Last Exit to Springfield

The Simpsons, season 4, episode 17. First aired March 11, 1993. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Duffless So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show → The whole episode as text

From “Last Exit to Springfield”: “age 14, age 17, and finally,” — age 14, age 17, and finally,

Caption it, or make a GIF

About the episode

Just as Lisa learns she needs braces, Mr. Burns proposes a contract that trades away the plant workers' dental plan for a keg of beer. Homer is elected union president, and his constant trips to the bathroom convince Burns he is a shrewd bargainer. The workers strike, Burns cuts Springfield's power, and the dental plan comes back once Homer agrees to step down.

Written by: Jay Kogen and Wallace Wolodarsky
Directed by: Mark Kirkland
Guest stars: Joyce Brothers as Dr. Joyce Brothers
Chalkboard gag: Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
Couch gag: Monster Couch
Production code: 9F15

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

280 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:02 The Simpsons
1:03 My friends, tonight we unveil my most diabolical creation.
1:11 Swank.
1:12 Ten times more addictive than marijuana.
1:16 To human misery.
1:27 I still see you.
1:30 McBain!
1:48 Ah, McBain.
1:50 So glad you could make it.
1:52 Have a salmon puff.
1:54 Alright.
2:06 That is one evil dude.
2:08 It's just a movie, son. There's nobody that evil in real life.
2:19 Smithers, where's that union representative?
2:21 He's 20 minutes late.
2:23 I don't know, sir. He hasn't been seen since he promised to clean up the union.
2:28 Whoa! What the hell?
2:31 Well, let's look at the contract ourselves, eh?
2:35 Benefits, perks, a green cookie on St. Patrick's Day.
2:40 It didn't used to be this way, Smithers.
2:42 No, it didn't used to be this way at all.
2:54 Come on, come on, crack those atoms.
2:56 You, turn out those pockets.
3:01 and two, three,
3:03 four six of them take him away you can't treat the working man this way
3:08 one day we'll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve then we'll
3:14 go too far and get corrupt and shiftless and the Japanese will eat us alive the Japanese?
3:20 those sandal wearing goldfish tenders?
3:24 bash, flimshaw
3:27 If only we'd listen to that boy Instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven
3:33 Well,
3:34 I am going to avenge my grandfather We'll take on that greedy union And
3:40 we'll get back our
3:43 Dental plan
3:50 How often do you brush, Ralph?
3:52 Three times a day, sir Why must you turn my office into a house of lies?
3:58 You're right. I don't brush.
3:59 I don't brush.
4:02 Let's look at a picture book. The Big Book of British Smiles.
4:15 That's enough.
4:19 Dr. Wolf likes to pull kids' teeth so he can sell them.
4:23 To who?
4:24 Know that rattle when you shake up spray paint?
4:26 That's a kid's tooth.
4:33 Maggie's teeth are coming in crooked.
4:36 Has she been sucking on a pacifier?
4:39 Not to my knowledge.
4:40 Liar!
4:43 I'm also afraid little Lisa is going to need braces.
4:47 Oh, no.
4:48 I'll be socially unpopular.
4:50 More so. Are you sure, Doctor?
4:53 Well, judge for yourself.
4:55 Here's Lisa today.
4:57 Without treatment, here's what she'll look like at age 11,
5:00 age 14, age 17, and finally,
5:06 age 18.
5:10 Cool. She'll be a freak.
5:12 But!
5:13 We can stick her in a trailer, drive her around the South, and charge two bits of gander.
5:17 Now stay tuned for professional wrestling live from the Springfield Grappolarium.
5:21 Tonight, a Texas death match.
5:23 Dr. Hillbilly versus the Iron Yuppie.
5:26 One man will actually be unmasked and killed in the ring.
5:30 I hope they kill that Iron Yuppie.
5:32 Thinks he's so big. Homer, Lisa needs braces.
5:36 Don't worry.
5:37 We won a dental plan in the strike of 88.
5:40 That's where I got this scar.
5:42 What do we want? More equitable treatment in the hands of management.
5:46 When do we want it? Soon!
5:48 Where's my burrito?
5:55 And then I got this scar sneaking under the door of a paid toilet.
5:59 Oh, good to see you.
6:02 Welcome, brothers of local 643.
6:04 As you know, our president, Chucky Fitzhugh, ain't been seen lately.
6:08 We're all praying he'll turn up soon, alive and well.
6:13 All right, all right, but seriously, we have to vote on Byrds' new contract.
6:47 Bullseye!
6:49 Thanks a lot, Carl.
6:50 Now I've lost my train of thought.
6:52 Dental plan! Lisa needs braces.
6:58 If we give up our dental plan, I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces.
7:04 People, stop!
7:05 We can't give up our dental plan!
7:08 Lenny, without the dental plan, you wouldn't have that diamond in your tooth.
7:13 Yoink!
7:14 Hey!
7:15 And Gummy Joe.
7:17 Where would you be without that dental plan?
7:20 I wouldn't have old Chomper here, that's for sure.
7:25 You know what I think of this contract?
7:28 This!
7:37 Who is that firebrand, Smithies? That's Homer Simpson, sir.
7:41 Simpson, eh?
7:42 New man? Actually, sir, he thwarted your campaign for governor.
7:46 You ran over his son. He saved the plant from meltdown.
7:49 His wife painted you in the nude.
7:52 Doesn't ring a bell.
7:55 Homer! Homer!
7:57 I move that Homer Simpson be our new union president.
8:00 All in favor? Aye!
8:03 All opposed?
8:05 Congratulations, Homer! Yay!
8:08 Hey, what did this job pay? Nothing.
8:11 Don't! Unless you're crooked.
8:13 Woo-hoo!
8:17 President of the Union, I'm so proud of you, homie.
8:21 This is your chance to get a fair shake for the working man.
8:25 And make lifelong connections to the world of organized crime.
8:29 Mmm, organized crime.
8:37 Don Homer, I have baked a special donut just for you.
8:45 Mmm. Grazie.
8:49 Don Homer, my son, he has trouble with the...
8:57 Molto bene.
9:01 That's a nice donut.
9:04 Do you think you can get the dental plan back?
9:06 Well, it depends on who's a better negotiator, Mr.
9:09 Burns or me. Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old Danish.
9:15 Done and done.
9:20 Don't!
9:21 Lisa and Marge, these braces are invisible, painless,
9:25 and periodically release a delightful burst of Calvin Klein's obsession for teeth.
9:34 And, Doctor, we don't have a dental plan right now,
9:37 so we'll need something a little more affordable.
9:41 These predate stainless steel, so you can't get them wet.
9:49 Mmm, he's a worthy foe.
9:51 Look at him, Smithers, exercising away, while the others are off at the candy machine.
9:58 Hey, Lenny, can you get this sugar daddy off my back?
10:02 Okay, but it's the last time.
10:08 We don't have to be adversaries, Homer.
10:11 We both want a fair union contract.
10:13 Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me? And if you scratch my back,
10:18 I'll scratch yours.
10:20 Wait a minute. Is he coming on to me? I mean,
10:23 if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
10:26 Oh, my God. He is coming on to me. After all,
10:30 negotiations make strange pet fellows.
10:36 Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans.
10:40 Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious.
10:43 But the answer is no.
10:46 Lisa, so you won't be scared, I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using.
10:51 This is the scraper.
10:53 This is the poker.
10:55 And this happy little fellow is the gouger.
11:01 Now, the first thing I'll be doing is chiseling some teeth out of your jawbone.
11:06 Hold still while I gas you.
11:35 Look, fellas, it's Lisa in the sky.
11:38 No diamonds, though.
11:39 Look out for the campy drawing of Queen Victoria.
11:43 Oh, God, help us. Help us.
11:50 The mirror.
12:35 Ah, Homer, I hope Crusher in Low Blow didn't hurt you.
12:39 You know, you could have just called me.
12:41 Oh, yes, but the telephone is so impersonal.
12:44 I prefer the hands-on touch you only get with hired goons.
12:48 Hired goons?
12:49 This is the largest TV in the free world.
13:03 This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters.
13:07 Soon, they'll have written the greatest novel known to man.
13:11 Let's see.
13:12 It was the best of times. It was the blirst of times.
13:16 You stupid monkey.
13:19 Oh, shut up.
13:23 And this is my basement.
13:26 Gee, it's not as nice as the other rooms.
13:28 Yes, I really should stop ending the tour with it.
13:32 Now, let's get down to business.
13:34 Oh, man. I really have to go to the bathroom.
13:37 Why did I have all that beer and coffee and watermelon?
13:40 Now, Homer, I know what you're thinking, and I want to take the pressure off.
13:44 It doesn't take a whiz to see that you're looking out for number one.
13:48 Well, listen to me and you'll make a big splash very soon.
13:51 Oh, which way to the bathroom?
13:53 Oh, it's the 23rd door on the left.
13:56 Nope.
13:59 Ah, you wouldn't even hear me out.
14:03 Find the bathroom all right?
14:05 Uh, yeah.
14:14 Well, you've won this round, Simpson, but I'll grind you into the earth like a bug.
14:20 Mwahahahaha!
14:24 Simpson, be a dear and rub my legs till the feeling comes back.
14:28 A bug, I tell you! A bug!
14:36 I'm gonna resign.
14:37 I don't know why they made me union president in the first place.
14:40 Because they love you down at the plant.
14:43 Yeah, you're right.
14:45 Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
14:50 Hmm, that doesn't sound like they like you at all.
14:53 You know, I think you're right. First thing tomorrow morning,
14:56 I'm gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head.
15:03 I know those cowlicks.
15:05 Straighten that part.
15:07 Uncross those eyes, mister.
15:08 But I can't. Oh, sorry, Quigley.
15:11 Come on, honey, smile.
15:14 I bet you've got a beautiful smile.
15:17 Why don't you share it with the world?
15:20 There is no God.
15:23 Fellow workers, I've been meeting with Mr.
15:26 Burns day and night, and I've had enough.
15:28 Strike, strike, strike, strike! All in favor of a strike?
15:31 Aye!
15:32 All opposed?
15:33 Nay.
15:34 Who keeps saying that?
15:38 It was him.
15:40 Let's get him, fellas.
15:54 Come gather round, children. It's high time he learns.
15:59 About a hero named Homer and a devil named Burns.
16:05 We'll march till we drop the girls and the fellas.
16:09 We'll fight till the death or else fold like umbrellas.
16:18 Ah, this is the life. Smithies get me some strikebreakers, the kind they had in the 30s.
16:24 We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways.
16:29 Oh, yeah.
16:30 Oh, you got it. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere.
16:35 Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville,
16:38 I needed a new heel for my shoe.
16:41 So I decided to go to Morganville,
16:45 which is what they call Shelbyville in those days.
16:48 So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time.
16:53 Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days,
16:57 nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them.
17:01 Give me five peas for a quarter, you'd say.
17:04 Now, where were we? Oh, yeah.
17:06 The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was a style at the time.
17:12 They didn't have white onions because of the war.
17:16 The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.
17:21 Full power, Smithers.
17:30 So we'll march day and night by the big cooling tower.
17:36 They have the plant, but we have the power.
17:45 Now do classical gas.
18:01 Oh,
18:03 look at him strutting around like he's cock of the walk.
18:06 Well, let me tell you, Homer Simpson is cock of nothing.
18:10 Why, you and I can run this plant ourselves.
18:45 Rush.
18:46 Kill.
18:47 Destroy.
18:50 Tonight on SmartLine, the power plant strike.
18:53 Argo-bargo or foo-for-ah?
18:54 With us tonight are plant owner C.M. Burns, union kingpin Homer Simpson,
18:59 and talk show mainstay Dr. Joyce Brothers.
19:02 I brought my own mic.
19:03 Yes. Well, Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
19:09 Ah!
19:10 Uh, my director is telling me not to talk to you anymore.
19:13 Woo-hoo!
19:14 Uh, Mr. Burns, you mentioned you wanted an opening tirade.
19:17 Yes, thank you, Kent.
19:19 Fifteen minutes from now, I will wreak a terrible vengeance on this city.
19:23 No one will be spared.
19:25 No one!
19:27 A chilling vision of things to come.
19:53 Oh, for God's sake.
19:58 Goodbye, Springfield.
20:00 From hell's heart, I stab at thee.
20:24 So we'll march day and night By the big cooling tower They
20:29 have the plans But we have the power So we'll march day and
20:35 night By the big cooling tower They have the plans But
20:41 we have the power Look at them all Through the darkness I'm bringing They're not sad at
20:46 all They're actually singing.
20:49 They sing without juicers.
20:52 They sing without blenders.
20:55 They sing without flungers, capdabblers and smandlers.
21:00 Tell Simpson I'm ready to deal.
21:03 All right, Homer.
21:05 You can have the dental plan on one condition.
21:08 You must resign as head of the union.
21:11 Woo-hoo!
21:14 Smithers,
21:15 I'm beginning to think that Homer Simpson was not the brilliant tactician I thought he
21:20 was.
21:28 We're going back to work! Yay!
21:40 Yay!
21:44 Oh, honey, you can hardly see your new braces.
21:48 And that's the tooth.
21:55 Oops, I left the gas on.
22:15 Thank you.
22:55 Shh.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Chief Wiggum, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, Jasper Beardsley, Ralph Wiggum, Santa's Little Helper, Sam, Becky Shorter, Old Jewish Man, Chuck Berger, Bumblebee Man, Black Weasel, Charlie, Rainier Wolfcastle, Freddy, Joey Crusher, McBain, Lowblow, Smitty, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, George Harrison, The Beatles, Cesar, Ugolin, Gummy Joe, John Lennon, School Photographer, Senator Mendoza, Wainwright Montgomery Burns, Dr. Hillbilly, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Dr. Wolfe, Football Player, King Charles III, Mr. Burns' Vulture, Power Works employee, Quigley, Robot Workers, The Iron Yuppie, Two-Headed Dog, Wrestling announcer

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character