Lisa the Iconoclast

The Simpsons, season 7, episode 16. First aired February 18, 1996. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Bart the Fink Homer the Smithers → The whole episode as text

From “Lisa the Iconoclast”: “Here's his fife, upon which he sounded the sweet note of freedom,” — Here's his fife, upon which he sounded the sweet note of freedom,

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About the episode

Researching town founder Jebediah Springfield for the bicentennial, Lisa finds a hidden confession revealing that he was really Hans Sprungfeld, a bloodthirsty pirate who once fought George Washington. Museum curator Hollis Hurlbut dismisses her, and only Homer, the parade's new town crier, takes her side, losing the job for it. Lisa eventually proves the truth but chooses to leave the legend intact.

Written by: Jonathan Collier
Directed by: Mike B. Anderson
Guest stars: Marcia Wallace as Mrs. Krabappel; Phil Hartman as Troy McClure; Donald Sutherland as Hollis Hurlbut
Couch gag: Brady Bunch
Production code: 3F13

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

325 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:02 The Simpsons
0:35 1796.
0:36 A fiercely determined band of pioneers leaves Maryland after misinterpreting a passage in
0:42 the Bible.
0:42 Their destination, New Sodom. This is their story.
0:47 This is gonna be great.
0:49 I hope they show the time where they traded guns to the Indians for corn,
0:52 and then the Indians shot them and took the corn.
0:55 Begare the monster!
0:57 It's a horrible fiend! It's some sort of land cow.
1:01 Stand back, fellow settlers.
1:19 You've saved our fledgling community. Mr.
1:22 Springfield, how can I hope to achieve such greatness?
1:29 A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
1:33 Yeah!
1:34 Springfield rules! Way to go, Springfield!
1:37 Embiggens? Hmm.
1:39 I never heard that word before I moved to Springfield.
1:41 I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word.
1:47 Now, as you all know, Springfield's 200th birthday is only a week away.
1:52 Every class will do its part to make our local bicentennial just as memorable as our
1:57 national bicentennial. Of course, you children are too young to remember that,
2:01 with the possible exception of Kearney.
2:03 Those tall ships really lifted the nation's spirits after Watergate.
2:07 To celebrate our bicentennial,
2:09 all 20 of you will write an essay about Jebediah Springfield,
2:13 and the best A-team will be put on file in the school library,
2:16 available to anyone who requests them. Can we do illustrations?
2:20 No.
2:22 Hey, they need volunteers to play old-timey people in a parade.
2:27 Look, I can be a butter churner, a typhoid carrier, an apprentice.
2:32 I think I'll be an apprentice, Marge. What kind of apprentice?
2:35 That's for my master to decide.
2:37 How about Town Crier? You'd be great at that.
2:39 You think so? Well, yeah, Dad. You're a big fat loudmouth.
2:42 And you can walk when you have to.
2:44 Oh, well, if you kids believe in me that much, I'll give it my best shot.
3:07 Dangerous river crossings threatened life and limb,
3:10 but helped our founding fathers save on bridge tolls.
3:14 Excuse me. I didn't mean to startle you, but I do love to talk Jebediah,
3:20 even when I'm drinking my chicory. I'm the curator, Hollis Hurlbutt.
3:23 Hi, I'm Lisa Simpson. I'm here to research a report on Jebediah.
3:27 Oh, you're in for a treat. You know,
3:29 some historians consider Jebediah Springfield a minor patriot,
3:32 but I think you'll find he's easily the equal of William Dawes or even Samuel Otis.
3:44 Congratulations, Ned. You are our new town crier.
3:47 Don't! May your shrill nasal voice ring throughout our streets and brains.
3:52 Well, thankfully, Bank Mayor, I shan't disappoint.
3:55 Har ye, har ye,
3:57 I declare myself pickled tank about Springfield's bass and sidely,
4:01 tight and toodely, rintintennial day.
4:05 You saw diddly-ock, Flanders. Give me that.
4:09 Hear ye, hear ye.
4:10 Ye old town crier proclaimed crappy by all.
4:14 Joseph Homer Simpson, and he shalt rock thy world.
4:20 Good.
4:20 God, he is fabulous. Mmm, he's embiggened that role with his crumulent performance.
4:25 Top-notch cryring, I admit. But the hat and bell belong to Flanders, so no dice.
4:30 Oh, they're just family heirlooms.
4:32 That shouldn't stand in the way of Homer taking my job and...
4:35 Less chat, more hat.
4:38 Woo-hoo!
4:40 Hear ye, hear ye! The Homer broadcasting system is on the air!
4:45 All hollering, all the time!
4:48 I'm gonna make the...
4:49 You ought to restrict your cryring to the parade and selected pre-approved publicity
4:53 events. Okay.
4:58 This case holds our most treasured exhibit, objects owned and used by Jebediah.
5:04 Here's his fife, upon which he sounded the sweet note of freedom,
5:08 his hatchet with which he hacked at the chains of oppression, and his chamber pot.
5:14 Wow.
5:16 Excuse me. My microwave Johnny Cakes are ready.
5:37 The Secret Confessions of Jebediah Springfield?
5:42 Know ye who read this, there is more to my life than history records.
5:47 Firstly, I did not tame the legendary buffalo.
5:51 It was already tame. I merely shot it.
5:54 Secondly, I have not always been known as Jebediah Springfield.
5:59 Until 1796, I was Hans Sprungfeld,
6:04 murderous pirate.
6:05 And the halfwits of this town will never learn the truth.
6:13 Oh, my God.
6:16 Our town hero is a fraud.
6:17 I write this confession so that my infamy will live on long after my body has succumbed to
6:23 my infectious diphtheria.
6:25 Ew.
6:37 Here's Johnny Cakes.
6:40 Is everything okay?
6:41 You look a bit flushed. Oh, it's just the excitement of studying Jebediah.
6:45 Sounds like you've come down with a serious case of Jebeditis.
6:49 Just when I was getting over my Chester A.
6:52 arthritis.
6:54 Did you have arthritis?
6:56 Um, no.
7:01 Hear ye, hear ye!
7:03 What's for breakfast?
7:04 Toast. I don't understand thee, Marge.
7:08 Ye old toast.
7:12 What would you say if I told you the Jebediah Springfield wasn't as great as he's cracked
7:16 up to be? Look, Jebediah was really a vicious pirate named Hans Sprungfeld.
7:22 His tongue was bitten off by a Turk in a grog house fight.
7:25 No tongue, eh?
7:27 How did he talk and eat and laugh and love?
7:30 He had a prosthetic tongue made out of silver.
7:33 Yes, that'd do. He was one of the evilest men of the 1780s.
7:38 He even tried to kill George Washington.
7:41 The dastard!
7:48 Give me all your money. Never!
8:07 I got the white stars you wanted, but I couldn't find any red hearts,
8:11 yellow moons or green clovers. Well, I'll use it, but I'm not paying for it.
8:17 The next time Hans Sprungfeld was seen, he had changed his name to Jebediah Springfield.
8:23 Lisa, honey, when my family first came to this state,
8:27 they had a choice of living in Springfield or Stenchburg.
8:30 You know why they chose Springfield?
8:33 Because everyone knows Jebediah Springfield was a true American hero.
8:36 End of story.
8:38 I believe you, honey. You do?
8:41 Of course I do. You're always right about this type of thing, and for once,
8:44 I want in on the ground floor. Oh, thanks, Dad.
8:49 Ralph A., Janie A., and Lisa,
8:53 for your essay, Jebediah Springfield Super Fraud F.
8:59 But it's all true.
9:00 This is nothing but dead white male bashing from a PC thug.
9:04 It's women like you who keep the rest of us from landing a husband.
9:09 Well, nice talking to you.
9:17 Lisa?
9:18 Miss Hoover thought I made the whole thing up.
9:20 She called me a PC thug. Well, I've been called a greasy thug, too.
9:25 And it never stops hurting.
9:27 So here's what we're gonna do.
9:28 Grease ourselves up real good and trash that place with a baseball bat.
9:33 That won't help, Dad.
9:35 No one's ever gonna believe me. But you have proof.
9:38 We could go get that confession out of Jebediah's fife.
9:41 We could?
9:42 Come on, we can use the baseball bat to smash open the case.
9:44 No baseball bat. No.
9:49 Hi, Mr. Hurlbut. Oh, you're back.
9:52 And you brought a friend.
9:54 Town crier, I'd like to ask you a few questions.
9:56 One, where's the fife? And two, give me the fife.
9:59 Hey, stop! I've got nothing but respect for the office of town crier,
10:03 but this is well outside your jurisdiction.
10:05 Oh, yeah? Well, put this in your fife and smoke it.
10:09 What the...? That's Jebediah's secret confession.
10:12 It proves he was a fraud.
10:17 The secret confessions of Jebediah Springfield.
10:20 Know ye who read this? Oh, I think, Lisa, that you've been taken in by an obvious forgery.
10:25 Unfortunately, historical research is plagued by this sort of hoax.
10:29 The so-called confession is just as phony as the Howard Hughes will,
10:33 the Hitler Diaries, or the Emancipation Retraction.
10:37 But it explains why there's no record of Jebediah before 1795.
10:41 He was Hans Springfield until then. That's preposterous.
10:45 Now, get out. You're banned from this historical society.
10:50 You and your children and your children's children.
10:55 For three months.
11:03 I'm not going to give up. I refuse to believe that everyone refuses to believe the truth.
11:12 I'd like 25 copies on Goldenrod.
11:15 Right. Um, 25 on canary. Canary. 25 on saffron.
11:20 Mm-hmm. And 25 on paella.
11:22 Okay, 100 yellow.
11:23 You don't have to help me with this, Dad.
11:25 Oh, sure I do. I always believe in helping a little guy.
11:29 And you're the littlest guy I know.
11:31 Uh, question.
11:32 Is your name Ridley Scott or James Cameron?
11:34 No, it's Homer. Well, then I would thank you to stop peering at my screenplay, Homer.
11:39 And if I see a movie where computers threaten our personal liberties,
11:42 I will know that you stole my idea. I'm just waiting for my kid.
11:45 Mental note. Steal his idea.
11:51 Hi, Appu. Can I put this poster in your window?
11:54 Well, of course you can, you little pixie.
11:56 You're just as sweet as the sticks which bear your name.
12:01 No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
12:03 Take that down.
12:04 As a semi-legal immigrant,
12:06 your poster could lend me in a predicament as red hot as the candies which bear that name.
12:13 He wouldn't let me put it up. Okay.
12:15 Well, that's not gonna stop us.
12:17 I know a much better way to get attention.
12:20 Hear ye, hear ye!
12:22 My daughter has something to tell you about Jebediah Springfield!
12:25 Oh, that little cutie wants to do something cute.
12:28 Shut up, you bum! Shut up!
12:31 Go ahead, Angel.
12:35 Jebediah Springfield was nothing more than an evil,
12:37 bloodthirsty pirate who hated this town.
12:41 Good God!
12:43 Homer, you know, I support most any prejudice you can name,
12:47 but your hero phobia sickens me. You and your daughter ain't welcome here no more.
12:51 Barney, show him the exit.
12:53 There's an exit?
12:54 Evil, blood, thirsty pirate. Hello, town jubilation committee?
12:58 Yeah, I got something that's gonna make you a lot less jubilant.
13:04 Don't you understand, little girl?
13:06 Jebediah was no criminal. That's right.
13:08 the reason they say he had a silver tongue is because he was such a fine speaker.
13:13 That's a myth that got mixed up with the truth.
13:15 You are tampering with forces you can't understand.
13:18 We have major corporations sponsoring this event.
13:21 I hope you know you're sponsoring a celebration for a murderous pirate.
13:25 A pirate?
13:26 Well, that's hardly the image we want for Long John Silvers.
13:31 Well, I see no way of settling this.
13:33 I say we imprison them for the duration of our bicentennial.
13:36 There is one way.
13:37 Get the silver tongue If Jebediah is who I say he is That it should still be in his grave
13:42 Yes,
13:42 but human decency prevents Dig him up
13:48 Dig up that corpse If you really love Jebediah Springfield You'll haul his bones
13:54 out of the ground To prove my daughter wrong Dig up his grave Pull out his tongue Can't we
13:59 have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse
14:17 Now, Lisa, when you see there's no silver tongue in there,
14:21 will you stop trying to ruin Jebediah's reputation?
14:24 Yes.
14:24 What do we win if the tongue is there?
14:26 Credibility.
14:27 Oh, what a jip.
14:38 Jebediah Springfield has been replaced with a skeleton.
14:41 No, that's the skeleton of Jebediah.
14:43 Gotcha, gotcha.
14:45 Okay, uh, well, let's start looking for that silver tongue.
14:49 Don't forget to look in his shoes. When I lose something,
14:51 sometimes it turns up in my shoes.
14:53 Actually, if it's anywhere, it would be lodged in the sinus.
14:57 All right, here goes.
14:59 Forgive us, Jebediah. We mean no disrespect.
15:06 Well, that settles that. There is no silver tongue, is there, Bonesy?
15:10 Oh, I wish, Chief. With that kind of dough, I could buy me some eyeballs.
15:14 Ha, ha, ha.
15:15 Well, that's the spirit, Bonesy. Why don't you sing the song for the nice people?
15:18 All right.
15:20 Camp town ladies sing this song. Doo-dah, doo-dah.
15:25 Camp town ladies is far more.
15:29 I was so sure.
15:31 Hear ye, hear ye. Everybody makes mistakes.
15:33 Let's go home. Not so fast, Simpson. Listen, this foul business was all your fault.
15:39 By the power vested in me, I hereby strip you of your ceremonial bell.
15:43 No!
15:47 And try corner hat.
15:49 You will have the hat cleaned and then return it.
15:59 Oh, Dad, I'm really sorry.
16:02 I know how much you wanted to be in the parade.
16:04 Oh, it's not your fault, honey. I'm supposed to be the responsible one.
16:09 I shouldn't have let you let me get carried away.
16:26 Why did you dig up the bones of the past?
16:29 Why did you disturb the ghosts of history?
16:32 I... I...
16:36 General Washington?
16:39 You did some good work exposing Jabadiah Lisa.
16:42 Don't stop now.
16:44 There's just one piece left in the puzzle.
16:47 But I've caused so much trouble already, General Washington.
16:49 I can't go on. We had quitters in the Revolution, too.
16:53 We called them Kentuckians.
16:55 Well, I'll just have to find another little girl to be president.
16:59 What's your friend Janie's number?
17:01 No, not Janie. She'll pack the Supreme Court with boys.
17:05 Oh, let me help you, George Washington. I still want to help you.
17:09 I want to help you, George Washington.
17:12 Even your dreams are square.
17:19 Can you open my milk, Mommy?
17:22 I'm not Mommy Ralph. I'm Miss Hoover.
17:36 The missing piece of the puzzle.
17:38 I got it!
17:48 You?
17:49 What are you doing here? I was right about Jebediah, and now I can prove it.
17:54 Oh, please, not that claptrap again.
17:56 Haven't you hurt Jebediah enough with your childish tales of pirate ships and fisticuffs
18:01 and a silver tongue that can't be found?
18:03 That's because you stole it! That's a lie!
18:06 I'm an antiquarian, dammit! It's my job to seek out the truth!
18:11 But when you found the truth, you couldn't take it.
18:13 You couldn't stand that you devoted your life to a fraud, so you covered it up,
18:18 didn't you? No! Didn't you? No, that's preposterous!
18:21 I mean, I couldn't! You can't! Stop it!
18:25 Where's the silver tongue?
18:41 I thought no one would ever find it. When I pried open the coffin, it was there.
18:47 That shiny tongue sticking out of his mouth, razzing my entire career,
18:52 my life.
18:54 Before the dust could settle, I pocketed it.
18:57 But I thought I had you fooled. You did.
19:00 Until I realized that Jebediah's confession was saying more than he meant it to.
19:06 How else could he have gotten this?
19:12 Sprungfeld must have taken it with him when he ran off after the fight.
19:18 Exactly.
19:19 This celebration is a sham.
19:21 And it's all my fault.
19:23 We've got to get the word out to every man, woman, and child in town.
19:40 Stop!
19:42 Stop everything!
19:44 Stop the parade!
19:46 What?
19:47 What's going on here?
19:49 This is highly unorthodox. This is Lisa Simpson.
19:52 She's discovered something very important about Jebediah Springfield that you need to
19:58 hear.
20:01 People of Springfield, I, um, I don't know quite how to say this.
20:07 Don't be shy, little girl.
20:09 Think of Jebediah, and the words will come.
20:11 I did a lot of research on Jebediah Springfield, and...
20:15 I think I can pick her off. Wait, let's see what she has to say.
20:22 Jebediah Springfield was...
20:27 Jebediah was...
20:33 Great.
20:34 I, um, just wanted to say that I've done some research and, uh,
20:40 he was great.
20:50 That was great, Peach!
20:53 I would be proud of you.
21:01 Why didn't you tell them?
21:03 Because the myth of Jebediah has value, too.
21:06 It's brought out the best in everyone in this town.
21:09 Regardless of who said it, a noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
21:24 Well, hey, it's Homer. Good to see you in there.
21:27 Deadline.
21:29 Hear ye!
21:34 He is not the official town crier.
21:36 Police, do something!
21:38 Well, I'd like to, ma'am, but it's too damn good.
21:41 Let him march, boys. Let the man march.
22:00 It's that team up Jebediah Springfield Whip them
22:06 horses,
22:07 let them wagons roll That a people might embiggen America
22:12 That a man might embiggen his
22:18 soul His soul His soul
22:24 Yeah.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Milhouse Van Houten, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Barney Gumble, Chief Wiggum, Carl Carlson, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Mrs. Krabappel, Dr. Hibbert, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Nelson Muntz, Jasper Beardsley, Martin Prince, Ralph Wiggum, Reverend Lovejoy, Groundskeeper Willie, Santa's Little Helper, Lou, Lewis Clark, Wendell Borton, Richard, Jimbo Jones, Eddie, Miss Hoover, Todd Flanders, Maude Flanders, Snowball II, Rod Flanders, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Sherri Mackleberry, Terri Mackleberry, Mayor Quimby, Nina Skalka, Janey Powell, Larry Dalrymple, Hans Moleman, Helen Lovejoy, Sam, Adrian Belew, Bernice Hibbert, Agnes Skinner, Dolph Starbeam, Sophie Jensen, Comic Book Guy, Girl with glasses, Long-haired girl, Ruth Powers, Jaffee Ziswhisky, Buck-toothed boy, Dr. Nick, Lionel Hutz, Buck-toothed girl, Herman Hermann, Lewis' lookalike, Boy with shades, Troy McClure, Old Jewish Man, Alice Glick, Lunchlady Dora, Charlie, Raphael, Allison Taylor, Jebediah Springfield, Sylvia Winfield, George Washington, Mr. Winfield, Artie Ziff, Adlai Stevenson, Valley Mercer, Hollis Hurlbut, Long John Silver's Representatives

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character