Treehouse of Horror X

The Simpsons, season 11, episode 4. First aired October 31, 1999. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner? E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt) → The whole episode as text

From “Treehouse of Horror X”: “Dear God, it's Homer. If you really love me, you'll save my life now.” — Dear God, it's Homer. If you really love me, you'll save my life now.

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About the episode

Marge runs down Ned Flanders and the family covers it up, until a hook-wielding stalker turns out to be Ned, now an unkillable werewolf. An X-ray accident turns Bart and Lisa into Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl, who fight Comic Book Guy's Collector to free Lucy Lawless. Homer's neglect of the Y2K bug topples civilization, and he and Bart end up aboard a rocket headed for the sun.

Written by: Donick Cary; Tim Long; Ron Hauge
Directed by: Pete Michels
Guest stars: Dick Clark; Lucy Lawless; Tom Arnold
Couch gag: Past Horrors
Production code: BABF01

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

336 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:03 Live from fabulous Centauri City, it's the Simpsons 10th Halloween Special.
0:09 Now, please welcome your hosts.
0:12 If you haven't been probed by these two, you haven't been probed,
0:16 King and Kodos!
0:22 Mwah!
0:23 Mwah! Thank you! Thank you! Yes, thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
0:27 Welcome to our 10th anniversary show. Oh, we've got a great geek.
0:32 Kang, what are you doing?
0:34 You said we were going to warm up the audience.
0:42 Ladies and gentlemen, I have to apologize for my partner.
0:45 He had to borrow a human brain.
0:51 What do aliens have to do with Halloween?
0:53 Silence!
1:13 I still can't believe we escaped from those horrible vampires.
1:16 But it was worth it to get back our super sugar crisp cereal.
1:21 Can't get enough of that sugar crisp.
1:24 I'm having a hard time seeing.
1:26 Homer, did you remember to put the fog lights in?
1:29 Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in.
1:31 I better pull over and play it safe.
1:36 Please be a dog.
1:40 Oh, no!
1:44 Ned Flanders!
1:46 He's dead.
1:48 He's definitely dead.
1:52 Oh, my God.
1:53 We killed Ned Flanders.
1:55 You mean you killed Ned Flanders. Oh, it was an accident!
1:59 An accident!
2:00 We've got to go to the police!
2:02 They'll never believe a Simpson killed a Flanners by accident.
2:05 Even I have my doubts.
2:07 Don't worry, I've got a plan.
2:08 Okay, Ned, first thing we have to do is to make sure that no one knows that you're dead.
2:14 And if anyone asks you, just say that you're not dead.
2:19 Hey, Maud!
2:21 Look who's helping me clean the chimney!
2:26 Nettie, where have you been?
2:29 Hi, Maud.
2:31 Diddly.
2:31 I've been having fun with my pal Homer.
2:36 Diddly.
2:37 Oh, I'm so relieved.
2:39 Whenever you go on one of your late-night fog walks, I get so worried.
2:44 Relax, I'm fine.
2:46 But when I do die, I don't want any autopsies.
2:50 Well, come on down, you goofy roofie. Wow, it sure is slippery up here!
2:56 My pies are done.
2:59 Oh, she missed it.
3:01 Hey, Mutt, I'm home.
3:04 Uh-oh, I think I'm having a heart attack.
3:12 And that's the end of that chapter.
3:24 Try not to look too sad.
3:26 It'll seem suspicious.
3:30 And now Ned's best friend will say a few words, Homer.
3:36 When I think about Ned,
3:38 I can't help but remember the look on his face when Marge drove over...
3:42 Shut up, shut up, shut up! Oh, wait.
3:45 What I'd like to say is we're still looking for the real killers.
3:49 Anyway, in conclusion, a man cannot be forced to testify against his wife.
3:54 Stop winking.
3:56 We'll miss you, buddy.
4:00 Hey, we just got away with murder, and it was so easy.
4:04 No, I've never liked that little wiener mill house.
4:09 No more murders.
4:11 But you got to kill... No.
4:16 Someone saw us. By who?
4:27 Homer, stop that.
4:32 Who could be calling at this hour?
4:36 Hello?
4:39 I know you're alone.
4:42 Who is this?
4:43 Is this Maude Flanders? No, it's Homer.
4:48 Oh, hey, Homer, it's Mo. I must have dialed the wrong number.
5:12 Dear God, it's Homer. If you really love me, you'll save my life now.
5:22 He's getting closer!
5:28 Okay, Marge, you hide in the abandoned amusement park, Lisa the Pet Cemetery, Bart,
5:33 Spooky Roller Disco,
5:36 and I'll go skinny dipping in that lake where the sexy teens were killed 100 years ago
5:40 tonight.
5:42 Now, Flanders, I want you to...
5:46 It's impossible!
5:48 I killed you! You can't kill the undead, silly.
5:52 He's undead, all right. Are you a zombie?
5:55 Oh, I wish.
5:56 You see, that night when you hit me with your car,
6:00 I'm making record time on this fog walk.
6:04 Better pick up the pace.
6:08 Ha ha ha!
6:16 Good time we got to put the fog lights in.
6:19 I better be over and play it safe.
6:26 So you were gonna kill us.
6:30 Yeah.
6:38 Hey, foamy, I want the news, not the weather.
6:41 Mars, did you hear me sing werewolf Flanders?
6:47 Deadly!
6:58 Flanders! Stop that!
7:01 Eyes bigger than your stomach, eh, Wolfie?
7:23 Well, well, well, if it isn't the cutest police officer in Springfield.
7:28 You know, we got feelings too, Chief.
7:30 Just dump your candy on the x-ray belt, Ralphie.
7:33 There's a good boy. Okay, safe, safe, razor blade, syringe,
7:39 oh, white chocolate. Jack it out, Lisa. I'm Radioactive Man.
7:43 I don't think the real Radioactive Man wears a plastic smock with a picture of himself on
7:48 it.
7:49 He would on Halloween.
7:54 Get in there, you stupid pillowcase.
7:57 Stop it. You'll kill the machine.
8:00 Uh-oh.
8:01 Radiation. Duck and cover.
8:04 Cool.
8:08 Oh, my God! Lisa!
8:11 She's been crushed, and so have the hopes of our Mathletics team.
8:17 Hold the funeral, Poindexter.
8:20 Poindexter?
8:22 Whoa, Lisa, those x-rays must have given you super strength.
8:26 I wonder if I got any powers.
8:29 Nope, looks normal.
8:31 Wait a minute. I can stretch.
8:35 Look at me!
8:36 Ow! Hot, hot, hot.
8:39 I must only use this power to annoy.
8:44 Now, who could that be at this hour?
8:47 Yes, yes, up, down, side to side. What's your point?
8:52 Ow!
8:54 Gotcha.
8:55 Bart, with these powers, we can become superheroes.
8:58 Okay, so do it already.
9:01 Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl He's a human rubber band and she's a hunk in
9:07 pearls He's a limber lass She's a powerful lass He'll ring your
9:12 neck and she'll kick your ass
9:16 There's Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl Stretch
9:22 Dude and Clobber Girl
9:24 Tonight's episode, enter the collector.
9:29 But I'm sure that once girls get to know the real you, you'll get plenty of dates.
9:33 Next question.
9:34 Yes, over here.
9:36 In episode BF12,
9:39 you were battling barbarians while riding a winged Appaloosa.
9:43 Yet in the very next scene, my dear, you're clearly atop a winged Arabian.
9:47 Pleased to explain it.
9:48 Ah, yeah.
9:49 Well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.
9:53 I see. All right, yes. But in episode AG4...
9:56 Wizard. Ah, for glavin' out loud.
10:00 Behold, I am the Collector, and I'm here to add you to my collection.
10:12 Must remove... my breastplate!
10:16 Maybe later.
10:20 Care for a Rolo, sweet Xena? All right, Collector, stick this in your tweezers.
10:25 I'm not Xena. I'm an actress, you lunatic.
10:28 Oh, please, I'm not insane.
10:30 I simply wish to take you back to my lair and make you my bride.
10:34 Oh, dear God.
10:40 Clover girl?
10:43 Thank you.
10:46 Help!
10:49 It's Xena.
10:51 She's been kidnapped. Come on!
10:54 Remember, you're vulnerable to kryptonite!
10:58 Jeez, Marge, tell the neighborhood!
11:04 Fear not, my syndicated sweetie.
11:07 You'll be preserved in this mylar pouch, forever remaining in...
11:12 near mint condition between Doctor Who and, of course, Yasmeen Bleeth.
11:17 I don't think so.
11:20 I don't think so either.
11:25 Your collecting days are over, collector.
11:28 Stop right there!
11:30 I have here the only working phaser ever built.
11:34 It was fired only once to keep William Shatner from making another album.
11:38 Stretch, dude! Help! Just a sec.
11:49 Hey, phaser, phaser, phasers.
12:00 Good night, wretch dude and slobber girl.
12:04 Sweet screams.
12:06 Ha ha ha.
12:07 I'm unbelievably amused.
12:09 Soon those bratty buttinskis will be encased in lucite for all eternity.
12:14 While we're waiting, here are some names you may call me on our wedding night.
12:18 Obi-Wan, Iron Man, Mr. Mix's Pitlick, and of course, Big Papa Smurf.
12:24 What do you need me for?
12:25 You could have your choice of any of the women in these bags.
12:28 You would think so, but no.
12:30 Really?
12:31 Well, I mean, maybe we are meant for each other.
12:35 Growing up, I was always tall for my age, and the other kids made fun of me.
12:39 I always hoped for another misunderstood soul to share my pain.
12:43 You could be that soul collector.
12:46 Oh. Come here, you.
12:48 Xena needs Zex.
12:55 Got your lips.
13:01 You tricked me.
13:03 With a ruse so hackneyed, it would make Stan Lee blush.
13:07 Shut up.
13:09 Ow,
13:15 that hurts.
13:19 Bart, just let me drop and save yourself.
13:22 What do you think I've been trying to do?
13:25 Aha!
13:26 Not even Xena is a match for the limited edition double-edged lightsaber from Star Wars
13:32 Episode I, The Phantom Menace.
13:38 You removed it from its original packaging.
13:41 No!
13:42 It's no longer a collectible... Oh! Oh! Oh!
13:49 What a nerd.
13:51 Lucite hardening must end life in classic Lorne Green pose from Battlestar
13:57 Galactica.
14:00 Best death ever.
14:05 Wow.
14:06 Thanks for saving us.
14:07 No problem.
14:08 Now let's get you kids home.
14:10 Wait a minute. Xena can't fly. I told you I'm not Xena.
14:15 I'm Lucy Lawless. Oh. Stretch, do that, clobber girl.
14:30 This is Dick Clark rocking down to the year 2000, and that was Whitesnake.
14:34 We're not Whitesnake, dude. We're poison.
14:37 I thought we were quiet riot.
14:39 It says here we're rat.
14:41 Right.
14:42 Sorry.
14:43 Man alive!
14:44 What a stinko thousand years!
14:47 Blimp wrecks, teenagers!
14:49 And again, we had two TV shows with Andy Griffith.
14:52 And 11 with Robert Urich.
14:55 Super freak, super freak, I'm super freaking hell.
15:00 Aw, man, what'd I do now?
15:02 Wonderful. Now,
15:03 that song is dedicated to all you super geeks who rocked around the clock to exterminate
15:07 America's Y2K bugs.
15:10 Slammin'. Hey, Homer, weren't you the plant's Y2K compliance officer?
15:14 Absolutely.
15:15 Must have been hard debugging all those computers, huh, Homer?
15:19 Doing what now? You did fix them, right, Dad?
15:21 Because even a single faulty unit could corrupt every other computer in the world.
15:26 That can't be true, honey.
15:28 If it were, I'd be terrified.
15:31 Eight, seven, six. We want to thank Dixie brand mayonnaise.
15:35 Whoa, lordy, what a mayonnaise.
15:38 Three, two...
15:42 That's Homer Simpson's computer.
15:44 Oh, God, it's spreading!
15:47 Happy New!
15:49 Oh, no, it's happening.
15:59 Uh-oh.
16:23 Who's gonna clean up all those jets?
16:28 There goes the clothesline.
16:30 Well, those ivory tower eggheads have screwed us again.
16:34 Let's just have some milk and go to bed.
16:37 Hey, this note's broken! It's got a computer chip in it.
16:41 Everything does.
16:57 Judgment Day is upon us.
17:00 I warned you the Lord wouldn't stand for your mini dresses and beetle boots.
17:06 I resisted these for 35 years. Why did I wear them today?
17:09 But it's not too late to repent your sins and be embraced by the Almighty.
17:15 Hey, everybody! They're looting them all.
17:17 Hurry!
17:18 I got nine shoe buffers.
17:23 I'm caught on something.
17:25 I don't want you looting. But I was gonna loot you a present.
17:29 Oh, all right.
17:38 Thank you, homie. A lady Remington.
17:54 Well, look at the wonders of the computer age now.
17:58 Wonders, Lisa, or blunders?
18:02 I think that was implied by what I said.
18:04 Implied, Lisa, or implode.
18:08 Mom, make him stop.
18:09 Oh!
18:11 Oh, no. Krusty!
18:14 My pacemaker!
18:15 It's stuck on Hummingbird!
18:17 Nectar! Nectar! I need to drink my way to nectar!
18:22 Krusty!
18:24 Hey, a note.
18:28 You have been selected for Operation Exodus.
18:31 They're evacuating the Earth! We're saved!
18:36 Thank you, sweet clown.
18:39 In death, you saved us all.
18:43 I'm not dead.
18:45 I can still hear his voice on the wind.
18:49 There it is!
18:51 Just like the dead clown promised.
18:56 Wow, there's Bill Gates, Stephen Hawking, Paul McCartney,
19:01 Michael Jordan, Michelle Kwan.
19:03 They must be starting a new civilization on Mars with our best and brightest.
19:07 That's us.
19:09 Name, please.
19:10 Certainly.
19:11 I am the piano genius from the movie Shine.
19:15 Uh-huh. And your name is?
19:17 Uh, Shiny McChime? Actually, he's Homer Simpson.
19:22 That's Bart. I'm Lisa.
19:23 Lisa Simpson?
19:24 Oh, you're the ship's proofreader. Welcome aboard.
19:27 Now before you enter you're going to have to make a very difficult choice.
19:31 You're only allowed to take one parent with you.
19:36 Love you lots. Goodbye Lisa.
19:39 Remember me as I am.
19:40 Filled with murderous rage.
19:46 Well son, I guess this is the end.
19:49 But we've both had long full lives.
19:53 Oh, right.
19:54 Hey look, another spaceship! And there's nobody guarding it.
19:58 Let's go.
20:03 I can't believe I destroyed the Earth.
20:06 Are you still talking about the Earth?
20:08 You're right. I gotta let it go.
20:10 All that counts is we're alive and rubbing elbows with the greats.
20:15 Oh, there's Ross Perot, Dr. Laura, Spike Lee.
20:20 Wait a minute. They're not so great. Okay, but there's Dan Quayle and Courtney Love.
20:26 Tonya Harding?
20:27 Al Sharpton?
20:30 Tom Arnold!
20:31 What the hell's going on?
20:33 Wait, only that ship is going to Mars. Ours is headed for the sun.
20:37 Yeah, ain't that a kick in the teeth?
20:38 I mean, my shows weren't great, but I never tied people up and forced them to watch.
20:42 And I could have, because I'm a big guy and I'm good with knots.
20:44 So we're all gonna die?
20:46 Afraid so, but hey, the grub's pretty good, huh?
20:51 The sun?
20:53 That's the hottest place on Earth. Gonna work on my tan edge, buddy.
20:58 Pauly Shore?
20:59 Wow!
21:00 Hey, we should do a show together, man. That's a sure cure for the blues.
21:04 Hey, turn those frowns around.
21:08 Oh, no.
21:09 Rosie O'Donnell.
21:11 Come on, everybody, sing along.
21:13 Clang, clang, clang with the trolley.
21:16 This side only.
21:17 Ding, ding, ding with the bell.
21:20 Zing, ding, ding with my heartstrings. From the moment I saw him, I fell
21:27 Don't worry, Dad. We'll be dead in five minutes.
21:30 Not fast enough!
21:37 From the moment I saw him, I fell From the moment I saw him,
21:42 I fell
21:54 Thank you.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Milhouse Van Houten, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Chief Wiggum, Krusty the Clown, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Mrs. Krabappel, Dr. Hibbert, Waylon Smithers, Nelson Muntz, Otto Mann, Jasper Beardsley, Martin Prince, Ralph Wiggum, Reverend Lovejoy, Groundskeeper Willie, Lou, Lewis Clark, Eddie, Miss Hoover, Todd Flanders, Maude Flanders, Rod Flanders, Sherri Mackleberry, Terri Mackleberry, Sideshow Mel, Kirk Van Houten, Larry Dalrymple, Luann Van Houten, Helen Lovejoy, Professor Frink, Bernice Hibbert, Agnes Skinner, Horatio McCallister, Comic Book Guy, Ruth Powers, Dr. Nick, Gareth Prince, Gloria Prince, Old Jewish Man, Alice Glick, Bumblebee Man, Brandine Spuckler, Just Stamp the Ticket Man, Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon, Jack Marley, Legs, Arnie Pye, Disco Stu, Kang, Kodos, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Paul McCartney, Matt Groening, Retirement Castle Nurse, Ron Howard, Bill Gates, Leonard Nimoy, Number 51, Stephen Hawking, Bob Denver, Government Scientist, Mark McGwire, Mel Gibson, Spike Lee, Stephen Jay Gould, Xena the Warrior Princess, Al Sharpton, Clobber Girl, Courtney Love, Dick Clark, Lucy Lawless, Michael Jordan, Michelle Kwan, Pauly Shore, Rosie O'Donnell, Stretch Dude, The Collector, The Doctor, Tobias Brad, Tom Arnold, Tonya Harding, Yasmine Bleeth

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character