Separate Vocations
The Simpsons, season 3, episode 18. First aired February 27, 1992. 131 moments of about ten seconds each: open one for its frame, what happens and what's said.
← Homer at the Bat Dog of Death → The whole episode as text
About the episode
A faulty career aptitude test says Lisa should be a homemaker and Bart a police officer. Told her stubby fingers rule out a saxophone career, Lisa gives up on school and starts acting out, while Bart becomes Principal Skinner's hall monitor and brings order to the school. When Lisa steals every teacher's edition, Bart takes the blame and lands in detention, and she returns to her studies.
- Written by
- George Meyer
- Directed by
- Jeffrey Lynch
- Guest stars
- Marcia Wallace as Mrs. Krabappel
- Chalkboard gag
I will not barf unless I'm sick" and the end he writes "I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
- Couch gag
- Lying Down Bart
- Production code
- 8F15
The synopsis is our own. Credits and guest stars from Wikipedia and the Simpsons wiki.
Every moment
-
Bart Simpson stands in a classroom before a chalkboard filled with rows of the chalked line…
“The Simpsons”
0:00–0:12 -
Homer holds a glowing green rod near a CAUTION sign while Mr. Burns and Smithers watch from a booth…
0:12–0:24 -
Lisa plays saxophone in a school band while a stout older man with white side hair and an orange sweater…
0:24–0:38 -
Homer, Marge, Maggie and Lisa sit together on the living room couch, with a figure in blue pants and a white…
0:38–0:51 -
Mrs. Krabappel appears in a classroom with an alphabet border and an orange ceiling, grinning widely…
“Now, class, I promised you a surprise today.”
0:51–0:57 -
Milhouse sits at a counter in a classroom-like room while a thought bubble shows a man in a feathered…
“Wow!”
0:57–1:09 -
Bart slumps at his desk with one hand pressed to his forehead and his mouth open in a groan…
“We're going to take a test. All right, a test!”
1:09–1:19 -
A one-off teacher, a woman with a blue bob, round glasses and a pink blouse, holds a notepad and grimaces…
“It's called the Career Aptitude Normalizing Test, or CANT.”
1:19–1:26 -
Mrs. Krabappel stands at the front of a classroom holding papers while Marge stands behind her and Bart…
“Others may find out life isn't fair. In spite of your masters from Bryn Mawr,”
1:26–1:37 -
Mrs. Krabappel stands in a classroom reading a stack of papers and glancing up from them
“First question.”
1:37–1:49 -
A tall woman with a blue beehive and glasses, wearing a pink blouse with a red bow and a pink skirt, sits…
“Question 60. I prefer the smell of A, gasoline,”
1:49–2:00 -
Lisa fills in a bubble answer sheet with a pencil at her desk while Mrs. Krabappel with her tall brown hairdo…
“Well, that was a waste of time. Jamie, school is never a waste of time.”
2:00–2:10 -
Lisa sits at a classroom desk next to a blond, spiky-haired boy in a white shirt and a curly-haired woman…
“please put down your pencils and stare at the front of the room.”
2:10–2:23 -
A man in a blue shirt and jeans, seen from behind, watches stacks of orange sacks…
2:23–2:34 -
A heavy man in a white shirt and blue trousers stands beside a green dumpster and a pile of sacks…
2:34–2:43 -
Mr. Burns sits in a wooden rocking chair beside a wall of red wall lights and a row of glowing glass tubes…
“Come on, Emma.”
2:43–2:54 -
Milhouse sits at a desk in the school psychologist's office, first beneath a door sign…
“Here's your scientifically selected career.”
2:54–3:01 -
Ralph Wiggum grimaces and stares intently at a sheet of paper he holds at a blue counter in a room…
“Salmon cutter.”
3:01–3:12 -
Bart stands before a bookshelf of colorful books and holds up a sheet of paper, first reading it…
“It's like a mommy.”
3:12–3:22 -
Bart stands at a blue desk beside a bookshelf and holds up a white paper with a scowl, then grins…
“Hey, I don't need you to get me in the back of a police car.”
3:22–3:30 -
Bart Simpson in his orange shirt stands wide-eyed in a bright room lined with colorful books…
“Wow, a drifter.”
3:30–3:42 -
The Simpsons family, Marge with her tall blue beehive, Lisa, Bart and Homer in his white shirt, sit…
“A homemaker? I might as well be dead.”
3:42–3:52 -
Marge with her tall blue beehive and red beaded necklace sits at the dinner table in the pink kitchen…
“Oh, that's nice, Bart. You know,”
3:52–4:01 -
Lisa Simpson sits at a kitchen table in front of a plate of mashed potatoes and a drumstick, holding a fork…
“Well, I'm gonna be a famous jazz musician.”
4:01–4:09 -
Lisa Simpson sits at the kitchen table in front of a bowl and a glass of milk, holding a spoon
“but my gutsy blue starlings will electrify the French.”
4:09–4:17 -
Marge Simpson stands in a pink kitchen beside Homer Simpson, who wears a white shirt and looks uneasy
“I haven't decided. Honey, if that's what you want, we'll do anything we can to help.”
4:17–4:21 -
Homer Simpson sits at the dinner table in the pink kitchen, speaking with his mouth open while Marge Simpson…
“Isn't anybody gonna follow in my footsteps?”
4:21–4:33 -
Lisa Simpson plays a saxophone while Marge Simpson sits watching in a music room, and a bearded man in a vest…
“Can you tell me if I have what it takes to be a blues musician?”
4:33–4:43 -
A curly-haired, bearded man with a thick brown moustache and a teal collared shirt under an orange vest…
“Uh-huh.”
4:43–4:49 -
Lisa Simpson plays a large gold saxophone with her eyes squeezed shut, rocking slightly as she plays
4:49–4:56 -
Marge Simpson and Lisa Simpson are in a striped music room
“Cool.”
4:56–5:03 -
Lisa Simpson stands beside an unnamed bearded man with curly reddish-brown hair, a mustache, a teal shirt…
“Oh, Lord, no. But I'll practice every day.”
5:03–5:14 -
Homer Simpson sits on the brown couch in the living room, first seen in a close-up of his yellow hand…
“It usually comes from the father's side.”
5:14–5:21 -
Lisa Simpson plays a gold saxophone while seated in front of a brown chair against a striped grey-and-white…
“You don't need long fingers to play the blues.”
5:21–5:29 -
Homer Simpson stands between two police officers, a light-haired officer on the left and a Black officer…
“Look! I didn't steal that copper wire. I just thought they were throwing it out.”
5:29–5:41 -
Homer Simpson peeks out from inside a pink front door with a purple knocker, while his son Bart stands…
“He's coming on a ride-along. Good for you.”
5:41–5:51 -
Bart Simpson stands beside a white police car on a suburban street while a costumed officer and a grey-haired…
“Well, it's about time.”
5:51–6:03 -
Chief Wiggum sits in the front passenger seat of a patrol car beside a curly-haired officer with a moustache…
“And when you go home at night, you know you've made a difference.”
6:03–6:15 -
A long-haired woman with orange-red hair in a red dress and a heavy man in a navy sweater sit…
“How would you like a street named after you?”
6:15–6:21 -
A yellow-skinned woman with a tall green beehive, wearing a green leafy costume, is driven at night…
“I tell you, you only come out at night.”
6:21–6:32 -
Lisa Simpson sits at a pink desk in front of a shelf of books and a pink purse, pencil in hand and chin…
“for you were a general of my hopes and dreams, and now I have none.”
6:32–6:44 -
Bart Simpson sits in the back of a police car while Chief Wiggum and a Black officer in a cap sit in front…
“Do you need straight A's to be a cop?”
6:44–6:55 -
Chief Wiggum sits in the front of a police car with Bart, the spiky-haired boy in an orange shirt, visible…
“Oh, it doesn't quite work that way, son.”
6:55–7:05 -
Chief Wiggum sits in a patrol car beside a second uniformed officer with dark skin, speaking into a radio…
“One ocean tango. We are in pursuit of a speeding individual, driving a red car,”
7:05–7:18 -
Apu sits bound with white rope wrapped around his torso and a wooden chair inside the store, which has…
“Oh, they used nylon rope this time.”
7:18–7:29 -
Chief Wiggum and Carl ride in a white police van with a flashing light bar that chases a red car at night…
“Oh, baby.”
7:29–7:39 -
Bart lies sprawled across the back seat of a police car, belted in and wide-eyed
“Oh, baby.”
7:39–7:52 -
Chief Wiggum sits in the front of a police car beside a Black police officer with a mustache, while Bart sits…
“He's trapped.”
7:52–8:04 -
Chief Wiggum and a fellow police officer stand in a dark police station, then Wiggum leans from a police car…
“Where's our backup?”
8:04–8:15 -
Bart stands alone at the mouth of a narrow alley as a red car with glowing headlights speeds toward him…
“See you in hell, punk!”
8:15–8:29 -
Bart Simpson first covers his face with both hands in a narrow corridor, then turns away with his arm…
“Act II.”
8:29–8:41 -
Bart is squeezed into a narrow blue alley beside a red car, where he winces and presses a hand to his face…
“That was close. Good thing this alley got so narrow in the middle.”
8:41–8:53 -
Chief Wiggum stands beside a red car at night holding a Driver Ticket book with cash tucked into it…
“That's nice work, boy.”
8:53–9:07 -
Chief Wiggum stands beside Bart, a spiky-haired boy in an orange shirt, next to a box of green-papered items…
“Sir, I know what I want to be when I grow up.”
9:07–9:17 -
Bart grins in a close-up against a red background in the first frame
“Morning, honey.”
9:17–9:27 -
Marge stands in the kitchen holding plates of bacon, fried eggs and toast, then lifts one plate…
“Lisa, I know you're down on homemaking, but I can really let you be creative.”
9:27–9:37 -
Marge carries two plates of fried eggs toward the kitchen table while Lisa watches her from the right
“What's the point? They'll never notice. Oh, well, you'd be surprised.”
9:37–9:48 -
Homer, Marge, Bart and Lisa gather around a kitchen table, with Marge holding a small snack
“Now, just relax your hand.”
9:48–10:01 -
Santa's Little Helper jumps up at a dark, gooey dessert on the kitchen counter, then cowers on the checkered…
“Bad dog.”
10:01–10:12 -
Homer has his face smeared with black goo as he peers through a grey panel held by large yellow hands…
“Hmm.”
10:12–10:23 -
Lisa Simpson lies on her stomach on a teal carpet reading a colorful magazine with a bag of chips…
“I quit.”
10:23–10:34 -
Marge Simpson sits on the edge of an orange couch beside Lisa, who has star-shaped spiky hair and a pearl…
“Lisa, there are a lot of people in the world who like to tell you what you can't do,”
10:34–10:46 -
Patty and Selma stand side by side against a pink wall, with Selma speaking and Patty smirking…
“A girl on the oatmeal box?”
10:46–10:55 -
Patty and Selma stand in a doorway, the one in the green top and belt with a ponytail leaning close…
“Why not? They distract the men astronauts so they wouldn't keep their minds on the road.”
10:55–11:04 -
Marge sits on the arm of an orange couch in a pink room with a Jazz Fest poster, while Lisa sits…
“And we all live in cities on the moon.”
11:04–11:11 -
Marge Simpson sits on the arm of an orange couch in a pink living room, first looking wide-eyed…
“Except about the cities on the moon. I was wrong about that.”
11:11–11:19 -
Lisa scowls in a close-up before the view shifts to the Springfield Elementary School building…
“Sleek, vigilant puma.”
11:19–11:29 -
Lisa Simpson holds schoolbooks and a pearl necklace while a girl with big curly brown hair and a lavender top…
“Hi, Lise. Wanna quiz me on the vols? Janie,”
11:29–11:37 -
Lisa Simpson stands at a bathroom door marked GIRLS with the graffiti STAY THE HELL OUT! and a female symbol…
“Lisa, what are you doing?”
11:37–11:50 -
Lisa Simpson stands in a school hallway with a green trash can and a sink, first beside Sideshow Bob, who has…
“What are you looking at? Nothing?”
11:50–11:59 -
Lisa Simpson grimaces with her eyes squeezed shut while a pink-haired girl in a grey turtleneck with a skull…
“I suggest you attack the one thing he truly believes in.”
11:59–12:04 -
Principal Skinner stands in a school hallway beside a trophy case with an ELEMENTARY sign
“I saw some awful things in Nam,”
12:04–12:13 -
Principal Skinner stands in a school hallway beside shelves and a partly visible sign…
“I never thought I'd say this, but the no-goodniks rule this school...”
12:13–12:21 -
Sideshow Bob is held in handcuffs by two police officers, one a heavy, moustached chief in a blue cap…
“Think you're a big man with your handcuffs and blasted teasers.”
12:21–12:33 -
Bart Simpson stands outdoors in the foreground in front of a blue sky, purple mountains and green hedges…
“I observed our friend, groundskeeper Willie,”
12:33–12:44 -
Bart and Principal Skinner are in the principal's office
“Has the world gone topsy-turvy? That's right, man.”
12:44–12:57 -
Bart Simpson sits across a desk from Principal Skinner, a man with neat grey hair in a blue suit, purple…
“once Go on Look, let's can the euphemisms, huh?”
12:57–13:06 -
Bart Simpson sits at the side of a courtroom with a blue-hooded, hooded-figure shape standing beside a wooden…
“That's the meat of it, yes Hmm”
13:06–13:19 -
Bart Simpson sits in a red chair in Principal Skinner's office, where Skinner grins while holding a gold sash
“Palaccio in an oil drum and roll him off the pier.”
13:19–13:33 -
Bart Simpson and blue shorts, walks down a school hallway of dark tiled floors and blue lockers…
“Hey, Jimbo, keep your nose clean, dude?”
13:33–13:42 -
A blonde girl with a ponytail and blue bow in a light blue dress reaches toward a brick box on a playground…
“I think you've had enough, sister.”
13:42–13:55 -
In a school hallway lined with dark blue lockers, Bart stands with Milhouse, who has blue hair, red glasses…
“Wedgie!”
13:55–14:04 -
Marge Simpson sits on the edge of the bed holding a white paper while Homer Simpson lies under an orange…
“Bart's grades are up a little this term, but Lisa's are way down.”
14:04–14:18 -
Homer lies wide-eyed in a bed with blue sheets while Marge glances sideways beside him in a pink-walled room
“Marge, the dog doesn't count as a kid. No, Maggie.”
14:18–14:31 -
A boy with a bowl haircut in a blue shirt sits at a classroom desk beside a jar of glue, a pair of purple…
“No, it's over.”
14:31–14:41 -
Lisa Simpson sits at a desk in a library-like office, first holding up a folder labeled "SIMPSON LISA"…
“I have never seen a good student take such a slide.”
14:41–14:51 -
Lisa Simpson squints in a close-up, then the scene cuts to a blue restroom door marked GIRLS…
“And she goes, Lisa told Hoover to shove it.”
14:51–15:01 -
Lisa Simpson stands in a restroom beside the sinks with a tall, long-haired blonde woman in a red jacket…
“And I'm all, whoa. And she's like, hey, Lisa man, I'm like so impressed.”
15:01–15:14 -
Principal Skinner stands beside Bart Simpson, who wears an orange shirt, blue shorts and a HALL MONITOR sash…
“Uh, I'll smoke it in class. Whoa!”
15:14–15:25 -
Bart walks down a school hallway lined with dark blue lockers, with Principal Skinner, who has neat grey hair…
“Bart, the school is a police state.”
15:25–15:35 -
Bart is trapped behind wire mesh in a storeroom while a man in a blue suit and purple shirt latches…
“Legends were true!”
15:35–15:47 -
Principal Skinner and Bart stand in a cluttered storage room with green shelves
“and the occasional issue of crazy. And this fake plastic derriere.”
15:47–16:01 -
Principal Skinner stands in a cluttered evidence room lined with shelves and bags marked EVIDENCE, then turns…
“Ooh, now you be careful with that crossbow.”
16:01–16:14 -
Bart first appears peering through a magnifying glass against a blue background, then sits on a stool…
“Seymour, this is an absence slip signed by Nelson's mother.”
16:14–16:21 -
Principal Skinner and Bart stand together at a desk in a room with blue walls
“Notice the identical elongated loops on the D's.”
16:21–16:30 -
A man in a navy suit with a purple shirt and orange tie and a man in a green sweater vest with a red tie…
“This is a great day for me. I thought I could never teach again.”
16:30–16:40 -
Principal Skinner stands in a doorway with his hands on his hips and a smirk, beside a sign…
“Hey, Lewis, watch this.”
16:40–16:49 -
Milhouse sits at a cafeteria table across from a boy with an afro in an orange shirt, while Bart in an orange…
“Hey, Lewis, watch this.”
16:49–17:00 -
Lisa Simpson sits at her classroom desk with her chin propped on her hand, first drawing a star with a bone…
“Now, let's correct our homework exercises.”
17:00–17:12 -
A teacher with a tall blue beehive, glasses, and a pink top stands in a classroom beneath a painted alphabet…
“Lisa, if you'd bothered to do the assignment, you'd know the answer is...”
17:12–17:23 -
Lisa Simpson stands in a pink classroom with a sour look and an open-mouthed grimace, then turns to face…
“Well, you're earning your 18 grand a year.”
17:23–17:34 -
Lisa climbs out of a purple-framed window and clings to the sill above a dark green hedge while puffs of dust…
“She wouldn't be so smart without a teacher's edition.”
17:34–17:45 -
Lisa peeks around a door frame into a room with a green wall and a bulletin board
17:45–17:55 -
Lisa walks down a red-carpeted school hallway lined with dark lockers, moving from the left edge…
“Ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened.”
17:55–18:04 -
Principal Skinner stands before a corkboard in a school hallway while Carl, a Black man with a moustache…
“Ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened.”
18:04–18:15 -
Principal Skinner first stands gesturing with both hands in front of an Education Journal bulletin board…
“Please, please, don't panic.”
18:15–18:27 -
A grey-haired teacher in a green sweater sits on his desk beside the chalkboard, gesturing while talking…
“But I wouldn't know where to begin. Just do it, Brainiac.”
18:27–18:39 -
Milhouse clutches his head and glasses beside a blue door with a window full of dark silhouettes, then looks…
“Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean.”
18:39–18:50 -
Principal Skinner and Bart stand in an office with a red armchair, a desk with a blue telephone, and a wall…
“Bart,”
18:50–19:04 -
Outside Springfield Elementary, a tank and a line of soldiers sit on the grounds beside a police van…
“Here we go.”
19:04–19:15 -
Principal Skinner and Bart, the spiky-haired boy in an orange shirt, start in the principal's office, where…
“Oh, Bart, I'm not sure random locker searches are permitted by the Supreme Court.”
19:15–19:28 -
Bart Simpson stands at a row of blue school lockers and reaches toward an open locker, where he finds stacks…
“Hmm.”
19:28–19:37 -
Bart and Lisa are in a school hallway lined with grey lockers, and a man in a blue suit holding a stack…
“Oh, my God.”
19:37–19:47 -
Principal Skinner opens a locker in a hallway of blue lockers, and sneakers, binders and a blue shirt spill…
19:47–19:59 -
Principal Skinner opens a school locker and peeks out from behind its door as Bart stacks tall piles of books…
“Lisa!”
19:59–20:11 -
Lisa Simpson and Bart Simpson stand in a school hallway lined with dark blue lockers
“That's right. It was I.”
20:11–20:20 -
Bart Simpson and Lisa Simpson stand together in a school hallway lined with dark blue lockers
“Yeah, but even I had my limits.”
20:20–20:32 -
Principal Skinner stands with open hands beside a messy pile of books on the floor while Bart in his orange…
“The books!”
20:32–20:42 -
Principal Skinner stands with Bart in his orange shirt and Lisa in her pearl necklace beside a row of school…
“Who's behind this monstrous crime?”
20:42–20:54 -
Bart Simpson sits in a red chair in Principal Skinner's office, facing the principal, who has neat grey hair…
“Sorry that I betrayed your trust, Principal Sucker.”
20:54–21:07 -
Principal Skinner glowers and grimaces at Bart beside a grey filing cabinet in an office while Bart stares…
“All right, 500 days. Whoo-hoo-hoo, big man.”
21:07–21:19 -
Bart Simpson and Lisa Simpson stand in a school hallway beside blue lockers
“Cuz I didn't want you to wreck your life.”
21:19–21:30 -
Bart Simpson writes "I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty" over and over in chalk on a green-walled…
“Sounding good, Lease.”
21:30–21:41 -
A small girl with spiky yellow hair and an orange dress sits on a wooden bench on a grassy lawn in front…
21:41–21:51 -
No animated characters appear in this moment, which is a black screen with yellow credit text centred on it
21:51–22:01 -
No Simpsons characters appear in this moment; it is a black title card sequence in the closing credits
22:01–22:11 -
No Simpsons characters appear in this moment; it is a black screen with yellow credit text shown one after…
“Let's go.”
22:11–22:21 -
No characters appear in this sequence of black closing credits with yellow text
22:21–22:31 -
No Simpsons characters appear in this moment; it is a black closing credits roll of yellow text on a black…
22:31–22:41 -
No Simpsons characters appear in this moment; the scene is a black end-credits screen with yellow text
22:41–22:51 -
Silhouetted audience members sit in rows of seats in a dark, blue-tinted theater, with a large figure…
“Shh.”
22:51–23:03
Who's in it
Bart Simpson, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson, Maggie Simpson, Milhouse Van Houten, Principal Skinner, Chief Wiggum, Krusty the Clown, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Mrs. Krabappel, Nelson Muntz, Martin Prince, Ralph Wiggum, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Groundskeeper Willie, Santa's Little Helper, Lou, Lewis Clark, Wendell Borton, Richard, Jimbo Jones, Eddie, Miss Hoover, Kearney Zzyzwicz, Sherri Mackleberry, Terri Mackleberry, Mayor Quimby, Sideshow Mel, Nina Skalka, Janey Powell, Adrian Belew, Becky Shorter, Dolph Starbeam, Sophie Jensen, Snake, Girl with glasses, Long-haired girl, Jaffee Ziswhisky, Buck-toothed boy, Dewey Largo, Buck-toothed girl, Lewis' lookalike, Boy with shades, Chuck Berger, Wanda, Smug Girl, White-Haired Girl, Roy Snyder, The Happy Little Elves, J. Loren Pryor, Sylvia Winfield, Mr. Hippie, Afro Girl, African-American Teacher, Albert Einstein, Ms. Phipps, Donna, El Barto, Mr. Glascock, Tammy, Emma, Ludwig van Beethoven, Mr. Montone, Music Teacher, Testing Center employee, Young Woman
Everyone who appears in it, from the Simpsons wiki. Every character