Moaning Lisa

The Simpsons, season 1, episode 6. First aired February 11, 1990. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Bart the General The Call of the Simpsons → The whole episode as text

From “Moaning Lisa”: “In the red trunks, with the record of 48 wins and no losses,” — In the red trunks, with the record of 48 wins and no losses,

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About the episode

Lisa sinks into a sadness nobody at home or school can lift, until a late-night saxophone leads her to jazz musician Bleeding Gums Murphy, who shows her how to pour her feelings into the blues. Marge first tells her to keep smiling, then changes her mind and urges her to be herself. Meanwhile, Homer trains with arcade expert Howard to beat Bart at the boxing game Super Slugfest.

Written by: Al Jean and Mike Reiss
Directed by: Wes Archer
Guest stars: Ron Taylor as Bleeding Gums Murphy; Miriam Flynn as Ms. Barr
Chalkboard gag: I will not instigate revolution
Couch gag: Squashed Maggie
Production code: 7G06

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

330 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:03 The Simpsons
0:49 Let's have a job.
0:51 How did this happen? How did this happen?
0:53 How did this happen?
1:44 Lisa! Lisa, are you still in there?
1:46 What's the problem?
1:48 You fall in?
1:50 Lisa!
1:54 Sorry, Dad. Women and children first. What?
2:03 Where the hell are my keys?
2:04 Who stole my keys? Come on, I'm late for work.
2:07 Oh, Homer, you'd lose your head if it weren't securely fastened to your neck.
2:11 Did you check the den? The den? Great idea.
2:23 Now cold.
2:25 Colder.
2:26 Nice cold. Do you know where my keys are?
2:28 No, I'm talking about your breakfast.
2:31 Did you try the rumpus room? Rumpus room?
2:33 Great idea.
2:35 Oh, Dad.
2:40 Here.
2:41 I'm sorry, everybody, but I've only got two cupcakes for the three of you.
2:46 Well, Mom,
2:46 one of us has scarfed down more than enough cupcakes over the past three decades to keep
2:51 it... Bart! Just take mine. A simple cupcake will bring me no pleasure.
2:58 All right, class, from the top.
3:03 One and two and three and...
3:23 Lisa!
3:25 Lisa Simpson!
3:28 Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop in my country, tis of thee.
3:32 But Mr. Largo, that's what my country's all about.
3:35 What?
3:35 I'm wailing out for the homeless family living out of its car,
3:39 the Iowa farmer whose land has been taken away by unfailing bureaucrats,
3:43 the West Virginia coal miner coughing up.
3:45 Well, that's all fine and good. But Lisa,
3:48 none of those unpleasant people are going to beat the recital next week.
3:51 Now, class, from the top, five, six, seven.
4:04 Every day at noon a bell rings and they heard us in here for feeding time.
4:09 And we sit around like cattle chewing our cubs dreading the inevitable...
4:13 Food fight!
4:17 Come on, Elise! What are you waiting for?
4:19 Snuck that spaghetti!
4:20 I choose not to participate.
4:28 Lisa, we are playing dodgeball here.
4:31 The object of the game is to avoid the ball by weaving or ducking out of its path.
4:35 In other words, to dodge the ball. Listen, Missy,
4:38 just tell me why you weren't getting out of the way of those balls.
4:42 I'm too sad.
4:44 Too sad to play dodgeball?
4:46 That's ridiculous.
4:47 Now let's see some enthusiasm.
4:49 Play ball!
4:58 Come on, come on, let's go.
5:02 In the red trunks, with the record of 48 wins and no losses,
5:07 the undisputed champ of this house, bottling Bart Simpson.
5:14 And in the lavender trunks,
5:17 with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats, oh, correction,
5:22 humiliating defeats, all of them by knockout.
5:25 Must you do this every time? Homer, the human punching bag, Simpson.
5:34 Oh, the stupid joystick.
5:36 Whoa, three seconds, folks, a new record.
5:39 Hey, no, I'm not down.
5:40 Get up, you. Get up, man.
5:42 Okay, here we go. Yo, Chunk, you back again?
5:46 Get out of the way.
5:47 How come he's not ducking?
5:49 Wait a minute. Wait, I can't get my... Get out of the way, stupid.
5:53 Homer? Not now, Marge.
5:55 Go! Oh, get out of the corner!
5:57 But they sent a note from school.
5:59 What did you do this time, you little hoodlum?
6:01 Whoop, get out of the way! I didn't do it.
6:02 Nobody saw me do it. There's no way they can prove anything.
6:04 No, Bart.
6:05 This note isn't about you. It isn't? There must be some mistake.
6:09 Hey, you're right. This note's about Lisa.
6:12 Lisa?
6:27 Lisa refuses to play dodgeball because she is sad.
6:31 She doesn't look sad.
6:33 I don't see any tears in her eyes. It's not that kind of sad.
6:37 I'm sorry, Dad, but you wouldn't understand.
6:39 Oh, sure I would, Princess.
6:41 I have feelings, too.
6:43 You know, like my stomach hurts or I'm going crazy.
6:48 Why don't you climb up on Daddy's knee and tell him all about it?
6:52 I'm just wondering what's the point.
6:55 Would it make any difference at all if I never existed?
6:58 How can we sleep at night when there's so much suffering in the world?
7:02 Well, uh, uh... Come on, Lisa!
7:06 Ride the Homer horsey! Giddy up! Whee!
7:10 Lisa, honey, why don't we go upstairs and I'll draw you a nice hot bath.
7:14 That helps me when I feel sad. Sorry, Dad.
7:17 I know you mean well.
7:18 Thanks for knowing I mean well. See, Homer,
7:20 looks like you got yourself a real problem on your hands.
7:23 You're right.
7:24 Uh, Bart, vacuum this floor. Hey, man, I didn't do anything wrong.
7:28 In times of trouble, you gotta go with what you know.
7:30 Now hop to it, boy.
7:32 Oh, man.
7:34 What a stupid woman.
7:36 I'm getting a man because he's so big. Stupid woman.
7:39 Oh, man, oh, man. I'm not sure I'm thinking so good.
7:41 I'm not sure I'm thinking so good.
7:44 Enjoy your bath? No, not really. Aw, too bad.
7:49 Well, I certainly had fun vacuuming.
7:51 Maybe now I'll get the pleasure of scrubbing your tub So typical of Bart All he thinks
7:56 about is himself Hey,
7:58 don't say stuff like that about me to Maggie She's on my side anyway Is not Is too
8:06 Watch, I'll prove it Maggie, come to the one you love best
8:13 No, Maggie Come here, girl, come to me Come on, Maggie,
8:17 the choice is obvious No, Maggie, don't go for the glitter Here, look for substance.
8:25 Alright, Maggie, just go to Bart.
8:28 Exactly.
8:29 Come to the one you love best.
8:39 Oh, no!
8:41 Come on! Don't let them... Get out of them!
8:44 Oh, no, not again!
8:46 Go!
8:47 Go! Get over... to the rat!
8:57 Gee, Dad, you're really bad at this. I am not.
9:01 It's just that I couldn't concentrate with that infernal racket.
9:05 Lisa!
9:14 Why don't I tell you about playing that saxophone thing in the house?
9:17 I was just playing the blues.
9:20 Dad?
9:24 Lisa, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell.
9:27 Go ahead.
9:28 Play your blues if it'll make you happy.
9:30 No, that's okay, Dad.
9:32 I'll just work on my fingering.
9:34 Unless my fingers clacking on the keys is too loud for you.
9:38 Let's hear it.
9:44 You just clack as loud as you want, Lisa.
9:57 I've got to find that sound.
10:19 That was beautiful.
10:20 What's it called?
10:22 Oh, it's a little tune that I call the I Never Had in Italian Suit Blues.
10:35 Wait, Margie.
10:36 Before you go out that door, let's put our happy face on.
10:40 Because people know how good a mommy you have by the size of your smile.
10:58 What the...
11:01 What up you do, Solman?
11:03 What?
11:04 Go easy on me. I'm your dad.
11:06 I am going easy on you,
11:08 but you're just so old and slow and weak and pathetic.
11:14 No!
11:24 Homer, wake up, wake up. Huh?
11:26 Oh, oh, Ann. Oh, my.
11:29 Here, let me wipe off the drool.
11:31 You know, Marge, getting old is a terrible thing.
11:34 I think the saddest day of my life is when I realized I could beat my dad at most things.
11:39 And Bart experienced that at the age of four.
11:42 So why are you still awake? I'm still trying to figure out what's bothering Lisa.
11:47 I don't know. Bart's such a handful and Maggie needs attention,
11:52 but all the while our little Lisa is becoming a young woman.
11:55 Oh, so that's it. This is some kind of underwear thing.
12:00 Good night, Homer.
12:08 Now, now, now, low B flat.
12:13 Okay, Lisa.
12:15 Altissimo register.
12:21 Very nice. Very nice.
12:24 I once ruptured myself doing that. Thanks, Mr.
12:27 Murphy. My friends call me Bleeding Gums.
12:29 Ew.
12:30 How'd you get a name like that? Well, let me put it this way.
12:33 You ever been to the dentist? Yeah. Not me.
12:36 I suppose I should go to one. But I got enough pain in my life as it is.
12:41 I have problems, too.
12:43 Well, I can't help you, kid.
12:44 I'm just a terrific horn player with tons of soul.
12:48 But I can jam with you. Okay.
13:02 Oh, I'm so lonely
13:05 Since my baby loved me
13:08 I got no money
13:11 And nothing is free
13:13 Oh, I've been so lonely
13:16 Since the day I was born
13:19 All I got is this rusty
13:22 This rusty old one
13:25 I got a bratty brother He bugs me every day
13:30 And this morning my own mother She gave my last cupcake away
13:36 My dad acts like he belongs He belongs in the zoo I'm
13:42 the saddest kid In grade number two
13:53 You know, you play pretty well for someone with no real problems.
13:58 Yeah, but I don't feel any better.
14:00 The blues isn't about feeling better.
14:02 It's about making other people feel worse and making a few bucks while you're at it.
14:07 Which reminds me, if you're ever in the neighborhood,
14:09 I'm playing in a little club called the Jazz Hall.
14:12 Lisa, get away from that jazz man. But, Mom, can I stand longer?
14:17 We were worried about you.
14:19 Nothing personal. I just fear the unfamiliar.
14:39 Today's fire raced through downtown Springfield Gutting Symphony Hall,
14:43 the Springfield Museum of Natural History, the Springfield Arts Center,
14:46 and Barney's Bolarema. Oh, no!
14:51 Bart!
14:53 Bart, are you all right? No, I'm very upset.
14:56 Then you've heard, oh, God, what are we going to do?
14:59 The lanes were kind of warped, but all the food.
15:01 I'm upset about Lisa.
15:03 Oh, me too. Me three.
15:04 What are we talking about? Bart!
15:06 Do you think you're being nice enough to your sister, Bart?
15:10 Oh, yeah, easy.
15:11 You do love her, don't you?
15:13 Oh, Mom. Well, you do, don't you?
15:16 Don't make me say it. I know the answer.
15:18 You know the answer. He knows the answer.
15:20 or let's just drop it, okay? Okay, Bart.
15:23 You don't have to say it, but you do have to have a loving attitude.
15:26 Be nice to your sister.
15:29 Okie dokie.
15:30 Go on, Bart. No time like the present.
15:36 Hi, man.
15:37 I don't want your pity.
15:38 Oh, come on. I'll cheer you up.
15:40 How?
15:42 Yeah, most have it. Most speaking. Is Jacques there?
15:45 Who? Jacques.
15:47 Last name Strap.
15:48 Uh, hold on.
15:50 Uh, Jacques Strap.
15:52 Hey, guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap.
15:57 What?
15:59 Oh, wait a minute.
16:00 Jacques Strap? It's you, isn't it, you cowardly little runt?
16:05 When I get a hold of you, I am gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood.
16:12 Where's your sense of humor, man?
16:15 Lisa, you'll be late for band practice.
16:18 Let's go.
16:32 Uh, give me some quarters.
16:35 I'm doing my laundry.
16:37 Yeah, right.
16:44 Where's the video boxing?
16:45 Over there. Over there in the corner. If I were you,
16:47 I really would use those quarters for laundry.
16:50 Why, Scott?
16:54 Hey, that kid's pretty good. Good. Are you kidding?
16:58 Over 2,000 fights, he's still on his original quarter.
17:01 Okay.
17:02 Who's next?
17:04 No, no, me.
17:06 Listen, can you teach me to fight like you do?
17:09 Oh, come on.
17:10 I'll tell you what, I'll do it if you bark like a dog.
17:12 You little...
17:16 You got yourself a deal, Fido.
17:23 Well, looks like you're all out of quarters, old man.
17:26 That's okay. For the tips you've given me,
17:28 I'm gonna pound the tar out of a certain little smarty pants tonight.
17:34 Howie!
17:35 I thought I told you to stop wasting your money in this stupid place.
17:38 Uh, sorry, Mom. And you, a man of your age, you should be ashamed of yourself.
17:45 Excuse me, I think I hear my wife calling.
17:57 Now, Lisa, listen to me.
17:59 This is important.
18:00 I want you to smile today.
18:02 But I don't feel like smiling.
18:05 Well, it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know.
18:08 It's what shows up on the surface that counts.
18:11 That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down.
18:15 All the way down. past your knees until you're almost walking on them.
18:20 And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you,
18:25 and happiness will follow.
18:28 Oh, come on, you can do better than that.
18:32 Oh, that's my girl.
18:34 I feel more popular already.
18:40 Hey, nice smile. Thanks.
18:42 Hey, what are you talking to her for? She's just going to say something weird.
18:46 Not me.
18:47 You know, I used to think you were some sort of a brainiac, but I guess you're okay.
18:52 Uh-huh.
18:53 Hey, why don't you come over to my house after practice?
18:56 You can do my homework.
18:57 Okay.
19:00 Five minutes, people. Five minutes.
19:02 Now, Miss Simpson,
19:03 I hope we won't have a repeat of yesterday's outburst of unbridled creativity.
19:08 No, sir. Hmm.
19:16 Wow, Mom.
19:18 Hmm.
19:19 So that's where she gets it.
19:22 Lisa, I apologize to you. I was wrong. I take it all back.
19:26 Always be yourself.
19:27 You want to be sad, honey? Be sad. We'll ride it out with you.
19:31 And when you get finished feeling sad, we'll still be there.
19:35 From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us.
19:40 Okay, Mom.
19:42 I said you could stop smiling, Lisa. I feel like smiling.
19:48 I'm gonna knock you out one more time and that's it.
19:51 This is getting boring, man. Try not to kill me too hard, son.
19:59 Whoa!
20:00 Kid, tonight's not your night. All right, man, you asked for it.
20:03 No more Mr. Nice Guy. Ha ha! Blocked it!
20:06 Ha ha! You missed me!
20:07 Ha ha!
20:10 I gotcha!
20:12 Oh, don't try that! I gotcha! Blocked ya!
20:14 And the crowd is on its feet as Hurricane Homer moves in for the kill!
20:18 Boys, I'd like your attention, please. Quiet, Bart!
20:20 This is my big moment.
20:22 Bart the bloody Pope Simpson is on the ropes.
20:24 He is hoping I'll put him out of his misery.
20:26 Well, you're in luck, Bart! Here comes my right!
20:30 Oh, no!
20:32 My game!
20:35 I could have beat the boy.
20:37 Marge, how could you? I was so close.
20:40 I'm sorry, but this is more important than that silly, loud game.
20:43 You're right, Mom.
20:44 I just like to use this occasion to announce my retirement undefeated from the world of
20:48 video boxing.
20:51 Oh, calm down, Homer.
20:52 Lisa has an idea that she thinks would be fun for the whole family.
20:57 This next song was written by a friend of mine One of the great little ladies of
21:03 jazz I
21:04 got
21:23 this bratty brother
21:26 He bugs me every day.
21:30 And this morning my own mother gave my last cupcake away.
21:37 My dad acts like he belongs, y'all.
21:41 He belongs in the zoo.
21:44 What?
21:45 I'm the saddest kid in grade number
21:50 two.
22:06 guitar solo
22:56 Shh.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Barney Gumble, Martin Prince, Ralph Wiggum, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Lewis Clark, Wendell Borton, Richard, Snowball II, Sherri Mackleberry, Terri Mackleberry, Nina Skalka, Janey Powell, Larry Dalrymple, Sam, Adrian Belew, Becky Shorter, Sophie Jensen, Itchy, Girl with glasses, Long-haired girl, Jaffee Ziswhisky, Scratchy, Dewey Largo, Buck-toothed girl, Lewis' lookalike, Wanda, Bleeding Gums Murphy, White-Haired Girl, Jacqueline Bouvier, Violet Bazaar, The Happy Little Elves, Bubbles, Binky, Howard, Ralph, Ms. Barr, Arcade Cashier, Arcade Kid, Crowd, Howard's Mother, Player 1, Player 2, Ref, White Kid

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character