And Maggie Makes Three

The Simpsons, season 6, episode 13. First aired January 22, 1995. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Homer the Great Bart's Comet → The whole episode as text

From “And Maggie Makes Three”: “He's getting a pretty good sound out of that guy.” — He's getting a pretty good sound out of that guy.

Caption it, or make a GIF

About the episode

When Bart and Lisa notice the family albums hold no baby pictures of Maggie, Homer explains: free of debt at last, he quits the nuclear plant for his dream job at a bowling alley, until Marge's pregnancy forces him to beg Mr. Burns to rehire him. Burns hangs a demoralizing plaque at his station, and Homer covers it with photos of Maggie.

Written by: Jennifer Crittenden
Directed by: Swinton O. Scott III
Chalkboard gag: 'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice
Couch gag: James Bond
Production code: 2F10

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

319 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:04 The Simpsons
0:34 We now return to Night Boat, the crime-solving boat.
0:37 Faster, Night Boat. We've got to catch those starfish poachers.
0:40 You don't have to yell, Michael. I'm all around you.
0:44 Oh, no, the head at Valan.
0:50 We'll never catch him now.
0:51 Incorrect. Look, a canal.
0:53 Oh, Night Boat, go!
0:55 Oh, every week there's a canal. Or an inlet.
0:58 Or a fjord. Quiet!
1:00 I will not hear another word against the boat.
1:02 Okay, TV off. It's family time.
1:04 Oh, but Marge, night boat.
1:07 The crime-solving boat.
1:09 Homer, you promised. One night of family time a week.
1:13 Besides, that back-talking boat sets a bad example.
1:16 Says you, woman.
1:18 Bye, Mom!
1:20 All right, family time begins now.
1:26 Ah.
1:31 Homer!
1:33 It was Bart. Why don't we all look at the photo album?
1:35 So many memories.
1:38 Ah, look.
1:40 Nightboat!
1:41 Aww.
1:43 And here's our TV next to the mirror.
1:46 It looks like we have two.
1:49 Wow, two!
1:51 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two. Let's get to the baby pictures.
1:54 Yeah, that's exciting.
1:57 Oh, please.
2:03 Here's Bart sleeping.
2:05 Here he is dozing.
2:07 Here he is after a visit from the Sandman.
2:10 Here's nappy time, Bart.
2:12 Here's a cute one. He's all tuckered out.
2:15 Why aren't there any pictures of Maggie?
2:18 Well, I'm glad you asked. It's actually a very interesting story.
2:23 How?
2:24 It all began about two years ago before Maggie was even born.
2:28 Bart, you were Lisa's age, and Lisa, you were the age Bart was several years ago.
2:34 Get the camera ready, Bart. Very sleepy.
2:37 Listen carefully, and my words will shape images as clear as any TV show.
2:41 It was a tumultuous time for our nation.
2:44 The clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live.
2:48 The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star
2:52 Trek. and the domestication of the dog continued unabated.
2:58 I was at my workstation when suddenly...
3:01 Attention, American workers.
3:03 Your plant has been taken over by an all-star team of freelance terrorists.
3:09 Not on my shift!
3:18 No, you don't.
3:23 Simpson 10, terrorist 8.
3:28 Homer, tell the story right.
3:31 Okay.
3:36 Homer, you should see a doctor.
3:38 I don't think a healthy man can make that kind of smell.
3:40 Your paychecks, gentlemen.
3:45 Woo-hoo!
3:46 This is it. With a single glorious check, I'm finally completely out of debt
3:58 With my bills paid off I can finally quit this lousy job But Homer,
4:03 how are you going to make a living?
4:04 Don't worry about Homer J I've got a plan A plan that'll fix you
4:09 good Hey, what did we do? Sorry,
4:12 that just slipped out I'll miss you Did you hear me?
4:16 I said I quit, Monty And since I quit, I can do anything I want.
4:22 Is that so?
4:24 Ooh, lovely desk.
4:26 It would be too bad if someone, oh, I don't know, didn't use a coaster!
4:34 Such a nice, tidy office.
4:36 Maybe it's time you started living like a pig!
4:41 Oh, I hope I haven't upset you, Bongo Head!
4:49 Oh, I should be resisting this, but I'm paralyzed with rage.
4:54 And island rhythms.
4:57 Yeah, yeah, where to play the boss's head like a bar, Galhobo?
5:02 He's getting a pretty good sound out of that guy.
5:09 That's for employing me for eight years.
5:16 And that is that.
5:19 Goodbye mind-numbing, back-breaking labor forever.
5:23 Hello, dream job in paradise.
5:31 And now, the final phase of my plan.
5:38 Hey Barney, any chance you can get me a job here?
5:41 Hey, sure, Homer.
5:42 I told you my uncle owns the place.
5:46 Hey, Uncle Al, can Homer have a job? Sure.
5:49 Woo-hoo!
5:52 Bonnie, you're fired. Okay.
5:55 Show up tomorrow. Bring three rags. Oh, and change your pants.
5:58 Why? When it happens, you'll know.
6:02 You're a pin monkey?
6:05 Wow.
6:06 Finally, I don't have to be ashamed of my father's job.
6:08 I think it's romantic throwing off the shackles of the workday world and following a dream
6:12 of sorts. I don't know if it's such a good idea.
6:16 Can we get by on a Pin Monkey salary?
6:18 Don't worry, Marge. I've come up with a perfectly balanced budget.
6:22 There will be exactly enough money for you, me, Bart,
6:26 and Lisa if we make a few small sacrifices.
6:30 Mm-hmm.
6:32 From now on, we use regular toilet paper.
6:36 Not that fancy quilted kind.
6:39 And only one of you kids can go to college.
6:42 Fine.
6:45 That night your mother and I went out for a romantic evening to celebrate the start of our
6:50 new life.
6:51 We began with dinner and dancing.
7:04 Followed by a stroll on the beach.
7:15 I've got sand in my underpants. Me too.
7:19 Let's go home.
7:41 I love you, Marge. I love you, too, homie.
7:46 Everything in our lives is finally perfectly balanced.
7:50 I hope things stay exactly like this forever.
7:54 Mm-hmm.
7:59 Don't! Don't! Don't!
8:02 Woo-hoo!
8:06 Did you have to be so graphic?
8:08 It's okay, Marge. They paved the way for this kind of filth in school.
8:12 So, Dad, were you excited that Mom was pregnant?
8:15 Actually, your mother hadn't told me yet.
8:16 At that time, I had no idea Maggie even existed.
8:21 Dad!
8:23 Hi, Maggie!
8:27 So, anywho, back then there was no way for me to know your mother was pregnant.
8:37 Marge, you tie up the bathroom every morning.
8:39 I've got to wash my hair!
8:41 The next few weeks at my dream job were like a wonderful waking coma.
8:49 Hey Homer! Hi there Homer! Hi there Homer!
8:51 Hi there Homer! Hi there Homer!
8:53 Mmm,
8:58 Bowling Fresh!
9:05 Mmm, Urinal Fresh!
9:18 Homer, did you polish your head in a shino ball-o?
9:23 No.
9:24 Okay, then.
9:27 I slowly learn the intricate mysteries of the alley,
9:30 like where the pins go after they're knocked down.
9:53 I was in heaven.
9:54 If horse racing is a sport of kings,
9:57 then surely bowling is a very good sport as well.
10:02 Great job, Homer. Thanks a lot, Homer. Thank you the best.
10:06 I'm gonna make it after us.
10:14 Congratulations, Mrs. Simpson. You're pregnant.
10:18 You might have taken it that this is an unwanted pregnancy.
10:24 Oh, no, no, not exactly.
10:27 It's just that I haven't told Homer yet.
10:29 And with his new job, I don't know how we're going to be able to afford this.
10:33 Well, you know, a healthy baby can bring upwards of $60,000.
10:37 What? Well, of course, that was just a test.
10:39 How'd you react differently?
10:41 Why, you'd be a dare right now.
10:43 Simply a test.
10:46 So in a few months, both of you will have a brand new brother or sister.
10:50 Been there, done that. I hope it's a girl.
10:52 You know nothing about genetics, Elise. It goes boy, girl, boy, girl.
10:57 You're right about telling Dad, aren't you, Mom?
10:59 Why do you say that? Well, you've been in my room for about four hours now.
11:03 Hey, I'm just hanging.
11:13 Homie, I... Can't talk. Praying.
11:15 Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me, and I am thankful.
11:19 For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is.
11:27 So here's the deal. You freeze everything as it is, and I won't ask for anything more.
11:32 If that is okay, please give me absolutely no sign.
11:36 Okay, deal.
11:37 In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk.
11:40 If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign.
11:43 that will be done.
11:55 I've got to tell Homer about this baby in just the right way and at just the right time.
12:01 Until then, please, keep this to yourselves.
12:03 If he found out now, it would probably destroy him, huh?
12:07 Oh, yes.
12:08 Gotta go.
12:10 Wait a minute, wait, I know that look. I promise you won't tell Homer.
12:15 Oh, we promise we won't tell Homer.
12:23 Hello.
12:25 Is this A.
12:26 Aronson?
12:27 It might interest you to know that Marge Simpson is pregnant again.
12:33 Just thought you'd like to know, Mr. Zukowski.
12:38 There. Aronson and Zukowski are the two biggest gossips in town.
12:42 In an hour, everyone will know.
12:45 Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.
12:51 Hey, just heard the news over the squat box.
12:54 That's nice work, Homer.
12:56 Thank you. Thank you very much. It is nice work.
13:00 Oh, Mr. Simpson, I've just heard about the little bundle of joy.
13:04 Congratulations, sir. It's true.
13:06 The bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the money.
13:12 Hey, Homer!
13:13 Way to get Marge pregnant!
13:16 This is getting very abstract, but thank you!
13:19 I do enjoy working at the bowling alley.
13:24 Surprise! Baby shower!
13:27 Baby shower?
13:28 You know I haven't told Homer yet, and he'll be home any minute.
13:32 Oh, really?
13:37 Phew.
13:38 Hey, Wendy, it's hell out there! Hey, wait a minute What are all these presents?
13:44 It looks like you're showering Marge with gifts Hmm
13:50 With little tiny baby sized gifts
13:55 Well I'll be in the tub
13:59 By the way, congratulations on your new job, Homer New job?
14:04 Marge is pregnant!
14:05 No!
14:12 Wow, Dad, you really threw a tantrum like a little sissy girl?
14:16 Oh, just that one time. Actually, when I was about to have Bart...
14:19 You're pregnant?
14:25 And then when I told him about Lisa... You're pregnant again?
14:33 Well, who wouldn't be upset?
14:35 That new baby in your mother's womb was a ticking time bomb threatening to blow this
14:40 family eight ways from Sunday.
14:42 Hey, where are you going? Dad, you can't expect a person to sit for 30 minutes straight.
14:46 I'm going to get a snack and maybe go to the bathroom.
14:49 I'll stay here, but I'm going to think about products I might like to purchase.
14:53 Oh.
14:55 Mmm.
14:56 Oh.
14:57 I don't have that.
15:02 Oh, you're pregnant.
15:04 We're going to have to have a baby.
15:06 All our financial plans are ruined. We're doomed!
15:10 Doomed! I chose you!
15:14 Bart, let your father tell the story. Yeah.
15:17 Okay, but I know funny.
15:19 Anywho.
15:20 Woo-hoo-hoo! We're doomed!
15:23 Homer, you had a head. Check.
15:25 And your bottom was a little bigger. Oh.
15:28 You've worked hard at the bowling alley.
15:30 Why didn't you ask for a raise?
15:32 Yeah, a raise. I've never been good enough at any job to desert one before,
15:36 but I'm damn good at this one.
15:38 That's it.
15:39 I'm gonna march right up to Al and say, Steve, I mean, Al, I think I deserve a raise.
15:45 You're a hard worker, and I'd like to give you a raise,
15:48 but the alley just ain't doing enough business to pay that kind of money.
15:52 How about if I triple the business, then could I get a raise?
15:56 Well, yeah, but... Uh-uh.
16:23 Of course!
16:26 Bowling! Bowling there!
16:29 Humble now! Get your bowling!
16:31 Who's ready?
16:32 Bowling!
16:33 Mom, make Dad tell the story right!
16:36 That's what really happened.
16:38 My marketing plan attracted a record number of police and fire officials,
16:42 but few stayed to ball.
16:45 I failed.
16:46 Winning my dream job was the hardest thing I've ever done.
16:50 You did a great job, Homer, and I'm really going to miss you.
16:54 The place has never been cleaner, and the way you kept the young people away,
16:57 that was beautiful.
17:01 Anyway, we all pitched in and we got you this little going away thing.
17:10 This was the happiest time of my life.
17:13 I'll never forget you guys.
17:15 Especially you, Joey.
17:18 See you around, Mr. Homer.
17:19 Don't worry, Joey.
17:20 We'll make it to California someday.
17:23 Sure we will, Mr. Homer.
17:24 Sure we will.
17:27 It's gonna be sad around here without you, Homer.
17:31 Oh, Mr.
17:32 Homer.
17:35 Boy, this is depressing. Hey, I know what would cheer us up.
17:39 Bowlin'.
17:42 Look at this, I got a ball here.
17:49 I needed more money to support my growing family.
17:52 And there was only one place in town that a man like me could make it.
18:11 Uh-oh.
18:13 Acid rain again.
18:18 Whoa.
18:31 Yes?
18:32 Are you a new applicant?
18:33 Actually, I quit and I came to get my job back.
18:36 Through there.
18:46 So, come crawling back, eh?
18:49 Seems like the classic thing to do would be not to call attention to it.
18:53 Thanks for giving me my old job back. I'm afraid it's not that simple.
18:58 As punishment for your desertion, it's company policy to give you the plague.
19:04 Uh, sir, that's the plaque. Ah, yes,
19:07 the special demotivational plaque to break what's left of your spirit.
19:12 Because, you see, you're here forever.
19:18 Don't forget, you're here forever.
19:28 I've never been so miserable in all my life.
19:31 But I can't take it out on Marge and the kids.
19:34 I've got to carry the burden all by myself
19:38 Hi, honey, how are you?
19:40 Well, actually... Oh, I can't go on with this serrate any longer I hate my job,
19:45 I hate my life And ever since I found out about this baby There's been nothing but bad
19:48 luck My contraction started an hour ago It's just in one ear and out the other with you,
19:53 isn't it, Marge?
19:56 This is incredible It's God's most wondrous miracle Sir,
20:00 I think your wife wants to hold the baby My wife?
20:03 Where? We're...
20:06 Congratulations, it's a boy.
20:09 Arr! You're truly the catch of the day.
20:14 It's wonderful, it's magical.
20:16 Oh, boy, here it comes, another mouth.
20:20 One more push should do it.
20:23 Marvelous.
20:27 Congratulations, Mr. Simpson.
20:29 You have a beautiful, healthy baby. Okay.
20:38 Homie, I think someone is saying hello.
20:41 Hello?
20:42 Aww, it's a boy.
20:46 And what a boy! Uh, that's the umbilical cord.
20:50 It's a girl.
20:51 A girl!
20:53 Oh, Marge, we have a wonderful baby girl.
20:56 Not just a girl.
20:58 The most beautiful baby girl in the whole world.
21:04 Come on, Marge. Show a little enthusiasm.
21:14 So you left her right from the start.
21:19 Absolutely.
21:20 Then why no pictures?
21:22 Oh, there are pictures. I keep them where I need the most cheering up.
21:54 Thank you.
22:27 Shh.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Barney Gumble, Chief Wiggum, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Dr. Hibbert, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Maude Flanders, Luann Van Houten, Helen Lovejoy, Bernice Hibbert, Ruth Powers, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Jacqueline Bouvier, Jacques, Snowball I, Al Gumble, Bowlarama Painter, Bowlarama Scientist, Bowler 1, Bowler 2, Bowler 3, Bowler 4, Bowler 5, Bowler 6, Joey, Knightboat Star, Police Officer, SNPP Clerk

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character