Last Tap Dance in Springfield

The Simpsons, season 11, episode 20. First aired May 7, 2000. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Kill the Alligator and Run It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge → The whole episode as text

From “Last Tap Dance in Springfield”: “I have only read about dancing and books.” — I have only read about dancing and books.

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About the episode

Lisa falls for dancing after the movie Tango de la Muerte and enrolls at the school of former child star Little Vicki Valentine, who steers her into tap, but Lisa has no talent for it. Professor Frink rigs her shoes with motors that tap at any loud noise, which works until applause at the recital sends them haywire. Meanwhile, Bart and Milhouse skip camp to live in the Springfield Mall.

Written by: Julie Thacker
Directed by: Nancy Kruse
Chalkboard gag: I will not dance on anyone's grave
Couch gag: Tarzan
Production code: BABF15

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

364 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:02 The Simpsons
0:34 Let's go.
1:22 The Cyborg-anizer.
1:24 A high-tech Robocop created for one purpose only.
1:28 to help the NYPD tackle its tedious paperwork.
1:32 Good work, Cyborg-anizer. I can streamline any procedure except this thing you call love.
1:38 Aw, poor Cyborg-anizer.
1:40 Homer, sitting that close to the TV can't be good for you.
1:43 Talking while the TV's on can't be good for you.
1:46 You should get your eyes checked.
1:47 I'm taking Bart to the mall to buy camping supplies.
1:50 Why don't you come along?
1:51 Uh, I want to enjoy this show before the network retools it.
1:55 How can I organize this modeling agency and still be a good single father?
2:01 I love you, Daddy.
2:03 Ah, too late.
2:08 We need something quick.
2:09 My husband's eyes are really shot.
2:11 Wee, touch this guy, Maggie.
2:14 Wee, touch this guy.
2:16 Dad, I've got Maggie. Who's that, Dad?
2:19 Come on, Bart.
2:21 While your dad gets his glasses, we'll go shop for your trip.
2:23 Oh, I hate shopping.
2:25 Just give me a deck of cards and I'll win whatever I need from the other kids.
2:28 But you need to try things on.
2:30 Every brand has a different idea of husky.
2:33 I'm in tantrum position.
2:35 T-minus five, four, three, remembering dead cat for real tears and...
2:40 Fine, you win.
2:42 I'll do your shopping for you.
2:44 Tantrum averted.
2:46 But now I can't forget the cat.
2:49 Okay, let's get started.
2:53 Hey, wake up! Sorry.
2:55 Now read the first line.
2:57 I ate pee-pee.
3:00 You little dick guy!
3:05 Better or worse? Worse!
3:09 Much better.
3:12 Dad!
3:14 That pairs popular with celebrities like Val Kilmer.
3:16 Ooh, my favorite door.
3:18 And Yoko Ono? Ew, she ruined the plastic Ono band.
3:22 Maybe you're a candidate for laser eye surgery.
3:25 Will it get me out of heaven to choose glasses?
3:27 Well, yes,
3:27 but I must warn you it's an experimental procedure and we still don't know the long-term
3:31 effect. Let's zapping, more zapping.
3:33 Well, looks like we got everything for Bart's camping trip.
3:37 Blair Witch Repellent, Antlersaw, and Deepwood Scrabble.
3:41 Ooh, Tango de la Muerte. I've been dying to see that movie.
3:45 It got rave reviews from both the Entertainment Radio Network and the Radio Entertainment
3:49 Network. Let's go.
3:55 Wait!
3:56 You've got to use these drops. They prevent your eyes from crusting over.
3:59 Oop, here we go with the add-ons. No thanks.
4:07 Now that my severed foot has been reattached,
4:10 I must win back the coveted dance title, LocoLegs.
4:13 As your wise but alcoholic dance coach,
4:16 I know that somewhere your father is looking down on you and smiling.
4:20 Oh, there he is.
4:22 And now I must choose a beautiful partner for the big dance contest.
4:34 Oh,
4:37 he'll never dance with her. She'll have to settle for some Mexican millhouse.
4:41 I demand to know your name. My name is Lisa Bella.
4:44 That's my name with Bella on the end of it.
4:47 Ask her, oh God, please, ask her to dance.
4:49 I shall dance with her.
4:52 Que malo!
4:54 Once again I'm a sugar, my own churro.
4:57 But I am just a simple librarian.
5:00 I have only read about dancing and books.
5:03 I will show you something that is in no book.
5:15 She's not playing, she's beautiful.
5:26 There is just one dance that will beat them.
5:28 The Tango de la Muerte.
5:31 Only one man was crazy enough to dance that dance.
5:34 And he is dead. My twin brother, Fred Duardo.
5:37 But where he died, I shall live in his apartment.
6:03 You are now carrying my child. But how?
6:07 It is the mystery of the dance.
6:14 Oh, Mom, I want to be a dancer.
6:16 That's wonderful, honey.
6:18 We should ask your father, though.
6:20 Where is he anyway? Now, homie, when we get to the liquor store,
6:25 buy me some Jack Daniels and a carton of smokes.
6:28 Yes, dear.
6:37 Mmm.
6:39 I remember little Vicky Valentine.
6:41 Her perky smile and dancing brought America right out of the Depression.
6:45 Well, I think World War II helped a little, Mom.
6:48 Don't smart mouth, Lisa. A great big sunshine hello to you.
6:52 Hi, little Vicky.
6:53 Oh, that was such a long time ago. I'm just plain Vicky now.
6:58 All right. I'd like to sign my daughter up for lessons, Vicky.
7:01 Little Vicky. But you just said... So what dance style were you interested in?
7:05 We have ever so many.
7:07 There's ballroom.
7:09 Ow! You stepped on my toes again. If you would just let me lead.
7:14 You're not a leader, Seymour.
7:16 Never have been, never will be.
7:18 Huh?
7:19 There's square dancing.
7:20 Far the birdie in the cage, out lady in the center.
7:22 Now the birdie is birdie and the crows hop in.
7:24 Plug the feather all together. Hell bent fur leather.
7:26 Put your honey in the saddle. Or there's the dance that made me ever so famous, tap.
7:32 But I want to learn a dance I can use in real life, like the tango de la muerte.
7:37 Aw, bless your heart. Let's get you some tap shoes.
7:40 Uh, little Vicky, I really think she had her heart set on it.
7:43 Little advice, don't live through your child.
7:46 Okay.
7:51 Captain's gonna be great!
7:53 Seven days without parents, homework, or ear medicine!
7:56 Yes, sir.
7:57 This is gonna be the best week of our young lives.
8:00 I'm gonna pound you two all week.
8:02 Oh, what'd we do?
8:04 Nothing, but I gotta pound somebody.
8:09 Now where do we go?
8:11 I don't want to go home.
8:13 My grandma's sleeping in my bed, and she has skin like a basketball.
8:17 Wait a minute.
8:18 Everybody thinks we're at camp this week.
8:21 We can stay wherever we want.
8:23 Yeah, like the Four Seasons.
8:25 Each room has its own safe.
8:27 I've got a better place.
8:30 The mall?
8:31 Yeah, it's just like my dad always says.
8:34 For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall.
8:37 Food, fun, and fashion, the mall has it all.
8:40 What? What did he say?
8:43 Now, the key to great dancing is one word.
8:47 Tappa, tappa, tappa.
8:55 Teacher, my shoes are making noise.
8:58 You must be Ralph.
8:59 My daddy shoots people.
9:06 Good.
9:09 Wait a minute, somebody's off the beat.
9:11 Let me hear you two.
9:13 Okay, now you.
9:19 children stop it for all you know she has a medical condition nope i see
9:28 this is way better than camp no mosquitoes no stupid champ songs if you're happy and
9:34 you know what shop it stands giant discounts on your favorite major brands attention
9:39 shoppers the mall Hall is now closed.
9:45 Okay, folks, you heard the recording.
9:47 Clear out.
9:50 Quick, up here.
9:54 Where are we going?
9:55 Wyatt, just keep scurrying.
9:57 Whoa!
10:00 Worms!
10:02 Wait, this is just chocolate.
10:05 Chocolate!
10:07 And these are gummy worms.
10:08 Gummy! Boarheads? Jelly bellies? We're like two kids in a candy store!
10:13 Yes!
10:18 Flavor's gone.
10:22 Shoe fight!
10:26 Ow! No golf shoes.
10:28 Ready, Milhouse? Give me a sec.
10:36 Ready?
10:37 Jump!
10:39 Whoa!
10:47 Whoa! We're lumberjacks!
10:49 Oh, my God!
10:51 Look at this place. How could this happen?
10:53 It's candy, chewed, wigs pulled from stands, cheese packages poked and re-poked.
11:00 Every sign points to one obvious culprit.
11:03 A giant rat.
11:06 You'll have to shut down the mall. On President's Day weekend, are you crazy?
11:10 Crazy with concern for the public, yes.
11:13 Now shut this place down before the old folks come in for their morning walk.
11:21 Tappa, tappa, tappa, tappa, tappa, tappa.
11:27 Sorry, the floor's kind of at an angle here.
11:29 I'm gonna move over there.
11:31 Okay, from tappa, tappa, tappa.
11:38 Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad. Oh, let's take five.
11:43 What am I doing wrong, little Vicky? Well, you're falling a lot.
11:47 Maybe you should work on that. Yeah, well, no offense,
11:49 but maybe I need a little more instruction than just tappa, tappa, tappa.
11:53 Why, back when I was your age, I had 43 movies under my belt,
11:57 and I had to do it without tappa, tappa, tappa.
11:59 I would have killed for tappa, tappa, tappa.
12:01 Sorry, I'm just frustrated.
12:03 Well, you'll never save Grandpa's farm with that attitude.
12:06 You've just got to turn that frown upside down.
12:10 That's a smile, not an upside down frown.
12:12 Work on that, too.
12:14 Hey, I got a postcard from Bart.
12:16 Your mom and Homer, I'm having fun.
12:19 Oh, it sounds like he's having fun.
12:21 Why does it have a picture of Vitamin Barn?
12:24 Didn't you ever go to camp?
12:26 The old Vitamin Barn.
12:29 There's our Broadway baby!
12:32 Hey, dig that crazy rhythm.
12:34 I'm just walking.
12:36 Listen, I know I said I wanted to be a dancer, but...
12:39 And you will be a dancer.
12:41 Look at you, all sugar and spice instead of equations and test tubes.
12:46 You're daddy's precious dancing queen.
12:49 And you look adorable.
12:51 Now, honey,
12:52 what were you trying to say before we kept interrupting with our loving proudness?
12:56 Yes, our tiny tapper.
12:57 What was it you were going to say after I wanted to be a dancer, but...
13:01 But I just...
13:05 Need more practice.
13:08 See ya.
13:10 Oh, what's that awful sound? The furnace?
13:13 It's me!
13:14 Aww.
13:19 Why is you so down, little Miss Vicky?
13:22 My kitty cat's sick, and I'd be ever so sad if she should die.
13:28 Well, I'm no animal doctor or nothing, But whenever I'm feeling poorly,
13:33 you know what fixes me up?
13:34 Dancing!
13:40 But I don't know how to dance. Oh, I'll show you how.
13:54 There!
13:55 Now you're getting it. Look at me, Powder Puff!
13:58 I'm dancing!
14:08 The cat dances better than I knew.
14:10 We'll catch that, mall rat.
14:13 Sure hope this Acme kit works. Gosh, that cheese looks good.
14:17 Think I could grab it before that anvil hits?
14:19 I don't know, Chief. It's a million to one.
14:21 I like those odds.
14:28 My mistake was grabbing the cheese.
14:36 Professor Frank, will that spaceship be ready for the recital?
14:39 I have visited the future, and yes, it will.
14:43 Okay, kids, tonight's the big night.
14:46 Now remember, the important thing is to just dance flawlessly.
14:50 Excuse me, why isn't my name in the program?
14:52 It is, silly.
14:53 You've got the most important part of all.
14:56 Curtain puller? No one can see the show if the curtain isn't open.
14:59 My parents are counting on seeing me dance, and I've worked ever so hard.
15:04 I'm sorry, Lisa,
15:06 but giving everyone an equal part when they're clearly not equal is called what again,
15:10 class?
15:11 Communism!
15:12 That's right,
15:12 and I didn't tap all those Morse code messages to the Allies till my shoes filled with
15:16 blood just to roll out the welcome mat for the Reds.
15:19 All right, I'll be the stupid curtain puller.
15:26 Smoothly.
15:27 Pull-a, pull-a, pull-a.
15:30 I get your pull-a-pull-pull.
15:32 Excuse me, Lisa, but I couldn't help but overhear your nerdly predicament.
15:36 Maybe I can be of assistance with the dancing and the twisting and the kung fu fighting.
15:41 Diddle-de-de-dee-dee-doo.
15:44 I first observed this technology at the airport gift shop.
15:48 As you see,
15:49 it responds to any percussive sound with an exuberant shaking of its grooved thing.
15:54 Yeah, yeah.
15:55 Most entertaining, but how does that help me?
15:57 Observe.
15:59 I... I... Garvin.
16:05 Ooh!
16:07 That's brilliant, Professor.
16:09 What will you think of next?
16:10 Well, I also found this at the gift shop.
16:13 Isn't it cute?
16:14 I'm hoping to turn it into a weapon.
16:17 I... I... It'll kill you.
16:19 I've got to go now.
16:22 Okay, Mr. Rat.
16:24 We've got a little playmate for you.
16:29 Should I get the backup lion, chief? Would you?
16:36 Can you see the lion anywhere?
16:41 Well, do you see him or not?
16:46 Are you saying he's right on the other side of that plant?
16:51 Okay.
16:52 Run!
16:57 This way!
17:02 Uh-oh!
17:14 Mark, you're a genius!
17:20 You okay, Milhouse?
17:21 Nothing that a handful of gummy bears can't fix.
17:28 Well, well. Looks like the cat got the rat.
17:31 And that's the end of that tale.
17:34 Uh, Chief, should we try and get the mountain lion back in its crate?
17:37 I repeat.
17:41 Okay, everyone. We need big smiles out there.
17:44 So line up for Dimpling.
17:46 Now this may hurt a lot. What am I saying, may?
17:49 Ow!
17:51 Now that's a happy face.
17:53 Little Vicky, I figured out how to dance.
17:55 I can be in the show now. I'm sorry, Lisa.
17:58 People go to a children's dance recital expecting a certain level of professionalism.
18:02 But you don't understand.
18:06 I ate too much plastic candy.
18:09 Heavens to Betsy. The star of the show is sick.
18:11 Whatever will we do?
18:13 There's only one person who can get us out of this pickle.
18:15 Lisa? Yes?
18:17 Help me into Ralph's costume.
18:21 Showtime, children. Let's go.
18:24 Okay, curtain puller, this is your moment to shine.
18:27 Go, it's too important. I'll do it for you.
18:34 Lean, muscular children of Mars, we bring you candy.
18:40 Let's walk over to them.
18:43 Why walk when you can dance?
18:52 Where's Lisa?
18:54 Splat is hard enough to follow as it is.
18:56 On the spaceship,
18:58 lollipop gingerbread men like to do hip-hop and chocolate
19:03 chips. Huh?
19:05 It's not the new spot in the ship.
19:09 We just love to dance on Mars with me.
19:13 There she is! Hi, Hermie! Wow, look at her go!
19:18 Yeah, that pressure we put on her really paid off.
19:28 What are you doing? I can't help it. It's the shoes.
19:32 Nobody upstages little Vicki.
19:41 Oh, please stop.
19:43 I'm just getting started.
19:54 Stop clapping!
20:01 Galicia!
20:02 Come on, everybody. Give it up for my little girl.
20:05 Ah!
20:08 Stop the clapping!
20:11 You'll kill us all!
20:12 Ah!
20:18 Lisa's gone berserk!
20:19 Do something, Alma, do something!
20:24 Oh, thanks, Dad. I didn't think, I just acted.
20:29 Self-tapping shoes?
20:30 I'm ever so pissed!
20:32 I'm sorry, Vicky. I just wanted to be a dancer so badly.
20:36 I understand.
20:38 We all do crazy things when we're desperate.
20:40 I once destroyed Buddy Epson's credit rating.
20:43 Why? He knows why.
20:45 Jesus, Mary and Glavin, these shoes are in the off position.
20:49 You mean I danced all by myself?
20:51 See, honey, all you needed was to believe in...
20:53 What are you talking about, Professor Frank?
20:55 They're clearly in the on position.
20:57 See?
20:57 On.
20:58 I was merely trying to spare the girls' feelings, you insensitive clod.
21:02 Oh. Oh!
21:04 Well, now that I look even closer... Forget it, Dad.
21:08 I guess I'm never gonna be your Broadway baby.
21:11 That's not true, honey.
21:12 You can always write a depressing Broadway play of some kind.
21:15 You think so? Sure.
21:17 It could be a story about people coming to terms with things.
21:21 Hey, yeah. You could load it up with lots of swears.
21:24 That's what David Mamet does. Oh, I love you guys.
21:28 Uh-oh. It's out of the Matrix.
21:30 Nobody move. Why, it's just a cute little weasel.
21:33 Hello there, Mr.
21:35 Weasel.
21:35 And you... Ah!
21:37 Ah!
21:39 I'm down!
21:45 Thank you.
22:24 Shhh!
22:25 Tappa Tappa Tappa!

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Milhouse Van Houten, Grampa Simpson, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, Chief Wiggum, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Mrs. Krabappel, Nelson Muntz, Otto Mann, Jasper Beardsley, Ralph Wiggum, Patty Bouvier, Reverend Lovejoy, Selma Bouvier, Lou, Jimbo Jones, Eddie, Miss Hoover, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Sherri Mackleberry, Terri Mackleberry, Kirk Van Houten, Janey Powell, Luann Van Houten, Helen Lovejoy, Professor Frink, Agnes Skinner, Dolph Starbeam, Ruth Powers, Gareth Prince, Sarah Wiggum, Gloria Prince, Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon, Cletus Spuckler, Old Jewish Man, Alice Glick, Lunchlady Dora, Bumblebee Man, Brandine Spuckler, Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon, Allison Taylor, Ms. Albright, The Rich Texan, Martha Quimby, Alex Whitney, Cyborganizer, Lisabella, Vicki Valentine

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character