A Tale of Two Springfields

The Simpsons, season 12, episode 2. First aired November 5, 2000. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

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From “A Tale of Two Springfields”: “Okay, time to give away free concert tickets.” — Okay, time to give away free concert tickets.

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About the episode

When the phone company gives half of Springfield a new area code, Homer rallies the poorer side of town to secede as New Springfield and becomes its mayor. A feud with Mayor Quimby's Olde Springfield escalates through power cuts, a drained river and a dividing wall until Homer's citizens desert him. Mayor of an empty town, Homer tries to win over The Who, booked to play the rival side.

Written by: John Swartzwelder
Directed by: Shaun Cashman
Guest stars: Marcia Wallace as Mrs. Krabappel; Gary Coleman
Chalkboard gag: I will not plant subliminal messagores
Couch gag: Whoopee Cushion
Production code: BABF20

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

351 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

1:23 Here you go, boy. Suits on.
1:29 Huh?
1:30 Hmm?
1:33 Hey, if you're out here, then who's in there?
1:39 Whoa, a badger! Sorry, man. You can't crash here.
1:43 Come on, let's go.
1:46 Well, boy, looks like you got yourself a roommate.
1:53 Come on, Lise, there's got to be a way to lure that badger out.
1:56 Well, according to whatbadgerseat.com,
1:59 badgers subsist primarily on a diet of stoats, voles, and marmots.
2:03 Hmm, stoats, stoats. Stoats are weasels, Bart, they don't come in cans.
2:08 Then what's this?
2:09 That says corn, Bart.
2:12 Must you embarrass me? Here we are. In a pinch,
2:16 badgers have even been known to eat woodpeckers.
2:18 Perfect.
2:19 Hey, Todd. Can we borrow your woodpecker?
2:21 I guess so. But we need him back by six.
2:24 It's his birthday.
2:25 Okay.
2:33 Ah! Ow!
2:38 Hmm.
2:43 Television broken? No, there's a badger in there.
2:46 Badger my ass. It's probably Milhouse.
2:49 Milhouse!
2:51 Ah!
2:57 Oh!
3:00 It's a badger, all right. Or possibly a griffin.
3:03 Bart, do you have any dynamite in your room?
3:05 Tons. Get it. No, Dad. We don't want to kill him.
3:07 Let's call animal control.
3:09 Great idea.
3:10 Then we should call a doctor about this.
3:12 How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
3:15 What am I, a tailor?
3:16 Mm-hmm.
3:17 Hmm.
3:22 Your call cannot be completed as dialed.
3:25 Please make sure you have the correct area code.
3:27 Area code?
3:28 But it's a local call. The phone company ran out of numbers,
3:31 so they split the city into two area codes.
3:34 Half the town keeps the old 636 area code, and our half gets 939.
3:40 939?
3:41 What the hell is that?
3:42 Oh, my life is ruined. Geez, you just have to remember three extra numbers.
3:47 Oh, if only it were that easy, Marge.
3:50 No way, we got bigger problems now.
3:53 I'm not gonna stand for this. I'm gonna call the newspapers, the TV stations,
3:57 the gas stations, everybody!
4:13 I hate this new area code.
4:15 Like I don't have enough to remember already.
4:18 Is that right?
4:19 Don't you miss the old 636?
4:22 Carl? I'm not sure which one's better. The 6 is closer to the 3,
4:26 so you got convenience there. But denying has less to do with Satan,
4:29 which is a plus in this religious world of ours.
4:31 What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.
4:35 What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it and that big radio campaign.
4:39 Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle and the two weeks we all
4:42 spent at area code camp. Not a single word of warning.
4:46 And traffic's all backed up due to a mattress on the freeway.
4:49 A mattress?
4:50 Uh-oh.
4:51 Joan Collins must be in town.
4:55 Oh, P.H.
4:58 Joan Collins, that girl sleeps with everybody.
5:02 Okay, time to give away free concert tickets.
5:06 What you talking about? What we're talking about, Gary, is the Who.
5:10 We're giving away tickets to next week's concert at Springfield's historic Yahoo Search
5:14 Engine Arena.
5:16 The Who? I love bands. And now, we'll dial our big winner at random.
5:23 smiling at random.
5:25 Okay, let's start with five, five, five.
5:30 Zero, one, one, and three.
5:33 That's my number.
5:37 Ahoy, ahoy.
5:38 Hey, that's not me.
5:41 Dad, we're not in their area code anymore.
5:43 Congratulations, you're gonna rendezvous with the Who.
5:48 It's not fair. I've been a fan of the Who since the very beginning,
5:52 when they were the hillbilly bugger boys.
5:54 You should call that radio station and let him have it.
5:56 Good idea.
6:01 You... No, no!
6:07 No!
6:14 I know that some of you are upset about the area code change,
6:18 especially those of you covered with dynamite.
6:21 First, let me reassure you, your fears are groundless and your complaints moronic.
6:27 That's good. This film will explain everything to you in words that you can understand.
6:36 Hi, I'm Phony McRingring, mascot and president of the telephone company.
6:40 And I'm here to explain why the convenience of one area code in...
6:44 Your town.
6:45 ...has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.
6:48 Uh, I have a question, phony. It's a movie, Dad.
6:52 Quiet, honey. Daddy's asking the man a question.
6:54 You're probably thinking, sure, more area codes are great,
6:57 and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees.
7:00 But how will I remember all those numbers?
7:03 Whoa!
7:04 Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers.
7:09 Are you stupider than a monkey?
7:11 How big of a monkey? Ha-ha-ha-ha! Of course you're not.
7:17 Well, I'm convinced a professional-looking film like that has got to be right.
7:21 I agree. Two area codes is more convenient.
7:24 Wait a minute. We haven't heard from me yet.
7:27 The nut with the dynamite. The phone company is bamboozling you.
7:32 I accused the phone company of making that film on purpose.
7:36 Well, of course we did.
7:37 Now, I'm not one to make trouble,
7:40 But it seems to me that everyone who got to keep the old or classic 636 area
7:46 code lives on the rich side of town. Do puppy cook.
7:51 I never.
7:52 And as usual, we Joe 12-packs get the royal screw job.
7:58 Homer's right. We're getting the Joan Collins special.
8:02 We're getting it but good.
8:04 Well, I've had it. You rich snobs aren't pushing us around anymore.
8:09 And what are you pathetic slobs going to do about it?
8:12 Well, I...
8:18 Oh, nice wiring, Bart. Worked on the test corps.
8:21 Okay, plan B.
8:23 Fellow 939ers, I say we break off and form our own city.
8:31 Let's go!
8:34 Viva la revolucion!
8:36 Now who's stupid?
8:42 There. We're officially a city.
8:44 Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise.
8:50 Say, I couldn't help but overhear. I represent the Arizona Cardinals.
8:54 Keep walking.
8:55 Good decision there, Homer. You showed a lot of poise.
8:58 Yeah, maybe you ought to be mayor of New Springfield.
9:01 Mayor, eh?
9:07 The mayor.
9:10 Starring Homer Simpson.
9:12 I reluctantly accept this highly paid, glamorous job.
9:18 Presenting our new plaque.
9:20 I say the time for bitterness has passed.
9:23 Let us extend to our brothers in New Springfield the olive branch.
9:28 New Springfield rugs!
9:31 Go ahead and laugh. We have a better town bird.
9:34 Oh yeah?
9:35 What is it? The bluebird.
9:38 Damn it.
9:39 More wheat cakes, Mr. Mayor?
9:41 Read my lips.
9:43 Yes.
9:44 Dad, you got syrup on your sash.
9:46 No problem.
9:48 If you ask me... Stop right there.
9:50 It's stupid to divide the city over something as silly as an area code.
9:53 It would be like you and Mom splitting up every time you have a fight.
9:56 Sweetie,
9:57 you know your mother and I only stay together for the sake of my political career?
10:01 That's not true.
10:02 Big grins.
10:04 Mwah!
10:05 That'll play great in the sticks.
10:10 Oh, that was 50 already?
10:13 Go along!
10:20 Hey, look what I found. A novelty flying disc.
10:24 Give it back.
10:25 That's my novelty flying disc. You're in old Springfield now.
10:29 Everything on this side of the park belongs to us.
10:33 Hey, his pants are in our park too.
10:35 Get them.
10:42 My homework is in your park.
10:44 Let's do it!
10:47 What does freedom mean to me?
10:49 All right, root beer, bananas, and toilet paper.
10:52 50% out of towner's tax.
10:55 Out of towner tax? I'm sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but we have to charge you foreign devils more.
11:00 All right, but this better be the best toilet paper I've ever had.
11:04 Oh, no worries there. That's Henderson's toilet paper.
11:07 Ooh, why didn't you say so? Hey, is there a bathroom here?
11:11 Not for you.
11:14 I don't know why,
11:16 but I just didn't feel comfortable until I was back here in New Springfield with my own
11:21 kind. Mom.
11:22 They were looking at me with their eyes.
11:26 As expected, New Springfield's bold experiment and slob rule is a disaster.
11:31 Hey, the TV man is talking about us.
11:34 The study shows their crumbling economy is due to their lazy attitude and shoddy work.
11:38 How the hell did they find that out?
11:40 Scientists say they're also less attractive physically,
11:42 and while we speak in a well-educated manner,
11:44 they tend to use lowbrow expressions like, oh yeah, and come here a minute.
11:49 Oh yeah? They think they're better than us, huh?
11:51 Bart, come here a minute. You come here a minute.
11:53 Oh yeah?
12:00 Dad, I don't think this is such a good idea.
12:02 Thank you, Marge.
12:04 Now let's see how old Snubfield does without electricity.
12:11 Woo-hoo!
12:14 Oh, no.
12:15 You can't do heart surgery in the dark. Sounds like a wager to me.
12:18 I'll take a piece of that. I will now transport Sir Isaac Newton into the modern day.
12:26 Warning, power failure.
12:28 Oh, oh, oh, sweet, Clayton.
12:30 Oh, good God. Hey, wait, wait, wait. Ow!
12:33 Oh, oh, Sir Isaac's legs are hurting.
12:36 In retaliation for the power outage,
12:38 old Springfield patriots have intercepted a beer truck bound for new Springfield and
12:43 dumped all the beer in the river. So's rich, snobby Indians.
12:50 That's nothing like revenge for getting back at people.
12:53 I don't know, vengeance is pretty good.
12:55 Woo-hoo!
12:56 Blood for water!
12:58 Ain't got us now.
12:59 Without water, we're doomed. Wait a minute.
13:02 What's that gold-colored substance in the riverbed?
13:05 Why, that's gold.
13:08 We're slightly richer.
13:10 Yay!
13:11 You're rickin'!
13:13 With the money made from the gold,
13:15 Old Springfield was able to buy the Evian Water Factory and fly it over here from France.
13:20 Oh!
13:21 Thanks, Mayor Simpson. Because of you, we're all taking golden showers.
13:27 What? We can't go on fighting with Old Springfield.
13:31 These people are our neighbors.
13:33 We see them every day.
13:34 You're right.
13:35 We've got to block them from our site with a giant wall.
13:38 Like the one in Berlin?
13:40 Good idea.
13:41 We should call the guys they used.
13:47 Homer.
13:49 It's ringing.
13:53 And I'd like to thank Lowball Construction for building this amazing wall from 90
13:59 % recycled materials.
14:03 I'm so conflicted.
14:05 So what?
14:06 Loyal citizens of New Springfield,
14:09 you stayed on my side of town despite a total lack of hospitals and schools
14:14 and a sewage nightmare that threatens to consume us all.
14:19 How we get our food or the roads are blocked.
14:23 Don't worry. We have plenty of supplies to get through tomorrow.
14:28 And then a wave of disease should help to...
14:30 Hey!
14:31 Stop screaming over the wall!
14:33 At least wait till I'm through talking.
14:36 Okay, now, as for food, the following breeds of dog are edible.
14:39 See ya! Bye, Homer!
14:43 No! Can't believe all those rats fled my town.
14:47 Guess it's just dust in the tumbleweed.
14:51 Oh!
14:57 Well, Dad, you're mayor of a ghost town.
15:01 I can't believe those traitors abandoned us.
15:04 They couldn't take one lousy famine.
15:07 Dad, you're bleeding.
15:09 No problem.
15:13 Anyhow, those rats will come crawling back.
15:17 We've got the Who playing here tonight.
15:20 Dad, the arena's in Old Springfield.
15:24 Don't give up, Dad. Maybe we can get the Who to play here instead.
15:28 Hey, maybe we could.
15:31 But we'll need some liquid persuasion.
15:37 Come on, Bart. We're gonna bring back the Who.
15:54 Oh, can I help you?
15:56 Uh... Dad, the chloroform. Huh?
15:59 All right.
16:01 I'll give you this bottle of chloroform if you'll take us to the Who.
16:04 Oh, so you want to see the Who, huh?
16:07 Well, I'll take you to the Who.
16:09 Here's your Who!
16:12 I thought we fired that guard.
16:15 Oh, yeah, right. I got fired by the Who.
16:18 Whatever you say, pal.
16:20 Wacko.
16:21 Wow, the Who.
16:26 Woo! Rock and roll!
16:30 What the hell are you doing?
16:32 Duh. Trash in the hotel room. But we promised the desk clerk we'd be good.
16:36 Yeah, we don't want to lose our pool privileges.
16:38 Whatever.
16:39 The point is, I'm Homer Simpson. The mayor of New Springfield?
16:43 That's right. The crazy mayor of New Springfield?
16:47 That's right. And I implore you to move your concert to our town.
16:51 Don't play old Springfield. or, as it is sometimes known, Sun City.
16:57 But we have a handshake agreement with a concert promoter, and that's a sacred bond.
17:01 Sacred bond.
17:03 Come on.
17:04 What happened to the angry defiant who of my generation won't get fooled again and Mama's
17:09 got a squeeze box? We know our songs, Homer.
17:12 But those old Springfield squares are just going to make you cut your hair,
17:15 turn down your music, and wear frilly shirts like Keith Partridge.
17:19 Keith Partridge?
17:21 Who huddle?
17:26 We'll do it
17:29 Just send a cap force What, something wrong with your legs?
17:32 You're right, the walk will do us good
17:36 I opened for the Who at Woodstock I came out in a beetle wig with a ukulele Hendrick
17:42 said he almost plotched His exact words I'd never tire of that story
17:48 Smithies, why did you iron a crease in these dungarees?
17:51 I look like a square.
17:53 Ah, that creases in your leg, sir.
17:55 So it is.
17:56 Yes.
17:57 Oh, no!
18:00 Hmm.
18:00 Not like the Who to be tardy. I'm worried.
18:03 What's that?
18:05 Yeah, it is the Who.
18:07 By my reckoning, they're in the scurvy depths of New Springfield.
18:12 Almost all a rock performance.
18:14 That fat dumb and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.
18:18 Who's ready to riot?
18:22 I won't get to get what I'm after Till the day after
18:32 How you doing out there, new Springfield?
18:36 To be honest, it's a little chilly now.
18:39 Get out of the way, Marge. We're expecting a bigger crowd, Homer.
18:43 Oh, don't worry. They'll be here soon, and then they'll see who's got the better town.
18:48 Now, these are the tunes I want you boys to play.
18:50 Wait a minute.
18:51 Homer?
18:52 A lot of these are grand funk railroad songs.
18:55 We don't know Pac-Man fever.
18:57 Oh, come on, it plays itself.
18:59 Pac-Man fever, do-do-do-do, it's driving me crazy.
19:06 Cookie, sir. Daddy's in the who?
19:10 Whoo!
19:16 Give us back our concert, Simpson. So, New Springfield's looking pretty good now,
19:22 isn't it? With our ample parking and Daily Who concerts.
19:26 Daily? We'll talk.
19:27 Yeah, all right, enough chit-chat. Let's see how you like flaming garbage.
19:36 Ah, you hit the tire fire.
19:39 You left it, you... Ow! Oh, why me?
19:42 Oh, wow!
19:45 People, please.
19:46 What's all this fighting about? Apparently, they have two different area codes.
19:50 Well, I'll be chuggered. That's the sticky wicket.
19:52 Why not just buy telephones with auto ring-up?
19:55 Or as you yanks call it, speed dial.
19:57 Good idea!
19:59 Radio Shack has some great ones. So it's you.
20:03 Magic bus!
20:04 Yeah, magic bus!
20:06 OK, we'll play magic bus if you tear down this wall.
20:11 Pinball wizard!
20:13 Oh, hell, I'll do it myself.
20:31 Oh, yeah!
20:35 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
20:39 Oh, yeah! Well, Marge, looks like your insane experiment is over.
20:43 My experiment?
20:45 You're the one who came up with this whole idea.
20:47 Oh, yeah.
21:16 Hmm...
21:56 If you don't know what to do.
22:00 You're just moaning. You're just moaning.
22:06 You're just moaning.
22:17 Thank you.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Milhouse Van Houten, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Barney Gumble, Chief Wiggum, Krusty the Clown, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Mrs. Krabappel, Dr. Hibbert, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, Otto Mann, Jasper Beardsley, Patty Bouvier, Reverend Lovejoy, Selma Bouvier, Groundskeeper Willie, Santa's Little Helper, Lou, Jimbo Jones, Eddie, Miss Hoover, Todd Flanders, Snowball II, Rod Flanders, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Mayor Quimby, Sideshow Mel, Kirk Van Houten, Larry Dalrymple, Hans Moleman, Luann Van Houten, Helen Lovejoy, Sam, Professor Frink, Bernice Hibbert, Agnes Skinner, Dolph Starbeam, Horatio McCallister, Comic Book Guy, Ruth Powers, Dr. Nick, Dewey Largo, Superintendent Chalmers, Lionel Hutz, Sarah Wiggum, Herman Hermann, Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon, Cletus Spuckler, Old Jewish Man, Alice Glick, Bumblebee Man, Charlie, Rainier Wolfcastle, Raphael, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Brandine Spuckler, Fat Tony, Just Stamp the Ticket Man, Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon, Jack Marley, Ms. Albright, Dave Shutton, Louie, Legs, Roy Snyder, Arnie Pye, Gil Gunderson, Jebediah Springfield, Disco Stu, The Rich Texan, Pyro, Luigi Risotto, Akira Kurosawa, Lindsey Naegle, Martha Quimby, Freddy Quimby, Gary Coleman, Mrs. Vanderbilt, Stacy Lovell, Isaac Newton, Mr. Vanderbilt, Bill and Marty, Flanders' pet woodpecker, Phony McRing-Ring, The Who

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character