Make Room for Lisa

The Simpsons, season 10, episode 16. First aired February 28, 1999. Every line said in it, with its time: open one for its frame, to caption it or make a GIF.

← Marge Simpson in: Screaming Yellow Honkers Maximum Homerdrive → The whole episode as text

From “Make Room for Lisa”: “Look, they have Lincoln's hat.” — Look, they have Lincoln's hat.

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About the episode

On an outing Lisa chose, Homer accidentally wrecks the Bill of Rights at a traveling exhibit, and to cover the cost he lets the Omnitouch phone company put a cell tower in Lisa's bedroom. Forced to bunk with Bart, Lisa develops stress stomachaches until a session in sensory deprivation tanks helps her see Homer differently. Meanwhile, Marge uses Maggie's baby monitor to listen in on other people's cell phone calls.

Written by: Brian Scully
Directed by: Matthew Nastuk
Chalkboard gag: I do not have diplomatic immunity
Couch gag: Firemen
Production code: AABF12

The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.

Every line

388 lines, from the episode's subtitles. Its moments aren't described yet.

0:03 The Simpsons
0:39 Let's go.
1:00 Eep, eep.
1:05 Don't!
1:09 Huh?
1:24 Okay. FDR is in the White House.
1:26 An ice cream cone costs a nickel and a hot new tune by Benny Goodman is hitting the
1:31 charts. The year is 1939.
1:36 19, 1939?
1:38 Oh, my God, I've gone back in time.
1:40 I've got to warn everybody about Hitler and get to the ice cream store.
1:44 Hey, Homer, what's all the hubbub? Let me guess, you travel back in time again.
1:49 Shut up, you haven't even been born yet.
1:51 Easy, Homer, I'll bring you back.
1:58 Oh, boy, am I glad to see you guys. That was men without hats.
2:03 Or, as they're known today, men without jobs.
2:07 Don't go there, Marty. I'm not going anywhere.
2:09 I'm standing right here at PJ O'Haggett.
2:12 We're broadcasting live from PJ O'H's,
2:15 and this place makes Animal House look like Terms of Endearment.
2:18 We're kicking off our 35th consecutive happy hour with no end in sight.
2:22 So come on down!
2:24 Man, that sounds like a swingin' shindig.
2:26 Yeah, too bad we gotta work, huh, Homer?
2:29 Homer?
2:30 Woo-hoo!
2:31 Let's party!
2:32 Wake up, Homer.
2:35 Come on, move your butt, you're blocking traffic.
2:39 That's no way to address Sir Drinks-a-lot.
2:43 Come on, let's get you inside and scrape the gum out of your hair.
2:47 Okay.
2:49 Hey, Marge, what's your favorite radio station?
2:55 Well, Marge? What?
2:58 What's your favorite radio station?
3:00 Okay, Dad, we're ready.
3:01 Hey, that's super. See you later.
3:05 Dad, don't you remember? It's our special Saturday.
3:08 You agreed to spend one Saturday a month doing something with the kids.
3:12 Oh?
3:13 Oh, quit complaining.
3:15 It's half the work of the divorce, Dad. Yeah, but it's twice as much as a deadbeat dad.
3:20 Homer!
3:22 They know I'm kidding.
3:25 Hmm... Okay, Bart, it's your turn to pick.
3:27 Where are we headed? Bowling? Demolition Derby?
3:30 P.J. O'Harrigan's?
3:31 Isn't that a funny name, huh?
3:33 Huh?
3:34 Hysterical, but I traded my turn to Lisa for her dessert.
3:37 Oh!
3:38 We did a Lisa thing last month!
3:41 And I'm glad we did. But now I think we should do something normal people would like.
3:46 Why do you assume that I won't pick something fun?
3:49 Let's see.
3:50 Oh, this looks very educational.
3:52 Well, this could be quite enlightening.
3:56 Fine, how about... She didn't say it yet.
4:00 Go ahead, sweetie. The book fair? Oh, no, I'm not falling for that again.
4:05 If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it's not a fair.
4:09 Oh, this is perfect.
4:12 We're going to go see Marmaduke? No, the Smithsonian Traveling Exhibit.
4:16 It encapsulates America and makes history come alive.
4:20 What, and Marmaduke doesn't? Sorry, Dad, my mind is made up.
4:24 This is all your fault for trading away your turns.
4:26 Just for that, no dessert tonight.
4:28 Trades you my next turn for your dessert, deal.
4:30 Don't!
4:32 Hey, how come the Smithsonian needs to be sponsored by a cell phone company?
4:37 I can answer that.
4:38 Uncle Sam needs to spend our tax dollars on the essentials.
4:41 anti-tobacco programs, pro-tobacco programs, killing wild donkeys, and Israel.
4:46 Good old government.
4:48 Yeah, but corporate sponsorship cheapens our nation's treasures.
4:52 Actually, they're Omnitouch's treasures now.
4:54 We bought them during the last budget crisis.
5:02 Look, they have Lincoln's hat.
5:07 Thank God for grave robbers. Oh,
5:10 America's greatest citizens summed up in one piece of clothing.
5:15 Fonzie's jacket!
5:17 Who's Fonzie? Who's Fonzie?
5:20 Don't they teach you anything in school?
5:22 He freed the squares!
5:24 How can they put a prop from a TV show next to the Bill of Rights?
5:28 So what's so great about the Bill of Rights?
5:30 It guarantees all of the basic freedoms.
5:33 Speech, religion, the right to a speedy trial.
5:37 Wait, I don't see that.
5:39 Don't do that!
5:42 Get out of Archie Bunker's chair, now!
5:45 Relax, I'm just boning up on the old constitution.
5:48 Oh, you're gonna regret that, Pinko.
5:51 I am so sick of people hiding behind the Bill of Rights.
5:54 Look, he got chocolate on it. I didn't mean to.
5:57 Look.
6:00 You just licked off the part that forbids cruel and unusual punishment.
6:05 Beautiful.
6:06 Really? That much?
6:08 It's gonna cost $10,000 to repair that document.
6:11 What?
6:12 Of course, OmniTouch understands that real money doesn't grow on trees.
6:16 Not these days.
6:17 Finally, a company that understands my needs.
6:20 We sure do.
6:21 It's called caring.
6:22 So we're even then? Not by a long shot.
6:25 But I have a solution that'll work out for both of us.
6:27 Especially you.
6:31 I don't want a cellular transmitter sticking out of my roof.
6:34 We prefer to think of them as keep-in-touch towers.
6:38 It's called caring, Marge. Plus, you've increased Springfield's roaming capabilities 64%.
6:43 You gotta admit, Marge, that's a lot more roaming.
6:46 I guess.
6:50 Hey, this is pretty comfortable.
6:53 That handicap was on to something.
6:56 Ugh, that antenna is an eyesore. Just pretend it's a tree, honey.
7:00 Or as we say at Omni-Touch, a progress tree.
7:03 Yeah, well, I hope it doesn't hum too loud, because I have a ton of homework to do,
7:07 and if I don't finish it, it's like...
7:10 My room!
7:12 What?
7:13 I heard a yell.
7:14 Did you touch a wire?
7:15 What happened to my room?
7:18 Nothing.
7:18 They just needed a place to put all the electronic gizmos,
7:21 and I know how much you like that science-y stuff.
7:24 So I just... You gave away my room?!
7:28 Come on, Lisa. Try and see this from the Omni-Touch Corporation's point of view.
7:32 Your father's right, Lisa.
7:34 Cellular service is about communication and unity.
7:37 Community.
7:41 Oh.
7:51 Hey, Kevilly, you did this, Dad. Why didn't you put that thing in your room?
7:55 Hmm.
7:56 That thought never occurred to me.
7:57 Funny how your mind works in a crisis.
7:59 It's just until we pay off Daddy's desecration of a priceless artifact.
8:03 I thought I'd never have to say that again.
8:06 But where am I supposed to live?
8:09 Lisa, what's your favorite movie?
8:12 Until you taped over it, The Little Mermaid.
8:15 That's right, The Odd Couple!
8:17 So meet your comically mismatched roommate, Bart Simpson!
8:21 Ba-dee-ba-dee-ba-doo!
8:23 Ba-ba-doo-dee-ba-doo-doo! I'm gonna make your life a living hell.
8:28 Mm-hmm. Ba-do-ba-do-ba-do!
8:31 Ba-ba-do-do-ba-do-do! Dad!
8:35 Ba-ba-do-ba-do-do! Whoa!
8:38 Ba-ba-do-ba-do-do! Okay, if you're gonna live in my room,
8:43 you're gonna obey my rules.
8:45 One, I am Bart, thy god.
8:47 If I am out, the Krusty Doll is thy god.
8:49 If the doll's with me, you will worship the nightlight.
8:52 Should the nightlight be unable to fulfill its duties...
8:55 Shut up! You shut up! Ugh, this is not gonna work.
8:58 No, you shut up.
9:01 Oh...
9:10 Hello, Mother.
9:11 Huh? Maggie?
9:12 Seymour, you were supposed to call me three minutes ago.
9:16 Sorry, Mother. I was driving through a tunnel and my cell phone wouldn't work.
9:19 I don't want you driving through tunnels.
9:21 You know what that symbolizes.
9:23 But, Mother, it cuts 90 minutes off my drive.
9:26 No tunnels! Homer, we're picking up cell phone calls over the baby monitor.
9:30 Ooh, anything spicy?
9:32 Oh, that's not the point.
9:33 We should report this to an Omni-Touch care rep.
9:36 People's privacy is at stake. Great. I'm gonna eat mayonnaise.
9:47 Bart, stop it. Stop what? Squeaking that chair.
9:51 Hey, that's what I do in my room, Lise. I squeak my chair.
9:56 Quit it, quit it, quit it, quit it!
9:58 Well, well, if it isn't frickin' Frack, Jack and Jill, Fred and Ethel the three...
10:04 Dad, will you please tell Bart to stop squeaking his chair?
10:06 I'm trying to do my homework.
10:08 Bart, stop squeaking your chair.
10:10 If you've got to do something, click this pen.
10:14 No!
10:16 Hey, that looks like fun.
10:17 Raysha.
10:18 You're on. Lisa, you play winner.
10:22 Come on, come on.
10:23 I'm gaining on you.
10:27 Oh, honey, you missed a great race. Bart was winning, but then he said,
10:30 this is stupid, and he stopped, and I won.
10:32 Dad, I am trying to do my homework.
10:36 Hmm.
10:36 Hey, you're mad at me.
10:38 That wasn't your mayonnaise, was it? Dad, why did you have to take away my room?
10:43 Maybe you'd feel better if we watched some TV together.
10:47 I just want to study. That's no fun. It is to me.
10:51 No, it's not. Dad!
10:54 Ooh, here's something you like when animals attack magicians.
10:58 Pick a card. Any... Gah!
11:03 That's awful!
11:04 Awful entertaining.
11:06 Ugh, my stomach hurts.
11:09 Hey, it's Krusty. I need you to get me out of another jam.
11:13 I picked up this chick last night.
11:16 At least I thought she was a chick.
11:19 Show biz is so fascinating. Ugh, Mom,
11:24 I don't feel so good.
11:27 What is it, honey?
11:29 My tummy really hurts.
11:31 Somebody wants Mommy to change baby's diaper.
11:35 Is that somebody you, Hona?
11:38 Yes, it is.
11:39 Okay, then you can take Lisa to Dr. Hibbert's.
11:42 Great.
11:43 Maybe on the way back, we can swing by the demolition derby and have a nice talk.
11:48 Sounds great.
11:50 Lisa, I'm afraid your tummy ache may be caused by stress.
11:54 Well, that's a relief.
11:56 Yes.
11:57 Anyway, when it comes to stress, I believe laughter is the best medicine.
12:01 You know, before I learned to chuckle mindlessly, I was headed for an early grave myself.
12:07 Give it a try, honey.
12:12 Oh, now you call that chuckling? Come on, child, force it.
12:15 I'm really not the chuckling type. It's true.
12:18 I'm always making clever noises and she never chuckles at them.
12:22 Well, I could prescribe some harsh antacids,
12:25 but I think Lisa would benefit more from some herbal teas or aromatherapy.
12:30 Yeah, you know, some of that all-natural stuff is really very...
12:33 Oh, no, you don't. Screw that touchy, queery crap.
12:37 We'll take the harsh antacids. Nothing's too good for my little girl.
12:42 I sure settled his hash.
12:43 Imagine that quack thinking you'd try one of those crazy new age cures.
12:47 They're not all crazy, Dad.
12:50 Sure they are, honey.
12:52 You know, just because you say something is crazy doesn't make it so.
12:55 And just because you think museums are boring and demolition derbies are fun doesn't make
12:59 that true either.
13:01 I'm sorry, Lisa.
13:03 Oh, it's not your fault.
13:06 I know we love each other, Dad, but we're two very different people.
13:09 And much as I hate to say it, as time goes on,
13:13 we'll probably just drift further and further apart.
13:16 Oh, Lisa, honey, I won't ever let that happen.
13:24 Dad, you don't have to go to a new age store just for me.
13:27 I know you think this stuff is stupid.
13:30 No, you must be thinking of your mother.
13:31 I'm always exploring alternatives and expanding my horizons into realms of...
13:38 Can we just go in?
13:42 Oh, good!
13:43 I've been meaning to buy a...dreamcatcher!
13:45 Give me a break!
13:46 I just wish you could keep an open mind about other cultures.
13:50 Other cultures are fine. I'm just saying I can get along in life without a...toothbrush.
13:55 Namaste.
13:56 And a ooga-booga to you, too.
13:58 May I tell you about our white light specials?
14:01 Absolutely not.
14:02 My little girl's tummy hurts. Do you have anything to stop her complaining?
14:05 Dad!
14:07 Here, try this wheatgrass juice.
14:12 Well, your tongue works.
14:15 Let's try some oil of Lorenzo, and what's keeping Joan Rivers alive?
14:19 Fetal grindings, but I have a better idea.
14:23 Oh, no, no freezing.
14:25 No, Mr. Simpson. This is a sensory deprivation tank.
14:29 It blocks out all the external distractions that bombard our souls.
14:34 Can you pee in it? I'll take two hours. Me too.
14:37 You're about to take a journey into the mind.
14:40 You may see and experience things that are strange and frightening.
14:44 But remember, they can't physically harm you, though they may destroy you mentally.
14:57 Ah, this is kind of relaxing, but it's so hard to turn off my brain.
15:01 I have to stop thinking.
15:04 Starting now.
15:05 Hey, it worked! Oh, no, that's thinking.
15:10 Boring.
15:14 Lanny, how you doing? It's Moe. I got some class three gossip here.
15:17 Well, dish!
15:19 Groundskeeper Willie. You know, the guy in the skirt?
15:21 He bought himself a mail-order bride, but he's too cheap to pay the COD, right?
15:25 So she's still in a crate down at the post office.
15:28 You wanna go, uh, to see? Ooh, this sounds juicy.
15:32 Hmm.
15:34 Hey, Milhouse, wanna have some fun?
15:37 Well... Okay!
15:42 How am I supposed to hallucinate with all these swirling colors distracting me?
15:49 Hey... Oh, it's a ball of yarn.
15:52 That's funny. I feel like batting it around.
15:55 Wow! I have a paw!
16:01 Oh my gosh! I've entered the body of our cat!
16:07 Maggie!
16:08 Hey, hey, get your sticky hands off me!
16:11 Ow!
16:13 Bad cat! Leave her alone!
16:19 Wow, my mind just created that out of nothing.
16:22 This tank is releasing the full potential of my brain.
16:26 O-ee-oo-ah-ah-ting-ting-wa-la-walla-bing-bang.
16:30 O-ee-oo-ah-ah-walla-bing-bang-ting-ting-do!
16:34 Come on, come on. I need some gossip here.
16:38 Where is everybody?
16:39 Does this town shut down at 5 o'clock?
16:41 Frankie, it's a killer.
16:43 I just busted out of prison and the cops are after me.
16:46 Ooh, talk to me, baby.
16:49 Okay, I think I lost him.
16:52 Uh-oh, a cow.
16:54 Eat lead, bossy.
16:56 Listen, Tony, I need some place to hide.
16:58 Oh, this place looks good.
17:02 742 Evergreen Terrace.
17:05 Now to open the door and kill whoever's inside.
17:10 I'll start by turning the knob.
17:15 Gotcha, miss.
17:16 Oh, my God.
17:21 Oh, Mom, you are a prankster's dream.
17:24 Wow, you really clobbered him. That was a horrible trick to play on your mother.
17:29 Yeah, well, it serves you right for eavesdropping.
17:32 Hmm.
17:33 Well, I guess we both learned a lesson.
17:36 But if anybody asks, you hit them.
17:41 But you can't just repossess our merchandise.
17:44 The I Ching said I had six months till bankruptcy.
17:46 Hey, channel somebody who gives a damn.
17:50 Can't we discuss this over some sympathy tea?
17:52 Sorry. The teas are already on the truck.
17:56 There's only enough room in the truck for this one.
17:59 We'll get the other one later.
18:03 Hey, this piece of junk is finally doing something.
18:08 Oh, man, this is heavy. You should lift with your legs.
18:12 Ah, screw it. I got health insurance.
18:23 Abracadabra. The crystal says your baby shall be a girl.
18:27 Shut up.
18:32 Woo!
18:33 Century deprivation kicked ass.
18:39 Oh, Nettie, you almost hit that coffin.
18:44 Leapin' Lazarus. Is this what passes for eternal rest these days?
18:47 Rod, go get Daddy his burying shovel.
18:49 Yay!
18:52 You sure buried him deep, Daddy.
18:55 Not so deep the Lord can't find him.
18:57 And judge him. This is the best birthday I ever had!
19:04 Okay, I'm ready to get out now.
19:07 Yoo-hoo, hippie lady!
19:09 Hippie lady!
19:10 Hi, hippie lady!
19:14 What's going on?
19:18 Oh!
19:21 Ow!
19:22 Oh!
19:22 This inner peace stuff is tough on the old coconut.
19:26 Hippie lady, I want to get out!
19:34 Look, Daddy, a whale egg! Oh, jeez,
19:37 I am so sick of companies dumping their crud in our ocean without a permit.
19:41 It's not like those permits are hard to get.
19:43 You're going right back where you came from.
19:45 But, Daddy, you're on vacation.
19:48 Crime doesn't take a vacation.
19:52 Hey, hey, hey, careful, you're puppets.
19:54 Wow, I've been a cat, a tree, and Cokie Roberts.
19:59 It's happening again. I wonder where I'm going this time.
20:02 What's that?
20:03 Yuck! That sandwich is full of meat!
20:06 There's bacon.
20:08 Canadian bacon.
20:10 Mexican bacon.
20:15 And a mouth-watering veal chop.
20:20 Oh, no!
20:22 Now I'm dead!
20:23 Oh, and I'm at a stupid, boring ballet!
20:31 Dad, wake up!
20:33 Your snoring is disturbing the dancers.
20:36 Hmm.
20:37 How can you embarrass me like this? Ugh!
20:40 You won't sit through anything that doesn't have car crashes!
20:43 I'm sorry, honey.
20:44 Geez, why is Lisa so mad at me? I only came to this dump so I could be with her.
20:49 What happened to my big sandwich?
20:59 Boy, I can really be a pain in the butt.
21:03 Gee, I should cut Dad some slack.
21:05 After all, he did take me to the ballet and the Smithsonian exhibit.
21:10 In fact, he takes me lots of places he hates.
21:14 I told the witch doctor they typed this in my chest.
21:17 Boom, boom, boom, boom. I told the witch doctor he had to run a test.
21:22 Hi, sweetie.
21:23 Hi, Dad. How was it? I went on a wild ride without ever leaving the building.
21:29 How was yours?
21:30 Pretty cool.
21:31 But now what do you say we go do something we'll both enjoy?
21:35 Oh, like what?
21:39 Whoa, look at that car burn! Does it get any better than this?
21:44 Not to me, Dad.
21:51 And here comes the ambulance.
22:45 Thank you.