A Streetcar Named Marge

The Simpsons, season 4, episode 2. First aired October 1, 1992. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Kamp Krusty Homer the Heretic → The whole episode as text

From “A Streetcar Named Marge”: “The review, play enjoyed by all, speaks for itself.” — The review, play enjoyed by all, speaks for itself.

Caption it, or make a GIF

About the episode

Marge is chosen to play Blanche DuBois when director Llewellyn Sinclair stages a musical take on A Streetcar Named Desire, with Ned Flanders cast as Stanley. Homer's indifference to her new interest feeds her performance, until watching the show makes him see how he treats her. Meanwhile, Maggie leads the babies at the Ayn Rand School for Tots in a revolt to recover the pacifiers Ms. Sinclair has confiscated.

Written by: Jeff Martin
Directed by: Rich Moore
Guest stars: Phil Hartman as Lionel Hutz; Phil Hartman as Troy McClure; Jon Lovitz as Llewellyn Sinclair; Jon Lovitz as Ms. Sinclair
Chalkboard gag: My name isn't "Dr. Death
Couch gag: Monster Couch
Production code: 8F18

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

298 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:02 The Simpsons
0:31 Oh, my God.
1:22 Live from beautiful Laughlin, Nevada, it's the Miss American Girl Pageant.
1:27 Brought to you by Meryl Streep's versatility.
1:29 Smell like street for cheap.
1:31 I'm your host, Troy McClure, and now, here come the ladies.
1:36 We learned the truth at 17 That love was meant
1:42 for beauty queens Like Miss South Dakota
1:46 Miss North Carolina
1:49 Miss Indiana Miss Alaska Kids, I won't be home tonight,
1:53 so I'm leaving you some low-cal microwavable TV dinners.
1:56 Okay. kid. I'm auditioning for a play.
1:59 It's a musical version of A Streetcar Named Desire.
2:03 Isn't that exciting?
2:06 If you ask me, they're all winners.
2:08 We'll be cutting our first 40 contestants right after this.
2:13 Let's take a minute to meet our distinguished panel of judges.
2:16 Skincare consultant Rowena, syndicated columnist William F.
2:21 George, token black panelist Dredrick Tatum, And Mr.
2:26 Boswell, the man behind those infamous worst-dressed lists.
2:29 Mr. Boswell, can you give us a sneak peek at this year's list?
2:32 Memo to Goldie Hawn.
2:34 Cheerleading tryouts were 30 years ago. Let's grow up, shall we?
2:39 He's such a bitch. I haven't been in a place since high school,
2:43 and I thought it would be a good chance to meet some other adults.
2:47 Sounds interesting.
2:48 You know, I spend all day alone with Maggie, and sometimes it's like I don't even exist.
2:53 Sounds interesting.
2:56 It's time to name our five finalists, starting with Miss Montana.
3:01 Uh, beaut from beaut. Miss South Carolina.
3:05 Nothing could be fine. Miss Delaware.
3:09 Gee, uh...
3:11 Good for her.
3:12 La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
3:15 Marge, keep it down in there.
3:18 Homer, my audition isn't happy. Hey, look, it's last year's winner, Debra Joe Smallwood.
3:22 Bollwood! Tonight, my reign as Miss American Girl comes to an end.
3:27 And I'd like to apologize one last time for my unfortunate remarks at the United Nations.
3:38 Maggie, cut that racket.
3:41 And where exactly are you going?
3:43 I'm auditioning for a play.
3:46 Well, this is the first I've heard about it.
3:48 I told you several times. It's a musical version of a streetcar named...
3:52 Excuse me, Marge. I think that if you told me, I would remember.
3:56 I mean, I'm not an idiot.
3:57 Well, I thought I told you. Kids, back me up.
4:01 He's right, Mom. Sorry.
4:02 Match point, Homer.
4:04 I'm sorry, honey. That's okay. We're none of us perfect.
4:11 Me, me, my, my, my, my.
4:15 Well, how do you do, neighbor?
4:17 Hi, Ned. I didn't know you were an actor.
4:19 Oh, indeed-ly-doodly. I've even been in a streetcar once before.
4:23 I played Blanche Dubois.
4:25 Just part of the fun of going to an all-male school.
4:29 Hello, I am Luellen Sinclair. I have directed three plays in my career,
4:34 and I have had three heart attacks.
4:37 That's how much I care I'm planning for a fourth.
4:41 Maybe I should have taken a nice calligraphy class.
4:43 Oh, forget about it. That Mr.
4:45 Takahashi's a lunatic. Quiet!
4:47 Sorry. I am not an easy man to work for.
4:51 While directing Hats Off to Chanukah,
4:54 I reduced more than one cast member to tears.
4:57 Did I expect too much from fourth graders?
5:01 The review, play enjoyed by all, speaks for itself.
5:06 Hmm.
5:07 Those are auditioning for the role of Stanley.
5:09 Take off your shirts.
5:11 Take off your shirts. Les habillés votre chemise.
5:15 schnell, schnell, schnell
5:18 uh uh nope try joining a gym oh you
5:24 gods hey man if you like that you should see my butt you,
5:29 you're my Stanley hot diggity how about that Marge,
5:34 little old Stanley me Stella Stella
5:38 hey look me over next won't you come home Bill Bailey X!
5:43 There's got to be a... X!
5:46 Thank you for nothing.
5:49 You're all terrible.
5:51 What you ladies don't understand is that Blanche is a delicate flower being trampled by
5:57 an uncouth lout.
5:59 Forget it! Just strike the sets, clear the stage.
6:03 This production is... Homie, I didn't get the part.
6:06 You were right. Outside interests are stupid.
6:09 Wait a minute.
6:11 I'll come home right away Alright,
6:14 I'll pick up a bucket of fried chicken Extra skin Rolls
6:20 Chocolate cream parfait
6:23 Stop bothering my blanche I
6:27 play an
6:33 aging southern beauty Who's driven to insanity by her brutish brother-in-law,
6:38 Stanley Wow, my mother the actress I feel like Lucy Arnaz Luckinbell.
6:43 Are there any jive-talking robots in this play?
6:45 I don't think so.
6:47 Bart, don't ask stupid questions.
6:49 Is there any frontal nudity? No, Homer.
6:51 My name is Helen Lovejoy, and I'll be playing Stella.
6:55 I am Apu.
6:57 I play Steve.
6:58 My name is Atu.
7:01 I'm playing Pablo.
7:04 Lionel Hutz, attorney at law.
7:05 I'm filing a class action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from
7:10 the play. I also play Mitch.
7:12 I'm March Simpson. I'll be playing Blanche.
7:14 I made some peanut butter brownies for everyone.
7:18 Well, would anyone else like a bite of banality?
7:22 I would.
7:24 Stanley, you're pulsing with animal lust.
7:27 You take Blanche and you fling her roughly to the bed.
7:29 Roger, Dodger.
7:36 Aw, isn't that cute? Me without a camera.
7:40 Here.
7:41 My sister runs a daycare center.
7:44 I guess a few weeks wouldn't hurt her.
7:48 Maggie is allergic to strained pears, and she likes a bottle of warm milk before nap time.
7:53 A bottle?
7:55 Mrs. Simpson, do you know what a baby's saying when she reaches for a bottle?
8:00 Baba?
8:00 She's saying, I am a leech.
8:04 Our aim here is to develop the bottle within.
8:06 That sounds awfully harsh. Mrs.
8:09 Simpson, I don't like to toot my own horn,
8:12 but we're the only daycare centered in town that's not currently under investigation by
8:18 the state.
8:19 Oh.
8:20 Well, be a good girl, Maggie.
8:27 I'm sorry, Maggie, we don't allow these here.
8:35 You're a dame and I'm a fella.
8:38 Stanley, stop or I'll tell Stella Passion, Mrs.
8:42 Simpson,
8:43 anger This man disgusts you All I want is one embrace I'll twist this bottle
8:49 in your face
8:52 Here, Marge, let me hate to be an armchair blanche But I always gave it one of these
8:59 There, there's the old face shredder You know, Mrs.
9:01 Simpson, if you set out to push the bile to the tip of my throat Mission accomplished
9:08 I'm, uh, I'm gonna crawl in the bed with a bottle of amaretto.
9:11 Good day.
9:13 Easy, easy. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh!
9:16 Seven, ten.
9:17 Split.
9:17 Homer, can you run some lines with me? Make Bart do it.
9:21 It'll just take a sec.
9:22 Cutter ball.
9:24 Oh!
9:24 You see, Marge, while you're off in your own little world,
9:27 you forgot that other people have problems, too.
9:43 Oh, my God.
10:24 Don't like to nap, eh?
10:25 We have a place for babies like you. The box!
10:38 All right, let amateur night in Dixie commence.
10:45 I'm sorry, Llewellyn. I just...
10:47 I just don't see why Blanche should shove a broken bottle in Stanley's face.
10:52 Couldn't you just take his abuse with gentle good humor?
10:56 Marge, your ride's here.
10:58 Homer, it'll just be a few minutes more.
11:01 You're a dame and I'm a fella.
11:03 Stanley, stop or I'll tell Stella. Marge, Marge,
11:08 I'm asking for white-hot rage, and you're giving me a hissy fit.
11:12 Marge, can I get some change for the candy machine?
11:15 Oh, here.
11:19 Hey, there's some quarters in here. I just don't see what's so bad about Stanley.
11:25 Stanley is thoughtless, violent, and loud.
11:29 Marge, every second you spend with this man, he is crushing your fragile spirit.
11:34 You can't let that happen.
11:39 Woo-hoo!
11:40 Come to Papa.
11:42 Marge, I'll be out in the car.
11:43 All I want is one embrace.
11:48 Marge, move it or lose it.
11:53 I'll twist this bottle in your face!
11:59 Hallelujah, I've done it again.
12:01 Ned, you're supposed to overpower her.
12:04 I'm trying, I'm trying.
12:12 Salt me.
12:13 Here you are, Homer.
12:16 What the? Why are you talking like that?
12:18 The place tomorrow night. I've got to stay in character.
12:22 Hey, Mom, would it help if I talked like this, too?
12:24 It might.
12:25 And I'll talk like this. Bob's your uncle, mate.
12:28 That really doesn't help, Bob. Big Daddy, would you all mind passing a little old biscuit?
12:32 Can I slog off school tomorrow? Got a pain in me gulliver.
12:34 I'm living in a cuckoo clock.
12:36 Oh, see you later, kids. I've got to go rehearse with Ned.
12:40 But Marge, what about dessert? For God's sakes,
12:43 you can pull the lid off your own can of pudding.
12:45 Fine, I will.
12:50 Oh, no, my pudding is trapped forever.
12:53 So I can open my own can of pudding, can't I?
12:55 Shows what you know, Marge.
12:59 Marge!
13:02 I'm Marge! Keep yelling, you big ape.
13:06 Aren't you being a little hard on old homie?
13:08 Forget about him. Let's rehearse the bottle scene.
13:13 Let's not say we did.
13:17 So what time does this play start?
13:19 Why? Are you going?
13:21 Well, I gotta go, don't I? I'm sure you won't enjoy it.
13:24 There's nothing about bowling in the play.
13:27 Wait, there is. Probably not much of it.
13:29 Why can't you be a little more supportive?
13:31 Because I don't care, okay?
13:34 I can't fake an interest in this,
13:35 and I'm an expert at faking an interest in your kooky projects.
13:38 What kooky projects? You know, the painting class, the first aid course,
13:42 the whole Amaz thing. Why didn't you tell me you felt this way?
13:45 You know I would never do anything to hurt your feelings.
13:48 Good night.
13:55 Hang nicely, little humans.
13:57 Good, good.
13:58 Hello, Maggie.
13:59 Poor little dummer.
14:29 Hey, kid. I'm flame returning.
14:52 If I break, buy a new one.
15:25 Maggie, time to go to the...
15:56 Oh, babies.
16:03 Perhaps we are all a little mad,
16:05 we who don the cap and bells and tread beneath the proscenium arch.
16:09 But tonight,
16:10 you will all be transformed from dead-eyed suburbanites into white-hot grease
16:15 fires of pure entertainment.
16:17 Except you, you're not working out. I'll be playing your part.
16:20 Drag.
16:23 Long before the Superdome Where the saints of football
16:29 play
16:31 Lived a city that the damned call home Here there,
16:36 hellish, Rondolay
16:47 New Orleans
16:50 Home of pirates, drugs and hoys New Orleans
16:55 Tacky, overpriced,
16:56 souvenir stores If you want to go to hell You should take that trip to the Sodom and
17:00 Gomorrah On the Mississippi New Orleans
17:03 Stinking, rotten, vomity, vile New Orleans
17:08 Putrid, brackish, maggot, vile New Orleans
17:12 Crummy, lousy, rancid, and prank New Orleans
17:16 What's the matter, honey? Are you lost? I'm looking for my sister, Stella It's Mom!
17:22 Huh?
17:23 My name is Blanche Dubois
17:31 I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras,
17:36 a never-ending party.
17:40 Ha!
17:41 I'm a faded Southern dame without a
17:46 dime.
17:50 I'm collecting for the evening star.
17:53 Come here.
17:54 I want to kiss you just once.
17:57 softly and sweetly on your mouth.
18:04 I am just a simple paperboy.
18:09 No romance do I seek.
18:12 I just wanted 40 cents for my
18:17 deliveries last week.
18:21 Will this bewitching floozy Seduce his
18:27 humble newsy Oh,
18:30 what's a paper boy to
18:34 do?
18:44 Woo-hoo!
18:48 Stella!
18:55 Can't you hear me, Ella?
18:58 You're putting me through hella.
19:02 Stella.
19:05 Oh,
19:12 she can fly.
19:14 I think it's supposed to symbolize her descent into madness.
19:24 Whoever you are,
19:26 I have always depended on the kindness of strangers
19:32 You can always depend on the kindness of strangers To fuck up your
19:37 spirits and shoot you from dangers Now here's a tip from Brad you won't regret
19:42 A stranger's just a friend You haven't been
19:48 You haven't been
19:55 Yay!
20:20 You people out there, you're the stars.
20:24 Cool.
20:30 Hey, look at me. I'm Blanche Dubois.
20:33 Mom.
20:35 Way to go, Mom.
20:37 Everybody was cheering for you.
20:39 Almost everybody.
20:41 Kids, wait in the car. I want to talk to your mother about this plaything.
20:45 Looking for a spot of fun with the Mrs. A, governor?
20:48 Shut up, boy.
20:50 Marge, you were terrific.
20:51 Oh, come on, Homer.
20:53 By the end, you were so bored, you could barely keep your selfish head up.
20:57 I wasn't bored. I was sad. It really got to me how that lady here...
21:03 Um, you know which one I mean. You played her.
21:06 Blanche. Yeah, how Blanche was sad and how that guy Stanley should have been nice to her.
21:12 Yeah?
21:13 Go on. I mean, it made me feel bad.
21:16 The poor thing ends up being hauled to the nut house when all she needed was for that big
21:20 slob to show her some respect.
21:23 At least that's what I thought. I have a history of missing a point of stuff like this.
21:27 No, Homer, you got it just right.
21:32 Hey, you know, I'm a lot like that guy. Really?
21:35 Yeah, like when I pick my teeth with the mail and stuff.
21:38 Well, maybe just a little.
21:42 Mwah!
22:51 Shh.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Grampa Simpson, Ned Flanders, Barney Gumble, Chief Wiggum, Krusty the Clown, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Otto Mann, Jasper Beardsley, Patty Bouvier, Reverend Lovejoy, Selma Bouvier, Lou, Eddie, Todd Flanders, Helen Lovejoy, Comic Book Guy, Lionel Hutz, Herman Hermann, Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon, Troy McClure, Ms. Albright, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Ms. Mellon, Drederick Tatum, Daria, Alfred Hitchcock, Bill Dandy, Blanche Auditioner 1, Mr. Boswell, Blanche Auditioner 2, Blanche Auditioner 3, Debra Jo Smallwood, Llewellyn Sinclair, Ms. Sinclair, Rich Moore, Rowena, Wes Archer, William F. George

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character