Ultrahouse 3000 Episodes

Lady Bouvier's Lover

The Simpsons, season 5, episode 21. First aired May 12, 1994. 138 moments of about ten seconds each: open one for its frame, what happens and what's said.

The whole episode as text

About the episode

At Maggie's first birthday party, Grampa and Jacqueline Bouvier, Marge's mother, hit it off and start dating, to Homer's dismay. Mr. Burns soon steals Jackie away and proposes, and Grampa bursts into the wedding to win her back, though Jackie ends up turning down both men. Meanwhile, Bart secretly charges a $350 Itchy & Scratchy animation cel to Homer's credit card.

Written by
Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein
Directed by
Wes Archer
Guest stars
Phil Hartman as Troy McClure
Chalkboard gag
I will not retransmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
Couch gag
Clapboard couch gag, take one: Shattered Family
Production code
1F21

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every moment

  1. Bart appears in a classroom at a chalkboard that repeatedly reads 'I will not re-transmit without the express…

    “The Simpsons”0:00–0:12
  2. Homer and Lisa appear at a yellow house as a pink car pulls into the driveway and Lisa rides a red bicycle…

    0:12–0:23
  3. No regular characters appear in this moment; it shows a retro television set with a pink background…

    0:23–0:29
  4. Krusty the Clown and a man in a black suit with a teal bouffant and a bone stuck in it stand before a red…

    “Please, Krusty, this is very demeaning. Shut up and conduct.”0:29–0:37
  5. Krusty the clown, with green hair, a red nose and a blue bow tie, stands beside a yellow-skinned man…

    “Please, Krusty, this is very demeaning. Shut up and conduct.”0:37–0:44
  6. Krusty the Clown stands beside a green-haired man in a tuxedo with a bone stuck through his hair, in front…

    “Maggie!”0:44–0:58
  7. Homer sits in a green armchair in a pink living room while baby Maggie sits on his lap, and Lisa in a red…

    “Can you point to the monkey?”0:58–1:11
  8. Homer and Maggie stand in front of a Krusty poster in the first two scenes, Maggie's pacifier bobbing…

    “Don't! Homer, you didn't do a very good job frosting Maggie's birthday cake.”1:11–1:24
  9. Homer stands at a kitchen counter working on a pink-frosted cake with letters on it while Marge watches him…

    “Hey, hey, hey, hey, stop it. I made a special cake for you to ruin.”1:24–1:34
  10. Marge Simpson stands in the pink doorway holding baby Maggie, with Patty and Selma, Marge's twin sisters…

    “Hello, everyone except Homer.”1:34–1:41
  11. Marge and Maggie, who has a pacifier and a blue bow, stand on the left watching a scene across the street

    “Marge, I think that's your father-in-law across the street.”1:41–1:48
  12. Marge walks through a pink room decorated with a Happy Birthday banner, balloons and streamers, while Patty…

    “Everybody, get ready.”1:48–1:57
  13. Patty and Selma sit behind a counter under pink party streamers, with Patty talking and Selma smirking…

    “She's a little angel.”1:57–2:07
  14. Lisa, Bart, Marge, Homer, Maggie, Grampa, Patty and Selma gather in the pink living room around a stack…

    “Shouldn't we wait for the other babies before we open the presents?”2:07–2:18
  15. Maggie watches through a window as a grey-haired woman in a red dress pushes a pram past a red house…

    “Maggie, we have a surprise for you.”2:18–2:28
  16. In a pink-walled room, Marge holds a pink-frosted birthday cake with a lit candle while her sisters Patty…

    “Ooh!”2:28–2:41
  17. Marge sits at a table across from Grampa, the wrinkled old man with white tufts of hair and glasses…

    “Put the cotton in your ear. That'll stop them shakes.”2:41–2:54
  18. Bart points across a yellow table while Marge with her tall blue beehive and Grampa with his white tufts lean…

    “Don't forget to give her Smellers powder.”2:54–3:08
  19. Marge, Bart and Lisa sit at a kitchen table while Grampa sits across from them on the right, grinning…

    “Oh, that was a real horn honker.”3:08–3:19
  20. Bart and Lisa first sit at a kitchen table with its shelves of dishes behind them, then stand side by side…

    “Hot dogs.”3:19–3:26
  21. Bart Simpson and Lisa Simpson stand in front of a yellow wood-paneled wall on a pink floor

    “What kinds of kids eat armor hot dogs?”3:26–3:37
  22. Homer, Marge, Grampa, Patty and Selma, Bart and Lisa gather in a pink-walled diner with red chairs…

    “Like hot dogs.”3:37–3:49
  23. Lisa and Bart stand at the edge of a long dining table with a small frosted cake in a red-and-pink dining room

    “Doesn't this family know any songs that aren't commercials?”3:49–4:01
  24. Grampa, Bart, Homer, Lisa and Marge stand in a row on a suburban sidewalk, with Marge's tall blue beehive…

    “It's been great spending time with my family again.”4:01–4:10
  25. Homer stands beside a window with Marge and then Grampa talks to Homer, taps his arm, and points…

    “Or if not then, Christmas.”4:10–4:23
  26. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Grampa stand on the front walk of the Simpson house, with Grampa in a pink…

    “Hurry up! Hurry! Each Matlock could be on last!”4:23–4:28
  27. Homer lies in bed under an orange blanket holding a white handheld device while glancing at it, as Marge…

    “Homie, you know it's funny.”4:28–4:36
  28. Homer lies in bed under an orange blanket, holding a white tablet-like card and looking to his side…

    “Anyway,”4:36–4:44
  29. Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson sit together in a bed with a purple headboard and an orange blanket in a pink…

    “Marge, please. Old people don't need companionship.”4:44–4:54
  30. Marge stands beside the bed in the bedroom and Homer sits up in bed holding up a hand while looking…

    “Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?”4:54–5:03
  31. Homer drives a pink car with Marge in the passenger seat and Grampa, the wrinkled old man with white tufts…

    “Say, I've got a neat idea.”5:03–5:14
  32. Homer and Marge sit in the front of a car in the foreground

    “That's not my mother.”5:14–5:25
  33. The scene shows the neon sign of P. Piggly Hogswine's Super-Smörg, with a grinning neon pig chef in a blue…

    “You know, Mom, you and Abe have a lot in common.”5:25–5:32
  34. Marge Simpson sits at a cafeteria-style table beside Grampa and one of Marge's grey-violet-haired sisters…

    “You know, Mom, you and Abe have a lot in common.”5:32–5:41
  35. Marge sits at a cafeteria table beside Grampa and one of Marge's grey-violet-haired sisters in purple…

    “Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is see,”5:41–5:51
  36. At a dinner table, Selma looks sullen and then yawns widely

    “I was just happy to talk to someone on the phone.”5:51–6:00
  37. Grampa sits at a cafeteria counter with a tray of food, gripping a fork in each hand and glancing sideways…

    6:00–6:11
  38. Grampa sits at a counter holding a fork and a patty while Milhouse leans in beside him

    “Sir, I represent the estate of Charles Chaplin.”6:11–6:24
  39. Two elderly figures walk up the path toward the entrance of the Hal Roach Apartments, a building whose sign…

    “And here's a picture of me getting arrested for indecent exposure.”6:24–6:36
  40. Marge sits on a green couch beside Grampa, the wrinkled old man with white tufts of hair, glasses…

    “You were one nifty number.”6:36–6:49
  41. A bald yellow-skinned older man with a thick tan moustache, round glasses, and a pink shirt sits on a green…

    “You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember,”6:49–7:01
  42. Grampa sits in a peach jacket with a large white clasp, his round glasses and bushy tan moustache filling…

    “Oh, I feel all funny.”7:01–7:10
  43. A man with a moustache and glasses, lying on a stretcher covered by a blue blanket, is carried in the back…

    “No, wait.”7:10–7:18
  44. Bart lies in bed at night clutching a small portable TV with an antenna, while a lamp glows on the nightstand

    “I'm in love!”7:18–7:27
  45. Troy McClure stands in front of a window with lavender curtains and a blue vase while holding a microphone

    7:27–7:37
  46. Troy McClure speaks into a microphone on a television screen bearing an IBN Impulse Buying Network logo…

    “Generation X.”7:37–7:47
  47. Troy McClure sits beside an unnamed man in a brown suit and red tie with blue hair at the sides, who holds up…

    “Troy, I'm proud to offer your viewers these hand-drawn,”7:47–7:58
  48. Bart first lies in a blue bed, then Homer leads him by the shoulders down a pink hallway with an arched…

    “Ooh.”7:58–8:10
  49. Bart Simpson stands in the family hallway holding a telephone receiver to his ear, with a grandfather clock…

    “Uh, yes. My name is Homer Simpson, And I'd like to order an itchy and scratchy cell?”8:10–8:18
  50. Bart Simpson stands in a pink hallway beside a purple grandfather clock and an orange cabinet…

    “Uh, do you accept the federal breast inspector's card?”8:18–8:26
  51. Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Maggie Simpson and Bart Simpson sit around the kitchen table…

    “Well, I think it's wonderful that your father has fallen in love with my mother.”8:26–8:39
  52. Marge, Homer, Lisa, and Bart sit around the kitchen table in front of a window showing a rainy backyard…

    “Bart?”8:39–8:44
  53. Homer Simpson stands in the family kitchen beside a green stove with a purple toaster, blue oven mitt and red…

    “If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister.”8:44–8:54
  54. Two spiky-haired blond children, a boy in an orange shirt and a girl with frizzy hair and a pearl necklace…

    8:54–8:58
  55. Marge Simpson talks on a lilac telephone by a pink-and-orange sideboard with a potted plant, a pink vase…

    “Hello, Mom?”8:58–9:08
  56. Split-screen view of three people on telephones: on the left, one of Marge's twin sisters, Patty or Selma…

    “If you come on too strong, she's going to get scared away.”9:08–9:19
  57. Bart Simpson sits reading a Radioactive Man comic on a brown couch, then walks to a pink front door

    “Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.”9:19–9:29
  58. Bart Simpson starts inside the house by a coat rack, touching his nose, then stands at the open pink front…

    “I've got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.”9:29–9:40
  59. Bart Simpson stands beside a brown front door with a purple knob and a mail slot, next to a purple coat…

    “Homer Simpson, I've got a special delivery for you.”9:40–9:53
  60. Bart Simpson stands at the front door of the Simpson house, a red door with a purple knocker

    “Here's your special delivery.”9:53–10:04
  61. Bart and Lisa Simpson are in the living room, with Bart perched on the arm of a brown couch in an orange…

    “Hey, Lise, guess who's got a genuine itching and scratchy animation cell?”10:04–10:15
  62. Lisa and Bart are together first at a brown surface with a clear panel of printed text reading "SC-136"…

    “Crappy.”10:15–10:25
  63. Bart looks uneasily at a clear pane in a brown-cushioned room, then stares at a translucent ghostly figure…

    “$350.”10:25–10:37
  64. Homer sits on a dark red couch beside Troy McClure, an actor with swept-back reddish hair wearing a pinstripe…

    “Ha, stiggity!”10:37–10:48
  65. Homer sits on a maroon couch in a pink living room with a man in a pinstriped suit and brown bow tie, who has…

    “I even bought me some special novelty dentures!”10:48–10:58
  66. Homer sits beside an older mustached man with glasses, a bow tie and a brown pinstriped suit on a blue couch…

    “Now what you gotta do if you wanna get a kiss is”10:58–11:11
  67. Homer and Herb sit together on a blue couch in a blue room with white table lamps and a purple zigzag wall

    “Oh, I see.”11:11–11:22
  68. Homer Simpson and Mr. Burns are in a blue living room with a sofa, green-shaded lamps and a striped arched…

    11:22–11:33
  69. Homer stands on the left in a white shirt and blue pants while an older man in a pinstriped suit and glasses…

    11:33–11:45
  70. Bart stands at a glass display counter in a cramped shop, looking up at a heavy, stubbled man in a blue shirt…

    “drawn by Hig Heisler. It is worth something.”11:45–11:58
  71. Bart gestures with open hands in a shop while a heavy man in a blue shirt and orange shorts, who is not…

    “Can't you give me anything for it? I can give you this telephone.”11:58–12:10
  72. Marge Simpson dances closely with a heavyset bald man in a dark pinstriped suit in a room with purple…

    “Oh, my favorite song.”12:10–12:17
  73. An elderly man with bushy grey-blue hair at the sides, a big moustache, glasses, a pinstriped suit…

    “I can't remember when I felt this young.”12:17–12:27
  74. Mr. Burns stands in a red-walled room under a chandelier with a grey-violet-haired woman in a purple dress…

    “Say, sport, mind if I have the next dance?”12:27–12:38
  75. Mr. Burns dances with Marge, who wears a tall blue beehive and a purple dress with a white collar…

    12:38–12:48
  76. Marge twirls on a wooden parquet dance floor while a man in a white suit and yellow hat dances with arms…

    “Grrr!”12:48–13:02
  77. Mr. Burns and Marge watches nearby

    13:02–13:12
  78. Grampa sits on a green bench, stroking a brown greyhound with a red collar

    “I swear, Monty, you are the devil himself.”13:12–13:26
  79. Mr. Burns shakes hands with Marge, who has a tall blue beehive and a purple dress and holds a gold trophy…

    “but angels don't dance like that.”13:26–13:36
  80. An elderly yellow-skinned man with a brown beard, round glasses, a brown bow tie and a brown coat stands…

    13:36–13:38
  81. Mr. Burns wears a brown trench coat, striped trousers and a fedora

    “Good night, Mrs.”13:38–13:47
  82. Homer walks along a lit sidewalk at night, carrying a brown briefcase in his left hand

    “Bouvier, wherever you are.”13:47–13:56
  83. An elderly man in a brown fedora, brown trench coat, bow tie and bushy moustache stands beside a thin…

    “Mr. Simpson, I represent the estate of Jimmy Durante.”13:56–13:59
  84. On a dark, tree-lined street at night, an older man in a brown fedora and long brown coat stands…

    “I have a court order demanding an immediate halt to this unauthorized imitation.”13:59–14:06
  85. A balding, mustached man in a brown overcoat and striped suit stands on a night sidewalk beside a tall…

    “Well, would it be all right with you if I just laid down in the street and died?”14:06–14:14
  86. Smithers and Mr. Burns stand together in a wood-panelled room near a window and a sideboard, with Burns…

    “Smithers, guess what happened to me last night?”14:14–14:21
  87. Mr. Burns stands in a wood-panelled room in a blue suit and black tie, first gesturing with his hands…

    “You had sex with that old woman? She said no to me.”14:21–14:34
  88. Mr. Burns and his thin assistant Smithers, in an olive jacket, purple bow tie and ID badge, start…

    “Yes, whoop-dee-doo. Whoop-dee-doo to the world!”14:34–14:45
  89. Homer Simpson stands in a power plant control room with Lenny and Carl in white hard hats, and Smithers…

    “Everyone who's found true love may leave early today!”14:45–14:59
  90. Smithers stands in the foreground at right with his eyes glancing sideways, while Mr. Burns sits hunched…

    “Smithies, come over here and help me write a mash note to my girlfriend.”14:59–15:03
  91. Mr. Burns sits at a desk with a pen and a stack of papers, wearing a sly grin and a scowl…

    “Darling one, read my words and hear my heart speak of a love soft and undying.”15:03–15:10
  92. Mr. Burns sits at a desk in a wood-paneled office, writing in a notebook with a blue pen, while Smithers…

    “A love that will be with you always.”15:10–15:17
  93. Mr. Burns reads a sheet of paper at a desk while Smithers stands beside him

    “How did you think of that so fast? I sent it to you on your birthday.”15:17–15:25
  94. Marge Simpson and Homer Simpson stand in the pink hallway of their home

    “Mom's almost ready for her date. She sure seems taken by this new bow.”15:25–15:36
  95. Marge with her tall blue beehive and Homer in his white shirt stand beside each other in a pink hallway…

    “So let's all be extra nice to him.”15:36–15:46
  96. Mr. Burns holds a bouquet of red roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolates at night beside a blue car…

    “Why, it's... It's, uh... Oh, it's, uh...”15:46–15:59
  97. Marge Simpson and Homer Simpson sit across from each other at a blue kitchen counter, holding hands clasped…

    “He's an awful, awful, awful man.”15:59–16:11
  98. Mr. Burns sits on the edge of a dark brown couch in a lavender suit and bow tie, holding a bouquet of red…

    “Hmm.”16:11–16:24
  99. Bart Simpson stands in a pink room with a bookshelf, an arched doorway and a red lampshade, first…

    “Run alone, Pee-wee. Baby gets nothing. Very well.”16:24–16:37
  100. Bart and Mr. Burns stand in a pink living room with yellow curtains and a red lamp

    “Here, take your money, take it.”16:37–16:50
  101. Marge first stares wide-eyed in a close-up, then in the pink living room Mr. Burns walks past as Bart…

    “Oh, why'd she have to leave me?”16:50–17:00
  102. Grampa stands in a red-walled room while Homer watches from the foreground left, and Mr. Burns and an unnamed…

    “Hi, Abe. I heard there was a need of some cheering up.”17:00–17:10
  103. Mr. Burns sits at a checkered-cloth table with Marge, who has her tall blue beehive and a pink top, and they…

    17:10–17:11
  104. Marge Simpson sits across a checkered-tablecloth table from Mr. Burns, the frail, stooped old man…

    “Bravissimo, Luigi.”17:11–17:21
  105. Mr. Burns sits across a checkered red-and-white tablecloth from a woman with a tall lavender beehive…

    “Oh, Monty, I've never been to a more romantic restaurant.”17:21–17:31
  106. Homer Simpson and Bart Simpson are in Bart's bedroom with pink walls, a red bed, a rocket picture…

    “Dad, I'm really sorry, but I charged $350 on your credit card.”17:31–17:43
  107. Homer stands in a pink room holding a phone receiver and talking animatedly, while Bart stands facing him…

    “But, Dad...”17:43–17:57
  108. Bart Simpson stands at a desk in a pink room, holding a telephone receiver to his ear with wide eyes…

    “Hey, Bart, you want to go play with that x-ray machine in the abandoned hospital?”17:57–18:04
  109. Mr. Burns stands in a dark blue suit and black tie, holding a martini glass with an olive on a pick

    “Now, my dear, if you look in your champagne, I think you'll find a little surprise.”18:04–18:14
  110. Mr. Burns and a woman with a tall lavender beehive and pearl necklace sit on a red picnic blanket…

    “Not to worry, I believe there's another one around here somewhere.”18:14–18:21
  111. Mr. Burns kneels on a red picnic blanket and holds out a ring while smiling, proposing to one of Marge's twin…

    “Drew, my darling, since my kneecaps are filling with fluid as we speak, I'll be brief.”18:21–18:28
  112. Marge Simpson and Homer sit or stand near an older woman with a tall lavender-blue hairdo, a hooked nose…

    “Will you marry me?”18:28–18:41
  113. Marge Simpson sits at a table facing her twin sister Selma, who has grey-violet hair, a pink jacket…

    “What about Abe Simpson?”18:41–18:49
  114. Marge Simpson is seen in the foreground at first, staring ahead with a worried, grimacing expression…

    “We're all aware of Grandpa's problems, but compared to Mr.”18:49–18:59
  115. Grampa walks slowly and stooped along a grey tiled sidewalk beside a beige building with an orange window…

    “Oh, who neither.”18:59–19:06
  116. Grampa stands outside a brown building with blue-paned windows, holding a blue foil-wrapped item…

    “Latex condo.”19:06–19:17
  117. Homer and Barney appear together in the open doorway of a cream-colored church with stained-glass windows…

    “Hey, Barney, why don't you fill out the groom's sign?”19:17–19:27
  118. Lisa Simpson and Bart Simpson walk down a red carpet at a wedding, Lisa tossing flower petals from her basket…

    “Hey!”19:27–19:36
  119. Lisa holds a flower basket while Bart holds a red pillow beside stained-glass windows, both glancing sideways

    “Where's Grandpa?”19:36–19:47
  120. Mr. Burns walks down a red-carpeted church aisle while Homer in a blue suit stands at the left edge…

    “And so when Eliphaz came down from Mount Hebron, bearing figs,”19:47–19:56
  121. Patty and Selma stand side by side in pink dresses with bow ties and white pompoms, while Grampa…

    “And so when Eliphaz came down from Mount Hebron, bearing figs,”19:56–20:07
  122. A dark-haired man in a white jacket, sweater vest and tie stands at a lectern before a stained-glass window…

    “and to Hazor on the occasion of their matrimony, much in the same...”20:07–20:18
  123. Mr. Burns stands in a black tuxedo beside Marge, who wears a white wedding gown and has a tall blue beehive…

    “Do you, Charles Montgomery Burns, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”20:18–20:30
  124. Marge stands beside one of her grey-violet-haired twin sisters in a white gown holding a red bouquet, both…

    “I know, I know.”20:30–20:42
  125. Mr. Burns stands beside Marge, who wears a tall blue beehive, a white wedding dress with a veil, and holds…

    “Do you, Jacqueline Bouvier,”20:42–20:55
  126. Grampa stands beside a pipe organ inside a church

    “Mrs.”20:55–21:05
  127. Mr. Burns stands beside a bride in a white gown and blue beehive veil holding a red bouquet, while Grampa…

    “Honey, are you sure you want to be Mrs. Montgomery Burns?”21:05–21:15
  128. Mr. Burns stands beside Marge in a white wedding dress with a tall blue beehive and a red bouquet…

    “I don't want to be either.”21:15–21:27
  129. Marge and Grampa are at the curb outside a Seniorville Trolley bus

    21:27–21:31
  130. A tall-haired woman in a white puffy-sleeved dress with a pink collar and a stout, moustached man in a salmon…

    “Turn off that racket!”21:31–21:42
  131. Otto sits at the wheel of a school bus while passengers including a stooped grey-haired old man, a woman…

    “Yeah, that chance, pups!”21:42–21:45
  132. A blue bus with a rear window showing a spiky yellow-haired child and a white-haired passenger drives away…

    21:45–21:54
  133. The moment is a black title sequence of credits

    21:54–22:04
  134. The scene is a black screen with yellow credit text

    “down the rest home hall,”22:04–22:13
  135. No Simpsons characters appear in this moment; it is a black screen with yellow credit text shown in sequence…

    “cause no one at all can stand the sound”22:13–22:23
  136. No regular Simpsons characters appear in these frames; the moment is a black end-credits sequence with yellow…

    “Bouvier because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola.”22:23–22:32
  137. A black end-credit scroll with yellow text on a black background

    “it was a fine machine with a vulcanized rubber listening tube which you crammed”22:32–22:42
  138. Silhouetted audience members sit in rows of seats in a dark theater facing a blank screen, with one large…

    “or Dr.”22:42–22:51

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Barney Gumble, Milhouse Van Houten, Krusty the Clown, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Grampa Simpson, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Mrs. Krabappel, Dr. Hibbert, Waylon Smithers, Mr. Burns, Otto Mann, Nelson Muntz, Jasper Beardsley, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Reverend Lovejoy, Todd Flanders, Rod Flanders, Sideshow Mel, Maude Flanders, Kirk Van Houten, Mayor Quimby, Hans Moleman, Luann Van Houten, Bernice Hibbert, Comic Book Guy, Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon, Old Jewish Man, Troy McClure, Alice Glick, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Jacqueline Bouvier, Luigi Risotto, Gerald Samson, Roger Meyers Jr., Dorothy, Florist, Frank Sinatra Representative, Golfer, Hullabalooza Fan, Mailman, Monkeytown Philharmonic, Mr. Burns' Security Guards, Physical Trainer, Red Breem and His Band of Some Esteem, Single Worker, Worker in Love 1, Worker in Love 2, Worker in Love 3, World War I Veteran

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character