Beyond Blunderdome

The Simpsons, season 11, episode 1. First aired September 26, 1999. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Thirty Minutes over Tokyo Brother's Little Helper → The whole episode as text

From “Beyond Blunderdome”: “a remake of the Jimmy Stewart classic, Mr.” — a remake of the Jimmy Stewart classic, Mr.

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About the episode

Homer is the only viewer who hates a test screening of Mel Gibson's Mr. Smith Goes to Washington remake, and his blunt comment card persuades Gibson to bring the family to Hollywood to fix the film. Their new ending turns the filibuster into a bloodbath, and when studio executive Edward Christian moves to burn it, the pair flee with the reel, but the premiere audience walks out.

Written by: Mike Scully
Directed by: Steven Dean Moore
Guest stars: Marcia Wallace as Mrs. Krabappel; Mel Gibson; Jack Burns as Edward Christian
Chalkboard gag: Fridays are not really 'pants optional'
Couch gag: Ullman Shorts Family
Production code: AABF23

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

368 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:02 The Simpsons
1:23 Is this the kind of air we want to leave for our children?
1:32 Don't they deserve better?
1:39 Electricity, the fuel of the future.
1:45 Test drive the electores today and get a free gift.
1:50 My children deserve to see me get a free gift.
1:55 I'm proud of you, Dad.
1:57 Buying an electric car will help clean the air up and protect the Earth's supply if you're
2:01 faking this to get the gift, aren't you?
2:03 But I like the nice things you said about me.
2:05 Thinking of saying goodbye to gas?
2:08 You betcha.
2:09 Bart?
2:10 Well, that shut me up. Hello.
2:13 I love your planet deeply and I'm interested in purchasing one of your electronic autos.
2:21 Well, it's always nice to meet people concerned about the environment.
2:24 What kind of mint?
2:27 Boy, that quiet engine sure makes conversation a lot easier.
2:31 Yeah, it's got a lot of other problems, too.
2:34 But, Dad, you're headed for the harbor!
2:36 Relax, what's an electric car?
2:44 See? Everything's fine.
2:46 Dolphin!
2:48 Upsy.
2:50 Hi, girls!
2:52 Oh.
2:57 Salt water seems to be good for it.
3:04 Um, I'm sorry. The car did not meet my eco-concern.
3:07 Can I have my prize now? Certainly.
3:13 What the... Help!
3:14 Help! It burns!
3:19 Hey, we never opened that envelope to see what our gift is.
3:22 We didn't. That's odd.
3:24 Seems like we would have done that right after we left the car place.
3:27 I know, but we didn't. Well, here it is, so we can open it and find out now.
3:32 Perfect.
3:34 Aw, movie tickets.
3:36 It hardly seems worth destroying a car.
3:39 There passes to a test screening of a new movie starring...
3:43 Mel Gibson!
3:44 Who else is in it? Who cares? Mel Gibson!
3:47 Mel Gibson is just a guy, Marge. No different than me or Lenny.
3:50 Were you or Lenny ever named Sexiest Man Alive?
3:53 I'm not certain about Lenny. Besides, it's not just his chiseled good looks.
3:58 People magazine says he's a devoted father, goes to church every week,
4:02 and likes to fix things around the home.
4:04 Let's make love. Uh, okay.
4:10 Uh, you're thinking about me, right?
4:13 Of course, homie.
4:14 Aren't you thinking about me?
4:16 I will now.
4:20 Easy, easy there, buster.
4:23 But how did they know?
4:25 I had a mouse.
4:28 Thank you.
4:31 Good evening. I'm Edward Christian,
4:33 assistant VP of finance and distribution at Polystar Pictures.
4:39 Should've brought the camera.
4:41 Also with me tonight are the dynamic duo, William Milo and Robin Hannah,
4:45 who green-lighted all of Shaquille O'Neal's movies, including Kazam.
4:50 How's the popcorn, guys? Needs salt!
4:58 Anyhoo,
4:59 welcome to our test screening of Mel Gibson's directorial follow-up to Braveheart,
5:04 a remake of the Jimmy Stewart classic, Mr.
5:06 Smith Goes to Washington.
5:08 Well, I shouldn't have passed on that.
5:11 Now, after the film, I'll be handing out these cards for your opinion.
5:15 We then take your cards to Hollywood, California.
5:20 And change the movie based on your suggestions.
5:23 Any, uh, questions?
5:24 Yes, over here. Thank you. Hi. Will there be any flubber in this movie?
5:28 Hey, Glavin.
5:30 No, I'm afraid not. Ah, for crying out, Glavin.
5:34 Is Mel Gibson here? No, sorry, but like all celebrities,
5:37 he's in Hollywood attending benefits for various diseases.
5:48 Did they like it? Well, I haven't seen it yet, Mel.
5:50 How'd you get here from L.A. so fast?
5:52 John Travolta flew me in his jet.
5:54 Now I have to help him move next weekend.
5:56 He deliberately waited till we were in the air to ask me.
5:58 You know, you really didn't have to make this trip, Mel.
6:00 The screen is going to go fine, believe me.
6:02 I don't know.
6:03 I think this movie was a big mistake.
6:05 All I do is talk for two hours. I don't shoot anybody.
6:07 What was I thinking? You shouldn't worry about the movie.
6:10 William and I both think it's fabulous.
6:12 And I think we know a little something about the movie business.
6:15 Oh, Robin, you've got to see the director's cut of Booty Call.
6:18 It's fabulous.
6:19 What, even better than the original? Because that was pretty fabulous, too.
6:23 And he fought for them once.
6:26 For the only reason any man ever does. Because of one plain, simple rule.
6:32 Love thy neighbor.
6:34 Boring.
6:35 It's not boring. He's passionate about government.
6:39 At least the Jimmy Stewart version had that giant rabbit who ran the savings and loans.
6:46 Excellent. Isn't it?
6:47 That man knows how to filibuster. Well, that was a stinker.
6:51 I liked it.
6:52 It was nice to see a movie where people solved their problems with words instead of
6:56 bullets and chasing.
6:58 Oh, you're just saying that because your boyfriend was in it.
7:01 I'll bet you would've hated it if me and Lanny were Mr.
7:04 Smith. Will you stop acting so jealous?
7:07 Listen, I don't want to get spotted by the crowd,
7:09 so I'm gonna take a leak behind the dumpster.
7:14 Look, it's Mel Gibson Hey, everybody, rush over there Hi,
7:18 Mel Hi, Mel Hi, Mel
7:24 Hi, everybody
7:27 Hi, Mr. Gibson Thanks for coming,
7:30 folks And don't be afraid to be completely truthful When you fill out your opinion cards
7:34 Honesty is the foundation of the movie business We'll be honest We could never lie to you,
7:40 Mel
7:41 Will you be reading the cards yourself, Mel?
7:44 Well, I'll be reading yours personally.
7:52 That's it. I'm telling Mr. Stupidest Man Alive what I really thought of his movie.
7:56 Hey, Gibson. Yes, sir. Got a pencil?
7:59 There you go.
8:00 Thanks.
8:01 I'm going to waste my time in front of it, stupid.
8:04 Appreciate it.
8:08 The movie tested through the roof now.
8:11 The sea captain gave it four R's.
8:13 Bumblebee man says, muy bueno.
8:15 And we were worried about the Latino market, huh?
8:17 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:18 Worry.
8:19 Come on, they can't all have loved it. Loved it, loved it, loved it.
8:23 Loved it despite absence of flubber.
8:25 Glavin?
8:25 Oh, here we go. Your movie was more boring than church.
8:29 All you did was yak, yak, yak. You didn't even shoot anybody.
8:32 Damn, I knew it.
8:33 Don't do this to yourself, Mel. Well, the guys obviously are not.
8:36 Maybe. Maybe he's the only person with the guts to tell me the truth.
8:40 Turn the plane around.
8:41 I want to go to 742 Evergreen Terrace.
8:44 But you promised to help me move.
8:46 Oh, jeez.
8:55 Door march.
9:02 I'm looking for Homer Simpson. And I've been looking for you too, pal.
9:06 Pound him, Dad. Quiet, Dad's gonna get his butt kicked by Mel Gibson.
9:11 Knock his teeth out, Homer.
9:13 Listen, Gibson,
9:13 I'm tired of Hollywood pretty boys like you and Jack Valenti thinking you can have any
9:19 woman you want.
9:20 You see this? It symbolizes that she's my property and I own her.
9:25 Mr. Simpson, I need your help. I think you're right about my movie,
9:30 and I want you to help me make it better.
9:33 Really?
9:33 You want my help?
9:35 Marge, did you hear that? Mel Gibson wants my help!
9:38 Mel Gibson!
9:39 But, Dad, I thought you hated me. Shut up.
9:42 Homer doesn't know anything about making movies.
9:44 Don't sell your husband short, Mrs. Simpson.
9:46 She's always doing that, Mel. Homer is a brutally honest man,
9:50 completely tactless and insensitive.
9:52 Guilty as charged. The problem I have is people love me so much they never criticize me.
9:57 I speed all the time, but cops never give me a ticket.
10:00 If I don't pay my taxes, the IRS pays them for me.
10:03 Oh, you poor thing.
10:04 It's hell being Mel.
10:08 Come on, jeez. I don't have much time, Homer.
10:11 Will you come to Hollywood with me?
10:12 You had me at hello.
10:15 I didn't say hello.
10:19 Hollywood, here we come!
10:25 Hollywood, here we are!
10:28 Stop doing that, Mom.
10:33 A minivan.
10:34 Oh, boy, you celebrities sure know how to live.
10:36 What is this, Toyota Previa?
10:38 Dodge Caravan.
10:40 Sweet.
10:41 Look, they're making a movie.
10:43 Robert Downey Jr.
10:45 is shooting it out with the police.
10:48 I don't see any cameras.
10:49 Okay, while Mel and I are working, why don't you guys do the town?
10:52 I hear all the stars eat at a place called Planet Hollywood.
10:56 Can I stay with you, Dad? Sorry, son, but we're going to be very busy.
11:00 Mel's movie really stinks.
11:04 Okay, this opening scene should be in fast motion.
11:07 Everybody likes that because it looks funny.
11:09 Mr. Smith is telling you what? He's really honest.
11:10 That could be bad news for us corrupt politicians.
11:12 Well, even if he is, big deal. How do you think it?
11:13 Well, if he doesn't play ball, he'll teach him a thing or two, if you know what I mean.
11:15 Goodbye. See ya.
11:17 I don't think so.
11:18 Okay, here you need a musical montage. where you try on lots of funny hats.
11:23 It'll let us see your playful side.
11:24 No. Yeah, but... Just no.
11:28 For those of you who've always wanted to see the famous Brown Derby restaurant,
11:33 that's where it used to be.
11:37 And on your left is the notorious spot where Hugh Grant filmed the movie nine months.
11:44 Ew.
11:45 You want me to replace the villain with a dog?
11:49 I mean, nobody will know what's going on.
11:50 They will if you set up that the dog is evil.
11:53 All you have to do is show him doing this.
11:58 And people will suspect the dog.
12:01 Maybe this wasn't a good idea, Homer.
12:03 I'm sorry I dragged you out here.
12:05 Let me pay your bus fare home.
12:07 Now here's your biggest problem of all. The filibuster scene?
12:11 That was Jimmy Stewart's favorite.
12:13 And it was fine for the 1930s.
12:15 The country was doing great back then.
12:17 Everyone was into talking. But now, in whatever year this is, the audience wants action.
12:23 And seats with beverage holders.
12:25 But mainly action.
12:27 You really think the end is boring? Oh, Mel,
12:29 it's the most boring piece of garbage I've ever seen.
12:33 And it's not easy for me to say that. Hmm, I guess it is a little flat.
12:37 Okay, let's reshoot the ending. I'll call the hair and makeup ladies.
12:40 You see if the teamsters will work for free.
12:41 Piece of cake. Now, where's that kid with my latte?
12:46 According to the map, this house is owned by the dog from Frasier.
12:50 And that's where Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Hayche live.
12:55 We're lesbians!
13:01 Okay, this new ending that we shot last night is a little different than what we had,
13:05 but I think you'll like it. It's missing some sound effects,
13:08 and the computer guys haven't added the twinkle in my eye.
13:10 Well, you're coming off desperate.
13:13 Roll it, Louie!
13:16 Here comes two.
13:21 Well, I'm not licked.
13:24 And I'm going to stay right here and fight for this lost cause.
13:29 Somebody will listen to me.
13:31 Somebody will...
13:34 I believe the senator has yielded the floor.
13:40 Yield this, Senator Payne.
13:50 I move we impose some serious term limits.
13:54 I second that motion with a vengeance.
14:02 All in favor, say die.
14:13 Mr.
14:14 Smith, this is how we are unorthodox.
14:26 I'm the President of the United States, and I demand to know what's going on here.
14:36 Happy birthday, Mr. President.
14:52 Pretty cool, huh?
14:53 You, uh, you chopped off the president's head.
14:57 I bet you didn't see that coming.
14:58 You impaled a United States senator with the American flag.
15:01 Why did Mr. Smith kill everybody? It was symbolism.
15:06 He was mad.
15:07 But this was going to be the studio's prestige picture,
15:10 like Howard's End or Sophie's Choice.
15:13 Those movies suck. I only saw them to get Marge into the sack.
15:17 P.S. Mission accomplished.
15:20 But we've already bought five Golden Globe awards.
15:23 I don't make movies to win awards, especially now that I have two Oscars.
15:27 I make movies for guys like him. Yeah, guys like me.
15:30 Who are you, anyway? Do the words executive producer mean anything to you?
15:35 Executive producer?
15:36 We'll talk. You've desecrated a classic film.
15:38 This is worse than Godfather 3. Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa.
15:41 Let's not say things we can't take back.
15:43 All right, all right, I'm sorry. But this film is never going to see the light of day.
15:50 Look, they're throwing away a Range Rover.
15:54 There's no... Yoink! Come on, Homer. We got a movie to premiere.
15:57 Woo-hoo! We've got to get that film back or we'll all be fired.
16:00 You know what I mean? Yeah. Huh? Yeah. Huh?
16:01 Yeah. Huh? Fired.
16:13 Give us the film! Never!
16:16 And on your left, you'll see Rainier Wolfcastle filming his latest movie,
16:21 Saving Irene Ryan.
16:22 You put me down, you big lummoxed kid!
16:26 Shut up, old lady, and stop kicking me there!
16:33 Watch out! Coming through!
16:35 Homer, land mine!
16:37 I'm on it!
16:42 Night, Mr. Gibson.
16:43 Night, Gus.
16:48 I'm getting too old for this crap.
16:50 How old are you, anyway?
16:51 Well, I've been told I can play anywhere from 28 to...
16:54 Sorry I asked.
16:56 Aw, crap, here they come!
16:58 Well, that's it, Homer.
16:59 We should have known better than a match of wits with studio executives.
17:03 Hey, come on, turn that down under frown upside down.
17:06 We're not finished yet.
17:12 Wow, these dummies look pretty good.
17:14 Well, I've had a lot of surgery, old child.
17:17 Shh!
17:17 Mr. Lomato said he'd fire us if you didn't stop bothering the customers.
17:23 What are you doing here? No time talk. Need steel car.
17:26 Must say powerful but controversial movie.
17:33 Hey, who?
17:35 Quick, Mel, get in!
17:37 Forget it, Homer. Let's just give him the stupid movie.
17:40 Movies aren't stupid.
17:41 They fill us with romance and hatred and revenge fantasies.
17:46 Lethal Weapon showed us that suicide is funny.
17:48 That really wasn't my intention.
17:50 Before Lethal Weapon 2, I never thought there could be a bomb in my toilet.
17:54 But now I check every time.
17:57 It's true, he does.
17:59 Movies mean that much to you, Homer?
18:01 They're my only escape from the drudgery of work and family.
18:07 No offense.
18:08 Oh, what the heck. Let's hit the road.
18:10 Shove over, Junior.
18:17 That thoughtless destruction will surely bankrupt the museum, old chum.
18:22 Shut up!
18:33 Mom, you gotta take my picture in this car so I can show Milhouse.
18:37 Oh, sorry, honey. I used up the last roll on that man.
18:39 I thought it was Judge Judy.
18:41 Well, I think we lost... Oh, wait. There they are.
18:45 Let me try something.
18:46 Take the wheel, Lisa.
18:47 But my dad... I said you.
18:50 We've got him now.
19:01 Oh, no! We killed Mel Gibson!
19:03 You all saw it. He came at me with a knife, right?
19:09 Wait a minute. He's just a dummy.
19:11 I know, but he sells tickets.
19:15 Let's go.
19:19 Oh, great idea, Mel. Now it's my turn.
19:24 What are you doing? I'm tired of running away.
19:26 Did Braveheart run away? Did Payback run away?
19:30 It's time we showed those suits what we're made of.
19:35 The heck is that?
19:37 The one on the left is Mel Gibson.
19:39 I don't know who the other two guys are.
19:41 Will you please tell me the rest of the plan?
19:43 It's your plan from Braveheart.
19:45 Your army mooned the enemy until they could take no more and surrendered.
19:51 No, they didn't. They attacked us in a horribly bloody battle.
19:54 Remember? Actually, I didn't see it, but on the poster...
19:56 Jump!
19:59 Homer, are you okay? I think so.
20:02 No.
20:06 All in favor, say die.
20:10 Ooh, that digital sound really lets you hear the blood splatter.
20:14 I don't get it, Mel. How can you be so calm and cool?
20:17 My stomach's full of vomiting butterflies.
20:20 Okay, that's it.
20:22 Let's get ready to meet our public.
20:26 Well, that was disgusting.
20:28 Worst ending ever.
20:30 I think I'm gonna be sick.
20:32 I'm Jimmy Stewart's granddaughter, and you'll be hearing from my attorney.
20:36 Ow.
20:37 Oh, we should have put in the dog with the shifty eyes.
20:43 I'm sorry I ruined your career, Mel. It's not your fault, Homer.
20:46 I guess there's just no room in today's crazy,
20:49 gentle America for violent dinosaurs like us.
20:52 How did the country lose its way, Mel?
20:54 When did we stop rooting for the man with the flamethrower or an acid-spraying gun of some
21:00 kind? I blame the Internet and the return of swing music.
21:03 Well, whatever it is, we gotta get rolling on our next picture.
21:06 Hey, what about a prequel to something?
21:08 Everybody loves prequels. I don't.
21:12 Okay, Mr. Difficult.
21:13 How about a teen sex romp where you and your buddies are always trying to get some?
21:18 No, wait!
21:19 A ghost? Who wins the lottery?
21:22 You could be the ghost or the lottery commissioner.
21:25 What about Indiana Jones?
21:28 Does anyone own the rights to that?
21:30 Hey, Mel!
21:31 I fell out!
21:50 Thank you.
22:24 Shh.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Barney Gumble, Chief Wiggum, Krusty the Clown, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Mrs. Krabappel, Dr. Hibbert, Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Jasper Beardsley, Reverend Lovejoy, Groundskeeper Willie, Lou, Eddie, Miss Hoover, Maude Flanders, Mayor Quimby, Sideshow Mel, Kirk Van Houten, Hans Moleman, Luann Van Houten, Helen Lovejoy, Professor Frink, Bernice Hibbert, Agnes Skinner, Horatio McCallister, Comic Book Guy, Dr. Nick, Lionel Hutz, Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon, Old Jewish Man, Bumblebee Man, Rainier Wolfcastle, Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon, Gil Gunderson, Pyro, Adam West, Batman, Fred Flintstone, John Travolta, Mel Gibson, Tyler's Sister, Audrey McConnell's Student 2, Audrey McConnell's Student 3, Audrey McConnell's Student 8, Edward Christian, Ellen DeGeneres, President of the United States, Robyn Hannah, Senator Paine, Shifty-Eyed Dog, Unnamed girl with red glasses, William Milo, Wilma Flintstone

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character