Dancin' Homer

The Simpsons, season 2, episode 5. First aired November 8, 1990. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish Dead Putting Society → The whole episode as text

From “Dancin' Homer”: “my patented fadeaway pitch was compared by many to the trouble ball of the late great” — my patented fadeaway pitch was compared by many to the trouble ball of the late great

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About the episode

At Moe's, Homer recounts his brief career in show business. On the power plant's night at the ballpark, his dancing to "Baby Elephant Walk" ends a long losing streak for the Springfield Isotopes, and the team makes him its mascot. Antoine "Tex" O'Hara moves him up to Capital City, hailed in song by Tony Bennett, where Homer's act flops beside the Capital City Goofball and he is fired.

Written by: Ken Levine and David Isaacs
Directed by: Mark Kirkland
Guest stars: Daryl Coley as Bleeding Gums Murphy; Tom Poston as Capital City Goofball; Ken Levine as Dan Horde; Tony Bennett
Chalkboard gag: I will not trade pants with others
Couch gag: Hidden Maggie
Production code: 7F05

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

358 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:04 The Simpsons
0:34 Oh, my God.
1:24 So Homer, what happened in Capital City?
1:27 Oh, Barney. Come on, Homer. We're dying of curiosity.
1:31 Look, there's only one thing worse than being a loser.
1:34 It's being one of those guys who sits in a bar telling the story of how he became a loser.
1:39 And I never want that to happen to me. Please, Homer.
1:42 Yeah, come on, Homer. Well, okay.
1:44 It all started on nuclear plant employees, spouses,
1:47 and no more than three children night down at Springfield Stadium.
1:55 Well, I think we lost him. Hey, and we're at the ballpark.
1:59 All right, two birds with one stone.
2:02 Okay, everybody out!
2:07 You know, boy, some of the players you see tonight may make it to the big leagues one day.
2:12 What?
2:12 Aren't we gonna see any washed-up major leaguers?
2:15 Sure, we get a nice mix here.
2:17 I can't think of a better place to spend a balmy summer's night than the old ball yard.
2:21 There's just the green grass of the outfield, the crushed brick of the infield,
2:26 and the white chalk lines that divide the man from the little boy.
2:30 Lisa, honey, you're forgetting the beer.
2:33 It comes in 72-ounce tubs here. I hope you'll space out the tubs this year, Homer.
2:38 What are you getting at? Well,
2:39 last year you got a little rambunctious and mooned the poor umpire.
2:43 Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat.
2:46 It also gives me the right, no, the duty to make a complete ass of myself.
2:53 Ah, the Gammels. Good to see you.
2:56 You're an inspiration to all of us in waste management, sir.
2:59 Well, take your mind off contaminants for one night and have a hot dog.
3:04 Put a little smile on his card, Smithers.
3:06 Already there, sir.
3:09 It's a Simpsons, sir.
3:11 Ah, well, if it isn't the Simpsons. Uh, Simpsons, sir.
3:17 Oh, yes, Homer and Marge Simpson.
3:20 Oh, and these must be Bart, Lisa, and, uh, expecting.
3:24 The card needs to be updated, sir.
3:28 Oh, that's okay. The baby's name isn't important.
3:31 Let's go, Marge.
3:35 Oh,
3:39 wow, there's Flash Baylor. I gotta get his autograph.
3:42 He used to be a star.
3:44 Hey, Flash, will you sign my ball? No.
3:47 Hey, lousy, washed up, broken down, tub of guts.
3:51 Who does he think he is anyway? What's the matter, boy?
3:53 He wouldn't sign my ball. Wow, he's a fine role model.
3:57 Bart, give me that ball.
4:00 Hey, Flash, check out the mature quail heading this way.
4:03 Hey there, little lady. What can Flash do for you?
4:07 Here you go, Bart.
4:09 Hmm, Springfield Cozy Court Motel, room 26.
4:13 How about it, Flash?
4:14 Wow, Flash Baylor came onto my wife.
4:19 You've still got the magic, Marge. Hey, Dad, look!
4:23 You're on Jumbo Vision!
4:24 Whoa!
4:25 Hey, everybody!
4:27 How you doing?
4:28 Look at me!
4:29 I'm Homer Simpson!
4:33 Homer, Homer, X, Y, Z.
4:37 That was my zipper?
4:38 Why?
4:39 Whoop!
4:42 Thanks, everybody!
4:43 Ladies and gentlemen, throwing out tonight's first ball,
4:46 the man whose name is synonymous with our nation's safest and cleanest energy source, Mr.
4:51 Montgomery Burns.
4:55 Oh, they love you, sir.
4:57 As well they might. You know, Smithers, when I was a young buck,
5:00 my patented fadeaway pitch was compared by many to the trouble ball of the late great
5:05 Satchel Paige.
5:06 Spit on this for me, Smithers. One hocker coming up, sir.
5:15 What a lame-o! I think I could actually hear the air being torn, sir.
5:20 Oh, shut up. Hey, Burns!
5:22 Hey, Ragar! You throw like my sister, man!
5:25 Yeah, you throw like me!
5:28 Ladies and gentlemen, to honor America,
5:30 will you please rise for our national anthem sung tonight by Springfield's Rhythm and
5:34 Blues sensation, Bleeding Gums Murphy!
5:38 Oh!
5:45 Oh, say...
5:47 Can you, I'm asking,
5:51 can you see
5:56 By the dawns
6:03 And the rocket's red glare
6:09 The bombs bursting,
6:13 suited off Popping way up in the
6:16 hand
6:22 The home of the
6:27 brave
6:43 Heidey High, Springfield, Dan Hoard, Mike Side.
6:46 Tonight, our isotopes take on the pesky, Shelbyville, Shelbyvillians.
6:49 The topes are looking to snap that darn 26-game losing streak,
6:52 longest in professional baseball.
6:54 How about that? Our sleepy town is in the record book.
6:57 Ah, sitting with the employees. I guess this proves I'm their friend.
7:01 You did get me something on an isle, Smithers.
7:03 I don't want to be surrounded by them. Let's go now!
7:06 Swing, better! We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!
7:09 We want a catcher, not a belly scratcher!
7:12 Here we are, sir. Oh, no!
7:19 Oh, Marge, sitting next to the boss. The best night of the year, and it's ruined.
7:24 I bought the lousy... All this means is you can't wave your fanny in public.
7:29 Rub it in.
7:34 Beer here!
7:35 Duff beer!
7:36 Beer.
7:37 Did you hear that, Marge?
7:39 Delicious, frosty beer.
7:42 Bad lot of good it does me sitting next to old man Burns.
7:46 I suppose you want a beer?
7:48 Maybe, sir. Oh, no, not a chance.
7:51 Only idiots drink beer. Actually, I was wondering if you'd join me.
7:54 My treat. Oh.
7:56 Well, if someone of your stature can enjoy a beer,
7:59 Maybe I'm all turned around on this subject Wait a minute,
8:02 we're not having a drug test tomorrow, are we?
8:04 No Uh, vendor, two please
8:07 Two fifty
8:11 The header's office rocker Kissing Betty Crocker
8:17 Good one, sir Oh, well, I used to rile the late,
8:20 great Connie Mack With that one at old Scheib Park Little baby batter Can't control his
8:25 bladder
8:26 Crude,
8:27 but I like it What do you say we freshen up our little drinky poos?
8:33 Don't mind if I do.
8:38 Well, Simpsy, you up for another wave?
8:41 All right, Bergy.
8:48 Bases loaded. Topes have one out, down by three.
8:51 Here's the pitch.
8:52 Swung on and missed strike three.
8:54 Of course. Damnation.
8:56 These banjos couldn't carry Pie Trainer's glove.
8:59 Big Bill McCloskey coming up. As soon as he pops out, we'll go right to the postgame show.
9:03 Come on! All we need is a grand slam!
9:08 My one game of the year, ruined by pathetic incompetence.
9:15 What's wrong with you people? Let's show some spirit!
9:17 Come on, get up! Your team needs you! Come on!
9:22 As I got up in front of them, I felt an intoxication that had nothing to do with alcohol.
9:28 It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle.
9:31 There's some nut down in right field dancing up a storm.
9:34 He's really got the crowd going.
9:35 Let's see if it can shake up mediocre slugger Big Bill McCloskey.
9:43 Swung on and belted to deep left field.
9:48 It's going, going, it's gone, it's out of here Oh my God,
9:52 the isotopes win a game The isotopes win a game The isotopes win a game Well,
9:58 that was certainly exciting Yes,
10:00 unfortunately Homer Simpson's shameless display of exhibitionism Tainted the entire
10:05 evening I want him banned for life from all company outings
10:11 Way to go, Homer Hey, thank you You're too kind.
10:17 Glad you enjoyed it, but I can't take all the credit.
10:19 The batter did his part, too.
10:21 Excuse me.
10:22 You, sir, a dancing fellow.
10:24 I'm Antoine Tex O'Hara. I own the isotopes.
10:28 Would you be interested in becoming our official mascot?
10:30 Me?
10:31 A mascot for a Bush League team?
10:34 I should have slept on it. Or at least stared blankly for a while.
10:38 Perhaps if I'd been unable to think of a nickname, all our lives might have been spared.
10:44 Get on the bus!
10:45 Dancing, Homer? Will you shut up? I'm trying to think of a name.
10:53 Well, I'm ready to punch in.
10:56 Oh, hey, cool, man. Our lives have taken an odd turn.
11:01 Did the team ask you to dress like that, Homer?
11:03 Nope, this was my own bright idea.
11:05 Come on, we gotta hurry. Don't fill up on those vegetables, kids.
11:08 Save room for your nachos. All right!
11:13 For the first time in my life, people weren't laughing at me.
11:17 They were laughing towards me.
11:20 Tox win! Tox win! Two in a row! Two in a row!
11:33 A Simpson on a T-shirt. I never thought I'd see the day.
11:37 Ooh, buggy, buggy, buggy, buggy, buggy. Ooh, buggy, buggy, buggy, buggy, buggy.
11:42 Hey, knock that off or I'll stick this bat where the sun don't shine.
11:45 Oh, yeah?
11:46 And where might that be?
11:48 Ooh.
11:57 Helen, I'm in a Caribbean mood tonight.
11:59 How about giving me baby elephant walk with a little reggae kind of beat?
12:10 Go, dancing homo. Get up, man. Get up. Lively up yourself, dancing homo.
12:21 Bases loaded. Two outs. The good guys trail by a run.
12:27 10, 3, 4, 5, 6,
12:32 7, 8, 9, 10, 10. P.T. Man!
12:38 P.T. Man!
12:39 Here's the pick.
12:40 Swung on and missed strike three.
12:43 Topes lose.
12:53 You wanted to see me, Tex? Homer, now we both knew when you began doing this,
12:58 you weren't gonna be here forever. Oh, oh, oh, I get it.
13:02 You can't fire the player, so you fire the mascot.
13:05 You make me sick. Homer, I'm not firing you.
13:08 I just got the word. You've been called up to Capital City.
13:12 Me?
13:12 And the majors?
13:13 That's right. Wait a minute. Capital City has a mascot.
13:17 The greatest mascot there is. The Capital City goofball.
13:21 Yeah, but he's getting on in years,
13:23 and he needs someone to fill in for a couple innings a night,
13:26 and could be a big opportunity for you. I'll say.
13:29 Why don't you talk it over with your family?
13:30 Because they might say no.
13:33 This was the biggest decision the Simpsons ever faced.
13:36 I should have listened to the kids instead of my big, dumb wife.
13:40 Oh, I shouldn't have called her that. Bite my tongue, bite my tongue.
13:42 Ow!
13:43 I can't leave Springfield. I was born here and I thought I would die here.
13:47 It won't be so bad.
13:49 You'll die someplace else. Well, what am I supposed to do about friends?
13:54 You'll make new and better friends.
13:56 But, Dad, we're simple people with simple values.
13:59 Capital City is too big and too complex.
14:02 Everyone in Springfield knows us and has forgiven us.
14:05 Homer, I'd be lying if I didn't say that this scares me a little.
14:09 But we all have a calling, a reason the Almighty put us on this earth,
14:14 and yours might be to dance on dugouts. You mean?
14:17 Let's do it, Homer. Yeah, let's blow this pop stand and never look back.
14:21 Whatever doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.
14:25 It's not that simple. I've got to convince my supervisor to give me a leave of absence.
14:29 Sure, what would you like? Four years? Five years.
14:33 So, Simpson, you're really moving to Capital City?
14:36 That's right, Ned.
14:37 And all this stuff is for sale, huh? You know, I don't know how to say this, but...
14:42 Oh, knock it off, Flanders. Don't start blubbering on me.
14:46 I'm gonna miss you too.
14:48 Not.
14:49 Well, I don't know, Bart. I mean, I'm gonna miss you and all, but...
14:52 Come on, Milhouse, this way we'll be friends forever.
14:56 Well, okay.
14:58 Eww!
15:00 I'm gonna miss you, spitbrother. I'm gonna miss you, spitbrother!
15:05 I can't help but feel that if we had gotten to know each other better,
15:08 my leaving would actually have meant something.
15:10 Yeah.
15:11 Yeah, right.
15:14 Well, we have one quick stop and then it's on to Capital City.
15:18 I can't believe it. Our baby sister in the big city.
15:22 I'll call you every day. I'll call you too.
15:25 Look, he can use a horn.
15:29 Oh, shut up.
15:32 Some may say that I have been given a bad break in life.
15:38 Little education, balls as a cue ball.
15:43 Ten years on the same job for the same salary.
15:46 But today, as I leave for Capital City,
15:51 I consider myself the luckiest mascot on the face of the earth.
16:04 With the fickle fans already forgetting me,
16:07 I was ready to take the biggest step of my life.
16:18 Well, kids, there it is. Capital City.
16:22 Look, the Crosstown Bridge.
16:25 Wow.
16:31 There's a swinging town I know called Capital City.
16:37 The penny moat.
16:39 People stop and scream hello in Capital
16:44 City. Kids, look. Street crime.
16:47 It's the kind of place that makes a bum feel like a king.
16:52 Wow, that's service.
16:54 And it makes a king feel like some nutty cuckoo super
17:00 king.
17:02 Look, it's Tony Bennett.
17:03 Hey, good to see you.
17:06 It's against the law to frown in Capital City.
17:12 You'll get full like a stupid clown When you
17:17 chance to see 4th Street and D
17:20 Once you get a whiff of it You'll never want
17:26 to roam The Duff Brewery
17:30 Yeah,
17:32 capital city Happy tall city It's capital city
17:39 Swingin' home
17:46 Capital City!
17:48 Yeah!
17:53 T-A-P-I.
17:59 Oh, come to bed, homie.
18:01 Sorry, honey.
18:03 He's just a little nervous.
18:08 We would talk about it always.
18:10 For the first time in our lives, Marge fell asleep before I did.
18:17 Okay, here are your tickets.
18:18 They're supposed to be good.
18:20 You're sitting with the players' wives. And don't forget to cheer for me.
18:23 I'll see you after the game when you're a big star.
18:27 Bart was strangely quiet.
18:29 Later he explained he was confused by feelings of respect for me.
18:32 It wouldn't last.
18:34 Wow.
18:39 Oh, my God. I don't believe it. It's really you.
18:42 The Capital City Goofball. Hello, Dancing Homer.
18:45 Glad to have you aboard.
18:47 If there's anything I can do for you, just squeeze the wheeze.
18:52 The fifth inning will be yours.
18:54 Everyone is settled in. Had a couple of beers.
18:57 The game is official.
18:58 It's a pretty important inning.
19:00 Wow, the fifth. It's also the inning I wish I had a zipper on the front of this thing,
19:04 if you know what I mean. You're right, Mr.
19:06 Goofball. Hey, call me plain old Goof. So, what exactly do you have planned for us?
19:10 Well, I get up, I dance, I spell out the name of the city,
19:13 all to the tune of Baby Elephant Walk. Ah, Mancini, the mascot's best friend.
19:18 Well, see you on that field. I'll set him up, you knock him down.
19:26 Well, hello again, everybody. Dave Glass talking at you.
19:29 We got great weather here tonight under the dome.
19:32 Oh, let's see. Upper, upper, upper mezzanine.
19:37 Hmm, those seats must be ours.
19:40 These seats stink. You'd think the players' wives would be a little closer to the action.
19:45 Actually, this section is for the players' ex-wives.
19:48 And then I found out that all the while there was this bimbo in Kansas City.
19:52 Throw it in his hands!
19:56 Who'd have thought it? A free ticket to a big league park,
19:59 but I was too tense to enjoy the game.
20:01 Every ounce of concentration I possessed was focused on the task at hand.
20:05 Red Hats, get your Red Hats here. Ooh, Red Hats.
20:08 Ladies and gentlemen, Capital City's newest sensation, Dancing Home!
20:15 Hmm, you do taste better at the ballpark.
20:18 Uh-oh.
20:21 There he is!
20:22 I was graceful. I was witty.
20:25 Brother, I was something.
20:27 But they didn't care.
20:31 What is with these people? Why are they sitting on their hands?
20:35 Mom, what's he doing wrong? I don't know.
20:38 It went so quiet you could hear each individual's smart-ass remark.
20:41 Well, this guy doesn't make me want to cheer.
20:44 Gee, I really pity him making a fool of himself in front of so many people.
20:47 These cornball antics may play in the sticks, but this is Capital City.
20:51 The only applause I got was for dragging my carcass out of there.
20:56 Hey, Mr. Showmanship, the owner wants to see in his office right now.
21:00 I'm sorry young man, you're just not ready.
21:02 Pick up your check at the front office and for God's sake put some clothes on.
21:06 Well, I guess it's back to good old Springfield.
21:08 But I can't go back. Not after I've seen the bright lights of Capital City.
21:12 I'll wither and die like a hothouse flower.
21:14 Now stop it you two and don't look too down.
21:17 I'm sure this is hard enough for your father.
21:19 All right, you're having one way to go man.
21:22 All right, Dad. Oh, what a family.
21:24 My wife and kids stood by me.
21:27 On the way home I realized how little that helped.
21:29 So, that's it. The costume's buried now.
21:33 As my son would say, I'm one sad, ape-like dude.
21:38 Whoa!
21:39 What a saga.
21:40 Hey, you guys are hanging out my every word.
21:42 I've become the center of attention.
21:45 Yeah, it's riveting. Tell it again, Homer.
21:48 Okay.
21:49 I wonder why stories of degradation and humiliation make you more popular.
21:54 I don't know. They just do.
21:59 There's a swinging town I know called Capital
22:05 City.
22:07 People stop and scream hello in Capital
22:13 City.
22:15 It's the kind of place that makes a bum feel
22:21 like a king.
22:23 And it makes a king feel like some nutty
22:28 cuckoo super king It's against the law
22:34 to frown in Capital City You'll
22:40 keep her like a stupid clown When you chance to see
22:45 4th Street MD Once you get a whiff of
22:51 it You'll never want to roam From the capital
22:57 city My home sweet swinging home

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Barney Gumble, Milhouse Van Houten, Krusty the Clown, Ned Flanders, Waylon Smithers, Mr. Burns, Otto Mann, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Santa's Little Helper, Snowball II, Larry Dalrymple, Nina Skalka, Janey Powell, Sam, Adrian Belew, Girl with glasses, Long-haired girl, Buck-toothed girl, Bleeding Gums Murphy, Wanda, Princess Kashmir, White-Haired Girl, Sylvia Winfield, Mr. Winfield, Richie Sakai, Capital City Goofball, Barry Mackleberry, Gertie Feesh, The Gammels, Bill McCloskey, Dan Horde, Flash Baylor, Tony Bennett

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character