Colonel Homer
The Simpsons, season 3, episode 20. First aired March 26, 1992. 135 moments of about ten seconds each: open one for its frame, what happens and what's said.
← Dog of Death Black Widower → The whole episode as text
About the episode
After Marge snaps at him for spoiling a movie, Homer drives off and stops at a roadside bar where waitress Lurleen Lumpkin performs a tune that seems written about him. He gets it recorded, it becomes a radio hit, and he becomes her manager, styling himself a colonel, as Marge grows jealous. When Lurleen makes her feelings for him plain, Homer turns her down and goes home to Marge.
- Written by
- Matt Groening
- Directed by
- Mark Kirkland
- Guest stars
- Beverly D'Angelo as Lurleen Lumpkin
- Chalkboard gag
I will not conduct my own fire drills
- Couch gag
- Legs Behind Head
- Production code
- 8F19
The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.
Every moment
-
No regular characters appear in this opening title sequence
“The Simpsons”
0:00–0:11 -
Bart is first seen outside the Springfield Elementary School entrance beneath its sign…
0:11–0:23 -
Homer grips an orange tool with a glowing green rod beside a CAUTION sign while Mr. Burns and Smithers watch…
0:23–0:35 -
Lisa plays a saxophone among a row of band students in a classroom with a bust of Beethoven, while a bald man…
“Oh,”
0:35–0:47 -
Bart rides a skateboard with his arms stretched out in front of a purple wall, then a brown-haired woman…
“my God.”
0:47–0:57 -
Marge drives while Maggie sits in a car seat with a pacifier and blue bow, clutching a toy steering wheel
“my God.”
0:57–1:08 -
Homer, Marge, Bart, Maggie and Lisa are in the Simpsons' living room, with Homer and Marge standing…
1:08–1:19 -
Marge with her tall blue beehive, Lisa, Maggie with her pacifier and blue bow, Bart, and Homer in his white…
“Oh, there's a spot there.”
1:19–1:29 -
Homer, Marge, Bart and Lisa sit in a lilac family car, with Homer driving and Marge beside him, as they…
“Ooh, there's a good one.”
1:29–1:40 -
Homer, Lisa and Bart are in a car, with Homer gripping the steering wheel and looking tense while the two…
“Easy. Easy.”
1:40–1:50 -
Marge with her tall blue beehive, Lisa, Maggie with her pacifier and blue bow, Bart, and Homer at the wheel…
“Uh-huh.”
1:50–2:00 -
Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart and baby Maggie stand together on a parking lot under an orange sky with rows…
“Ooh, they all look great. So, what are we going to see?”
2:00–2:11 -
Homer, holding baby Maggie, Marge with a light blue bag, and Bart and Lisa stand on a street lot with parked…
“Then we'll all meet in the lobby later. Thanks, Mom.”
2:11–2:18 -
Homer stands at a ticket booth with his wife Marge, who has a tall blue beehive and holds baby Maggie…
“Look who's oinking. That's right. Sold out.”
2:18–2:30 -
Homer, Marge and baby Maggie stand together on a sidewalk in front of a blue poster with large red lettering…
“Ooh, the paper called it a taut political thriller.”
2:30–2:42 -
Homer Simpson sits in a dark theater beside Marge, who has her tall blue beehive and a green skirt…
2:42–2:56 -
Homer Simpson sits in a dark movie theater row beside Marge, whose tall blue beehive and green skirt are…
“Oh, this movie's too complicated.”
2:56–3:09 -
Marge sits in a dark movie theater, first frowning up close and later beside Homer, who is bald with a white…
“Oh, that submarine's so fake.”
3:09–3:19 -
Homer and Lenny sit in the dark rows of the Springfield Googolplex Theatres while a green monster film plays…
3:19–3:23 -
Bart and Lisa sit side by side in blue theater seats
“If you don't watch the violence, you'll never get desensitized to it.”
3:23–3:35 -
Bart Simpson and Lisa Simpson sit side by side in red theater seats
3:35–3:36 -
Homer and Marge sit side by side in a dark blue theater row
“I think that guy's a spy.”
3:36–3:49 -
Marge and Homer sit in a dark movie theater with a submarine shown on the screen behind them
“Hey, it's pretty obvious if you think about it.”
3:49–3:56 -
Homer, Marge, Lisa, Maggie and Bart are crammed into the pink-lined family car at night, with Homer gripping…
“Yeah!”
3:56–4:08 -
Homer Simpson drives the family car at night while Marge in her blue beehive and Bart in his orange shirt sit…
“Homer?”
4:08–4:20 -
Bart leans over the front seat of a car and holds a small object near Homer, who sits at the wheel…
“Making for one unhappy pappy.”
4:20–4:24 -
Homer Simpson sits behind the steering wheel of a purple car, gripping it with both hands as he drives
“Marge, I have always carried myself with a certain quiet dignity.”
4:24–4:33 -
Homer sits at the wheel of a purple car while Marge with her tall blue beehive, Bart in his orange shirt…
“I'm going now, and I don't know when you'll see me again.”
4:33–4:41 -
Marge stands on the sidewalk at night in front of a lit two-story house, holding baby Maggie, with Bart…
“I guess that executive stress ball we got him for Christmas isn't working.”
4:41–4:53 -
Homer drives a car at night, gripping the steering wheel with a sullen, narrowed-eyed expression…
4:53–5:05 -
Homer drives a car at night with his hands on the wheel, his eyes half-closed and his mouth opening in a yawn
“Eww, a skunk.”
5:05–5:16 -
Homer Simpson sits at the wheel of a car at night, gripping the steering wheel with both hands and staring…
5:16–5:27 -
Homer drives a pink car at night past a green "OPEN SEWERS NEXT 40 MILES" sign, with sewer pipes and reddish…
“Oh, no.”
5:27–5:37 -
A bald, heavyset Homer in a white shirt drinks from a bottle at a dim bar, while a bearded man in a cowboy…
“Hey you, let's fight Them's fightin' words”
5:37–5:51 -
A heavy man in a tan cowboy hat, light blue shirt, bolo tie and gold belt buckle stands center stage…
“ladies and gentlemen He's all healed up and he's back for more Let's give a big drunken”
5:51–6:04 -
A cowboy-hatted man with a cigarette sits at a blue table playing a keyboard in a honky-tonk bar…
“Our next act is our very own singing waitress, Lurley.”
6:04–6:15 -
Homer Simpson drinks from a bottle at a bar lined with colored bottles, while a heavy man in a blue cowboy…
“So I'm afraid drink service will stop for just a few moments while...”
6:15–6:26 -
A woman with a tall white hairdo, blue headband and ponytail, wearing an orange plaid shirt, sings…
“Thank you.”
6:26–6:37 -
Homer sits slumped at a bar with a Duff bottle beside him, while a heavy man in a blue cowboy hat and white…
“work all day for some old man”
6:37–6:49 -
Homer Simpson sits at a bar with a hand raised to his head and a bottle of Fudd beer in his other hand…
“But your queen won't cut your slack That's true That's why you're losing”
6:49–6:57 -
Homer Simpson stands at a bar beside a heavy man in a blue cowboy hat and white tank top seated on a stool
“all your hair That's why you're overweight Uh-huh That's why you”
6:57–7:04 -
A woman with a tall cream-colored beehive and a light blue headband, wearing an orange shirt and blue jeans…
“except for the pickup truck There's a lot of bull that hands you There's nothing”
7:04–7:17 -
Homer Simpson stands at a bar holding a brown bottle, with a man in a blue cowboy hat and white tank top…
“No, your wife don't understand you But I do”
7:17–7:26 -
Homer stands at the bar holding a brown bottle, his eyes widening and his mouth hanging open while a man…
“I said no one understands you But I do”
7:26–7:37 -
Homer stands at a bar lined with bottles beneath a bull skull while a waitress with a tall platinum beehive…
“Hey, hey, Lurleen, I gotta say something to you.”
7:37–7:41 -
Homer Simpson sits in a bar and grins while talking to a blonde woman with a light blue headband whose hair…
“Your song touched me in a way I've never felt before.”
7:41–7:52 -
Homer stands at a bar holding a Fudd beer bottle, with a green bottle and a blue bottle on the shelves…
“So what's your name, stranger?”
7:52–8:03 -
A blonde woman in an orange top, unnamed, stands beside a shelf of bottles with a NO BITING sign, then Homer…
“Bye, Laureline. So long, Homer J. Sampson.”
8:03–8:14 -
Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson are in their bedroom beside a yellow lampshade lamp and a brown arched door
“Where were you all night? I was just up at this bar in Spittle County.”
8:14–8:25 -
Homer Simpson stands at the nuclear plant control panel, first dozing with his eyes shut and mouth open…
“I work all day for some old man.”
8:25–8:36 -
Homer in green surgical scrubs, with Carl in the middle and Marge with her tall beehive under a surgical cap…
“Doctor, you weren't supposed to remove his gallbladder.”
8:36–8:46 -
Carl sits at a desk holding a pencil while, in the foreground, Homer's bald pink head is visible…
“Homer's singing to his ball again. Yeah, and he's bowling at 280.”
8:46–8:58 -
Moe and Homer stand at the bar of Moe's tavern, with Barney, a heavy man with messy brown hair in a brown…
“Hey, Mo, you got any fud?”
8:58–9:10 -
Moe stands behind the bar with a sullen look as bottles line the shelf, then Homer gestures and protests…
“You went to another bar? Mo, I was a hundred miles out of town.”
9:10–9:20 -
Homer Simpson stands on a grassy lawn outside a pink trailer at the Royal King Trailer Park, whose sign reads…
“Well, if it isn't Homer J.”
9:20–9:32 -
Homer stands with his back to the viewer in a trailer doorway while a blonde woman with a pale ponytail…
“Oh, aren't you sweet?”
9:32–9:36 -
Homer faces a blonde woman with a bouffant hairdo, light blue headband, brown blouse with an orange collar…
“Do you think I could get a copy of it? Sorry, darling.”
9:36–9:44 -
Homer stands at the left edge beside a blue louvered window while a blonde woman with a tall beehive-like…
“I'm sick of your lying lips and false teeth.”
9:44–9:51 -
Homer stands at the right edge of Lucky's Records, a shop with a sign…
“Oh, I don't know. Come with me. Oh.”
9:51–10:03 -
Homer stands in a shop holding a silver CD up beside a blonde woman in an orange blouse and blue jeans…
“Listen, ma'am, my brother owns a radio station over in Weevilville.”
10:03–10:06 -
A one-off man with reddish-brown swept hair, a red bow tie and a light blue shirt with a name tag…
“Listen, ma'am, my brother owns a radio station over in Weevilville.”
10:06–10:20 -
A yellow cartoon hand, with no identifiable character attached, reaches in from the right and presses…
“This is KUDD 570 AM.”
10:20–10:26 -
Moe stands behind the wooden bar beside a blue radio, drying a glass with a towel and frowning
“You work all day for some old man.”
10:26–10:36 -
Krusty the Clown and green pants with green hair, faces a nearly bare-chested, yellow-skinned man with bushy…
“I thought I told you to stay away from my sister.”
10:36–10:47 -
Inmates in brown prison jackets and blue uniforms brawl in a cell block of Springfield State Prison…
“Now you talk so tight, act so rough It's payback time!”
10:47–10:56 -
Chief Wiggum stands with a heavyset man with messy brown hair in a brown shirt outside a barred prison block
“The heartache and the sadness That's buried deep inside”
10:56–11:04 -
Homer sits in a green armchair with Lisa on his lap while Marge sits on the dark red couch beside a blue…
“No one understands you, but I do”
11:04–11:15 -
Bart Simpson sits on a dark red couch in a pink room, first glaring with a clenched, open-mouthed scowl…
“Country music sucks.”
11:15–11:27 -
Homer sits in a green armchair holding Lisa, the girl with star-shaped spiky hair and a red dress…
“Well, it's nice. But who is this woman? Well, right now,”
11:27–11:41 -
In the living room, Homer stands gesturing with his hands while talking, with Lisa in her red dress and pearl…
“Mars, you make it sound so seamy.”
11:41–11:50 -
Homer Simpson talks on a blue telephone in a pink living room while Marge stands with her arms crossed…
“Well, hi, Lurleen.”
11:50–12:01 -
Homer embraces a blonde woman with a big bouffant hairdo, a blue headband, and an orange top…
“Oh, Homer.”
12:01–12:15 -
Homer Simpson stands outside a low building with a green hedge behind him, grinning with his eyes shut…
“And I owe it all to you. Don't thank me, Lurleen.”
12:15–12:26 -
Homer Simpson stands outside a low building with a blonde woman who has a tall, swept-up hairdo, an orange…
“Well, I was going to ask you for a glass of water, but now I feel kind of guilty about it.”
12:26–12:37 -
Homer stands outside a trailer park with a blonde woman in an orange top and light blue headband, a one-off…
“Now, Homer, I want you to be my manager.”
12:37–12:48 -
Homer Simpson stands beside a pale-haired woman with a tall blonde beehive wearing an orange vest over a tan…
“Nobody's perfect. I did bad in school. I didn't even go.”
12:48–12:59 -
Homer stands smiling between a blonde woman in an orange shirt on the left and a blue-haired man in a purple…
“Now, this is made from a space-age fabric developed especially for Elvis.”
12:59–13:11 -
Homer Simpson stands in a doorway with his arms spread wide in a lounge-like pose, then turns to face…
“Marge, look at me.”
13:11–13:21 -
Marge lies in a bed with blue sheets and white pillows, clutching the blanket to her chest as she looks…
“Homer, where did you get that suit?”
13:21–13:34 -
Marge Simpson lies in bed under a light blue blanket with her hands clutched at her chest, looking worried…
“No.”
13:34–13:46 -
Homer stands angrily pointing at a framed picture of two children on a purple wall
“Marge,”
13:46–13:58 -
Homer stands at the left edge of a dim bedroom while Marge lies in bed with her tall blue beehive…
“Marge, Laureline's gonna be a big success, and whether you like it or not,”
13:58–14:04 -
Marge lies in bed with wide eyes staring upward in a dark room, then the scene fades to black
“This studio has a lot of history.”
14:04–14:16 -
Homer stands beside Marge, who has a tall blue beehive and an orange bead necklace, while a curly-haired…
“there is no way in hell that I'm going to record in this dump.”
14:16–14:29 -
Homer stands beside Marge, who has a tall blue beehive, a green dress and a red bead necklace, while a blonde…
“I'm not going to go into hock for this. Hey, Colonel Homer.”
14:29–14:36 -
Marge and Homer stand together in an office with framed pictures on the wall
“Hmm.”
14:36–14:48 -
A blonde woman in an orange shirt and blue pants, wearing headphones, strums an acoustic guitar in a tiled…
“Well, come on, boys. Let's break some hearts.”
14:48–14:58 -
Homer is first seen smiling beside a mixing console, while Bart peers over the board next to a long-haired…
“the bases were empty on the diamond of my heart When the coach called me up to the plate”
14:58–15:10 -
Marge scowls in a wood-paneled room while Maggie works the controls of a mixing board in a recording studio
“So I spit on my hands, knocked the dirt from my spikes,”
15:10–15:21 -
Bart sits on a blue case beside Homer, who wears a white cowboy suit, hat and boots in a wood-paneled room…
“Hey Dad, can I do a hand bone solo?”
15:21–15:34 -
Bart stands in a wood-panelled booth beside a wall clock and a rack of equipment, his mouth wide open…
“I used to play the fish.”
15:34–15:48 -
Marge Simpson glares and then grits her teeth in anger, and the scene shifts to a radio booth behind glass…
“I finally bagged me a homer.”
15:48–16:00 -
Homer points at an elderly woman with a grey-blue bun, blue dress, black shawl and cane, while a blonde woman…
“You!”
16:00–16:10 -
Bart, Lisa and Maggie work behind a counter stacked with pink record sleeves and cardboard boxes…
“Guess what, Lurleen? I got you a gig on TV.”
16:10–16:21 -
Homer stands in a red-walled room beside a pink curtain tied with a purple sash, facing a blonde woman…
“Guess what, Lurleen? I got you a gig on TV.”
16:21–16:34 -
Homer stands beside a woman with a tall blonde beehive and a white off-the-shoulder blouse, who sits…
“Well, I have been working on something that could really heat things up.”
16:34–16:41 -
Homer sits on a purple bench in a cozy trailer-like room at night, smiling and glancing toward a blonde woman…
“In this trailer,”
16:41–16:48 -
Homer Simpson starts in a close-up beside a hanging pink curtain tied with a purple sash inside a red-walled…
“Lying there awake at night,”
16:48–17:00 -
A blonde woman with a tall bouffant hairdo, white fur-trimmed outfit and teal necklace, her mouth open…
“So I might ask you to bunk with me tonight.”
17:00–17:09 -
A close-up of a woman with a tall blonde beehive hairdo and a light blue headband, drawn in yellow skin…
“I'm asking, will you bunk with me tonight”
17:09–17:18 -
Homer Simpson first appears in close-up in a white cowboy-style outfit with a bolo tie, looking uneasy…
“Oh, that's hot.”
17:18–17:31 -
Homer sits beside a blonde woman with a turquoise headband and a teal necklace, who is not a regular and is…
“Really listen.”
17:31–17:42 -
Homer Simpson stands in a close-up against a red interior wall beside a pink curtain tied back with a purple…
“Right.”
17:42–17:43 -
Homer Simpson and a blonde woman with a high pigtail and teal headband lean close face to face in front…
“I'm asking,”
17:43–17:56 -
Homer bursts out of a blue trailer door at night, grabbing the handle and looking alarmed, while a blonde…
“I gotta think about this.”
17:56–18:10 -
Patty and Selma sit on a green couch in the first frame, Selma smoking a cigarette and holding a red…
“You don't? I gotta go.”
18:10–18:17 -
Homer stands before a round blue mirror in a pink bedroom, and his reflection is shown facing him as he…
“Just so you know, while you and Lurleen were out judging that greased pig contest,”
18:17–18:30 -
Marge Simpson stands in the bedroom beside a bed with purple pillows and a bedside lamp, glancing…
“That's great, honey. Say, have you seen my rattlesnake hat band?”
18:30–18:38 -
Marge with her tall blue beehive and green dress, Bart in a blue suit, Lisa in a white hat with a red bow…
“You've got a wonderful family, Homer.”
18:38–18:52 -
An orange cartoon donkey in a patched straw hat and yellow overalls lifts a jug to drink, then a red…
“Hold on to your pitchforks, everybody.”
18:52–19:03 -
A burly man in blue overalls and a yellow cap grins while holding a squealing pink pig beside a wooden fence…
“Reddaboy and Yuma, Chloris Moselle, Big Shirtless Ron,”
19:03–19:15 -
Lurleen first appears from behind with a guitar slung over her shoulder in front of a cornfield backdrop…
“and tonight in her syndicated TV debut, Lurleen.”
19:15–19:22 -
Homer Simpson stands with his arms crossed in a wooden doorway beside a purple curtain, while a blonde woman…
“Oh, the bases were empty on the down... Excuse me, are you Colonel Homer Simpson?”
19:22–19:30 -
A thin, orange-haired man in a grey suit with crossed arms stands beside Homer, who wears a white cowboy hat…
“Yes, I am. I'm from Rebel Yell Records, a division of Tokusagi Corporation.”
19:30–19:38 -
Homer and a blonde woman with a tall bouffant, a light blue headband and an orange top stand in a dressing…
“Lurleen, they loved you. Well, thank you.”
19:38–19:48 -
Homer stands in a dressing room beside a lit vanity mirror and a pink guitar case, while a blonde woman…
“Well, you could make my evening complete.”
19:48–19:53 -
Homer is embraced by a blonde ponytailed woman in an orange top, who kisses him and then pulls back to face…
“What's wrong?”
19:53–20:02 -
A blue-haired woman in a pink top slaps the head of a brown-haired boy in a red collar with his eyes shut…
“Gross!”
20:02–20:11 -
Homer and Marge Simpson appear first in a booth with a sign reading KISSES $1.00, where a woman with long…
“At least can I have my dollar?”
20:11–20:21 -
Homer Simpson stands face to face with a blonde woman with a tall, voluminous hairdo and an orange top…
“I'm sorry, Lurleen.”
20:21–20:29 -
Homer and a platinum-blonde woman with a tall hairdo stand face to face in a room with a row of round bulbs…
“Now I better get out of here before I lose my family.”
20:29–20:37 -
Homer peeks around the edge of a purple door at a blonde woman with a tall pale hairdo, who turns her head…
“Uh-huh.”
20:37–20:48 -
Homer stands in a hallway beside a blue door with a gold star as he glares, then stares wide-eyed, while Troy…
“You son of a... Sold.”
20:48–20:55 -
A short man in a red cap, light blue shirt, suspenders and olive pants stands on a wooden deck beside a tall…
“I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.”
20:55–21:07 -
Marge sits up in a dim blue bedroom while Homer stands in the pink-arched doorway
“Homer?”
21:07–21:17 -
A blonde woman with a ponytail and blue headband sings into a microphone while strumming a guitar…
“It's called Stand By Your Manager. His name is Homer.”
21:17–21:28 -
Marge lies in bed beside Homer, who wears a white cowboy hat, as they watch a small wall TV showing a blonde…
“I tried to kiss him,”
21:28–21:39 -
Homer and Marge lie in a blue bedroom in bed, with Marge's arms folded under a teal blanket
“Sure wish I could say that I”
21:39–21:50 -
Marge Simpson appears in close-up in the first four frames, smiling with wide eyes and then looking worried…
“I hope that Marge knows just how”
21:50–22:01 -
No cartoon characters appear in this moment; it is a black title card sequence in the opening credits
22:01–22:10 -
The moment is a black screen with yellow credit text that changes in sequence
“Thank you.”
22:10–22:20 -
An end-credits sequence against a plain black background
22:20–22:30 -
A black closing credits sequence of The Simpsons
22:30–22:39 -
A black end-credits sequence of yellow text on a plain black background
22:39–22:49 -
Silhouetted audience members, including a large-haired figure in the front left row, sit in a dim theater…
“Shh.”
22:49–23:00
Who's in it
Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Moe Szyslak, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Lenny Leonard, Carl Carlson, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Snowball II, Sideshow Mel, Snake, Bleeding Gums Murphy, Space Mutants, Lurleen Lumpkin, Beer-N-Brawl Announcer, Beer-N-Brawl Bartender, Big Shirtless Ron, Box Office Clerk, Butterball Jackson, Cloris Moselle, Corpulent Cowboy Employee, Freddy Boy, Gappy Mae, Girl from Homer's childhood, Hip Diddler, Homer's high school date, Kissing Booth Woman, Lurleen's Manager, Orville and Hurley, Police Officer, Recording Technician, Rudy, The Ya Hoo Recovering Alcoholic Jug Band, Wade, Yodeling Zeke, Yuma
Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character