Secrets of a Successful Marriage
The Simpsons, season 5, episode 22. First aired May 19, 1994. 137 moments of about ten seconds each: open one for its frame, what happens and what's said.
← Lady Bouvier's Lover Bart of Darkness → The whole episode as text
About the episode
After his poker buddies suggest he is slow, Homer goes to adult education to improve himself, but decides to teach instead and is given a class on keeping a marriage happy. To hold his students' interest, he reveals private details about his life with Marge, who throws him out. Living in the treehouse and falling apart, Homer wins her back by pleading that he cannot survive without her.
- Written by
- Greg Daniels
- Directed by
- Carlos Baeza
- Guest stars
- Marcia Wallace as Mrs. Krabappel
- Phil Hartman as Lionel Hutz
- Chalkboard gag
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
- Couch gag
- Clapboard couch gag, take three: Exploding Family
- Production code
- 1F20
The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.
Every moment
-
Bart appears in a classroom in front of a blackboard filled with the repeated line…
“The Simpsons”
0:00–0:12 -
Homer first sits in a pink car in the driveway, then rides a small red bike with a stack of boxes…
0:12–0:23 -
No regular characters appear in this sequence, which shows only title cards on a retro television set…
“All right, I raise a quarter.”
0:23–0:35 -
Homer, Barney, Moe, Carl and Lenny sit around a round kitchen table playing poker, with beer mugs, bottles…
“All right, I raise a quarter.”
0:35–0:48 -
Homer and Moe sit at the bar playing cards with poker chips stacked on the counter
“Do you want another card or not? Oh, okay, I'll take three.”
0:48–0:58 -
Homer and Moe sit across a wooden bar table stacked with red and blue poker chips and playing cards…
“Let's see your cards. Oh, I was bluffing.”
0:58–1:08 -
Moe sits at his bar, first clenching a fist and gritting his teeth, then resting his chin on his hands…
“Go! You do this every time! You... Oh, you...”
1:08–1:16 -
Homer fills the close-up in profile against a blue wall with a small wall-mounted object at the right edge
“Huh!”
1:16–1:28 -
Homer Simpson stands in a dim kitchen at a round table holding a bottle and pointing angrily…
“How dare you call me that!”
1:28–1:40 -
Homer sits at the kitchen table with Lisa, who has star-shaped spiky hair and a red dress, and Bart…
“So anywho, last night we're playing poker, right?”
1:40–1:49 -
Homer sits at the kitchen table between Lisa and Bart, the boy with spiky hair in an orange shirt
“As usual, I'm winning and not realizing it.”
1:49–1:58 -
Lisa, Homer and Bart sit at the dining table in the kitchen, with Lisa on the left, Homer in the middle…
“A little slow!”
1:58–2:07 -
Lisa sits at the kitchen table in the first frame, stirring a bowl of food with a spoon while glancing…
“Buh.”
2:07–2:19 -
Homer Simpson stands in the family kitchen in front of a green stove, with purple cabinets, a blue oven mitt…
“You think I don't want to?”
2:19–2:20 -
Homer Simpson sits at the kitchen table between Lisa and Bart, the spiky-haired boy in an orange shirt…
“It's those TV networks, Marge. They won't let me.”
2:20–2:30 -
Homer Simpson sits at the kitchen table between Lisa and Bart, in his orange shirt
“if they only stumbled once, just gave us 30 minutes to ourselves.”
2:30–2:40 -
Homer sits on the edge of a red-and-brown bed with his head bowed and hands clasped, then Marge sits…
“Oh, who am I kidding? I am slow.”
2:40–2:52 -
Homer Simpson sits on the edge of a bed beside Marge, who has her tall blue beehive and wears a pink…
“Or you can take an adult education course.”
2:52–3:04 -
Homer Simpson sits on the edge of a bed beside Marge, who has her tall blue beehive and wears a pink…
“Remember when I took that home winemaking course and I forgot how to drive?”
3:04–3:17 -
Homer Simpson stands in a hallway next to a wall panel, then turns to face an easel displaying the sign…
“One way to drive your man wild is to wear tight, revealing clothes.”
3:17–3:28 -
Selma smokes a cigarette in a dim room while Homer stands beside an easel and looks toward a sign
“At this point, I'd like to remind you there are no refunds.”
3:28–3:37 -
Moe starts out perched on the edge of a wooden desk in a classroom while Homer watches from the doorway
“Alright, here's the 411, folks. Say some gangster is dissing your fly girl.”
3:37–3:49 -
Homer stands at the open door of a room with an orange wall, beside an easel sign with partly visible…
“See, that ping sound means the spit was on target.”
3:49–4:02 -
Homer stands beside a door in a hallway, hand on his chin as he ponders, then points at a thin man…
“Getting better.”
4:02–4:12 -
Homer Simpson stands beside a door in the first frames, hand on his chin, then jabs a finger upward…
“That's it. If he can teach a class, he can teach a class!”
4:12–4:22 -
Homer sits in a chair across a desk from Principal Skinner and a blue wastebasket
“Well, I can tell the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not butter.”
4:22–4:35 -
Principal Skinner and a blue jacket and brown tie, sits behind a desk in an orange chair and talks…
“What am I gonna tell my wife and kids? Oh, you're married?”
4:35–4:44 -
Homer Simpson sits on a chair across a wooden desk from an old man with thick glasses, grey hair at the sides…
“We need someone to teach a course on how to build a successful marriage.”
4:44–4:57 -
Principal Skinner sits in an orange armchair against a green wall
“Look, everyone.”
4:57–5:05 -
Marge Simpson stands in the kitchen beside a green stove and purple toaster, her eyes rolling and mouth…
“Homer, that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed blazer, not the other way around.”
5:05–5:18 -
Lisa and Homer stand in the kitchen beside a green refrigerator, while Marge with her tall blue beehive…
“I think it's great you're a teacher, Dad.”
5:18–5:30 -
Homer stands on the front steps of a house with a purple door while a moustached man with glasses in a purple…
“Homer, what a pleasant... Can't talk now, Flayners.”
5:30–5:43 -
A figure in a dark outfit stands at the doorway of a purple-roofed house on a quiet street, then the scene…
“But you rang my...”
5:43–5:54 -
Homer Simpson drives a pink car through city streets, first glancing ahead in the cab and then pulling up…
“It's all right.”
5:54–6:06 -
Homer Simpson stands at the front of a yellow classroom of adult students seated at desks, including Marge…
“All right.”
6:06–6:12 -
Homer Simpson stands before a blackboard…
“All right.”
6:12–6:24 -
Homer Simpson stands at the front of a classroom beside a chalkboard…
“Uh...”
6:24–6:34 -
Homer Simpson stands at the front of a classroom in a grey suit and tie, one hand raised to his chin…
“Uh...”
6:34–6:46 -
Homer Simpson stands before a blackboard reading "Secrets of a Successful Marriage, Homer Simpson, Teacher!"…
“Uh... Hmm... Um... How about if we tell you our problems with relationships?”
6:46–6:59 -
Otto sits at a wooden desk in a yellow-walled room, wearing a pink shirt with a blue pendant necklace…
“Um... How about you, Otto? Well,”
6:59–7:12 -
A heavy-set man with short brown hair, a light blue suit, white shirt and red tie sits at a desk…
“My problem is I'm a real user of women.”
7:12–7:18 -
Mrs. Krabappel and Troy McClure stand together in a room with olive walls and a blue ceiling
“Well, I'm a smart woman, but I make bad choices.”
7:18–7:27 -
Principal Skinner sits at a classroom desk, first waving one hand in the air, then gesturing with it…
“Um, I was married once, but, uh, I just didn't know how to keep it together.”
7:27–7:35 -
Mr. Burns stands at a dark table in a black-and-white room, wearing a dark jacket over a white shirt
“Come on, Waylon.”
7:35–7:43 -
In a black-and-white bedroom, a bespectacled man in a dressing gown holding a tray of bottles raises his fist…
“It's that horrible Mr. Burns, isn't it? You leave Mr.”
7:43–7:53 -
Homer Simpson stands at a blackboard in a classroom, holding a small orange-brown object and gesturing as he…
“Mr. Simpson, are you listening?”
7:53–8:05 -
Principal Skinner, Moe, and Carl sit at small classroom desks in front of a chalkboard…
“You are not. You were just eating a damn orange.”
8:05–8:16 -
Homer Simpson stands at the front of a classroom in a grey suit and green tie, lecturing beside a chalkboard…
“For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange.”
8:16–8:20 -
Homer Simpson stands at a classroom blackboard reading
“First, you have the skin.”
8:20–8:31 -
Apu gestures and speaks at the front of a classroom, with Carl beside him and a teal-haired figure…
“I don't understand.”
8:31–8:41 -
Homer Simpson stands at a chalkboard reading "Secrets of a Successful Marriage" in a classroom…
“Just eat the damn oranges!”
8:41–8:52 -
Homer stands before a dark chalkboard reading "SECR...", "SUCCESSI...", "HOMER" and "tea...", grimacing…
“I told Marge this wouldn't work the other night in bed.”
8:52–9:01 -
Homer Simpson stands at the front of a classroom in a tan suit, gesturing with both hands before a chalkboard…
“No, that's not what I meant.”
9:01–9:12 -
Homer Simpson stands at a seminar room chalkboard…
“I was telling Marge that we could save some money if she only dyed her hair once a month.”
9:12–9:22 -
Homer stands with arms crossed in a classroom while a teal-haired figure with a bone stuck in its hair…
“Come on, tell us more. Come on, tell us about it.”
9:22–9:33 -
Homer sits in a pink car driving past Krusty, a green-haired clown standing behind a blank purple sign…
“All right, Simpson.”
9:33–9:45 -
Marge Simpson and Apu stand at the store checkout beside a cash register and shelves of canned goods…
“Oh, Mrs. Simpson. It may interest you to know we are having a sale on blue dye number 52.”
9:45–9:58 -
Marge Simpson stands at the Kwik-E-Mart talking with Apu, who wears a green sweater and has a grey-blue…
“Whatever do you mean?”
9:58–10:06 -
Moe stands behind a cash register at the Kwik-E-Mart while Apu faces him from the right side of the counter
“No, no, no, you got it wrong Poe. She's blue 56.”
10:06–10:14 -
Homer and Marge Simpson sit on a bed in a pink bedroom at night, Marge in a pink nightgown with her tall blue…
“Homer I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class Marge,”
10:14–10:25 -
Homer Simpson stands in front of pink lockers at the left edge of a room with a wooden door, his eyes…
“Oh, you mean about you.”
10:25–10:26 -
Marge Simpson sits up in bed beside Homer Simpson, who wears a light blue shirt and is seated at the bedside…
“All right, maybe I said some things, some personal things.”
10:26–10:37 -
Marge Simpson sits up in bed beside a lamp on a nightstand, while Homer Simpson stands at the foot of the bed…
“I'm happy about that. But I think you can be a good teacher and still respect our privacy.”
10:37–10:48 -
Homer and Marge stand beside a bed in a pink bedroom lit by a lamp with a pleated shade on a small…
“The whole freaking system is out of order.”
10:48–10:59 -
Homer and Marge are in the bedroom beside a lamp with a pleated shade
“that was your best friend's face!”
10:59–11:09 -
Homer Simpson stands behind a desk at the front of a classroom, reading a blue book while a chalkboard…
“Now, what is a wedding?”
11:09–11:22 -
Homer Simpson sits at a desk in front of a blackboard in a classroom, first looking wide-eyed…
“This is a place of learning, not a house of...”
11:22–11:31 -
A curly-haired man with a long nose, a brown cap, headphones and a pink shirt stands at the left…
“I can't believe I paid $10,000 for this course.”
11:31–11:44 -
Homer Simpson stands before a chalkboard reading "Secrets of a Successful Marriage, Homer Simpson, Teacher"…
“Now the wife of this couple has an interesting quirk in the bedroom.”
11:44–11:57 -
Mrs. Krabappel sits at a desk between two men in suits, a man with short reddish hair and a red tie…
“We need names! Well, let's just call him, uh, Mr.”
11:57–11:58 -
Homer Simpson stands behind a desk in front of a black chalkboard and gestures expressively with his yellow…
“We need names! Well, let's just call him, uh, Mr.”
11:58–12:11 -
Apu grins in a close-up beside a grey-haired man with glasses and a purple bow tie, then sits at a classroom…
“Oh, Homer, don't you have to get to class?”
12:11–12:19 -
Homer and Marge stand in a lavender hallway beside a pink arched doorway and a wall phone
“Not tonight, Marge.”
12:19–12:28 -
Marge Simpson and Homer Simpson stand together in a pink arched kitchen doorway beside a stove and cabinets
“What the darn?”
12:28–12:41 -
Lisa sits at the dinner table across from Bart at the lower left, with Homer in his white shirt…
“So, little Lisa, apple of my eye, how were things down at the old schoolhouse?”
12:41–12:52 -
Homer Simpson sits at a dinner table facing Lisa and Bart, while Principal Skinner in a green jacket and bow…
“And how's my little major leaguer? Catch any June bugs today?”
12:52–13:02 -
Homer sits at the dining table with Marge, Lisa and Bart, while a crowd of onlookers, including a red-haired…
“Son, I know you meant well, but that wasn't the right thing to do.”
13:02–13:13 -
Lisa sits at a table in a restaurant with a plate and glass in front of her, scowling and grimacing
“I'm out of here. Me too.”
13:13–13:26 -
Moe and Apu stand together by a pink doorway, with Moe pointing a pencil while speaking and Apu grinning
“Hey, Homer, why don't you just nibble her elbow?”
13:26–13:37 -
Moe and a dark-skinned man in a green jacket holding a notepad stand at a counter beside a pink wall
“Ooh, she's gonna have it. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out!”
13:37–13:49 -
Homer and Marge Simpson stand in their doorway, with Homer talking while Marge looks on from the staircase…
“For tomorrow, you should read pages 7 through 18 in Lisa's diary.”
13:49–13:55 -
Homer sits in the foreground beside a woman in an orange hat, headphones and a pink top, who rests her hand…
“Is any of this gonna be on the test? Cause I wasn't paying attention.”
13:55–14:03 -
Homer stands on the doormat at the pink arched front door of a green two-story house at night, with lit…
“Come on, Marge, let me in!”
14:03–14:10 -
Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson stand in a doorway at night with a suburban street and houses visible…
“Okay, Marge. Things were said, mistakes were made.”
14:10–14:17 -
Homer stretches his arm across a doorway of a pink-walled house, facing Marge, who has a tall blue beehive…
“You just don't get it, do you, Homer?”
14:17–14:30 -
Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson stand outside the family's house at night, with Ned Flanders' neighbor figure
“Hey, Homer, what's the big brew-a-ha-ha-ha?”
14:30–14:44 -
Homer stands on a dim suburban street at night, looking annoyed and then turning his head to wave a hand…
“This scene is getting old, man.”
14:44–14:55 -
Marge stands beside Bart, Lisa, and Maggie at the kitchen table, where a juice glass, a bottle, and a baby…
“Kids, your father and I are going through a really tough time right now,”
14:55–15:08 -
Bart and Lisa sit at the kitchen table in the first frames, while Marge in a pink bathrobe and tall blue…
“Wow.”
15:08–15:19 -
Snowball II crouches and scrambles away from a huge white ball of yarn that rolls toward it…
15:19–15:23 -
Bart Simpson climbs a tree using wooden cleats while gripping a black handheld device, moving upward until…
“Earth Base, this is Commander Bart McCool.”
15:23–15:37 -
Homer Simpson stands behind a wooden tub in a log-walled room, while a figure in a pink top and grey helmet…
“Don't mind me, boys. Just scrubbing my undies.”
15:37–15:39 -
Bart and Milhouse stand on a wooden stage in front of a painted backdrop of blue sky and green trees within…
“Sorry, Bart. Your dad kind of blew the fantasy.”
15:39–15:46 -
Homer Simpson stands in a log-walled cabin beside a wooden tub filled with white material, while Bart Simpson…
“Keep up the roughhousing, son.”
15:46–15:54 -
Homer peers through a gap in a wooden fence at a dark-haired man in a red shirt and blue trousers…
“Oh, good.”
15:54–16:05 -
Marge Simpson sits in a green armchair in a pink living room holding a teacup and saucer, while a dark-haired…
“Then a divorce.”
16:05–16:16 -
Marge Simpson lies awake in a blue-lit bedroom, propped against a white pillow under a blue blanket
16:16–16:22 -
Homer sits in a dim wooden room at night, holding a gold-framed picture and staring at it while a U.S. MAIL…
“Good night, Marge.”
16:22–16:35 -
The view is through an orange car window as it glides along a street past Broken-Home Chimney Repair…
“I love you.”
16:35–16:45 -
Marge sits behind a black steering wheel inside a car, gripping the wheel with both hands and her chin…
“I love you.”
16:45–16:57 -
Homer is sprawled on a sidewalk beside a parked orange car, his legs kicked up and arms flailing as he…
“Here, Dad.”
16:57–17:08 -
Homer sits against a wooden plank wall in a white shirt and blue pants tied with rope, holding a pair…
“I brought you some nice... Good news, Lisa.”
17:08–17:19 -
Homer and Lisa are in a wooden shed holding a red pot with a leafy plant that has a grinning white flower face
“Lisa, you will respect your new mother.”
17:19–17:26 -
Homer sits cross-legged on a wooden floor in a log-walled room, first with hands pressed to his head…
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”
17:26–17:36 -
Homer Simpson sits inside a wooden shack with log walls and a wooden beam overhead
“Oh, your flesh mother used to bring me pudding.”
17:36–17:46 -
Homer stands at the left edge while Lisa stands beside a wooden wall outside at night
“Dad, you can't trick somebody into loving you.”
17:46–17:53 -
Homer Simpson and Lisa Simpson stand against a wooden plank wall in a dim wooden interior
“There's something they give each other that nobody else can give them.”
17:53–18:04 -
Homer sits cross-legged on the floor of a wooden hut with a small bowl of white food beside him, while Lisa…
“Good luck, Dad.”
18:04–18:17 -
Homer sits barefoot on a porch at night, spooning cereal from a bowl while gazing ahead, then keeps eating…
18:17–18:31 -
Moe stands in a doorway at night holding a bouquet of colorful flowers as he talks with Marge, who has…
18:31–18:42 -
Marge Simpson stands in front of a pink wall and dark blue curtain while holding a bouquet of colorful daisies
“I'm pretty flattered, but I'm not really interested.”
18:42–18:46 -
Moe stands in a doorway at night while Marge holds a bouquet of colorful flowers toward him
“Jeez, I come here, I get dressed up all nice-like, put my heart on the line,”
18:46–18:55 -
Moe and Marge stand in a lit doorway at night under a starry sky
“Oh, boy.”
18:55–19:03 -
A one-off man with dark curly hair, a pale blue suit and a bow tie sits on a red sofa in a pink living room…
“Hmm, clean house.”
19:03–19:14 -
Mr. Burns sits on a maroon couch in a lavender suit and bow tie, first with a wide-eyed, open-mouthed stare…
“Moe!”
19:14–19:23 -
Marge Simpson stands in a pink living room holding a glass of water while a shaggy-bearded man in a tattered…
“Here's your water, Moe. I don't ask you for no water.”
19:23–19:34 -
Homer Simpson stands in a pink living room with Marge Simpson, her tall blue beehive and orange bead necklace…
“Marge, I figured out what I can give you that no one else can.”
19:34–19:47 -
A blonde figure in dark clothing stands at the left edge beside a wooden table holding a light-blue vase…
19:47–19:52 -
Homer stands in a pink room beside Marge, with her tall blue beehive and green dress, near a wooden table…
“Oh, my tattered rags are caught on your coffee table.”
19:52–20:03 -
Homer and Marge are in a pink hallway near an open wooden front door
“Wait a minute.”
20:03–20:16 -
Marge Simpson stands in close-up against a pink wall beside a doorway and a wall lamp at the right edge
“Homer, that's not a good thing.”
20:16–20:19 -
Homer kneels on a green mat in a pink-walled room and clasps and gestures with his hands while looking up…
“Are you kidding?”
20:19–20:32 -
Homer Simpson stands in the foreground clenching his fists and gazing sideways at Marge Simpson, who has…
“And most of all, I need you to love me, because I love you.”
20:32–20:41 -
Homer Simpson kneels on a brown floor in front of a pink wall with a light switch and a red side table
“Marge, look at me. We've been separated for a day, and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman.”
20:41–20:51 -
Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson stand in a pink hallway beside a pacifier-shaped wall light
20:51–21:00 -
Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson stand together in a pink room beside an oval mirror in a wooden frame
“I must admit, you really do make a gal feel needed.”
21:00–21:12 -
Marge, Lisa, Maggie, Homer and Bart sit around the blue-clothed kitchen table in the Simpson kitchen…
“Oh, it's great to be indoors with my family.”
21:12–21:23 -
Bart stands in a cluttered room with pink and blue walls and a blue dresser, holding up a paper…
“Look, Dad, I missed you so much I couldn't concentrate in school and I got an F.”
21:23–21:32 -
Marge and Homer stand in a kitchen-like room beside Bart, the spiky-haired boy in an orange shirt…
“Oh, sorry. Here's a fresh one. And I have a special present for you.”
21:32–21:39 -
Homer Simpson stands in a kitchen-like room between Marge and Bart, the spiky-haired boy in an orange shirt…
“Special present? I don't want to wait! I want it now!”
21:39–21:47 -
Marge is washing a plate at the kitchen sink while Moe peers in through the window and gestures with both…
“So, Margie, you really happy? Really?”
21:47–21:50 -
Marge and Homer stand together at the kitchen sink while Homer leans in and hugs her from behind as she looks…
21:50–22:01 -
No animated characters appear in this credits sequence, which shows only a plain black background with yellow…
22:01–22:12 -
No Simpsons characters appear in this moment; the scene is a black screen with yellow credit text shown…
“We'll be right back.”
22:12–22:22 -
The scene is a black screen with yellow cartoon-style credit text
“We'll be right back.”
22:22–22:33 -
No Simpsons characters appear in this moment; it is a black end-credits sequence in which yellow text scrolls…
22:33–22:44 -
Silhouetted audience members, including one with a tall beehive resembling Marge, sit in rows of seats…
“Shh.”
22:44–22:53
Who's in it
Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Milhouse Van Houten, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Barney Gumble, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Mrs. Krabappel, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Otto Mann, Jasper Beardsley, Patty Bouvier, Reverend Lovejoy, Selma Bouvier, Groundskeeper Willie, Miss Hoover, Snowball II, Sideshow Mel, Hans Moleman, Helen Lovejoy, Bernice Hibbert, Horatio McCallister, Lionel Hutz, Old Jewish Man, Princess Kashmir, Annex Adminstrator, Mrs. Carlson
Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character