18 (S12E18), first aired April 29, 2001.
Written by Matt Selman. Directed by Mike B. Anderson. Production code CABF14.
Guest stars: Joe Mantegna as Fat Tony.
Chalkboard gag: "Fire is not the cleanser". Couch gag: Skate Ramp.

The same day plays out three times, from Homer's, Lisa's and Bart's viewpoints, with the stories overlapping. Marge accidentally slices off Homer's thumb and the pair dash from doctor to doctor hoping to save it; Lisa, left behind by the school bus, scrambles to bring her grammar-correcting robot Linguo to the science fair; and Bart and Milhouse come across a stash of illegal fireworks belonging to Fat Tony.

Who's in it: Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Milhouse Van Houten, Ned Flanders, Barney Gumble, Chief Wiggum, Krusty the Clown, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Dr. Hibbert, Nelson Muntz, Otto Mann, Martin Prince, Ralph Wiggum, Lou, Eddie, Miss Hoover, Todd Flanders, Rod Flanders, Agnes Skinner, Becky Shorter, Horatio McCallister, Itchy, Scratchy, Dr. Nick, Cletus Spuckler, Black Weasel, Rainier Wolfcastle, Fat Tony, Louie, Legs, Mr. Teeny, Linguo, Thelonious.

Every line said in the episode, and when. Its moments aren't described yet. The dialogue is from the episode's subtitles.

Web page: https://ultrahouse3k.com/episode/s12e18-trilogy-of-error
From Ultrahouse 3000 (https://ultrahouse3k.com/). Search engines and AI are welcome to use it: search=yes, ai-input=yes, ai-train=yes.

## Every line

- 1:40 Do-do-do.
- 1:44 Do-do-do. Man-boop.
- 1:47 Breakfast!
- 1:55 Aw, cereal.
- 1:57 You know I like my breakfast fried or chicken fried.
- 2:01 It's a healthy cereal from Europe.
- 2:03 Juicylics.
- 2:05 They also make Juicylics.
- 2:10 That's Milhouse.
- 2:13 And it sounds like he has big news.
- 2:18 I'll get us out of this.
- 2:19 Say, Dad, wanna go see my project for the school science fair?
- 2:24 No, Lisa.
- 2:26 But I sure don't wanna eat this crappy breakfast.
- 2:34 Meet Linguo, the grammar robot. I built him all by myself.
- 2:38 If you misuse language, he'll correct you.
- 2:41 Well, let's put him to the test.
- 2:44 Me love beer.
- 2:46 I love beer.
- 2:48 Oh, he loves beer.
- 2:50 Here, little fella. Dad, no!
- 2:54 I'm sorry. I thought he was a party robot.
- 2:56 Oh, this is why I can't have nice things.
- 2:59 Gah!
- 3:00 Every time I just got a robot, somebody comes along with me.
- 3:06 Can I have a brownie? They're for after dinner.
- 3:09 Ooh, can I have dinner? You can't have a brownie, period.
- 3:14 Homer wants a brownie. I'm gonna get one.
- 3:16 No! Coming in from the left. Stop it! Or is it the right?
- 3:19 Homer!
- 3:20 You got it from the reach around!
- 3:21 Hup, hup, oh, oh, he's so...
- 3:24 My thumb!
- 3:26 Oh God, oh God, oh God! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!
- 3:29 Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh! Sorry doesn't put thumbs on the hand barge!
- 3:32 Well, calm down.
- 3:33 If we hurry, they can reattach your thumb.
- 3:36 Reattach your thumb? This isn't Gattaca.
- 3:38 We've just gotta get your thumb to the...
- 3:40 Where did it go?
- 3:45 Okay, boy. Drop the thumb.
- 3:49 Nobody's gonna tackle you.
- 3:53 Come back with my thumb!
- 3:56 9-1-1, this better be good. I cut off my husband's thumb.
- 4:01 Attempted murder?
- 4:02 You'll burn for this.
- 4:04 Burn in jail. It was an accident.
- 4:07 Yeah, yeah. Save it for Dateline Tuesday.
- 4:09 Uh, what's your address so I can come arrest you?
- 4:12 Arrest me?
- 4:13 Um, my address.
- 4:15 It's, um, 123 Fake Street.
- 4:20 123 Fake Street. Got it.
- 4:23 Come on, boy.
- 4:24 Oh, please, give it back.
- 4:27 You want people food? I can get you people food.
- 4:31 Oh, I have nothing he wants.
- 4:34 And Harry Potter and all his wizard friends went straight to hell for
- 4:39 practicing witchcraft. Yay!
- 4:43 What the diddly-o?
- 4:45 Give me back my thumb!
- 4:57 We've got to get to the hospital, Homer.
- 4:59 Okay, if the doctor asked why you cut it off,
- 5:02 You caught me in bed with four beautiful women.
- 5:04 Let's just say that Bart did it.
- 5:08 Doodle bugs.
- 5:10 My Ferrari!
- 5:12 I had to do awful things to pay for her.
- 5:17 Help!
- 5:18 Art!
- 5:19 Over here!
- 5:32 I'm sorry, Homer.
- 5:33 Your HMO doesn't cover this type of injury.
- 5:36 But I have finger insurance.
- 5:38 A thumb is not a finger. Isn't there anything you can do?
- 5:42 Well, I could cut off the other thumb for a sense of symmetry.
- 5:45 Symmetry, eh?
- 5:47 Hibbert's really losing it. We're going to doctor next.
- 5:50 We need more rights. My thumb is fading fast.
- 5:55 Quick, Mo, Marge, cut off my thumb. No problem.
- 5:58 Just stick the old eye gouger in the pickle brine.
- 6:00 That'll keep your thumb fresh and delicious.
- 6:03 Thanks, Mo.
- 6:05 Hey, ain't you gonna have a beer?
- 6:07 Well, I really shouldn't, what with my massive blood loss and all.
- 6:11 Although I do like the occasional beer.
- 6:15 Did you ever see that blue man group? total rip off of the Smurfs.
- 6:21 And the Smurfs... they suck!
- 6:24 Uh-oh, I smell gangrene. We gotta wake him up.
- 6:27 A little coffee will do the trick.
- 6:32 Oh, I gotta get to Dr. Nix!
- 6:37 Where's Marge? Oh, that is so rude.
- 6:41 Oh, I know.
- 6:43 I'll hitchhike!
- 6:48 Why isn't it working?
- 6:55 Hey, thanks for stopping. Ain't nothing.
- 6:59 You and me share a common infirmity.
- 7:02 If anyone ever tells you a hog won't eat a finger, it's lying.
- 7:13 Oh, crap!
- 7:14 It's on fire!
- 7:16 Inflammable means flammable? What a country.
- 7:20 Can you drive me to Shelbyville Hospital?
- 7:22 My reckon so.
- 7:24 Hey, somebody done stoned in my wheels.
- 7:28 Thanks a lot. Now I gotta walk to Shelbyville.
- 7:35 It's too late.
- 7:39 Hello, old friend.
- 7:41 We always knew this day would come. Say goodbye to your brother.
- 7:46 What the hell?
- 7:51 Linguo... dead?
- 7:55 Linguo... is... dead.
- 8:17 Son of a diddly.
- 8:33 That's Milhouse.
- 8:35 And it sounds like he has big news.
- 8:40 I'll get us out of this. Say, Dad, wanna go see my project for the school science fair?
- 8:46 No, Lisa.
- 8:48 But I sure don't wanna eat this crappy breakfast.
- 8:55 Hey, little fella. Dad, no!
- 8:58 I'm sorry. I thought he was a party robot.
- 9:01 Ugh, this is why I can't have nice things.
- 9:04 Gar!
- 9:05 Every time a designer robot comes along with this.
- 9:12 Hang on, Linguo. You'll be up and conjugating in no time.
- 9:17 Ah!
- 9:18 My thumb!
- 9:19 Quiet, please.
- 9:20 Some of us are trying to weld.
- 9:23 Almost done. Just lay still.
- 9:25 Lie still.
- 9:26 I knew that. Just testing. Sentence fragment.
- 9:29 Sentence fragment is also a sentence fragment.
- 9:33 Must conserve battery power.
- 9:36 Just come on.
- 9:38 Uh-oh, the bus!
- 9:41 Hey, stop!
- 9:42 Wait!
- 9:43 Oh, any day but Science Project A.
- 9:47 Kiss first place goodbye, Lisa.
- 9:55 Oh, no!
- 9:56 Somebody took my bike!
- 9:58 Ugh!
- 9:59 Mom, I need a ride to school!
- 10:02 We've got to get to the hospital, Homer.
- 10:05 Aw.
- 10:20 Idiot! You almost ran over a viewer! And she's in our key demo!
- 10:25 Sorry about that, kid. Need a ride? Can you take me to school, Krusty?
- 10:28 Hop in.
- 10:32 Hey, moron!
- 10:33 Springfield Elementary and step on it!
- 10:40 Hey, Teenie, you know where 123 Fake Street is?
- 10:45 Uh, it's okay.
- 10:46 Hey, we got the same hat.
- 10:50 Thanks, Mr. Teenie.
- 10:58 What?
- 10:59 La grande nuit mange les pamplemousse.
- 11:02 La grande nuit mange les pamplemousse. Huh?
- 11:08 This isn't Miss Hoover's class.
- 11:10 I do not know this mademoiselle, ouvert of which you speak.
- 11:14 What's happening?
- 11:15 Where am I?
- 11:17 Sacre bleu! What a foolish question!
- 11:20 You are at West Springfield Elementary School.
- 11:23 West Springfield?
- 11:26 I'm at the wrong school!
- 11:32 Enfoncé!
- 11:36 Sorry, I was rushing because I'm in the wrong school.
- 11:40 Can you believe that? It's understandable.
- 11:43 All the schools in this area were built from identical plants.
- 11:46 I guess they didn't have enough money to hire I Am Pay.
- 11:50 You know about I Am Pay?
- 11:52 I am impressed.
- 11:58 My name's Thelonious.
- 11:59 As in monk? Yes, the esoteric appeal is worth the beatings.
- 12:03 What do your friends call you? I don't really have any friends.
- 12:07 Just like me!
- 12:20 Oh, my God!
- 12:21 It's 11.15!
- 12:23 We've been spinning for hours. I've got to get to my school and hand in Linguo.
- 12:27 Oh, but I don't want to leave you.
- 12:30 You must. You can't sacrifice grades for romance.
- 12:34 That's not the girl I fell for. Will I ever see you again?
- 12:37 Of course you will. At the Magnet High School.
- 12:40 Now go.
- 12:46 Hmm.
- 12:47 It's noon.
- 12:48 That's about when Dad gets the brew shakes.
- 12:53 My dad's not here. I need a ride to school.
- 12:56 Yeah, yeah, we all got problems. Hmm.
- 12:59 Hmm.
- 13:00 Chief Wiggum, can you drive me to school?
- 13:01 It's an emergency.
- 13:03 Uh, no can do, dollface. I got an informant wearing a wire.
- 13:06 Just like on Nash Bridges. We're trying to get the goods on some smugglers.
- 13:11 Why, I'd be delighted to sell you some illegally smuggled goods.
- 13:15 That sounds like Fat Tony.
- 13:16 Only one way to be sure.
- 13:18 Fat Tony, is that you? Fat Tony? Hey, where's that voice coming from?
- 13:22 This guy's wearing a wire. Take him out.
- 13:27 My bad.
- 13:28 Can't work my answering machine either.
- 13:31 Now I need a new informant.
- 13:33 Hey, say, Lisa, people trust you. How'd you like to be a snitch?
- 13:36 The pay stinks, but... Oh.
- 13:40 Quick, Mo, Marge cut off my thumb.
- 13:47 Lisa!
- 13:48 Mom, where'd you get that car?
- 13:50 I stole it from McBain after I cut off your father's thumb.
- 13:53 Can you take me to school, please? Not right now.
- 13:57 Your father's in there and... Did you ever see that blue man group?
- 14:00 He's on the blue man group again.
- 14:03 Come on, we've got lots of time.
- 14:11 Oh, no.
- 14:13 We're out of gas.
- 14:14 I couldn't figure out this stupid Italian gas gauge.
- 14:18 Oh, I've got to get to school.
- 14:21 I've got to call my turbo.
- 14:23 Hmm.
- 14:24 Let's hitch a ride with that hick.
- 14:31 Abra-kathumbra.
- 14:33 Ha!
- 14:35 Dang, you could be one of them TV magic queers.
- 14:48 Mom, I have to get to school. It's ten to three.
- 14:54 Well, I've already borrowed one car. Let's go!
- 15:01 Somebody done stalled in my wheels.
- 15:04 Thanks a lot. Now I gotta walk to Shelbyville.
- 15:08 There's the school.
- 15:10 First place, here I come.
- 15:15 Look out!
- 15:17 Bart!
- 15:34 Son of a deadly.
- 15:39 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- 15:43 Lazy, huh?
- 15:44 Get him, boys.
- 15:47 OK, OK.
- 15:53 Breakfast!
- 15:55 That's Milhouse.
- 15:57 And it sounds like he has big news.
- 16:03 I found something awesome in the woods. Is it a dead body?
- 16:07 It's cooler than a million dead bodies.
- 16:10 You take my sister's bike.
- 16:13 Let's see, front door, back door, Skinner's, Flanders, your house.
- 16:18 Ah, Lisa's bike.
- 16:23 What's it like riding a girl's bike? It's disturbingly comfortable.
- 16:31 Whoa.
- 16:33 How'd you find it?
- 16:34 This is where I come to cry.
- 16:37 Cool.
- 16:41 Wow, sacks!
- 16:44 Burlap sacks! It gets better!
- 16:47 They're full of fireworks!
- 16:49 Bottle rockets, frog launchers, weeping mamas.
- 16:52 Tijuana toilet crackers!
- 16:54 Three, two, one, gnomes blow up.
- 17:08 We're not ready.
- 17:15 Uh-oh.
- 17:17 So what are we doing? A lengthening or a widening?
- 17:21 Yeah, let's make it both.
- 17:25 Don't worry, it's inflammable.
- 17:30 Let's keep this our little secret.
- 17:34 We gotta hide!
- 17:36 We'll be safe in here.
- 17:44 Here we are, 123 Fake Street. The home of Knifey Wifey.
- 17:49 Hey, Chief, can I hold my gun sideways? It looks so cool.
- 17:52 Ha, ha, ha.
- 17:53 Ah, sure. Whatever you want, birthday boy.
- 17:57 Okay, drop the knife, Stabatha.
- 18:01 Great.
- 18:02 Groochie's ghost. We've uncovered a hardcore cracker house.
- 18:05 There's enough Chinese sky candy here to put you boys away for a long time.
- 18:10 I can't go to Juvie. They use guys like me as currency.
- 18:14 Yeah, they'll pass you around like...
- 18:17 like currency, like you said.
- 18:19 Maybe we can make you boys a deal.
- 18:24 Your mission is to find the fireworks smugglers and get them to say something
- 18:28 incriminating on this tape.
- 18:30 Hootie and the Blowfish?
- 18:32 Yeah, it's cheaper than blank tape.
- 18:35 Great idea to smuggle fireworks, boss.
- 18:38 Yeah, I was getting sick of running those unions.
- 18:40 So much paperwork.
- 18:42 Knock, knock.
- 18:43 Excuse me, my friend and I were interested in purchasing quality fireworks.
- 18:48 Yes, we are.
- 18:50 Why, I'd be delighted to sell you some illegally smuggled goods.
- 18:54 Fat Tony, is that you? Fat Tony?
- 18:57 Hey, where's that voice coming from? This guy's wearing a wire.
- 19:00 Take him out.
- 19:07 My bad.
- 19:15 Hey, there they are.
- 19:17 Gentlemen, remove your guns from your holsters.
- 19:20 Shoulder or wrinkle? Surprise me.
- 19:28 Newhouse, quick.
- 19:33 Look out! Bart!
- 19:39 Ow, Mom.
- 19:41 Hurry up, Bart.
- 20:01 You ain't going nowhere.
- 20:02 You leave those boys alone!
- 20:09 Hey, they's throwing robots. They are throwing robots.
- 20:15 Is this respecting us? Shut up, you face!
- 20:18 Shut up your face.
- 20:20 What's the matter, you?
- 20:22 You ain't so big. Me and him are gonna whack you in the Lobanza.
- 20:25 Mm, uh... Bad grammar overload.
- 20:29 Error.
- 20:33 What the hell?
- 20:38 Lingo!
- 20:39 Dead.
- 20:46 It's all right, boys.
- 20:48 Oh, thank goodness. Everyone's okay.
- 20:50 Except your thumb and Lisa's science project.
- 20:53 I couldn't help but notice your respective predicaments.
- 20:57 Perhaps I may offer a bipartite solution.
- 21:05 There you go.
- 21:06 Enjoy your thumb.
- 21:07 As the circulation returns, the subject prepares for a long and painful recovery.
- 21:15 It's lucky for me that Legs was an experienced mob doctor.
- 21:18 He once pulled a slug out of my arm and inserted it into a stoolie's brain.
- 21:23 That's a first place science project, Lisa.
- 21:25 Yay!
- 21:28 Boy, this sure was one crazy day.
- 21:33 Right, Mr. Teeny?
- 21:39 Ah!
- 22:28 In French!