Bart of Darkness

The Simpsons, season 6, episode 1. First aired September 4, 1994. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

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From “Bart of Darkness”: “Yes, Dad.” — Yes, Dad.

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About the episode

During a summer heat wave, Homer buys a backyard pool that turns Bart and Lisa into the stars of the block, until Bart breaks his leg and is stuck indoors in a cast. Bored and lonely, he spies on the neighbors with Lisa's telescope and becomes convinced Ned Flanders has murdered his wife, Maude. Bart talks Lisa into searching the Flanders house, then fears she is next.

Written by: Dan McGrath
Directed by: Jim Reardon
Chalkboard gag: Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
Couch gag: Family Couch
Production code: 1F22

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

303 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:03 The Simpsons
0:38 Well, you're certainly doing your job today, Mr.
0:41 Sun.
0:43 Oh, rats.
0:47 And here we have the world-famous Beatles, exactly as they look,
0:50 performing on the Ed Sullivan Show.
0:54 I hardly think it's fair to be charged full price.
0:56 I'm up to my knees in the original cast of M.A.S.H.
1:01 Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy.
1:10 Homer, my hat goes off to you. It's cool in here, boy.
1:15 For the rest of the summer, we can live inside the refrigerator.
1:20 Homer, the fridge wasn't meant to be used this way.
1:24 Although I must say, it's certainly refreshing.
1:34 I got the idea when I noticed the refrigerator was cold.
1:37 Won't this overload the motor?
1:45 Marge, can you set the oven to cold?
2:05 I'm all out of ice cream!
2:08 It's true, you know.
2:10 Ice cream!
2:11 Fresh shot ice cream! Aww.
2:17 Chili!
2:18 Red hot Texas style chili!
2:21 And we got ginger ale!
2:23 Boiling hot Texas style ginger ale!
2:28 Texas!
2:29 Ah, face it, Bart.
2:31 Our salvation isn't just gonna roll by on the back of some stupid truck.
2:39 Whoa!
2:40 I gotta replace that window.
2:42 Pool mobile?
2:50 Look, Lisa, I snatched five bathing suits.
2:52 All Martins. Take your best shot.
2:55 I'm wearing 17 layers.
3:01 I brought this on myself.
3:04 Okay, little dudes, time's up.
3:07 Everybody out.
3:12 Time's up. So long, Lisa.
3:14 I'm gonna still lay underwater and go where the pool goes.
3:17 Had a good life.
3:24 Sorry, Bart dude.
3:25 We gotta fill this thing with Epsom salts and jam it on over to the old folks' home.
3:29 Oh, well. Same time tomorrow, Otto?
3:31 No way, man.
3:33 One day of summer is all we're budgeted for.
3:35 I guess it is kind of a tease.
3:42 Dad?
3:47 Yes, Lisa?
3:49 Dad, as you know, we've been swimming, and we've developed a taste for it.
3:53 We both agree that getting our own pool is the only way to go.
3:56 Now, before you respond,
3:57 you must understand that your refusal would result in months and months of...
4:01 Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad?
4:03 Can we have a pool, Dad? I understand.
4:09 Let us celebrate our new arrangement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
4:18 Over here we have the hick tub, the insta-rust, that's the lightning magnet,
4:23 that's the tinkler. Woo, the tinkler! I like this down to that.
4:27 We'll take it. Is it true we should wait at least an hour after eating before we go in?
4:32 Look, question lady, this job is not what I really do, okay?
4:34 I play keyboards.
4:51 All right, everybody in the pool.
4:54 It is a fine barn, but sure it is no pool, English.
4:57 Is it a pool yet?
5:01 Yes, Dad.
5:04 Who could that be?
5:06 Uh, hello, uh, Mrs. Bart.
5:10 Is your pool ready yet?
5:18 Bart, are all these children friends of yours?
5:22 Friends and well-wishers, yes.
5:24 Hey, Bart. Hi, buddy, Bart. Hi, Bart.
5:27 Hello, Mrs. Cumberdale.
5:34 People, people, it's time we all discuss the pool safety rules.
5:38 Jump, Bart, jump!
5:42 You got it.
5:43 Hey Bart, your epidermis is showing!
5:47 It is?
5:54 See, epidermis means your hair!
5:58 So technically it's true.
6:00 That's what makes it so funny.
6:02 Pardon me a moment.
6:06 Hey Nelson, he's really hurt. I think he broke his leg.
6:10 I said ha ha!
6:27 Get this kid a magazine.
6:30 Stat.
6:31 I'm sorry.
6:33 That leg's gonna have to come off.
6:37 Did I say leg? I meant that wet bathing suit.
6:40 I'm afraid you'll need a cast on that broken bone.
6:44 Oh, I'm gonna miss the whole summer.
6:47 Don't worry, boy.
6:48 When you get a job like me, you'll miss every summer.
6:52 Isn't it amazing the same day you got a pool is the same day we realized we liked you?
6:56 The timing worked out great, don't you think?
7:00 Hi.
7:01 Hi. Hey, guys, sign my cast.
7:03 Sign my cast.
7:04 Guys!
7:08 Millhouse! Uh, hi, Bart.
7:12 Faithful, Milhouse.
7:13 You'll spend the long, hot days by my side, won't you?
7:17 I think I lost my glasses in your pool.
7:19 I better go in and find them.
7:21 But you're wearing your glasses.
7:23 No, I'm not.
7:26 Oh, look, Bart's all alone.
7:29 Maybe I should keep him company at least for a little while.
7:32 Hey, go watch this!
7:41 Coming!
7:45 Well, looks like it's just you and me, Barty boy.
7:49 Great.
7:50 I get to spend the summer with my brain.
7:53 What fun can you have in a pool anyway that you can't have in a bathtub with a garbage bag
7:57 taped around your cast?
7:59 Bye!
8:41 Traitors, go on and have your pool.
8:43 I'm fine by myself. Right here.
9:12 Oh, my God.
9:43 You know, this isn't so bad.
9:46 I'll just spend the summer getting better acquainted with an old friend called television.
9:55 Hope you enjoyed that, kids.
9:57 Because Krusty's out of here for the summer.
9:59 In the meantime, we'll be running...
10:04 Classic Krusty.
10:06 Enjoy!
10:10 Good evening.
10:12 Tonight my guest is AFL-CIO Chairman George Meany,
10:15 who will be discussing collective bargaining agreements.
10:19 It's a pleasure to be here, Christy. Let me be blunt.
10:22 Is there a labor crisis in America today?
10:25 Well, that depends what you mean by crisis.
10:27 Ah,
10:30 there's nothing like rising with the sun for a quiet,
10:33 peaceful dip in your very own pool.
10:37 Woo!
10:40 Whoa!
10:44 Eww!
10:46 Lisa, the blob has got me. Don't touch me or I'll get you too.
10:49 Dad, you have to put chlorine in the water every day to keep it clean.
10:54 Chlorine, eh?
10:59 Oh, my face is on fire!
11:03 Oh, look, there's Bart.
11:05 Wave to him.
11:09 Maybe we should spend more time with Bart.
11:11 He's becoming isolated and weird.
11:14 I swear I don't know where the bombs are.
11:17 Only the miners know that.
11:20 Maybe this will be some nerd time.
11:23 No!
11:24 Uh, Bart? Don't turn on that light!
11:27 Sorry, I just came to see how you were feeling.
11:29 Fine, just fine.
11:31 What are you writing here, a play?
11:32 Uh, no.
11:34 Uh-huh. Cast of characters, Viceroy Fizzlebottom.
11:37 a hearty cherub of a man. Give me that.
11:40 It's a work in progress.
11:43 So, how do you like being Miss Popularity?
11:46 Oh, well, you know, it ain't so great.
11:51 Bart is the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life.
11:54 Well, anyway, brunch a present.
11:56 Look, it's a telescope I won at the optics festival.
11:59 It was an optics festival and I wasn't informed.
12:02 You go now. But... Go!
12:07 What have we here?
12:09 A wider side of hippies.
12:13 They don't care whose toes they step on.
12:23 This was a lovely idea, homie.
12:27 Come here and kiss me.
12:34 Do not be alarmed.
12:36 Continue swimming naked Oh,
12:40 come on Continue Come on All
12:45 right, now open fire
12:52 Wow The universe is so boring I know I'll
12:57 use this to peer into Springfield's Seeny underbelly
13:08 It turned out it was his evil twin.
13:12 Oh.
13:16 Grace, come here. There's a sinister-looking kid I want you to see.
13:20 Oh.
13:21 I'm never ever gonna see anything interesting with this stupid piece of junk.
13:32 That came from Flanders' house.
13:37 Oh.
13:43 Oh, my God. What have I done?
13:46 I've killed her.
13:48 Can't be what it looks like. This is Flanders we're talking about.
13:53 Now, I'll just watch some TV.
13:55 Now what you've been waiting for?
13:57 Another long raga by Ravi Shankar.
14:01 Shankar.
14:02 Shankar. Groovy man.
14:14 This can't be what it looks like.
14:16 There's got to be some other explanation.
14:19 I wish there was some other explanation for this.
14:22 But there isn't.
14:23 I'm a murderer.
14:26 Then that's not the real Ned Flanders. I'm a merred, diddly, argler!
14:31 If that's not Flanders, he's done his homework.
14:39 Daddy, where's Mommy? We miss her.
14:42 Mommy had to go away. She's with God now.
14:45 Yay!
14:46 Can we go there, too?
14:48 Soon enough. Yay!
14:52 He's gonna kill Rod and Todd, too.
14:54 That's horrible.
14:56 In principle.
14:59 Look, Lisa, I found this change on the bottom of the pool.
15:03 You can have it. Thanks, Nelson.
15:07 Somebody took my juice money.
15:10 Lisa, please join my family for a weekend in the country.
15:13 They'll be hunting, charades, and ever so many delightful romantic misunderstandings.
15:19 Lisa, Lisa, can't watch.
15:21 They're only using you for your pool, you know.
15:24 Shut up, brain. I got friends now. I don't need you anymore.
15:28 Yeah, I'd love to go to your house
15:36 My plan has come to fruition Soon I'll be queen of summertime Oh,
15:41 king, king
15:48 Dude, Buzz has it And even Wussier Kid has an even better pool than this
15:59 Huh?
16:01 Hello?
16:02 Hey, I'm stuck in here.
16:05 I gotta think of a way to get out.
16:07 Well, well, well, look who's come crawling back.
16:11 Listen, Ned Flanders murdered his wife.
16:14 But why? She's such a fox. I mean, what's on Fox tonight?
16:19 Something ribald, no doubt.
16:21 I wish you'd stopped spreading bad rumors about people.
16:24 Remember how you got grandpa tarred and feathered?
16:26 Sure.
16:27 That was 20 minutes ago.
16:28 Gonna be in the tub for a while.
16:31 Bart, I'm really sorry I've been ignoring you lately.
16:34 I got carried away with being popular.
16:37 But now that I'm unpopular again, I want you to know I'm here for you.
16:41 You can start making it up to me right now.
16:43 Flanders is leaving the house.
16:45 I want you to sneak in there and bring me back some evidence.
16:48 And something sweet for later. Bart, I'm here for you,
16:50 but I'm not gonna break it in somebody's house.
16:52 All right. You're right. You're right. Let's just forget about that.
16:54 Here, let me read to you from my play.
16:58 Kep us for breakfast, Aunt Helga.
17:00 Is it St. Swiven's Day already?
17:03 Tis, replied Aunt Helga. I'm going, I'm going.
17:20 A human head.
17:26 Of course.
17:29 Oh, no. He's back. Flanders is back. Lisa, get out of there.
17:34 No, Lisa, don't go upstairs. You'll be trapped.
17:39 An axe. He's got an axe.
17:41 I'll save you, Lisa.
17:45 I'll save you by calling the police.
17:48 Hello and welcome to the Springfield Police Department Rescue Phone.
17:52 If you know the name of the felony being committed, press 1.
17:56 To choose from a list of felonies, press 2.
17:59 If you are being murdered or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line.
18:06 You have selected Regicide.
18:08 If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press 1.
18:20 I'll save you, cast or no cast.
18:25 Gotta save Lisa, trash can or no trash can.
18:40 Don't... Oh!
18:41 Oh!
18:44 Oh, no!
18:45 That sinister-looking kid is coming to kill me!
18:48 Help!
18:51 Mary had a little lamb,
18:55 little lamb, little lamb.
19:37 It's time to put you away.
19:41 Put you away for good
19:50 What the gumdrops is going on here?
19:53 Came to stop you from murdering Lisa like you murdered your wife
19:57 Murdered?
20:02 Murdered? Oh no,
20:03 I've just been in the country for a week But I distinctly heard you say that Maude was
20:07 with God Oh, that's right I was at Bible camp.
20:11 I was learning how to be more judgmental.
20:13 But I saw the murder, and then I saw you bury the corpse in the backyard.
20:17 All right, it's true.
20:18 I am a murderer.
20:21 I overwatered Maude's favorite ficus plant.
20:23 I panicked, and then I buried the remains.
20:26 I was hoping to replace it before you got home.
20:29 But I heard a woman scream.
20:32 Huh?
20:33 Well, now that I can't explain.
20:34 You found it, Chief.
20:37 Oh, well, I guess that explains everything.
20:40 Not everything.
20:42 There's still a little matter of the whereabouts of your wife.
20:45 Um, I'm right here.
20:46 Oh, I see.
20:48 Then everything is wrapped up in a neat little package.
20:52 Really, I mean that.
20:54 Sorry if it sounded sarcastic.
21:00 More friends!
21:01 More allies! More, I say! Hang those who talk of less!
21:05 There's a few inches over here!
21:15 My precious pool and its lifestyle equipment!
21:19 No!
21:20 What a trap!
21:22 I hear you.
21:28 Oh, the gentle caress of a summer breeze.
21:44 The summer wind came blowing in
21:49 from across the sea.
22:01 guitar solo
22:46 Shh.
22:52 Thank you.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Milhouse Van Houten, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Chief Wiggum, Krusty the Clown, Dr. Hibbert, Nelson Muntz, Otto Mann, Martin Prince, Ralph Wiggum, Lou, Lewis Clark, Wendell Borton, Jimbo Jones, Eddie, Todd Flanders, Maude Flanders, Rod Flanders, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Sherri Mackleberry, Terri Mackleberry, Nina Skalka, Janey Powell, Hans Moleman, Adrian Belew, Becky Shorter, Dolph Starbeam, Sophie Jensen, Itchy, Girl with glasses, Long-haired girl, Jaffee Ziswhisky, Buck-toothed boy, Scratchy, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Buck-toothed girl, Lewis' lookalike, Boy with shades, Chuck Berger, Smug Girl, Just Stamp the Ticket Man, White-Haired Girl, Tanya, Great Son, The Beatles, Rex, Amish Man, Bart Cumberdale, George Meany, L.B. Jefferies, Pool Shark Salesman, Ravi Shankar

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character