Mother Simpson

The Simpsons, season 7, episode 8. First aired November 19, 1995. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← King-Size Homer Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming → The whole episode as text

From “Mother Simpson”: “Wait a minute.” — Wait a minute.

Caption it, or make a GIF

About the episode

Homer fakes his own death to skip a weekend highway cleanup ordered by Mr. Burns, and while getting declared alive again he learns that his mother, Mona Simpson, never died. After 27 years apart they reunite, but Mona is a fugitive 1960s radical who helped sabotage Burns's germ warfare lab, and when Burns spots her, Homer must help her escape FBI agent Bill Gannon.

Written by: Richard Appel
Directed by: David Silverman
Guest stars: Glenn Close as Mona Simpson; Harry Morgan as Bill Gannon
Couch gag: Bowling Pins
Production code: 3F06

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

363 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:04 Look at the Simpsons
0:10 No!
0:12 Ah!
0:30 Here's your caption, boys. Local hero shuns spotlight and pitches in.
0:34 What an angle.
0:38 I can't believe I'm spending my Saturday picking up garbage.
0:41 I mean, half these bottles ain't even mine.
0:44 Let's have less conversation and more sanitation.
0:52 Hey, where's Homer? How'd he get out of this?
0:55 Hey, everybody, up here.
0:59 Simpson, stop frolicking and get to work Right away, Mr.
1:02 Schmitters I'll just walk across these slippery rocks
1:07 Oh no, he's going over the falls
1:12 Oh good, he snagged that tree branch Oh no, the branch broke off
1:18 Oh good, he can grab onto them pointy rocks Oh no, them rocks broke his arms and legs
1:24 Oh good, those helpful beavers are swimming out to save him
1:28 Oh no!
1:29 They're biting him! And stealing his pants!
1:33 Good lord, he'll be sucked into the turbine!
1:41 Smithers, who was that corpse?
1:44 Homer Simpson, sir.
1:46 One of the finest, bravest men ever to grace Sector 17.
1:52 I'll cross him off the list.
1:56 that dummy worked like a charm dad best 600 bucks I ever spent come on boy we've earned
2:02 this Saturday now let's make the most of it
2:10 61 62 63
2:18 Marge we can't tell you how sorry we are you have our deepest condol diddly-olences.
2:24 I'm sorry, I'm just nervous. I didn't mean any disrespect.
2:27 What are you talking about?
2:28 You know, Homer's passing
2:33 away
2:35 into death. What?
2:39 That's ridiculous. Homer's not dead. He's right out back in the hammock.
2:46 Oh, Marge, of course Homer's alive. He's alive in all our hearts.
2:51 Yes, Marge. I can see him. Hi, everybody.
2:56 Marge, I'm going to give you the card of our juvenile counselor.
3:02 A tombstone? It came with a burial plot, but that's not important.
3:06 The important thing is, Homer's dead. We've been saving for this since your wedding day.
3:11 Get out of here, you ghouls!
3:19 Excuse me, sir. I think there's been a mistake.
3:23 Oh, no, no mistake.
3:25 Your electricity is in the name of Homer J.
3:27 Simpson, deceased.
3:28 The juice stays off till you get a job or a generator.
3:30 Oh, and my deepest sympathies.
3:34 Homer?
3:34 That's my name. When I asked you if that dummy was to fake your own death, you told me no.
3:39 You go downtown first thing in the morning and straighten this out.
3:42 Mom, Dad, Bart ran into a doorframe and bit his tongue.
3:46 What the hell's going on here?
3:51 Listen here, my name is Homer J. Simpson.
3:53 You guys think I'm dead, but I'm not. Now,
3:55 I want you to straighten this out without a lot of your bureaucratic red tape and mumbo
3:58 -jumbo. Okay, Mr. Simpson, I'll just make the change here.
4:02 And you're all set. I don't like your attitude, you water-cooler dictator.
4:06 What do you have in that secret government file anyway?
4:08 I have a right to read it. You sure do.
4:11 Wife?
4:12 Marjorie. Children?
4:14 Bartholomew? Lisa?
4:15 Aha!
4:16 See?
4:17 This thing is all screwed up. Who the heck is Margaret Simpson?
4:20 Uh, your youngest daughter.
4:22 Eh, your youngest daughter.
4:24 Well, how about this? This thing says my mother's still alive.
4:27 She died when I was a kid.
4:29 You see that stone angel up there?
4:31 That's my mother's grave.
4:33 My dad points it out every time we drive by.
4:36 Mr. Simpson, maybe you should actually go up there.
4:40 Huh?
4:42 Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I never come to see you.
4:45 I'm just not a cemetery person.
4:47 You're alive.
4:49 Walt Whitman?
4:51 My damn you, Walt Whitman!
4:54 I hate you, Walt freaking Whitman!
4:58 Leaves of grass, my ass!
5:01 Wait a minute.
5:02 Maybe it's that other grave.
5:04 The one that says Simpson.
5:08 Oh, why does my death keep coming back to haunt me?
5:12 Ah!
5:13 Oh.
5:14 You awful, awful man. Get out of my son's grave.
5:19 I hate to rain on your parade, lady, but this is my grave.
5:22 Hey, wait a minute.
5:25 Mom?
5:26 Homer?
5:30 I thought you were dead.
5:35 Oh, dang blaster, didn't anybody in this dadgum cemetery dead?
5:39 I didn't want to cause a fuss, but now that you mention it...
5:45 Oh.
5:47 Homer, you grew up so handsome.
5:50 Some people say I look like Dan Aykroyd.
5:53 I can't believe you're here.
5:56 Dad always told me you died while I was at the movies.
5:58 Oh, my poor baby.
6:01 You must have been so upset.
6:04 But I suppose Abe has his reasons.
6:06 Yeah.
6:07 Well, where have you been all this time?
6:09 Oh, it's a very complicated story.
6:12 Let's just enjoy this moment.
6:14 Mom, there's something you should know about me.
6:16 I almost always spoiled a moment.
6:22 I'm sorry. That's okay, darling.
6:25 It wasn't your fault.
6:28 Hey, everybody. I got a big surprise for you.
6:32 Presenting my mother.
6:35 No, mother.
6:37 That's Grandma Simpson. Can you believe it?
6:40 Hello.
6:41 This is so weird. It's like something out of Dickens or Melrose Place.
6:46 Where have you been, Granny?
6:47 They freeze you or something?
6:49 Oh, my, such clever grandchildren.
6:51 So full of questions and bright, shiny eyes.
6:55 I don't know what to say.
6:56 I finally have a mother-in-law.
6:59 No more living vicariously through my girlfriends.
7:04 Hey, since you were a no-show at all the big moments of my life,
7:08 you owe me years of back presents.
7:11 Christmases, birthdays, Easters, Kwanzaas, good report cards.
7:14 75 bucks a pop plus interest in penalties You owe me $22,000
7:19 Kwanzaa, you!
7:23 Hold her, don't be so hard on little What is his name?
7:27 This is my room This is my dresser It's where I keep my shirts when I'm not wearing them
7:32 Oh yes, right in the drawers
7:38 You remembered
7:40 Oh, I've missed moments like this
7:44 Mom?
7:45 I saw all your awards, Lisa. They're mighty impressive.
7:49 I just keep them out to bug Bart.
7:51 Don't be bashful.
7:52 When I was your age, kids made fun of me because I read at the ninth grade level.
7:56 Me too.
7:58 Hey, Mom, look at me. Look at what I can do.
8:01 I see you, Homer. That's very nice.
8:04 Although I hardly consider a separate piece the ninth grade level.
8:08 Yeah, more like preschool.
8:10 I hate John Knowles. Me too.
8:17 Mom, you're not looking!
8:19 You know, Lisa, I feel like I have an instant rapport with you.
8:24 You didn't dumb it down.
8:26 You said rapport.
8:30 Gotta run. Grandma stuff.
8:37 Huh?
8:40 There, now no one should be able to hear us.
8:42 What?
8:43 All right, we don't need the dryer.
8:46 What?
8:46 Just shut up and listen.
8:48 There's something fishy about Grandma.
8:50 Whenever we ask her where she's been all this time, she changes the subject.
8:54 And just now, when a police car drove by, she ran into the house.
8:57 Yeah, I don't trust her either. When I was going through her purse, look what I found.
9:01 Mona Simpson, Mona Stevens, Martha Stewart, Penelope Olsen,
9:07 Muddy Mae Suggins.
9:09 These are the calling cards of a con artist.
9:13 Woohoo!
9:14 I'm so glad to have my mom back. I never realized how much I missed her.
9:20 She's nice.
9:21 But?
9:22 I just don't think you should get too excited about the woman who abandoned you for 25
9:27 years. You could get hurt again.
9:29 First, it wasn't 25 years. It was 27 years.
9:34 And second, she had a very good reason. Which was?
9:37 I don't know.
9:39 I guess I was just a horrible son and no mother would want me.
9:43 Oh, homie. Come on, you're a sweet, kind, loving man.
9:47 I'm sure you were a wonderful son. Then why did she leave me?
9:51 Let's find out.
9:55 Mother Simpson, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your past.
9:59 Can't reminisce. Sleeping.
10:04 Spill it, muddy mare. We're calling the cops.
10:06 Please don't. All right, then we'll call your husband, Grandpa.
10:10 No, I'll talk. I'll tell you everything I've wanted to tell you.
10:14 It all started in the 60s.
10:19 Take out, rinse, and go.
10:22 Mom!
10:27 Oh, my little homie bear.
10:30 Time for bed.
10:32 Sing me my bedtime song, Mom.
10:34 Ooey gooey, rich and chewy inside.
10:37 Golden flaky tender cakey outside wrap the inside in the outside is it good
10:42 doing the big big
10:45 Here's the tricky part
10:53 Hey,
10:54 isn't Homer cute probably I'm trying to watch the Super Bowl if people don't support this
10:59 thing It might not make it Joe Willie Namath swaggering off the field his side burns an
11:04 apogee of sculpted sartorium.
11:07 The boppish follicles pioneered by Ambrose Burnside Appomattox.
11:12 1865.
11:18 His wild, untamed facial hair revealed a new world of rebellion,
11:23 of change. A world where doors were open for women like me.
11:28 But Abe was stuck in his button-down, plastic, fantastic Madison Avenue scene.
11:33 Look at them sideburns! He looks like a girl.
11:36 Now, Johnny Unitas, there's a haircut you could set your watch to.
11:40 So, Mother Simpson, where did your newfound sense of irresponsibility take you?
11:44 I soon found people who shared my views at the state college.
11:49 Anthrax, gangrene, swimmers here. Get your germ lab out of here.
11:56 Now. How could I not become a radical when we were fighting a force of pure evil?
12:01 Hey, hey, Mr. Burns, enough already with the germs.
12:04 Oh, their flower powers? It's no match for my glower power.
12:13 That's some nice glowering, Mr. B.
12:16 We'd met the enemy, and it was Montgomery Burns.
12:19 Drastic action had to be taken to stop his war machine.
12:23 I put Homer to bed, Abe, and now I'm going out.
12:26 It could be a late night. I'm meeting my destiny.
12:29 So long!
12:38 When this baby goes off, Burns Lab is gonna be history, man.
12:43 Germ history!
12:46 Oh, man, I got the munchies.
13:06 No!
13:09 Wait a minute.
13:12 Bronchial tubes clearing.
13:14 Asthma disappearing.
13:16 Acne remains.
13:17 But asthma disappearing.
13:21 My germs.
13:22 My person's germs. They never harmed his soul.
13:24 They never even had a chance.
13:26 Whoever did this will never get past me.
13:32 You poor man.
13:34 Let me help you up.
13:39 You just made a very big mistake.
13:42 You'll spend the rest of your life in pre...
13:44 My ass is gone.
13:46 Listen to me breathe.
13:51 From that moment on, my life as I knew it was over.
13:55 Only one member of the Springfield Seven was identified.
13:59 She's been described as a woman in her early 30s, yellow complexion,
14:02 and may be extremely helpful.
14:04 For Channel 6 News, I'm Kenny Brocklestein.
14:08 Homer.
14:15 I'll miss you, Homer.
14:20 I thought I dreamed that kiss.
14:25 I'm so sorry I misjudged you, Mom. You had to leave to protect your family.
14:30 How did you survive?
14:32 Oh, I had help for my friends in the underground.
14:34 Jerry Rubin gave me a job marketing his line of health shakes.
14:37 I proofread Bobby Seale's cookbook.
14:40 And I ran credit checks at Tom Hayden's Porsche dealership.
14:43 Wait a minute.
14:44 There's one thing I don't understand.
14:46 In all those years, why didn't you ever try to contact me?
14:50 But I did.
14:51 I sent you a care package every week. Oh, come on, Mom.
14:54 We used that same line on the kids when they're at camp.
14:56 But I did. I really did. I'll prove it to you.
15:02 Any undelivered mail for Homer J. Simpson?
15:04 No.
15:05 Oh, wait, this.
15:07 That's what happens when you don't tip your letter carrier at Christmas.
15:10 Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail.
15:14 Am I too late for the 4.30 auto-gyro?
15:16 Oh, I better look in the manual.
15:18 Oh, the ignorance.
15:22 Wait a minute.
15:23 I know that woman.
15:25 But from when and in what capacity?
15:30 It's her. At last.
15:32 This book must be out of date. I don't see Prussia, Siam, or Autogyro.
15:37 Keep looking.
15:44 Are you sure this is the woman you saw in the post office?
15:46 Absolutely.
15:47 Who could forget such a monstrous visage?
15:48 She is the sloping brow and cranial bumpage of the career criminal.
15:51 Uh, sir, for analogy, was dismissed as quackery 160 years ago.
15:56 Of course you'd say that. You have the brain pan of a stagecoach tilter.
15:59 At any rate, the FBI will track down this mystery woman and put her behind bars.
16:06 How does it happen, Joe?
16:08 How does what happen?
16:08 How does a sweet young lady mortgage her future for a bunch of scraggly ideals and greasy
16:13 -haired promises?
16:14 Maybe she thought the war in South East Asia was so immoral her end justified the means.
16:17 Gee, Joe, you haven't been the same since your son went crazy in Vietnam.
16:22 It's a pain that never ends.
16:27 How many roads must a man walk down before you
16:32 can call him a man?
16:36 Seven. No, Dad, it's a rhetorical question.
16:39 Rhetorically?
16:41 Eight. Dad, do you even know what rhetorical means?
16:44 Do I know what rhetorical means?
16:47 Quick, Grandma, hide!
16:54 No door is gonna keep me from my meddling!
16:57 Stand up straight, Bart.
17:00 Abe?
17:01 What the?
17:03 Now here's a piece of bad news.
17:06 Oh, Abe.
17:07 You've aged terribly.
17:09 What do you expect? You left me to raise the boy on my own!
17:13 I had to leave, but you didn't have to tell Homer I was dead!
17:16 It was either that or tell him his mother was a wanted criminal.
17:21 You were a rotten wife, and I'll never, ever forgive you.
17:28 Can we have sex, please?
17:30 Oh, Abe.
17:31 Well, I tried. What's for supper?
17:36 Yeah, I might have seen it. It's hard to tell from this old picture, you know.
17:39 Well, according to our computer aging program,
17:41 she should look about 25 years older. Yeah,
17:46 I seen her That is to say, I saw her
17:52 Look at me, Grandma, I'm a hippie Peace, man, groovy Bom Vietnam,
17:57 four more years Up with people You know, Grandma,
18:00 I used to think maybe I was adopted I couldn't understand how I fit into this family Now
18:05 that I met you I suddenly make a lot of sense
18:10 I'm so glad to see the spirit of the 60s Is still alive in you kids
18:23 Yep,
18:24 I saw it That is to say I seen her She seemed like a nice lady Well,
18:30 that nice lady set the cause of biological warfare back 30 years We're only now finally
18:35 caught up Two more ladies come by earlier that day One was real
18:40 pretty Another sort of plain
18:46 Ma'am, we're gonna need your assistance in locating this individual.
18:49 Oh, you're fresh.
18:52 Don't you want to play good cop, bad cop?
18:55 Ma'am, we're all good cops. I had no intention of playing the good cop.
19:00 Look, we know you bought the tombstone. We know the future divisited that tombstone.
19:05 Whose tombstone was it? Just lift up your coffee cups and see.
19:11 Good Lord! Put out an APB on a useless R-D-WO.
19:17 Better start with Greektown.
19:19 That's Homer J. Simpson, Chief.
19:21 You're reading it upside down.
19:22 Cancel that APB.
19:24 But I'll bring back some of them gyros.
19:28 Chief, you're talking into your wallet.
19:30 Grandma, have you ever thought about moving back to Springfield?
19:33 You could live with Grandpa again.
19:39 Oh, I'm a living joke.
19:42 You know, Lisa, it might be nice to rest for a while.
19:47 Mom, there's nothing to be alarmed about,
19:50 but could you take one last look at the family and join me in the kitchen?
19:56 I've been waiting 25 years for this moment.
20:08 I'm sorry, sir. I must have taped over that.
20:16 Freeze.
20:17 FBI.
20:18 The jig is up.
20:18 All right, I admit it. I am the Lindbergh baby.
20:22 Wah, wah, goo goo. I miss my fly fly da da.
20:26 Are you trying to stall us or are you just senile?
20:28 A little from column A, a little from column B.
20:31 Sir, she's gone.
20:38 We made it, Homer!
20:39 It's all thanks to our anonymous tipster.
20:42 But who are you? And why did you tip us off?
20:45 Well,
20:45 it's because of your old lady that I got rid of the asthma that was keeping me out of the
20:49 economy.
20:50 Thanks. Sure,
20:51 just think of me as an anonymous friend who rose through the ranks of the Springfield
20:56 police to become Chief Clancy Wig... Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
21:03 Well, there's my ride The underground awaits
21:08 At least this time I'm awake for your goodbye Oh, Homer
21:14 Remember, whatever happens, you have a mother and she's truly proud of you
21:21 Oh,
21:24 hurry up, man This electric van only has 20 minutes of juice left
21:31 Don't forget me.
21:32 Don't worry, Homer.
21:34 You'll always be a part of me.
22:15 ORGAN PLAYS
22:41 Shh.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Chief Wiggum, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, Patty Bouvier, Reverend Lovejoy, Selma Bouvier, Santa's Little Helper, Lou, Eddie, Maude Flanders, Snowball II, Hans Moleman, Helen Lovejoy, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Charlie, Jacqueline Bouvier, Mona Simpson, Howard Cosell, Joe Namath, Johnny Unitas, Bill Gannon, Electrician, Grave Digger, Hall of Records Agent, Hippie Bus Driver, Joe Friday, Post Office Clerk, Springfield University Hippies, Taxi Driver, Walt Whitman

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character