Simpson Safari

The Simpsons, season 12, episode 17. First aired April 1, 2001. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Bye, Bye, Nerdie Trilogy of Error → The whole episode as text

From “Simpson Safari”: “Hey, the dog smells something.” — Hey, the dog smells something.

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About the episode

With Springfield's bag boys on strike and the cupboards bare, Homer eats from a decades-old box of animal crackers and finds a gold giraffe. The company balks at awarding the long-expired prize, a trip to Africa, until the box injures Homer's eye. After a hippo separates the family from guide Kitenge, they stumble onto the refuge of Dr. Joan Bushwell, who secretly forces chimpanzees to mine diamonds.

Written by: John Swartzwelder
Directed by: Mark Kirkland
Chalkboard gag: I will not flush evidence
Couch gag: Circus Line
Production code: CABF13

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

330 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:04 The Simpsons
0:47 Here we go.
1:00 Eep, eep.
1:04 Don't!
1:06 Whoo!
1:41 Olive oil?
1:42 Asparagus?
1:43 If your mother wasn't so fancy, we could shop at the gas station like normal people.
1:49 I need this candy for school.
1:51 Candy class.
1:52 Well, okay, but get five bags in case we eat four on the way home.
1:56 My teacher said I need cupcakes.
1:58 Cupcakes to learn. In the cart.
2:01 I'm out of wine.
2:03 Cart.
2:06 We need these because we have to...
2:11 My doctor says and my garage mechanic agrees that...
2:14 In the cart. Woo-hoo!
2:15 You know, I always felt sorry for Marge having to do the shopping,
2:19 but this is kind of fun.
2:22 Yeah.
2:23 I wish Maggie had to go to the emergency room more often.
2:26 Hmm, I never heard of a baby swallowing a magazine before.
2:30 And I'm a doctor.
2:32 I don't know if it matters, but it was a Time magazine.
2:36 Does that matter?
2:38 Uh-oh.
2:38 This could be dangerous.
2:40 What? What?
2:41 Syrian hardliners are gaining influence.
2:48 Wait, I changed my mind.
2:50 Stack it in the order, I'll eat it driving home.
2:53 Sir, please.
2:55 I've already bagged it by color and an order of each item's discovery by man.
2:59 The customer's always right.
3:00 That's what everybody likes about us. Now mush.
3:03 You tell him, Jumbo.
3:05 And you, start over. I want everything in one bag.
3:08 Yes, ma'am.
3:10 But I don't want the bag to be heavy. Well, I don't think that's possible.
3:13 What are you, the possible police?
3:16 Just do it.
3:18 Hey, hey, watch what you're doing there, sack monkey.
3:20 You're bruising my duralog.
3:22 Hurry up. I can't stand here jabbing you all day.
3:26 Geez, ow, stop.
3:28 Bag boys have feelings too, you know. No, you don't.
3:31 Excuse me, is there a problem here? No, I can handle it.
3:35 I'll get you a squealer.
3:37 Ow, that's it. On behalf of Sackstuffers Local 199, I'm calling a strike.
3:44 Strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike,
3:50 strike, strike. Oh, the Bag Boys are on strike!
3:54 I'm shaking!
3:56 Mr. Simpson, please, will you go home?
3:58 If I can have this rubber stick.
4:02 Pledging to honor the Bag Boys strike are the Brotherhood of Fruit Packers and Unpackers,
4:06 the Shelf Dusters Union, and the Unattractive Waitresses of America.
4:11 Kiss my grits! Indeed.
4:14 Good luck, sir.
4:15 No Bag Boys are gonna stop Lenny from hosting a casual get-together.
4:19 Casual?
4:20 I can taste that get-together now.
4:23 Hey! I was holding that! Next time I'll knock your hat off, scab!
4:33 So hungry.
4:34 There's gotta be some food left.
4:37 It's all for jerky?
4:39 Cream of toast? Where do we get all this crap?
4:42 Most of it was sent by relatives who couldn't see very well.
4:46 Hey, I found some eggs.
4:47 The mother abandoned her nest.
4:54 There's gotta be something to eat in this house.
5:03 Hey, the dog smells something.
5:06 Goodbye, goodbye.
5:08 Show us where the food is.
5:10 Where?
5:11 Over there?
5:15 Hey!
5:27 My old lunchbox!
5:29 Oh, that Amos Burke made his own rules.
5:35 Very old animal crackers!
5:40 Homer, no!
5:42 Those were made in the 60s!
5:46 Mmm, turbulent.
5:49 Ow!
5:50 What the hell?
5:52 Whoa, a solid gold animal cracker.
5:55 Find the golden giraffe and we'll send you and your family to Africa.
6:00 Africa?
6:01 They're bound to have food there.
6:06 And on my free African safari, I want to do everything on this box.
6:10 I want to shoot a lion in the face, fight Muhammad Ali,
6:13 and ride in a convertible with two happy zebras.
6:16 Sir, that contest ended 30 years ago. We don't even make animal crackers anymore.
6:21 We make household poisons and Christmas lights.
6:24 Your box made promises of a vacational nature, and I expect you to live up to them.
6:29 We won't, though.
6:31 Sir, with all due respect, an old box of cookies is not a legal contract.
6:36 Ow! My eye!
6:38 We are in a good deal of trouble. He could sue us.
6:40 This defective string? Yeah, and it's got very sharp corners.
6:42 Mr. Simpson, we've decided to make good on your vacation.
6:46 Woo-hoo!
6:47 Hey, mister.
6:49 Yes? On the plane, I'm gonna need two seats for the twins.
6:57 The Simpsons are going to Africa.
7:00 Yay!
7:05 What is it, Nagongo?
7:07 Evil is coming.
7:10 What shall we do, Nagongo?
7:12 You are Nagongo now!
7:23 Africa looks like a beautiful jewel.
7:26 And these musical garment bags aren't bad either.
7:29 Attention passengers, please prepare for our landing in Tanzania.
7:34 I'm sorry, it is now called New Zanzibar.
7:38 Excuse me, it is now called Pepsi Presents New Zanzibar.
7:45 Hello, hello, Simpsons.
7:48 Welcome to Africa.
7:50 I am your guide, Kitenge.
7:52 Hey, how you doing?
7:55 Isn't that cute?
7:57 A bush baby.
7:59 Where?
7:59 Ah!
8:00 Shoo! Shoo!
8:01 Oh, man, I just bought this shirt.
8:13 Who's Muntu?
8:14 He is our leader.
8:16 He seized power in a bloodless coup.
8:19 All smothering.
8:20 Just like Jimmy Carter.
8:25 Okay, you'll be sleeping here tonight.
8:28 On the ground?
8:29 No, Mom.
8:34 I will come down for your bags.
8:37 That's okay, I got them.
8:46 Eh, bound to happen.
8:51 Help!
8:52 This mesquite and that's not working.
8:55 No, no.
8:56 You have it inside out.
8:59 There.
9:01 When do we get to see the animals?
9:04 In the morning, little one.
9:06 Now good night, and don't let the bed bugs paralyze.
9:10 Homie, did you remember to tip Katenge?
9:13 No, he did not.
9:17 All right, I got another one.
9:20 Hey, you didn't see a warthog. I'm looking at one right now.
9:24 Mom, Bart implied I was a warthog.
9:27 Nobody's a warthog.
9:29 What about him?
9:31 Ah!
9:39 Oh, look everybody!
9:48 Wow!
9:50 It just rolled over to 10,000.
9:59 Now we sit quietly and wait for nature to unveil herself.
10:11 Wait, rhinos don't come from eggs.
10:14 What did you just see, Lisa? I know, but...
10:17 What did you just see?
10:23 Oh, now come on.
10:25 Look, mother, by that tree.
10:27 Cheetah.
10:30 He doesn't look so fast to me.
10:44 Take it home!
10:49 La-le-lo-lo-lo.
10:53 What? What is it?
10:55 Hmm.
10:56 Poachers.
11:02 That's terrible!
11:03 Now, honey, poachers are nature's way of keeping the balance.
11:08 Whenever there are so many species that people get confused and angry, a poacher is born.
11:14 I don't care. I hate them.
11:18 Let's get out of here.
11:22 They'll be back.
11:24 They left their cargo pants.
11:29 This is the earliest known fossil of a human being.
11:33 It's over two million years old.
11:38 I've got more bones than that guy.
11:41 If you're trying to impress me, you've failed.
11:43 It's not the number of bones, sir.
11:46 It's the... You have failed.
11:52 The Maasai chief welcomes you to his village.
11:56 Oh, thank you.
11:57 Your ground is so comfortable.
12:01 By the way, what kind of blood is this?
12:03 Cow.
12:07 Hey, Mom.
12:09 Look what Mabali gave me.
12:12 Oh, check it out.
12:13 Bart, I told you not to get your lip disked.
12:17 All right.
12:18 Uh-oh.
12:26 That's it. Get into a frenzy.
12:29 Ha-ha!
12:38 This song has been going on for hours. Yeah, it's like the Omen brothers.
12:48 Omen, no!
12:51 A hungry, hungry hippo!
12:54 Help, Kitangy!
12:59 Now, Simpsons, run for it!
13:08 Good old Kitangy.
13:20 Quick, into the river!
13:22 Hippos hate water! No, they don't. They...
13:32 Shaka, Zulu!
13:34 Which way should we go?
13:41 Hmm... Hmm... Hmm... Hmm...
13:47 The left! Go to the left!
13:52 It's working!
13:54 Leaches!
13:57 Ugh... Uh-oh.
14:14 Okay, here's the situation.
14:16 We're hopelessly lost and about to die.
14:21 No worry.
14:23 Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep in a giant blender.
14:28 Wonder where this river goes.
14:30 I've got a map.
14:32 Monkey.
14:34 Now, according to Animal Crackers, there's no river here.
14:38 Stay in the boat, Homer.
14:44 Look!
14:57 Let's just float by quietly.
15:10 Oh, you think they settled that Bag Boy strike yet?
15:14 Oh no, we're headed for Victoria Falls!
15:19 Here's why they shouldn't get anything.
15:22 What?
15:31 It's fun! The flower saved our lives!
15:34 Oh no!
15:36 It's eating us! Not a chance.
15:40 Wow, Dad, how did you do that? It's a flower.
15:46 Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet?
15:50 I told you yes!
15:51 Now, Bart, go to the top of that hill and see if you can spot our hotel.
15:56 Mount Kilimanjaro?
15:57 Go!
15:59 Okay.
16:02 A chimp!
16:04 Hello, little fella.
16:06 Hey, maybe you'll lead us to bananas.
16:08 Or more mouth-watering monkeys.
16:11 Over time for Bag Boy.
16:13 Ridiculous!
16:20 This is the place I've read about, where Dr.
16:23 Bushwell lives among the chimps.
16:25 Oh, wasn't that sweet? He named it after his wife.
16:29 No, Dr. Bushwell. Dr. Bushwell is a woman.
16:31 Well, now I've heard everything.
16:35 It's kind of you to take us in, Dr. Bushwell.
16:38 Yeah.
16:39 Thanks for the grub.
16:40 Props.
16:41 Whatever.
16:42 Ah, there's a burst of flavor.
16:45 Your work has really inspired me, Doctor.
16:48 And I love your sensible ponytail.
16:50 Well, thank you.
16:51 See, Jojo, she likes it.
16:55 So I noticed your home smells of feces. Yes.
16:59 And not just monkey feces, either.
17:01 Could we talk about something else?
17:04 I love what you've done with these poles.
17:14 Every day I get up at 5.30, watch the chimps, eat a quick lunch of roots and water,
17:19 then more chimp-watching.
17:21 After dark, I come home and think about chimps until it's time for bed.
17:24 You must be the most boring woman on Earth.
17:27 Possibly, but... I mean, I knew scientists wasted their lives, but jeez!
17:34 What? What is it, Pointy?
17:40 Oh,
17:48 no!
17:48 It's the poachers! Give us the chimps and no one gets hurt!
17:53 Absolutely not! Will you help me defend the refuge?
17:57 Anything for these noble animals.
18:04 So like us.
18:16 Yes!
18:29 Somebody light this monkey!
18:32 Help!
18:33 Bad monkey!
18:43 Stop it, you creep!
18:48 Greenpeace?
18:49 That's right. And we're not leaving till we rescue every animal here.
18:53 Well, if you really cared about chimps, you'd know that Dr.
18:57 Bushwell is their best friend.
18:59 Oh, is that right?
19:00 Why don't you tell her about the diamond mine, Doctor?
19:04 Diamond mine? What are you talking about?
19:07 I'm talking about this.
19:18 The chimps are running a diamond mine. Why,
19:23 what fascinating behavior.
19:25 I must document this new activity.
19:29 Dr.
19:30 Bushwell.
19:31 What, these?
19:32 They were a graduation present.
19:36 Unbelievable.
19:37 The shaft must be five miles deep.
19:49 Oh, look at it. There's more over here. Look at this.
19:53 She's hidden diamonds everywhere. Even on the soles of her shoes.
19:57 Yep.
19:58 She's one of the ten richest chimp researchers in the world.
20:03 Look at me!
20:04 I'm a scientist!
20:08 Africa. How could you exploit your beloved chimps like this?
20:13 I think we should look at her research before we condemn her entirely.
20:19 I haven't said anything for a while.
20:22 Hmm.
20:24 These are just pictures of monkeys from famous movies.
20:28 This is disgraceful, Doctor.
20:32 All right.
20:33 So I snapped.
20:34 You don't understand the crushing loneliness and greed.
20:37 Don't worry, Doctor.
20:40 We'll get you all the help you need.
20:42 No!
20:43 Don't put me away!
20:45 I'll give you diamonds!
20:47 Everybody wants diamonds!
20:48 Diamonds will make everything all better!
20:51 Diamonds!
20:57 What a nice lady.
20:59 Very nice.
21:01 Hey, Lise, check it out. Diamond vision!
21:04 Fuzzah! Hey, look!
21:06 Our tour guy got a new job!
21:08 Hmm, quite a promotion!
21:09 I was wondering what became of him. What happened to President Mantu?
21:14 I don't want to talk about it.
21:19 He got overthrown!
21:24 Now he's just a stinking flight attendant!
21:27 Hey, where's my pillow?
21:36 Thank you.
22:05 Is it right? Is it right?
22:24 Shh.

Who's in it

Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Dr. Hibbert, Kent Brockman, Santa's Little Helper, Agnes Skinner, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Scarecrow, Joan Bushwell, Kitenge, Muntu

Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character