The Call of the Simpsons

The Simpsons, season 1, episode 7. First aired February 18, 1990. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Moaning Lisa The Telltale Head → The whole episode as text

From “The Call of the Simpsons”: “Don't you have something that isn't out of my price range?” — Don't you have something that isn't out of my price range?

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About the episode

Jealous of Ned Flanders's new RV, Homer buys the only one his bad credit allows, a battered camper, and drives the family deep into the woods, where it rolls off a cliff. Homer and Bart get lost and lose their clothes, Maggie is taken in by bears, and a mud-caked Homer is mistaken for Bigfoot. Hunters capture him, and scientists cannot decide whether he is human.

Written by: John Swartzwelder
Directed by: Wes Archer
Guest stars: Albert Brooks as Cowboy Bob
Chalkboard gag: I will not draw naked ladies in class
Production code: 7G09

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

326 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:04 The Simpsons
0:33 All right.
0:44 All
0:45 right.
0:50 All right. All right.
0:52 All right.
2:03 How do you like my new wheels, Simpson?
2:05 Oh, wow, man. What an RV.
2:09 Bart!
2:10 I suppose it has various features. Oh, it's got everything.
2:14 Microwave, dishwasher, big screen TV, deep fryer, and...
2:17 Oh, see up there on the roof?
2:19 A satellite dish! Yes, indeed-ly-doodly.
2:22 But how can you afford something like this, Ned?
2:24 I get your mail once in a while, and you make only $27 a week more than I do.
2:29 Oh, it's simple, Simpson.
2:30 Credit!
2:31 Ooh, credit.
2:38 Oh.
2:42 Thank you, God.
2:45 May I help you?
2:46 We're just browsing.
2:48 Thank you. I'd like to see your finest RV.
2:50 Do you have something that's better than the land behemoth?
2:52 Yes, we do.
2:53 That would be the ultimate behemoth. Where is it?
2:56 We are standing in its presence.
2:59 Behold!
3:02 Didn't she look at this thing? Can you men build this?
3:05 It's a vehicle. Does it have its own satellite dish, sir?
3:07 You can tell your son it has its own satellite.
3:12 The VanStar 1 launched last February just for this thing.
3:15 That's all.
3:16 Oh, man. I'm not sure that we can afford.
3:19 Does it have a deep fryer? It has four of them.
3:21 One for each part of the chicken.
3:23 I don't think we can afford this, Homer.
3:25 Let's worry about that later. Come on, let's take a tour of it.
3:28 Want to?
3:28 Come on.
3:33 Boy, crumbled. This is better than our house.
3:35 Wait till Flanders gets a load of this. It all seems so expensive.
3:42 Hey!
3:43 How much is it?
3:45 You're a man of your convict. You just wanted to ask that and blurted it out, didn't you?
3:49 Yeah, how much is it?
3:51 Well, first of all, I want you to know I like your face.
3:55 You do?
3:56 I really do.
3:57 I'm not saying that. I mean it. You got color in there?
4:00 You're not Roman, are you? No.
4:02 Look like a god, sort of.
4:05 Why don't we step into the credit office, Zeus?
4:08 Hey, your dad's gonna just go in here, work it out, and then you'll drive home in this.
4:14 I'm not gonna quote your price till I check your credit rating.
4:17 And let me... I want to make myself clear on this.
4:19 This is a formality. If you're saying to me, Bob, is this guy good for it?
4:24 I say yes. I don't check this machine. But I don't own the place,
4:28 even though my name's up there.
4:30 Long story, but that doesn't matter. I'm gonna have to run it through the computer.
4:35 Is that a good siren? Am I approved? You ever known a siren to be good?
4:41 No, Mr. Simpson, it's not. It's a bad siren.
4:44 That's the computer in case I went blind,
4:46 telling me sell the vehicle to this fellow and you're out of business.
4:49 That's what the siren says.
4:51 Seems the ultimate behemoth is a wee bit out of your price range.
4:55 And wee bit is me being polite.
4:58 You couldn't afford this thing if you lived to be a million.
5:01 Don't you have something that isn't out of my price range?
5:04 I don't want to go away empty-handed, Bob.
5:06 Take it easy there. Don't ruin this feeling I'm getting from you.
5:10 Perhaps I can show you something.
5:13 A little more you.
5:16 Well, what do you think?
5:19 Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
5:21 Used, isn't it? What'd you say?
5:23 Uh, is it used? Mr. Simpson, you're never gonna own a better RV.
5:27 And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean literally, buddy, this is it for you,
5:30 you know? It's this or a wagon.
5:33 How much do you want for it?
5:34 This is yours. A price I'm quoting you? You're not gonna hand it to someone else?
5:37 Because I'm gonna give you a price for you, not for someone else.
5:39 Someone else, I'm doubling this. I swear it, Bob.
5:41 This is you and me. Yeah. In other words, two months from now, I see this vehicle.
5:44 Your head's in that window. On my honor.
5:46 $3.50 a month. Oh, well, I don't know.
5:49 Would it be all right if I conferred with my family?
5:51 Well, Mr. Simpson, if you have to go talk it over with those humans out there,
5:55 then there's something wrong with all of us.
5:56 You look like a man who is able to make a decision, or I wouldn't be wasting...
6:00 See that man right over there? Yeah? He's buying this.
6:02 Did you know that? No. He called me two minutes before you came in and said,
6:05 Save the little one. I'm coming down. Here he is.
6:08 Now, you want it or not? All right, all right.
6:10 I'll take it. Best decision you ever made.
6:12 You are going to... This is going to change your life.
6:20 Hey, Flanders, look what I got.
6:24 Oh, she's a beaut.
6:26 Hey, congratulations, Simpson. I'm sure you'll have loads of fun.
6:30 Jealous.
6:31 Everybody ready?
6:32 I hate this. I don't want to go.
6:34 That's the spirit.
6:35 Ready or not, nature, here we come.
6:44 Turkey fork. No. Skunks. Nope. Waterhouse?
6:47 Nope.
6:48 What are you doing back there? We're playing What's That Odor?
6:51 Dad's feet? Bart! You win, Bart! Lisa!
6:54 Are we there yet, Dad? I'll tell you when we get there.
6:57 Go back to your smell game.
7:03 Homer, I'm telling you, this is not the interstate.
7:07 Pfft, maps.
7:08 Shouldn't we stop somewhere and ask for directions?
7:12 Don't worry. This is an all-terrain vehicle.
7:18 My feet are getting wet. Come on, we're getting back to nature.
7:23 Mom, I'm scared. We all are, dear.
7:26 Your father says there's nothing to worry about.
7:42 What do you think? Should we stop here?
7:44 Yes! All righty.
7:50 Well, here we are.
8:04 Okay, nobody move, nobody panic.
8:07 When I give the word,
8:10 everyone ever so slowly open your door and slide out
8:15 on the count of three, one.
8:32 The Simpsons have entered the forest.
8:44 Well, now we get a chance to be real pioneers.
8:47 Yes, sir.
8:48 This is a real adventure.
8:50 Why,
8:51 I bet there are people who would trade everything they have in the world for an adventure
8:54 like this. You mean like we just did?
8:57 Well, somebody help her.
8:58 Look, Maggie. Birdies.
9:03 Oh, Homer.
9:05 What are we going to do? Oh, don't worry.
9:07 Our situation isn't as bad as it seems. And you're forgetting.
9:11 I'm an experienced woodsman.
9:13 Now, you all stay here for a minute while I go over this way and try to get my bearings.
9:23 What am I going to do?
9:25 I've murdered us all. I've murdered us all.
9:28 I've murdered us all.
9:30 Shut up. Shut up.
9:31 Shut up.
9:32 Oh, oh, oh.
9:36 There, finished.
9:38 You are?
9:39 Well, it's a quick job, but it's shelter.
9:41 It is? Uh-huh.
9:43 Okay, we'll be back with help before you know it.
9:45 You girls just stay here and relax.
9:47 Remember, Dad, the handle of the Big Dipper points to the North Star.
9:52 That's nice, Lisa, but we're not in astronomy class.
9:55 We're in the woods.
10:05 Should Maggie be going with them, Mom?
10:07 Oh, I don't think they'll be gone long. And she's in good hands, Lisa.
10:16 There aren't any dangerous animals in the forest, are there, Dad?
10:19 Well, might be a few, but don't worry about it.
10:21 If you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone.
10:24 It's a deal. And remember not to act afraid.
10:27 Animals can smell fear, and they don't like it.
10:30 Besides, there's nothing to be afraid of.
10:32 Right.
10:36 Ah! A rattler! I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid.
10:39 Run, you fool!
10:52 Go here, boy.
10:53 Back to civilization.
10:55 How do you know? When you're an experienced woodsman like me,
10:57 you get a feel for these things.
10:59 It becomes natural.
11:00 Like a third sense.
11:07 Ah!
11:21 The boys certainly are taking a long time.
11:24 I hope Maggie isn't slowing them up too much.
11:47 Bart! Where are you, Bart?
11:50 His lucky red hat!
11:52 Oh, dear God!
11:53 No!
11:55 Bart!
12:03 Oh, Bart!
12:05 Oh, Bart, my beautiful son!
12:07 Why couldn't you have taken me?
12:09 Of all the fates on heaven and earth, why did this one befall me?
12:15 I'm gonna have a cow, Dad.
12:18 What the?
12:20 You're alive!
12:21 And, but naked.
12:24 I'm not the only one, homeboy.
12:26 What?
12:27 Ooh.
12:29 Jungle man.
12:31 Aaaaaaah!
12:32 He he he he.
12:46 The first thing you learn about surviving in the woods, boy, conceal your nakedness.
12:52 Yeah, man.
12:53 Okay.
12:53 Slap a fern on there, boy.
12:55 And now some mud.
12:58 There. There.
12:59 Oh, that requires a little mollusk and some moss for me.
13:04 All right, we're ready to hit the town. But, Dad, I am so hungry.
13:09 Can't we eat something first? I'm starving, man.
13:12 Ah, food. Good thinking, son.
13:14 This young sapling ought to do the trick.
13:19 What are we going to do, hang ourselves?
13:21 No, this is a trap. It's going to catch us our dinner.
13:25 Come on, boy.
13:26 Shh!
13:27 Just watch.
13:31 Ooh!
13:34 Aha!
13:35 Got him!
13:41 Okay, okay.
13:42 This time, I'll just go into the bushes over there, make a lot of noise,
13:46 and flush out a rabbit.
13:47 And when he comes out, you step on him.
13:50 Right, Dad.
13:55 Get him off me! Get him off me!
14:05 Great camping trip, honey.
14:07 Traveled 800 miles, haven't even seen a squirrel yet.
14:09 Well, the ranger at the gate said we should watch out for bears.
14:12 Oh, bears.
14:14 Right, right. Let me show you how many bears there are around here.
14:18 Uh, hello, Bears!
14:20 Um, come on, have a donut!
14:23 Oh, what the heck! Have me! Come and get it!
14:25 All right, all right, you made your point.
14:28 Ha ha.
14:29 Bears.
15:03 I hope Maggie and the boys are all right.
15:05 Oh, I'm sure they're just fine.
15:07 After all, we built a fire, and we don't know anything about nature.
15:11 Imagine what your father, an experienced woodsman, has done.
15:14 Yeah, I suppose so. Night, Mom.
15:19 Good night, dear.
15:23 Good night, Dad.
15:28 Good night, son.
15:31 Sweet night.
15:49 Oh, are we there yet? No. Are we ever going to be there?
15:53 How would I know? Quit asking, pointless.
15:56 Park!
15:57 Look!
15:59 Honey.
16:01 We're saved!
16:03 Uh, Homer?
16:04 Bees?
16:07 Who is it?
16:09 Hangy.
16:18 Water!
16:19 Oh, water. That old man.
16:42 Ah, what about the dog?
16:44 Bigfoot.
16:45 Legendary half-man, half-ape is no longer a legend.
16:49 He's very, very real.
16:50 What you're about to see is unedited video footage taken earlier today in the hills three
16:54 miles southwest of Tenderfoot Gorge.
16:57 What is this?
17:02 Now,
17:03 the naturalist who took these absolutely extraordinary pictures was most impressed by the
17:07 creature's uncivilized look, its foul language and most of all its indescribable stench.
17:13 A popular supermarket tabloid is offered a reward of $5,000 to anyone who brings in the
17:18 creature alive.
17:20 Naturally, we'll have more on this story as soon as it develops.
17:22 We now return you to the President's address already in progress.
17:40 It looks as if you girls have been getting along all right,
17:43 but it's a darn good thing we found you when we did.
17:46 There's something horrible roaming these woods.
17:48 There is?
17:53 Why, that's my husband!
17:59 His name isn't Bigfoot. His name is Homer.
18:07 What does it eat? I don't understand. What's this all about?
18:11 Well, I suppose pork chops are his favorite.
18:22 Hey, get those bears out of here. I'm trying to do an interview.
18:25 No bears. We're taping all bears off the set.
18:32 Okay, now let's get back to your, uh, husband.
18:35 Uh, how would you describe your marital relations?
18:38 Brutish?
18:39 Is this going to be on TV?
18:40 Coast to coast.
18:43 Just a little further. Are we there yet?
18:47 Just a little further.
18:49 Food!
19:02 Nice grizzlies.
19:05 Nice grizzlies. What do we do, Dad? There's a grizzly son.
19:09 Nice grizzlies. Nice grizzlies. Good grizzlies.
19:14 Huh?
19:22 Oh, my little girl.
19:25 Nice grizzlies.
19:29 Later, grizzly dudes.
19:47 Look, it's him!
19:49 It's Bigfoot!
19:50 Get the gun!
19:51 Get him!
19:54 We got him! We got Bigfoot! You are darn lucky we got here in time to rescue you.
20:00 What the hell are you talking about, sir?
20:02 He's getting away! After him! You gotta take him alive!
20:05 Johnson, you got that tranquilizer gun ready?
20:15 Dad!
20:16 Oh, Dad!
20:18 Avenge me, son.
20:20 Avenge my death.
20:27 Last week's capture of Bigfoot turned into the scientific poser of the century.
20:31 Although the creature was ultimately released, the question remains.
20:34 Who was this Homer? Was it a man,
20:37 or was it in fact the legendary missing link known as Bigfoot?
20:40 Can I have some applesauce?
20:42 Specialists from around the world gathered at the Springfield Primate Institute for a
20:46 first-hand examination of the controversial creature.
20:48 They are now ready to announce their findings.
20:51 Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished colleagues,
20:54 after extensive biological and anatomical testing,
20:58 I regret to announce that the evidence we have is inconclusive.
21:04 This thing may or may not be human.
21:08 That's what he thinks.
21:09 I say it's none other than Bigfoot in the flesh.
21:12 Oh, no, I disagree.
21:13 I think it is a man.
21:15 The eyes are the glimmer of human intelligence.
21:18 Really, a glimmer in the eyes. What about the sloping ape-like forehead?
21:21 All the guys at work are going to have a field day with this.
21:24 Cheer up, Homer. At least they let you go.
21:27 Gentlemen, gentlemen, Frau Line, please.
21:30 This much, I believe we can agree upon.
21:32 this specimen is either a below-average human being or a
21:38 brilliant beast. Stupid egghead.
21:43 Oh, Homer, my brilliant beast.
22:05 Thank you.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Ned Flanders, Rod Flanders, Springfield bears, Marvin Monroe, Camping Woman, Cowboy Bob, Phil, Bigfoot, Camping Man, Feral Things, News Reporter, Rabbit, Woman Interviewer, Bigfoot Kid, Bigfoot's Capturer, Camping Baby, Cap guy, English Scientist, Film Maker, Fraumaker, French Scientist, Johnson, Park Ranger, Phil's Aide, Scary Vultures

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character