Little Big Mom

The Simpsons, season 11, episode 10. First aired January 9, 2000. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

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From “Little Big Mom”: “See, Mom, you conquered your fears, and now you're ready to...” — See, Mom, you conquered your fears, and now you're ready to...

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About the episode

When a falling clock breaks Marge's leg on a ski trip, Lisa runs the household while Marge is hospitalized, but Homer and Bart won't pitch in and the house sinks into filth. Prompted by the ghost of Lucille Ball, Lisa daubs the sleeping pair with green paint and oatmeal to fake leprosy, and a panicked Ned Flanders ships them to a Hawaiian leper colony.

Written by: Carolyn Omine
Directed by: Mark Kirkland
Guest stars: Marcia Wallace as Mrs. Krabappel
Chalkboard gag: I will not create art from dung
Couch gag: Crash Dummies
Production code: BABF04

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

348 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:02 The Simpsons
2:27 Okay, here goes.
2:32 Cloning is a troubling issue. I like the ones where the mouse kills the cat.
2:38 What's in the box, Mom?
2:39 This box?
2:41 Oh, nothing.
2:42 Are you sure? You sound nervous.
2:43 Well, anyone would be nervous with all the economic turmoil you read about in the...
2:47 Get her! She's doing something!
2:54 It's the Goodwill truck! She cleaned up the attic!
2:58 Her junk!
2:59 The exits are sealed.
3:01 Go to plan B.
3:07 Come on!
3:13 Go!
3:15 I'm trying!
3:16 Stop yelling at me!
3:21 You don't!
3:24 Oh, precious heirlooms. Daddy would never let them take you.
3:37 That was scary.
3:39 We came this close to losing our spare Christmas tree stand.
3:43 You monster.
3:44 Look, here's a box for my pitch back.
3:46 If I still had it, I could put it in here.
3:48 I'll never get rid of this useless junk.
3:51 Useless? This flash tube has two flashes left.
3:55 You guys never use any of this stuff.
3:58 Look at these.
3:59 You bought them after the Nagano Olympics and never skied once.
4:02 If you would just stop being so impulsive, man...
4:06 Hey, let's go skiing right now! Yeah, Dad, let's go skiing!
4:09 Woo-hoo!
4:10 Yeah, Dad!
4:11 No!
4:17 Okay, here it comes.
4:18 Keep your eyes on the chair.
4:20 Look, Dad, it's the drummer from Bread!
4:22 Where?
4:23 Ha-ha-ha-ha!
4:25 Ah!
4:35 This chairlift sure goes high.
4:40 Finally.
4:46 Some gentle rocking will relax you, Mom.
4:50 Stop it!
5:01 See, Mom, you conquered your fears, and now you're ready to...
5:04 I'm sorry!
5:07 Hmm.
5:08 The Widowmaker.
5:09 Oh, that one's for the ladies.
5:12 Spinebuster, boring.
5:14 Ooh!
5:15 Colostomizer!
5:17 Hey! Don't hurt me! Here's my wallet!
5:22 Hi diddly ho, shuss in boots.
5:25 Flanders?
5:26 That suits a little revealing, isn't it?
5:28 Well, it allows for maximum mobility.
5:31 Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all.
5:34 Quit it!
5:35 Must wash eyes!
5:38 Uh-oh.
5:41 Okay, don't panic.
5:42 Remember what the instructor said.
5:44 If you ever get into trouble, all you need to do is...
5:47 Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all.
5:49 Nothing at all. Nothing at all!
5:52 Stupid sexy Flanders!
5:55 Ow, my leg!
5:57 This is the worst pain ever!
6:12 Single.
6:20 Hard, but so rewarding.
6:24 Downhill skiers missing fun.
6:27 Oh, who am I kidding?
6:32 Wow, what a perfect scene.
6:35 This was so worth it.
6:38 Don't worry, little friends. I won't hurt you.
6:53 Leave those deer alone. But they were trying to eat me.
6:57 Those deer?
7:00 But they... Come on, I'll drop you off at the lodge.
7:08 Whoa!
7:09 Fat 540!
7:11 I'm getting aggro on this kicker. Stop that pickle revert.
7:14 Excellent.
7:15 Your lingo is progressing nicely.
7:18 Can I go to the bathroom?
7:19 Say it in the snowboard.
7:21 Um, I got a blast of dookie.
7:23 Duke on!
7:27 Snow Fox at 5 o'clock.
7:30 Move it in, shove it out, disco lay there.
7:35 Is your seat taken?
7:36 I think that's an arm rest.
7:38 So, do you party?
7:40 You mean like hats and noisemakers kind of party?
7:44 Sure, baby, whatever your trip is.
7:46 Disco Stu wants you to be comfortable while he does his thing.
7:51 Who's Disco Stu?
7:52 Hey, Mom!
7:53 Hi, Pumpkins!
7:55 Kids, back away, not today.
7:57 Disco lay there.
7:59 Have you been in here all day? You missed all the fun!
8:02 Skiing fanny first into a crevasse isn't my idea of fun.
8:07 The only risk I'm taking is running out of marshmallows.
8:11 Ow!
8:12 Somebody get a doctor!
8:14 Oh, man, another clock accident.
8:17 No wonder.
8:18 Look at this.
8:23 That ought to hold it.
8:29 I want my wife to get the best treatment money can buy.
8:33 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
8:34 Don't go nuts.
8:36 Better than that.
8:38 Perfect.
8:44 Yeesh, I can't believe she went home with those guys.
8:53 Well, as you can see, it's a compound fracture.
8:57 The leg must remain motionless, otherwise a hunk of bone could zoom right to her brain.
9:02 I can't be in the hospital.
9:05 Tomorrow is laundry day, and I've got to de-meat Lisa's bologna.
9:09 We'll be fine, honey. The main thing is for you to get better.
9:12 And don't worry, all the laundry and dirty dishes will be there when you get back.
9:16 No, they won't. We'll all pitch it on the housework.
9:19 Right, guys?
9:21 Guys?
9:23 Get that!
9:26 Sweetie, it's nice that you want to take charge around the house, but don't be a hero.
9:31 Just make sure your father eats all his meals over a tarp.
9:34 But not the good tarp.
9:36 I want you to get married on that someday.
9:38 Oh, Mom, I've seen what you do around the house, and I can handle it.
9:43 Maybe I can even make things more efficient.
9:46 Oh, really?
9:47 Well, knock yourself out. Just don't expect any miracles from those two.
9:52 Gotcha, gotcha!
9:53 Good Lord, you're wasting thousands of dollars worth of interferon.
9:56 And you're interferon with our good time.
10:02 Well, I'll be.
10:03 That cured my canker sores.
10:11 Dad, where are your clothes?
10:13 I don't know.
10:15 Don't tell me Mom dresses you.
10:17 I guess, or one of her friends.
10:22 Okay, now we're gonna draw jobs from the chore hat.
10:26 Come on, bikini inspector.
10:29 Scrub toilet.
10:31 Okay, that was the practice.
10:33 Practice.
10:36 Okay, here we go. Feed fish. I'll supervise.
10:39 You know, the reason for the hat... Oh, it's a great hat.
10:42 No one's questioning the hat. Will you at least do the dishes?
10:45 Lisa, I'll do the dishes when I pick it out of the chore hat, and it's not a practice.
10:52 See? There it is. But that was a practice.
10:54 The system works.
10:58 Come on, eat you lazy fish.
11:00 Oh, you're gonna be late.
11:04 Here are your lunches, and no trading your fruit for firecrackers.
11:08 Oh, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets.
11:10 You stay away from Lenny. And where's your sweater, Bart?
11:14 It unraveled on a nail. That's not true.
11:16 He left it on the bus. You're dead, Squealer.
11:18 Ah! Lisa!
11:19 Help! Those boys of mine.
11:23 Mrs. Simpson, what are you doing?
11:26 I couldn't sleep knowing that window had a smudge on it.
11:29 You're here to rest. If you want the window clean, just push the call button.
11:33 Oh, I don't want to be a bother.
11:35 Wouldn't bother us. It just turns up your morphine.
11:40 Oh, so it does.
11:42 Stop pushing that.
11:43 Mr. Sakamoto is here for your acupressure.
11:46 Now, Mrs. Simpson, just right back and relax.
11:49 Mr. Sakamoto wants you to be comfortable while he does his thing.
11:55 Oh, I don't think I need any... Oooh!
11:59 Oh, wow!
12:05 Okay, guys, dinner's ready!
12:10 The cheese isn't quite melted. Let me just pop it back in the...
12:14 Here you go.
12:16 Hmm... Slivered almonds for the green beans!
12:20 I'll be right back.
12:32 So, how was your day?
12:40 Bart, you were supposed to scour the pans.
12:43 They need the salt. You said that four days ago.
12:46 Look, they're rusted through.
12:48 It's an illusion.
12:49 No, it's not.
12:51 I got the groceries.
12:52 Good.
12:53 Maple soda?
12:55 A cell phone full of candy?
12:58 Astronaut bread?
13:00 It's the bread of astronauts.
13:02 I didn't know Aerosmith made a cereal.
13:04 Dad, I gave you a list.
13:06 Oh, yeah.
13:07 Ho, ho, ho, you were way up.
13:11 Hello, Lollipop Island. There's a little girl here who had too many sour balls.
13:18 Anyway, where were we?
13:20 Hello?
13:22 They hung up.
13:27 Talk to me.
13:29 Hey, Mom, how's the leg?
13:31 Leg?
13:33 Oh, oh, that. It's pretty great.
13:36 How are things at home?
13:37 Oh, couldn't be better.
13:39 Harku!
13:40 Polo!
13:41 Harku!
13:41 Polo!
13:42 Harku!
13:44 Polo!
13:45 So, Mom, you think you'll be getting out of there soon?
13:48 I don't know, honey.
13:50 I've got a lot of therapy left. I really thought I could handle this, but...
13:54 I think so, too. Bye.
14:00 Lucy?
14:02 You hit her pretty hard there, Rick.
14:07 Say, folks, what's all the ruckus? Show off the plane!
14:13 Will you guys turn that thing down?
14:16 Sweetie, if we didn't turn it down for the cops, what chance do you have?
14:23 He hit her again!
14:25 Ugh!
14:26 Stupid and much silly bunch of derps. I can't believe it.
14:29 Losing your marbles, huh, kid?
14:33 Lucy?
14:34 Lucy McGillicuddy Ricardo Carmichael.
14:38 And I think there's some more. What are you doing here?
14:41 I came from heaven to help you get revenge on these bums.
14:45 Is there an ashtray around here?
14:47 Will this do?
14:48 Thanks, doll. Now, we need a scheme to teach those slobs a lesson.
14:53 You mean like when you hid inside the Congo drum to scare Ricky?
14:57 Hey, stay away from the drums. That's my bit.
15:00 I got it.
15:02 Here's what you do.
15:03 Wait until they fall asleep. Then you sneak into their rooms.
15:08 I'm sure they're fast asleep because...
15:29 My skin!
15:30 My beautiful skin!
15:34 Lisa, help!
15:40 What's wrong with us?
15:41 Oh, I don't like the looks of this. You don't?
15:44 Because that's what I said. Tell her, Bert.
15:46 Shut up, shut up. We better check with the doctor.
15:52 Welcome to Virtual Doctor From the makers of Dragon Quest and Sim Sandwich Enter
15:57 symptoms now Let's see Krusty sores Yes Horrible wailing
16:03 Yes, yes Any exposure to unsanitary conditions?
16:07 Duh, we're pigs Okay, and...
16:11 Diagnose You've got leprosy Leprosy!
16:18 Unclean! Unclean!
16:21 Help us, Virtual Doc. Look at me. I'm on my knees.
16:25 Goodbye.
16:29 Excellent.
16:33 Leprosy! I can't believe it. That fortune cookie was right.
16:37 Why would God punish a kid? I mean an American kid.
16:40 Now, guys, leprosy thrives in filthy conditions.
16:44 So your only chance is to clean up the house.
16:47 I'll get you a couple of mops. Mops! The cure sounds worse than the disease.
16:51 At Sunday school, they said the lepers were cured by some bearded dude.
16:54 Jesus?
16:55 Yeah, that sounds right.
16:56 Oh, I think we're on the outs with him. But I know someone who's even holier than Jesus.
17:03 Hi, diddly-ho, I... Oh!
17:05 Oh!
17:08 Moth, come quick. The Simpsons are covered with cooties.
17:11 Help us. We're diseased. Oh, no, that's leprosy.
17:16 Remember those scary lepers in Ben-Hur? You saw Ben-Hur without me?
17:20 We were broken up then. Well, that's no...
17:24 Brains.
17:26 Use your brains to help us. Your delicious brains.
17:31 Oh, those poor souls.
17:33 What's the Christian thing to do?
17:36 Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, you wonderful man.
17:44 All right, food!
17:48 Bart!
17:49 Leave some for Rod and Todd.
17:51 Here you go, lad. Todd, no!
17:57 Uh, listen, Homer, we'd love to help you, but we're not really set up for lepers.
18:02 So you're shunning us? No, no, no, no, no, no.
18:06 I'm just thinking we could send you to a better place.
18:08 You know, a place where they could really take care of you.
18:11 Oh, thank you, good sir.
18:14 Ooh,
18:19 that's smart.
18:20 Boys, get the alcohol-free alcohol.
18:23 All right, we'll just get this cast off and you can go home to your...
18:27 Oh, my lord.
18:29 Well, it has been a week.
18:31 Code blue, a thousand cc's of leg wax, stat.
18:34 Lazy, no-good lepers.
18:36 Making me clean everything myself.
18:39 Hey, is homey there? No, he isn't. I don't know where he is.
18:43 I'm a little worried. He usually stops in for an eye-opener on the way to work.
18:47 He told us he'd been going to the gym.
18:50 Wow.
18:51 Anyway, you don't think he could be at another bar, do you?
18:54 Because I couldn't take that. I... I just couldn't.
18:57 I...
18:59 Don't hang up on me!
19:01 I'm home, everybody!
19:03 Gee, the house looks great!
19:05 Mom, I lost Dad and Bart.
19:08 Lost them? What do you mean? I tricked them into thinking they had leprosy.
19:13 Hanson's disease.
19:14 You know, like that horrible cream soda.
19:16 Well, Dad and Bart ran away, and no one seems to know where they went.
19:20 Okay, okay, calm down. They couldn't have gone too far.
19:24 Molokai!
19:25 You mean Hawaii?
19:26 Mm-hmm, that's the one.
19:27 They've got a top-notch leopard colony there, so we shipped them right off.
19:31 Ooh, cost us a bundle, too.
19:33 I guess we'll have an Imagination Christmas this year.
19:36 Yay!
19:37 Imagination Christmas! I got a pogo stick.
19:40 I got a hula hoop.
19:51 Whoa, this is a hospital?
19:55 There it is.
19:59 We'll take the cure, bag a few lobsters, then watch some gay guys get married.
20:05 Ah, you must be the Simpsons. Howdy, and thanks for not recoiling in horror.
20:09 Thank you for the friendly howdy. Can we get a room with a view?
20:12 Oh, you'll have a great view of the whole beach from the electric needle room.
20:16 Really? The whole beach? Yes, from the electric needle room.
20:21 Electric needle room?
20:32 Well,
20:35 that's not me.
20:41 Time to turn over
20:43 Here they are
20:45 Oh, thank God, you're all right
20:48 Dad, Bart,
20:50 I played a horrible trick on you And I'm really sorry You don't have leprosy,
20:54 it's just oatmeal Yeah,
20:56 we know I figured it out after I ate one of my chest swords Well,
20:59 then let's get out of here No way,
21:01 we scored a free Hawaiian vacation This place is a blast All we have to do is endure two
21:06 hours of blinding pain, then it's nothing but shopping and surfing.
21:11 Tonight we're gonna put our fake sores back on,
21:13 then jump the fence at Club Med and scare the normals.
21:15 Well, it all sounds lovely, but... Come on, loosen up!
21:19 This is paradise!
21:24 Number one, report to the Dermabrasion Hut.
21:26 That's me! Do do do do do Da da da da
21:32 Aloha
21:35 Aloha Aloha Until we
21:40 meet
22:24 Shhh.
22:27 You hit her pretty hard there, Rick.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Ned Flanders, Mrs. Krabappel, Dr. Hibbert, Nelson Muntz, Otto Mann, Todd Flanders, Maude Flanders, Rod Flanders, Dolph Starbeam, Itchy, Scratchy, Disco Stu, Poochie, Mr. Sakamoto, Stupid Sexy Flanders

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character